It Begins with Isaac Chapter 22.1

The grand temple collapsed. This was not a metaphor for the authority of faith. Cracks appeared in the ceiling, and the benevolent old man’s face twisted grotesquely. Bride, who had desperately tried to conceal Valery’s shooting to avoid the scrutiny of those outside the temple, was forced to scramble out of the crumbling structure.

Reporters thrust their cameras forward, eager to capture Valery, blood-soaked and limp on Cain’s back. Devout worshippers stared blankly at the temple, which had begun to collapse from the ceiling, calling out to their god. Amid the chaotic scene, the group hurriedly piled into cars and headed for the city. The sudden appearance of the sniper, the temple collapsing on the very day of the sacred rite, everything was steeped in suspicion, but treating Valery, who teetered on the brink of life and death, was the immediate priority.

Valery was transferred to a large hospital in the capital. As the hospital primarily treated discharged soldiers with injuries, a renowned expert in gunshot wounds performed Valery’s surgery. The priest, who had located all the bullets and stuffed bandages into the wounds for emergency treatment, had made the surgery proceed smoothly. More severe was the head trauma from the fall. Full-body fractures were stabilized with splints, but there was no direct treatment for the head. Fortunately, no lacerations or bleeding were found on the scalp, and the doctor’s assessment that the injury was mild reassured Bride and her party.

No one could accuse the doctor of negligence for stating that they could only wait for the patient to wake. With the empire’s current medical technology, craniotomy was a challenging procedure. Rather than attempting a major surgery with low success rates, monitoring the patient’s condition over time was the best way to increase survival odds. With a heavy heart, Bride nodded in agreement to the doctor’s suggestion.

The Grand Duke, who had inadvertently pushed his sole heir into the jaws of death, was at a loss for words. Blinded by resentment, he had acted irrationally, but what he wanted was a repentant Valery who understood the warning, not one hovering between life and death. If Valery died, the Grand Duke’s lineage would end. Facing the grim possibility of an imminent future, the Grand Duke was detained by the Emperor’s orders. Since revealing that the Grand Duke had instigated the sniper to attack his heir would bring no benefit to the empire, the Emperor decided to hush the matter. Instead of publicly condemning his younger brother’s folly, he announced that the Grand Duke had expressed his intent to retire as Commander-in-Chief due to a sudden health decline.

Before abdicating the throne, the Emperor ruthlessly dealt with anything that might hinder Bride’s early reign, even if it was his own kin, the Grand Duke. Hearing of his unsolicited retirement announcement too late, the Grand Duke requested a private audience with the Emperor, but the Emperor assigned overseers to him and isolated him in a remote province far from the capital. The Emperor then put a prominent noble, who had long harbored grievances against the military faction, on trial as the instigator of the sniper. This noble had repeatedly opposed the imperial family, so the Emperor had no hesitation in framing him.

Everything seemed to be resolved one by one by the Emperor and Bride…

“You mad bastard, you mad bastard!”

Bride screamed, clutching her head. Just as the situation appeared to stabilize, a colossal bombshell dropped at her feet, far greater than anything before.

The noble, under discussion for the severity of his punishment, had spoken. He had been a public supporter of the Third Prince Dius in the succession race. To clear the false charges, the noble had reached out in every direction, including sending a letter to Dius to express his frustration, but the prince he trusted responded with cold indifference. At first, he thought the letters had not reached Dius. Despite bribing a guard to ensure delivery, none of the countless letters received a proper reply. Realizing Dius had ruthlessly cut ties, the noble, desperate to reduce his sentence, revealed a secret only he knew.

“That crazy bastard, isn’t he?”

Dius was the mastermind behind the temple’s collapse? Bride had no intention of blindly believing the noble’s desperate claims, but when he began recounting the Emperor’s “omens” story, shared only among the gathered royals, her jaw dropped.

The evidence was unmistakable: Dius had collaborated with the Grand Duke to hide explosives in the temple, planning to destroy it on the day Bride performed the rite. To oppose the Emperor’s omens, they collapsed the temple on the day of her rite, hoping the Emperor, interpreting it as divine will, would reconsider the abdication.

