Kill Your X Chapter 17

It wasn’t the first time I’d let Si Yeonho into my house, but calling it a “home date” made me oddly self-conscious.

Our relationship had started off a bit unconventionally, but unexpectedly, it was progressing smoothly. Even so, I knew we’d probably break up someday, but I wanted to make a few good memories before that happened. After all, a first relationship where the only memory is giving oral would be just too pathetic.

I wasn’t exactly a dating expert myself, but I figured I had more experience than Si Yeonho, so I asked first.

‘Yeonho, is there anything you want to do with me?’

‘Something I want to do?’

‘Yeah. Like, didn’t you have some kind of wish for when we’d meet? Maybe a place you want to go?’

He was someone who’d waited ten whole years. Even if he didn’t have a list memorized, I thought he’d rattle off a few things right away, but surprisingly, he took a long time to respond. Moments like this made me question the sincerity of his feelings for me.

“It doesn’t feel great, you know. Are you telling me that for the past ten years, you just forgot about me, lived your life, and then suddenly remembered, ‘Oh, right!’ and came looking for me?”

‘No, that’s not it. I thought about you a lot, Sunbae.

‘Then how can you not have a single thing you want to do with me?’

Si Yeonho blinked. He clearly wasn’t keeping up with my emotional wavelength.

‘I didn’t have any specific wishes. I just wanted to see you up close, Sunbae.’

He sure knows how to say cheesy things. After only ever having relationships that started with physical intimacy, meeting someone like him felt refreshing. With that dangerously attractive appearance and such innocence, I half-joked to myself that he should be designated a national treasure.

‘If you really can’t think of anything, let’s just go grab some food somewhere.’

‘I thought of something. Something I want to do.’

‘What is it?’

‘Let’s meet at your place next time, Sunbae.’

What are we going to do at my place? When I asked, Si Yeonho just subtly raised the corner of his mouth. It was barely even a smile.

In this cold weather, not having to go out sounded nice, but the only thing that came to mind for a couple to do at home was sex, which made me a bit uneasy. Somehow, I had a feeling that wasn’t what Si Yeonho meant.

Still, surely he didn’t mean something as innocent as holding hands and watching a movie, right? While I was seriously pondering this silly dilemma, the doorbell rang. Then it went quiet again, so I called him.

“Come in. You know the password.”

—Okay.

With my formal permission, he stepped into the house. Seeing him dressed head-to-toe in black as usual, I resolved that we should go shopping together sometime.

“Welcome, Yeonho. Have you eaten?”

“Just something light.”

“Something light like what?”

“I ate some bread.”

Here we go again. Whenever I ask what he’s eaten, Si Yeonho never gives me a satisfying answer. Even a simple greeting always drags on like this.

“You must’ve eaten, like, five pieces of bread.”

“Just one.”

“And that one piece was the size of your torso? Like Jean Valjean?”

“It was a little smaller than your face, Sunbae.”

“Even an elementary schooler would eat more than that. How old are you?”

“Twenty-nine.”

His earnest replies to my teasing were hilarious. Si Yeonho seemed clueless about why I was chuckling. I wondered how someone who’s a company director could be so socially awkward. Suddenly, I got curious about what he’s like at work.

“It’s amazing you maintain that physique while eating so poorly. Is it just natural?”

“I don’t have much of an appetite, so it’s fine.”

I’d planned to go along with whatever Si Yeonho wanted to do once he arrived, but hearing that he’d only eaten a scrap of bread made me worry. After a moment of thought, I stood up.

“Yeonho, when did you eat that bread?”

“Two hours ago.”

“Sit on the couch for a bit. This won’t take long.”

I found the TV remote and handed it to him before heading to the kitchen. As I tied my apron, I felt his gaze follow me.

“Sunbae, are you hungry?”

“Yeah. So you’re going to eat with me. Are there any ingredients you can’t eat? Like allergies?”

“Nope.”

“Anything you dislike?”

“I eat people too.”

