Kill Your X Chapter 97

“Are you sure you don’t want to go inside and take a look?”

Did my lingering regret show that much? I smiled awkwardly and said.

“I don’t know. We don’t have a student ID or a staff card anyway, so we can’t get into the library. And the teachers I worked with a few years ago might still be here. Librarianship is a profession with a surprisingly high turnover rate, unless it’s a national or public library.”

Before I left on my escape-like trip abroad, I hadn’t been able to say a final goodbye to most of the acquaintances I was quite close with. I had their contact information, so I could have reached out at any time if I’d just made up my mind, but I hesitated every time and gave up. It was because of the trauma I developed from seeing the online reactions.

What if some of the people who fiercely criticized me were my acquaintances? If they saw me that way, then contacting them would just be a nuisance.

Moreover, the process of quitting my job as a librarian was fraught with problems. I had unavoidable reasons, but knowing the already tight internal situation, I had no excuse even if I were to be chewed out for it.

“Is that so.”

Seo Seunghan trudged up the stairs. When a distance of about five steps opened up between us, I called out to stop him.

“Seunghan. I told you we can’t go inside the library.”

“You don’t have to worry about that. I know someone in the library.”

He took off his mask. Small snowflakes fell onto his pale skin.

“Someone you know? Who?”

“You’ll find out soon.”

Bewildered, I followed him. Just then, students going up and down the stairs glanced at us. It was less because of my suspicious appearance with my face all covered up, and more because Seo Seunghan had looks that stood out even at a casual glance.

As we pushed open the glass door, warm air enveloped my entire body. I was just about to adjust to the sudden change in temperature when someone from far away started sprinting towards me at full speed. I flinched back for a moment, but then I recognized who it was.

“Sunbae!”

Hyun Jin threw his arms around me in a tight hug. He must have been working out even harder while I was away, because his frame had grown about 1.2 times bigger. His face, which already had a natural smile, had gained a bit of weight, turning him into a full-fledged teddy bear.

“Hyun Jin. What are you doing here? Don’t tell me you still haven’t graduated…”

The joy was brief. As I narrowed my eyes, Hyun Jin protested sheepishly.

“Hey, I graduated a long time ago. I just slightly shifted my career path from a teacher-librarian to a librarian, that’s all. It’s absolutely not because I kept failing the teacher certification exam. You know that’s not true, right?”

Excessive denial is an affirmation. Teacher-librarian positions are notorious for having extremely few openings, so I understood Hyun Jin’s choice.

“You should have told me you got a job at the university library. You really surprised me.”

“You don’t contact me first either, Sunbae, so we’re even on this. And actually, I haven’t been working here for very long. I really thought I’d pass the certification exam this time, but I was narrowly beaten out by another one of those long-term-study-zombies that infest the country…”

His eyes started to get moist, so I quickly changed the subject.

“It’s fine as long as you’re using your major. Anyway, have you been well? How’s the library work?”

“It’s okay, more or less? But there’s just too much work at our library. Humanly speaking, I think they should hire at least two more people besides me, but they refuse to, as if their life depended on it.”

Hyun Jin vented his complaints in a gradient of frustration. Knowing how he felt, I patted his shoulder.

“Anyway, it’s good to see you. I didn’t even know you and Seunghan were in touch. You heard about Seunghan getting into college, right?”

“Yes. I was so surprised. Seunghan-hyungnim now has the looks, the height, and the intellect. The title of ‘God of the History Department’ is in the bag for him.”

Despite the nice flattery, Seo Seunghan just stood there blankly. I thought they might have gotten a bit closer since they were in contact, but it seemed that wasn’t really the case.

“Hyun Jin. Please take good care of our Seunghan. He’s older than you, but in other respects, he’s your junior, so you can be casual with him. Right?”

“Probably.”

Seo Seunghan replied half-heartedly.

He had improved a lot compared to the past, but his social skills still couldn’t be called good. I was worried about throwing him into an unfamiliar environment with no one he knew, but I was relieved that Hyun Jin was semi-permanently stationed at the school. Though I wasn’t sure how the two of them would take it.

“Sunbae. Come on in. You should say hello to the other teachers after so long.”

Hyun Jin stood in front of the speed gate and beckoned.

“Uh…”

“Ah, are you perhaps reluctant? I’m absolutely not forcing you.”

He belatedly scanned my attire. The coat and hat were understandable in the cold winter, but not taking off a mask indoors clearly showed an intention to hide oneself.

After a moment of hesitation, I made up my mind. I couldn’t hide forever. Seo Seunghan was also trying to blend into the world, so I had to be brave too.

