Kill Your X Chapter 98

My colleague, having heard the story, patted my shoulder. The warmth in her voice made me feel like crying again.

“Teacher Song. You’ve been through a lot. You don’t have to hide anymore.”

My gaze fell alternately on the mask and hat in my hand. For the past few years, these items had frequently served as a wall between me and the world.

“The guilty person is someone else, you know. Even if you feel a sense of joint responsibility as his child, a few years is enough.”

“That’s right. It makes me upset just thinking about you having to cover this handsome face everywhere you go. Do you all remember how many students used to come to the library just to see Teacher Song when we worked together?”

“The spot in front of the librarian’s desk is usually avoided because of all the traffic, but on the days Teacher Song was sitting there, the competition was so fierce. I wonder if those students who practically punched in their attendance every day graduated okay.”

My colleagues showered me with exaggerated compliments. It was their considerate way of trying to make my tears stop faster.

“To think that old memories can be beautified this much, I guess it was a good thing I quit, in the end?”

They shot me a glare, but didn’t lose their affectionate smiles.

“Teacher Song. If you ever feel like working again, you must tell me. I’ll fight the university president if I have to and make a spot for you.”

“What? You told me that there was absolutely no way they’d hire additional staff this year, not even if you were about to die!”

Hyun Jin, who had been getting overly emotional and going through tissues, suddenly interjected.

“Oh my. So you don’t want to work with Teacher Song? Haven’t I told you a million times how good Teacher Song was at his job?”

“Was that four years ago? The business school suddenly requested supplementary materials for a thesis, and Teacher Song did it all by himself in just two days…”

Just as my past deeds were becoming something close to an urban legend, Seo Seunghan whispered in my ear.

“What do you think, Sunbae?”

“About what?”

“About working at the university library again. Do you want to get a job here while you’re here?”

It was as if he were asking, ‘Can I add another pack of cherry tomatoes?’ while grocery shopping.

“A job isn’t child’s play, it’s not something to be decided so impulsively.”

“If you were here, Sunbae, I think coming to school would be enjoyable.”

“Whining won’t work.”

“Are you sure about that?”

Then, I heard a small gasp of ‘Oh my’ from nearby. I thought we had been talking quietly, but when I came to my senses, I realized everyone in the office was eavesdropping on our conversation. I felt a bit awkward and wiped my mouth with my hand.

“Seunghan-ssi seems to have a more affectionate personality than he looks.”

“He doesn’t seem that way at first glance, does he? Once you get to know him, he’s actually very cute.”

As I was giving a vague answer, I noticed Hyun Jin making a ‘I have a lot to say, but I’ll hold my tongue’ face. I felt like some unnecessary comments might come out if I stayed longer, so I wrapped up the conversation.

We made plans to have a meal together with my old colleagues soon and left the library. Seo Seunghan, who had wrapped his own scarf around my neck, said he would go to the car first and disappeared with long strides. His steps were light, as if he had accomplished a major lifelong wish.

Could it be, the reason Seo Seunghan had so steadfastly insisted on B University was…

My endlessly branching thoughts were cut off when I saw Hyun Jin. He had put on a thick padded jacket and come out to see me off.

“Wow. It’s really cold today.”

As soon as we stepped out of the building, a biting wind whipped across my face. Even though I put my hat and mask back on, and wore two scarves, including Seo Seunghan’s, my body still shrunk from the cold.

Walking in step with me, Hyun Jin asked.

“Sunbae, you’re planning to live in Korea from now on, right? Have you found a place to live yet?”

“I’m still looking. Neither of us wants a place too close to the university, so we’re going to search a bit more.”

“That’s a good idea. You know what they say, a newlywed home should be in a moderately secluded place for the couple to have a good relationship, ow!”

I only nudged him with my elbow, but Hyun Jin pretended to be sent flying. I was relieved that his personality was still bright and playful.

“Anyway, I’m glad you look happy, Sunbae.”

“Do I look that way?”

“Yes. I was honestly worried the last time I saw you… but I don’t think I need to be anymore.”

My old colleagues too; it seemed I had unintentionally made a lot of people worry, leaving a bitter taste in my mouth.

“Yeah, thanks. It’s cold, you should go back inside. Let’s see each other separately later.”

“Ooh. Are you buying me Korean beef again this time?”

Hyun Jin danced around. In a different sense than me, he was clearly a celebrity among the students as well.

“How long are you going to keep mooching off me? You’re a working man now too.”

“Once a sunbae, always a sunbae. I’ll be looking forward to anything. And please think seriously about the offer the teachers made earlier!”

I watched Hyun Jin slip back into the library before turning around.

The light snowfall had grown heavier in the meantime. I stuck my hands in my coat pockets and headed towards the nearby parking lot.