I turned around at the outrageous joke and froze. Si Yeonho was looking at me, literally smacking his lips. When I showed my surprise, he curled the corner of his mouth slightly. It was an awkward smile, like he hadn’t smiled in a year.

“I’m kidding.”

“I know. I just said that because you look nice when you smile.”

I bent over, pretending I was about to open the fridge door. Even with the cool air hitting me, my flushed cheeks didn’t calm down. I wasn’t even sure what this feeling was. If I had to pin it down, it felt close to fear, but…

Caught up in this confusing mood, I started cooking. I placed the ingredients on the cutting board and was about to start chopping when Si Yeonho whispered from behind me.

“Cutting with a knife… isn’t that dangerous?”

“Oh, you scared me!”

He’d somehow come up close without making a sound. Why does this guy move so silently? I kept rubbing my startled chest with the hand not holding the knife.

“Don’t use the knife. It’s dangerous.”

“What are you talking about? Should I cut the pumpkin and onion with scissors then?”

“I’ll do the cutting instead. You might hurt yourself, Sunbae.”

Si Yeonho untied my apron knot without asking. Even though I was fully clothed, his touch felt strangely suggestive. I retied the knot, trying to act nonchalant.

“I’ve been living alone for years, you know. Stop interfering and go sit over there. Watch TV if you’re bored.”

“The knife.”

“I said sit down.”

With a displeased look, Si Yeonho finally listened. As I continued prepping the ingredients, I felt his piercing gaze poking at my back. When I glanced over my shoulder, he was staring intently at me.

More precisely, at the knife in my hand.

“Hey, when you stare like that, it really feels like a murder weapon.”

Of course, a knife is a weapon, but the one I was holding was just a standard medium-sized kitchen knife, nothing special. There was no need for him to worry about me like I was a kid near water.

“You’re still so careless, Sunbae.”

“What did I do?”

“Nothing.”

Si Yeonho mechanically raised his arm and turned on the TV. The noisy sound of a variety show filled the quiet living room. His way of speaking is so infuriating. I shook my head and focused on cooking. If I tried to find meaning in every word Si Yeonho said, I’d drive myself crazy.

Since I hadn’t planned on hosting a guest, I chose a menu I was most confident in. He’s such a vague person about likes and dislikes, but I still hoped he’d enjoy it.

“Yeonho, come eat.”

I placed a simmering pot of doenjang jjigae in the center of the table, with a large rolled omelet and stir-fried pork on either side. Adding a few side dishes made the spread look pretty decent for something thrown together quickly.

The two pairs of chopsticks facing each other on the table felt awkward, and I scratched my chin for no reason.

“You said you’re not picky, so I made it to my taste. I hope it suits you.”

“I’ll eat well, Sunbae.”

Si Yeonho ate neatly with textbook chopstick skills. There was barely any sound of chewing or chopsticks clinking against dishes, making the table eerily quiet.

Is he eating well? I wished he’d say something about the food, but Si Yeonho just silently emptied his bowl. I didn’t want to seem like I was fishing for compliments, but my patience ran out, and I asked first.

“How is it? Is it okay?”

“Yes.”

That was it. A wave of disappointment hit me. I’d gone out of my way to prepare a warm meal for someone who only eats scraps of bread, and this stone-cold guy made it feel like my efforts were for nothing.

Feeling deflated, I picked at my food when Si Yeonho threw out a belated question.

“Have you been cooking and eating like this for the past ten years?”

“No. I lived with my family until I graduated college, and when I first started living alone, I mostly just got by. But living like that made me feel like I was wasting away too quickly.”

I’d learned to cook bit by bit, thinking I should at least treat myself. I never imagined I’d use those skills to feed Si Yeonho.

“What were you thinking about while eating?”

“Thinking about what? I’m just eating. You have to eat to live.”

“You ate to live? Because you wanted to keep living?”

The conversation veered off track again, and I couldn’t help but frown. Si Yeonho, unbothered, waited for my answer with a serious expression, as if my will to live was some urgent matter.