“I was just wondering if it’s okay for me to go in there, since I’m an outsider now.”

“Hey. That’s not a problem at all. Let’s go in quickly.”

Hyun Jin swiped his staff ID twice in a row to let me and Seo Seunghan through.

As soon as I entered, I was momentarily overwhelmed by the sight.

Large desks lined up in a high-ceilinged space, with students sitting around them, books open. Right behind them, countless bookshelves stood like trees in a forest. The smell of wood, characteristic of an old library, mixed with the healthy energy radiating from the students. For some reason, I felt like I was about to cry.

“It’s really… been a long time.”

As I was slowly looking around, Hyun Jin grabbed my arm. I looked in the direction he was pointing, and another familiar, welcome face greeted me. When I slightly lowered my mask, she covered her mouth with her hand. From the librarians’ desk, with a face full of emotion.

“Teacher.”

One step, two steps. I mustered the courage and moved forward. My old colleague was still there, at the very spot I used to occupy every day. I forced the corners of my lips up into a smile. But I couldn’t hide the tremor in my voice.

“Why do you look like you’re about to cry? It’s been so long since we’ve seen each other.”

“My goodness, Teacher Song…”

At the nostalgic title, I took off my mask and revealed my face. The tip of my nose tingled as if an electric current had run through it.

“I’m so sorry for disappearing without contacting you. Have you been well?”

“Oh my. Is this a dream, or is this real…”

It seemed like the conversation would go on for a while, so Hyun Jin tactfully led us to the office inside. In the office, which was now about half-filled with new staff, a couple more people who knew me popped out. When I took off my hat and greeted them, the office instantly turned into a reunion venue.

The colleague I met first held my hand tightly.

“You have no idea how worried I was when that huge incident happened and I couldn’t even see your face one last time.”

“I’m sorry. I was in no state of mind back then. And honestly, I was scared that other people would see me in a bad light.”

At that, she got angry. I was quite surprised, as she was a person so gentle she would be sad if she were called second-best in kindness.

“If there’s anyone like that, tell them to come forward. I’ll give them a piece of my mind. I swear to God, we never doubted you, Teacher Song. Not even when public opinion was at its worst.”

Another colleague chimed in.

“It’s true, Gyujin-ssi. Even if we only met through work, we all know what’s what. Where in the world could you find someone as upright and kind as our Teacher Song? Do you remember when you helped me when I was a victim of a voice phishing scam before? If it weren’t for Teacher Song, I would have been completely broke. You went out of your way to help, even looking for a lawyer for me, even though it wasn’t your problem.”

“And that’s not all. He always took such good care of the people around him. And he never once showed he was having a hard time or acted like he was doing a favor. Anyway, he’s a person who is so, so far removed from such a terrible crime. When I think about how you must have suffered all alone, I really…”

A single tear finally rolled down my cheek at their heartfelt words. Once they started, the tears wouldn’t stop easily. Even after the case was closed, I couldn’t face the world with confidence. I had been cowering the whole time, vaguely assuming that a normal social life would be difficult from now on. The reason I had actively supported Seo Seunghan’s decision to go to college from the midpoint was that I wanted at least him to live the rest of his life normally.

The tears quickly spread to those around me. A pile of tear-soaked tissues accumulated on the office desks. By the time the tissue box was empty, we were finally able to exchange faint smiles.

Only after they had calmed down did my former colleagues finally turn their attention to someone other than me. Considering his presence, the timing was quite late.

“By the way, who is this person with you?”

“This is Seunghan, the dongsaeng I cherish most in the world. He’s a bit old for it, but he’s going to be a freshman at our school this year. He’s a friend who started working first and was far from academics, but he worked really, really hard.”

“Oh my. That’s amazing. What’s your major, student?”

“Department of History.”

Seo Seunghan bowed his head at a 90-degree angle. It was definitely polite and good, but I felt a strange sense of disharmony from his rigid posture. It seemed it would take a little more time for him to completely shed the traces of having been in an organization for a long time.

His aura wasn’t exactly ordinary, but it wasn’t a big problem. He had a perfect appearance that was admirable from any angle. Even his voice was handsome, so unless they knew his past, anyone would be bound to take a liking to him.

“So that’s why you came back to the school.”

“Yes. I wanted to let him look around the campus before the new semester starts. I never even dared to work up the courage to see you all, but if it weren’t for these two here, I would’ve spent my life digging a hole to hide in.”

When asked how I’d been, I answered honestly. That I had wandered through various countries, and when I grew tired of that, I helped Seo Seunghan with his exam preparations.

It was more physical support than actually teaching him anything, but there was no need to reveal that much.