Kill Your X Chapter 10

“Mr. Song, everyone starts like that and ends up getting married. There was a time when I introduced my husband that way too, you know?”

“What marriage? It’s really not like that.”

“Well, anyway, I’m glad you seem happy. Such a bright young man—I was so worried seeing you let your prime years slip by.”

She nudged my side, saying I should bring him over sometime. I wondered what kind of expression she’d make if I actually brought Si Yeonho, claiming he was my boyfriend.

‘Still, I should return the money.’

Even if I maintained a good relationship with Si Yeonho, I couldn’t just accept such a large sum. Since she seemed to have already caught on to my lie, I planned to find the right moment to brush it off and give it back.

Unless we were going around looking at homes as newlyweds, it was realistically impossible to spend that much money on ordinary dates as he’d suggested.

✽✽✽

Having properly exchanged contact info, I wanted to meet and talk face-to-face, but making plans turned out to be harder than expected. Si Yeonho said he was swamped with work at the agency and could hardly make time on weekdays. His earlier excuse about being too busy to reply gained a sliver of credibility.

If I told him to cut his work in half, would he actually do it? I couldn’t make such a reckless demand of a hardworking professional without good reason, so I just pretended to be a generous partner. I told myself there was no reason to feel loneliness or disappointment in a relationship that wasn’t even that deep.

[Is it okay if I come over tonight?]

A text from Si Yeonho came just as I was about to leave work. I bit my lower lip—today, of all days, our schedules clashed.

[Not today. I have a family gathering at my parents’ place.]

[Okay]

He didn’t even say something polite like “have a good time.” His socially awkward attitude didn’t bother me today, though. I wasn’t confident I’d have a good time myself.

Driving home, I felt suffocated. My mood, perfectly fine just thirty minutes ago, plummeted through the floor. Fuck. A curse I rarely used slipped through my lips. My sighs came as frequently as my breaths now.

Despite growing up comfortably, others might say I was spoiled if they heard me complain. But home was the root of all my misery.

How sad it was that the person I hated most in the world was my own flesh and blood.

✽✽✽

“I’m here.”

“Gyujin, you’re here?”

As I entered the house, my mother came to greet her youngest son. After six months, she was still as elegant and refined as ever.

“You barely keep in touch these days. Why is it so hard to see my son’s face, huh?”

“Sorry. I’ve been swamped helping professors with research papers.”

Just then, my father emerged from the next room, piling on complaints as if he’d been waiting.

“Tch, what great work does a man do in a library to make such a fuss?”

The person I hated most in the world—my father—greatly disapproved of my job as a librarian. Hearing such harsh words wasn’t new, so I just let it slide.

“Father, have you been well?”

“If you hadn’t shown up today, I’d probably hear that from you at my funeral.”

“Good to know you’re doing well.”

I smiled and retorted, and he glared at me. My mother, looking awkward, tried to soothe both him and me. As we headed to the dining table, my older sister, whom I hadn’t seen in a while, waved cheerfully from across the table.

“Where’s Yujun?”

“My husband’s watching him at home. He’s still recovering from a cold he caught at daycare.”

“Poor kid.”

The conversation between siblings was cut short as my father took his seat. With all four family members finally gathered, an odd scene unfolded where no one seemed at ease. The meticulously prepared spread of food on the table did little to ease the family tension.

“No matter how busy you are, you should see your family often. If I’d known it’d be this hard to see my son, I wouldn’t have let you move out.”

My mother struggled alone to keep the mood light.

“Mother, I’m thirty this year. I’m past the age of mooching off you.”

“No matter how old you get, you and your sister are still kids to me. Gyuri, now that you’ve got your own child, don’t you understand this feeling?”

“Of course.”

My mother went on at length about how she missed her only grandson, who couldn’t come. As I silently shoveled food into my mouth, the conversation shifted to my father’s updates, which I wasn’t particularly curious about. My mother sounded excited as she shared the news.

“You wouldn’t believe how busy your father’s been preparing for an upcoming confirmation hearing. Isn’t it wonderful, though? If this goes well, he’ll become the Commissioner General.”

She smiled proudly, saying his rank would be Director General of Public Security, and called him a true guardian of justice to boot.

“Impressive.”

Guardian of justice, my ass. All I could muster was a soulless reply.

Emboldened by my mother’s praise, my father launched into a stern lecture for his children.

“I’ve said it before, but both of you—don’t do anything to tarnish my name. The higher you climb, the more people scrutinize every little thing your kids do.”

“Yes, Father.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

As my sister and I dutifully responded, he went on about how hard he was working to secure the Commissioner General position. His closing line was always the same: it was all for our family.

I couldn’t agree with that. He might have upheld social order, but he was never a good parent at home.

“So, are you seeing any girls these days?”

My father’s direct question made me accidentally bite the inside of my cheek. I let out a faint sigh. I’d hoped he’d let it slide, but here it was. This was the real reason he’d called this family gathering.

“…”

“Pathetic.”

My sister looked at me with pity from across the table. She’d married a prosecutor my father had introduced, giving birth to the son he’d wanted. Unless I followed that exact path, I’d be insulted for life. That was the crime of being born under a man like him.

“Gyujin, why don’t you have a girlfriend? A handsome guy like you must have plenty of girls around who’d like you.”

My mother tried to soften things with kind words, but it was futile. My expression only darkened.

I could’ve just said I was seeing someone but it was too early to introduce them to the family. I was usually good at lying, but for some reason, the words wouldn’t come out in front of my father. It was learned helplessness. Seeing his mute son, my father openly clicked his tongue.

“I’ll set up a blind date soon, so no excuses—just go.”

“Father.”

“I said no excuses.”

“It’s my life. Who I date or whether I marry is my choice.”

As I raised my voice, my father shot me a furious glare. How dare this kid. The arrogance on his wrinkled face made my blood boil.

“Gyujin, what your father means is…”

“Stay out of this. So, Song Gyujin, are you saying you won’t get married?”

“Why do you assume everyone has to get married? The world’s changed. It’s not like it was in your time.”

He scoffed at my words. To a man who saw his kids as property, nothing I said would get through.

“Foolish talk. For a man, building a happy family is the natural order of things. Like your sister, when are you going to give me a cute grandson?”

“Don’t expect that from me. I’m telling you clearly.”

“You brat!”

“Honey!”

Unable to contain his anger, my father leapt from his seat. As he raised his hand, my mother frantically intervened. The family gathering, which had briefly seemed harmonious, turned into chaos in an instant.

“Gyujin came home after so long. He has his own thoughts—don’t push him too hard. He’ll do it when the time’s right.”

At that, my father’s voice grew one and a half times louder.

“Do you think I’m in the mood for kind words? He picks some librarian job without consulting me, rejects every blind date I arrange like it’s nothing—living so selfishly, no wonder he looks down on his parents, huh?”

I ate in silence as the verbal abuse poured out. The perfectly cooked rice felt like sand in my mouth.

It meant nothing. Just periodic nagging, like seasonal dust storms. I’d endured it for thirty years—what reason was there to stop now?

But that day, my patience wore thin. The resentment that had built up finally took aim at my father. I opened my eyes wide and spat out sharp words.

“Father, how much longer do I have to live without a self to satisfy you?”

“What?”

“You say I live selfishly? From childhood until now, haven’t I been an obedient son? Have I ever caused trouble? Even once, have I made you or Mother get called to school?”

“You insolent brat, talking back!”

Crash! The glass he threw narrowly missed my head. Water droplets splashed onto my clothes and hair, stinging like thorns. I’d reached my limit.