Bride shut her eyes tightly and sighed. They likely planned to churn out sensational articles labeling her as “the heir despised by the main deity” to incite devout imperial citizens. She had wondered how the reporters knew to gather at the temple, and now the hidden motive was clear.

“We all nearly died! Ha, well… that bastard probably rejoiced.”

“…”

“He’s my brother, and I…”

She muttered, rubbing her cheeks. Cain, sitting upright before her, looked at Bride with a serious expression, saying nothing. A few minutes later, Bride leaned toward Cain, opening her mouth with an awkward look.

“Ahem, I said unnecessary things in front of you.”

“It is fine, Your Highness.”

“I’m saying this because I trust you, Lieutenant, so don’t feel burdened. So, is the Colonel showing any improvement?”

“The gunshot wounds have fully healed, and the splints were removed two days ago.”

“Hmm, has he regained consciousness?”

“Not yet… I’m sorry, Your Highness.”

“It’s not your fault. That’s enough.”

Since the incident with Valery, Bride had taken notice of Cain. His flawless task execution and convenient loyalty were impressive, and she was secretly pleased to see his eagerness to curry favor despite his pretense otherwise. Bride valued those with ambition. If they openly displayed that ambition to stand by her, all the better.

Bride needed trustworthy allies now. With the Grand Duke announcing his retirement, Valery, the heir, was bedridden. Young, adaptable talents like Cain, easier to manage than the visibly shaken senior officers, were invaluable to her.

The task she was about to entrust to Cain was particularly critical. If it leaked, it could plunge the empire into chaos.

“The First Prince’s poisoning… Do you believe it was solely the work of the Jenuka Kingdom? How could they infiltrate the imperial family’s inner sanctum, even the First Prince’s close aides? You wouldn’t know, Your Highness. Prince Dius has always been a man of terrifying ambition.”

The noble’s claim that Dius was not only behind the temple explosion but also involved in Eric’s poisoning. Given it was the one-sided assertion of a man enraged by Dius’s betrayal, Bride decided to proceed cautiously. The temple explosion was settled with the Emperor, resulting in Dius’s temporary confinement. However, the poisoning’s mastermind was kept secret, even from the Emperor. Nothing was certain yet.

“Even if I report to His Majesty…”

Who knew how the Emperor would react? The Emperor had waged war against Jenuka because he could not bear to suspect Eric’s death as an internal imperial act. Bride recalled the Emperor staring at her with unreadable eyes before turning away with a sigh. Even if she reported Dius’s suspected involvement in the poisoning, the Emperor might hush it up simply because Dius was his son. He might angrily question why she was so fixated on her brother when the throne was already hers.

The Emperor, a parent, and Bride, a sister, were different. Dius was someone who would kill kin for his ambition. Bride had no intention of dying like Eric. The throne, unattainable due to Eric, a strong crown prince candidate, had seemed out of reach. Just as she despaired, the succession race began. Now that she had seized it, she did not want to leave a single ember that might one day consume her.

Thus, until her coronation, the investigation had to be conducted discreetly with a small team. After briefly explaining the context, Bride firmly grasped Cain’s hand.

“Lieutenant, can I trust you?”

“Have no worries, Your Highness. I’ll start digging into Prince Dius’s circle.”

“Good. Though it’s a small unit, I’ll let you choose your team.”

Bride’s gaze shifted from Cain to Asil, seated beside him. She hesitated for a moment. As Cain needed a reliable partner, Asil, who had worked with him for years, was an ideal candidate.

“Lieutenant…”

But upon seeing Asil’s haggard complexion, Bride found it hard to speak. Asil, whose chest fractures had been severe, had been hospitalized until recently. Harassed as a witness during his stay, he had barely been discharged when Bride summoned him to the palace with Cain.

“If you wish, you can take some time to recover. I’ll grant you extended leave…”

“I’m fine, Your Highness. I’ll carry out the mission with the Lieutenant.”

