Kill Your X Chapter 61

“So, what did you want to see me about? I don’t have much time, so make it quick.”

“The serial disappearance case of the police officers, are you really going to let it be buried like this?”

It must have been a completely unexpected topic, as my father’s lips tightened for a moment.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“No. You know perfectly well. You were the last person those two met before they disappeared. Coincidentally.”

“Are you sick or something? You’re the one who never cared about what your father did your whole life, why barge in all of a sudden and spout such nonsense.”

Ah, so this is how you’re going to play it? A bitter feeling made my words come out a little faster.

“Maybe it’s because that issue is such a hot topic these days. It comes up everywhere I go. I especially can’t stop thinking about the interview with the missing person’s family, even though I only saw it for a moment. If you put yourself in their shoes, it must be maddening for those left behind.”

My father listened to me with a frown.

“The only precious family member they had in the world vanished overnight. They reported it to the police, but the case was closed without finding a single small clue. It’s been over ten years, and they still haven’t found the body, so they haven’t been able to hold a funeral.”

“Ha, do you think I’m at ease after losing two of my subordinates in a row? Even while I was busy with other cases, I tried to find them until the very end. And where on earth did you get the idea that I was the one who met those two before they disappeared?”

“On the day of your last call with Detective Kang Junseop, I heard the conversation.”

As I paused for a moment, a heavy silence filled the study.

“I also watched from my room on the second floor as you drove out late at night. The first time I thought it was a coincidence, but then the same thing happened again. Both times at the same place, in the same way.”

My father’s eyes widened. He probably had no idea I’d eavesdropped on the conversation that day. This much was within my expectations. What I wanted to confirm next was my father’s memory of the night the second person went missing.

“Your speculation is going too far. If you disrespect the deceased any further, I won’t let it slide, even if you are my son.”

“Do you happen to remember the day I came home after sleeping out when I was a senior in high school?”

My father furrowed his brow at the sudden change of topic. His face looked somewhat blank as he tried to recall the memory.

“You slept out when you were a student?”

“You yelled at me and got angry. Mother remembers that day vividly, though.”

“You must have done something to deserve a scolding. Has there ever been a day you didn’t cause me trouble?”

A faint sigh escaped me at the sight of him not remembering at all. If he had recalled even a little of it correctly, he wouldn’t be like this, but my father was only concerned with the police disappearance case I had mentioned earlier. Just as I hadn’t been able to recall Seo Seunghan’s name right away, it seemed my father’s memory wasn’t fully intact at present.

“If you’re just going to spout nonsense, you should leave. It seems you’re letting your bizarre imagination run wild because your life is boring, and that’s all because you don’t have a family to feed and take responsibility for….”

“Do you really not feel anything else for the families of the missing victims?”

As I persistently clung to the subject, my father showed his annoyance openly. He opened his laptop and put his glasses back on, even with me standing right there.

“Well, in life, how can only good things happen? As a police officer, I deal with dozens of various incidents and accidents every day. Those kinds of unfortunate accidents can happen to anyone. The bereaved families were just a bit unlucky, that’s all.”

“Ha, haha.”

I was so despondent that tears wouldn’t even come. I hadn’t realized it, but it seems I had unknowingly held onto a small sliver of hope on my way here.

That maybe, just maybe, I had gotten it wrong. Or that my memories might have been twisted and distorted once more.

But to say they were just a bit unlucky. His shamelessly brazen attitude made me completely lose the will to side with my father.

“Yes. Thank you for your time.”

“Shouldn’t you really go to a hospital? It seems like your head has gone strange from reading too many novels or something.”

I stood up from my seat and looked down at my father. As I smiled faintly, my father’s face crumpled like a piece of paper.

“I’ve already been to the hospital. They said I’m perfectly healthy.”

✽✽✽

While cleaning the house out of habit, I opened the closet in the dress-room. Perhaps it was because I had lived by moving from place to place so often. The inside of the large closet was utterly simple. Spare underwear and socks, and the black suits Seo Seunghan wore like a uniform, were all there was. The parade of drab, achromatic colors alone made my mood sink along with it.

Even knowing the state of my father’s memories tied to the past, there was nothing I could do right away. Seo Seunghan had been away from home for a long time, trying to find a breakthrough in his own way.