Before long, I found him. I thought he’d be inside the car, but Seo Seunghan was leaning against the hood, looking up at the sky. The picturesque scene made me forget the cold and lose myself in the moment.

I remembered the day I first met him at the university. It was sleeting that day too, just like today. The similar yet different scene briefly turned my mind completely white. My body swayed, and I had to tense my legs to stay standing.

I moved forward as if possessed. The dreamlike feeling was brief; with every step, memories came flooding back vividly.

One step. The days when I spun inconsistent lies to push away the man who had suddenly burst into my life.

Two steps. Then my foolish self, who had fallen head over heels for Seo Seunghan.

Three steps brought the memory of realizing he had hidden his identity, and the sleepless nights filled with a sense of betrayal.

As the distance closed further, the past rewound to a much more distant point in time. To a past I had never remembered until now.

Of you, who would stop at nothing to save me, who never let go of my hand even while enduring terrible punishments each time.

Everything that happened in hell, just before this life.

Finally, his gaze met mine. Seeing his eyes glisten with moisture, his tightly sealed lips parted slightly. Between them, the most vivid proof of life bloomed.

“Thank goodness. I can see your breath now.”

Those who fundamentally belong to hell cannot see the proof of life that is so natural for those who don’t. Breath is a prime example. The reason I couldn’t see Seo Seunghan’s breath in the past was because his life, as a hellhound, was sustaining me at the time.

The fact that it wasn’t the case now meant that, for some reason, Seo Seunghan had become a being whose ties with hell had been severed.

The image of him saying he couldn’t see ghosts anymore, and of him eating and sleeping well like a normal person, unlike before, flashed before my eyes one by one. I had thought it was because he felt at ease being with me, but it was a bit anticlimactic to learn the reason was somewhere else entirely.

“Sunbae?”

Still, it was good. What could I do about his innate personality? It was annoying that he had kept his mouth shut even though he clearly knew about the changed circumstances, but I could just explain it to him little by little from now on. Because I will never leave you, and you will never leave me.

I decided to enjoy, for the time being, the fate that some might call an ill-fated connection.

“Why do you look like you’re about to cry again? Did Hong Hyun Jin say something?”

He held my face and examined it closely. I could now picture the feel of his palms, hidden inside the leather gloves, even with my eyes closed.

“No. I was just thinking about the old days.”

When I omitted the explanation, Seo Seunghan seemed to understand it as me being lost in thought after visiting the university for the first time in a long time.

I took off my hat and mask. At that, he took his hands off me and put some distance between us. It was one thing if we were in a sparsely populated foreign country, but this was a move born from the judgment that I would be reluctant to engage in public displays of affection on a Korean street.

“Seunghan, your hand.”

At the out-of-the-blue request, his eyes widened. Only after turning his head minimally to scan the surroundings did he extend his hand. Soon, a lovely weight rested upon my own hand.

“Sunbae. We’re on school grounds.”

He had listened to me, but he looked completely unable to understand why I was doing this.

“I know.”

“Is it okay if other people see?”

“I don’t care. Let them look, or take pictures, whatever they want.”

Mwah. I deliberately planted a noisy kiss on the back of his hand. I was secretly disappointed that it was on leather and not bare skin.

“Haa. This is nice.”

Feeling relieved, I let out several deep breaths. Each time, a white puff of air scattered into the atmosphere. Seeing me beaming, Seo Seunghan smiled a little in return. Not even knowing what was what, we were a pretty good match, both of us having a simple and reckless side.

“Let’s go eat now. Do you remember that café you took me to before? The big two-story building on the outskirts of Seoul. I want to eat a sandwich there.”

“Not want to step on my cock?”

“Be quiet.”

I let go of his hand, chuckled, and got into the car. Thanks to the perfectly warmed indoor air, the winter that had clung to the fabric of my clothes quickly vanished. Soon after, the car moved forward smoothly.

The trivial conversation between us didn’t stop until we reached the café. We laughed and laughed at the silliest things. Sometimes, we would throw harsh jokes at each other and enjoy the other’s deadpan reaction.

At the end of a long tunnel, a small light finally appeared. After experiencing an unhappy death over and over again, I felt glad to have been born again.

“Hey, Seunghan. Don’t you think the Demon King just couldn’t stand us anymore and kicked us out of hell? You know, like how you deal with troublesome customers at a store.”

“That’s a valid argument.”

Seo Seunghan took my random nonsense seriously.

“He might have looked kindly on us once or twice, but we did cross the line several times.”

He added that, if you think about it, we were probably closer to being attention-seeking soldiers than troublesome customers.

“Being a Demon King is an extreme job. If it were me, I would’ve found any excuse to desert in the middle of it.”

Seo Seunghan laughed silently. It somehow felt like his smile wasn’t a real smile, but since we had just arrived at the café, the topic quickly changed.