Asil responded promptly in a firm voice. But it was only his voice. The human voice could be manipulated. Speaking in a pleasing tone or saying what others wanted to hear was not difficult. Raised as a princess, Bride had long mastered the art of focusing on a person’s eyes rather than their words during conversation. Locking eyes with Asil now, she easily discerned his condition.

“Lieutenant, it’s okay. You’ve been through a lot, so it must be tough.”

Bride shook her head, recalling Asil unaware he was crying. His fumbling murmurs about not seeing clearly. She did not know much about Valery and Asil’s relationship but had assumed it was her cousin’s one-sided affection. It seemed that was not entirely the case. She suddenly remembered chuckling at Asil’s subtly stiff expression when Valery and Saira’s marriage was mentioned.

She rubbed her chin, letting out a low hum. It did not seem her cousin was fighting a entirely hopeless battle…

“Your Highness. Send me to Jenuka.”

No… Was it hopeless?

“I’ll go alone quietly and uncover the connection with the prince.”

“It could take a long time to return to the empire. Are you sure?”

“I’m fine. I’ll go.”

“Lieutenant, if it were up to me, I’d rather you…”

Stay in the capital until Valery wakes. That was her cousinly sentiment. But for the greater good, sending Asil to infiltrate Jenuka was the right choice rather than letting him languish in the capital.

“Your Highness, the Lieutenant is more than capable of executing solo missions. If you trust and entrust him, he will never betray your faith.”

Cain’s decisive words prompted Bride to nod slowly.

Soon after, Asil was officially assigned to the northernmost border with Jenuka. The news that a young lieutenant, recently celebrated at a grand palace commissioning ceremony, had fallen out of the princess’s favor and was sent to the frontier elicited sympathetic groans. Some, unable to hide their curiosity, approached Cain, newly promoted to captain, mentioning Asil’s near-demotion, but Cain laughed sharply.

“What’s so strange about a mere lieutenant toiling in the sticks?”

Handing over a list of key figures, Cain asked.

“You’re not going to see the Colonel before you leave?”

Stuffing the list into his pocket, Asil nodded. His eyes shadowed from sleeplessness, Asil mounted the horse. Bride had provided the largest, sturdiest horse from the imperial stables and gifted Asil a portable phone. Though it was uncertain if it would work in Jenuka, Asil accepted it gratefully for situations where written reports were impractical. Slinging a bag of necessary weapons and money over his shoulder, Asil met Cain’s gaze from below.

“When the Colonel wakes, I’ll contact you via the phone.”

“No need for that. It wasn’t given for personal use, was it?”

“…Are you running away?”

Cain sighed, wetting his lips.

“If you disappear like this, it’ll be my responsibility.”

“You think I’m running away?”

“Aren’t you? If not, that’s great. If not, that’s good, but…”

Cain knew better than anyone the humiliations Asil had endured from Valery. Having served Valery for years, Cain was well aware his superior was not one to pour passion or effort into anything. So, when Valery showed an unsettling interest in Asil, Cain dismissed it as fleeting lust.

On deeper reflection, his superior was not one to recklessly indulge in base desires, but at the time, interpreting Valery’s interest in Asil as anything other than lust was impossible for Cain. To him, Valery was merely a ruthless, violent superior, not a human to understand or empathize with. Valery, of all people? Interested in that scrappy, overzealous young man?

Cain had told Asil to endure until graduation, assuming Valery would lose interest. It was his misunderstanding of Valery. Had he known years ago that Valery was still obsessed with the man before him, he would not have given Asil false hope, sparing himself this odd pang of guilt.

“Even if you escape, unless the Colonel orders it, I can’t chase you down immediately…”

“I don’t understand what you’re saying.”

“…I’m saying now’s your chance to slip away.”

“…”

“With the Colonel bedridden, this is your opportunity.”

Cain studied Asil’s parched, weary face. By Valery’s side, Asil always looked like he was barely surviving. Recently, his face had brightened slightly, making Cain wonder if their relationship had progressed in ways he was unaware of. He had entertained some naive hopes. Defying those hopes, Asil, hospitalized in the same facility as Valery, never once visited him. After discharge, he packed his belongings from the mansion they shared and declared he would stay long-term at a capital inn.