I opened a book I’d brought from home, read a page or two, and closed it, repeating the process. The words just wouldn’t register in my eyes. I had taken a leave of absence from work just in case some variable might pop up, but had I known it would be like this, it would have been better to just go to work as usual. With nothing in particular to do and too much time on my hands, stray thoughts just kept coming, one after another.

Lying around listlessly, I went out to shake off the gloom. I drove the car, wandering aimlessly through an unfamiliar neighborhood, and by chance, I ended up at a department store. A not-so-distant memory came to mind, and for the first time in a while, the desire to shop reared its head.

I went into the department store, browsed through the men’s clothing section, and picked out several brightly colored items. To the employee who was recommending a size, naturally assuming I would be the one wearing them, I said,

“They’re not for me. I’m buying them as a gift for someone close to me.”

Among the clothes I picked was a vibrant, forsythia-yellow knit sweater. It seemed he had mostly worn black because he often got his clothes dirty, but this was my way of hoping that wouldn’t be the case anymore.

Should I suggest he dye his hair once the situation is resolved? With his chiseled features that looked vaguely exotic, I thought bleached hair would suit him very well.

“Thank you.”

I went down to the underground parking lot with dozens of shopping bags in my hands. I’d always thought of myself as someone who didn’t have much desire for material things, but when it came to matters related to Seo Seunghan, I found myself opening my wallet without realizing it. He had said he had no appetite all this time because he had no intention of living long, and perhaps the growth of my own desire to spend was in a similar context.

When I came to my senses, it was already close to evening. It hadn’t been this bad when I was mixed in with the crowd at the department store, but being left alone, my mood invariably sank. The thought of being alone when I got home made me even more depressed.

[Where are you? Wanna grab a drink tonight if you’re free?]

Sitting in the car, I sent a text message to Yeojun as the thought came to me. The reply came about 5 minutes later.

[Shhh, having sex]

“Ah, this bastard, really…”

As if he thought I didn’t have anyone to have sex with. To think he could piss someone off with just four words. The guy who was supposedly my best friend of ten years was no help to my life.

Feeling stubborn, I was scrolling through my contacts for someone I could casually call when a phone call suddenly came in. The name on the screen was so unexpected that I immediately pressed the call button.

“Hyun Jin?”

―Sunbae!

It was him, who I hadn’t heard from since I last saw him at the barbecue restaurant. I thought we wouldn’t be casually contacting each other anymore since I had firmly rejected his confession.

“What’s up? It’s a surprise to get a call from you.”

―Sunbae, I heard you took a leave of absence from the library. Are you really sick?

He’d been coming to the library on and off since the cyberbullying incident, so it seemed Hyun Jin had heard the news late. I felt my energy drain for no reason.

“That’s what happened. It’s not a super serious problem, so you don’t need to worry. Are you doing well?”

―Me? I’m the same as always. It’s a real relief that you’re okay, Sunbae. Ummm….

Hyun Jin’s words trailed off vaguely.

“What is it? Is something wrong? Are the kids at school saying something to you?”

―No. It’s not my problem.

“Then?”

―Sunbae. It’s not for any other reason, but you really did take leave because you were sick, right?

Why is Hyun Jin asking this question? I was puzzled but gave a vague answer for the time being.

“It’s true that I wasn’t feeling well, and various things piled up, so I just decided to take a break while I was at it. Why are you suddenly calling to ask this?”

―Well, some people came to the school looking for you today, Sunbae.

“For me? Who?”

Hyun Jin let out a short sigh and answered. I could vividly picture him scratching the back of his head, not knowing what to do.

―I don’t know the details either. I came to the library for the first time in a while, and a whole group of obviously shady-looking guys stormed in, looking for Gyujin Sunbae. They kind of had the vibe of debt collectors…. Then I remembered the talk about you getting roped into a pyramid scheme by a high school junior the other day. Sunbae, you didn’t really get involved with them, did you?

An unidentified group, and with the vibe of debt collectors, no less. This ominous development made me serious as well. The hand holding the cell phone was trembling, so I switched it to the other.

“What did those people do? Did they cause a scene at the school or something?”

―They left pretty quickly once they were told you weren’t there, Sunbae. Still, because they barged in radiating such a dark aura, a weird rumor has spread throughout the campus now. That you’re on the run from debt collectors. A really scary-looking guy was asking if this was your home address, Sunbae, but the other librarian held her ground, saying she couldn’t give out an employee’s personal information….

What kind of thunderbolt had struck the quiet library? My head throbbed at this completely unexpected turn of events.