No matter how much Cain racked his brain, Asil seemed to have not a shred of affection for Valery. It was almost brazenly obvious how hard Asil was trying to physically distance himself from him.

Upon hearing Asil’s decision to go to Jenuka, Cain instantly grasped his intentions but feigned ignorance, advocating for him to Bride. That was the best help he could offer Asil. Closing his eyes, pretending not to see, and keeping his mouth shut.

“I won’t stop you on my end…”

“I’ll contact you when I arrive in Jenuka. Anything else to say?”

“…What?”

“Lieutenant… no, Captain. What are you going to do when the Colonel wakes up and deals with the aftermath?”

Clutching the reins with a dry expression, Asil let out a low laugh. It was somehow a relaxed laugh, and Cain could not take his eyes off Asil’s smile.

“Well, for now, who knows if the Colonel will even wake up?”

At Cain’s irreverent joke, Asil’s laughter faded like dying embers. His face hardened expressionlessly, almost making Cain regret his words, and he muttered in a low, subdued voice.

“Yes. Perhaps.”

Saluting Cain, Asil lightly flicked the reins. The horse surged forward, kicking up dust. Days later, receiving Asil’s call confirming his safe arrival in Jenuka, Cain felt a faint irritation. He hoped Asil would not cause trouble, but despite Cain’s explicit offer to look the other way, Asil diligently reported his movements, sparking a sliver of doubt in Cain.

I told him now’s the time, so what the hell is this guy doing?

Located in the northern part of the continent, Jenuka was cooler than the empire. Unlike the empire, just emerging from late summer, Jenuka, in the heart of autumn, was, as expected of a defeated nation, steeped in a chaotic atmosphere. With the kingdom’s annexation to the empire imminent, the resentment of Jenuka’s citizens toward the empire was at its peak. Unlike the royal family, which had expressed willingness to submit, the populace often harassed anyone suspected of being an imperial citizen, following them in droves.

“But you, you’re not an imperial, are you?”

“Haha. I get that a lot.”

Jenuka’s citizens and imperials were not distinctly different in appearance. Though the kingdom’s northern location gave its people slightly paler skin, Asil, with his naturally sun-resistant complexion, blended in. Sharing the same language and script, people often inferred origins from accents or behavior. Whenever suspicion arose, Asil vaguely covered his face and laughed. Just in case, he had cropped his hair short like Jenuka’s young men and always wore a thick overcoat, but something about him still screamed “imperial,” attracting trouble wherever he went.

Dodging his pursuers, Asil pulled out the list. He had finished investigating all the listed individuals today, but found no significant connections. Assuming Dius collaborated with Jenuka to poison the First Prince, the key figures were likely Jenuka’s elite. Asil had commissioned the local information guild to investigate several nobles and royals from the list, but progress was stagnant.

“The prince must have orchestrated it to seize the throne, likely planning to leverage Jenuka’s support in the succession race. Jenuka, collaborating with the Third Prince, poisoned the First Prince, then sparked a war to position itself as the empire’s equal. Had Jenuka won, they could have pressured the empire to crown the Third Prince…”

The collaboration theory roughly fit. Asil sighed, scratching the back of his head. Heading to the information guild to retrieve the final commissioned data, he felt liquid warming his upper lip and wiped it with the back of his hand. Nosebleeds had become frequent enough to be mundane. Wiping the blood on his coat, Asil rolled his dry eyes and walked slowly.

Exhaustion was overwhelming from lack of sleep. It was not the unfamiliar bed in a foreign land. The problem was that whenever he closed his eyes, as his consciousness blurred, an unwanted face relentlessly invaded his mind. Asil shook his head violently. To focus on something else, he slapped his cheeks hard and flung open the guild office door.

Before Asil could step inside, someone at the threshold shoved his chest outward. The pale-faced figure stuffed a crumpled piece of paper into Asil’s arms and hissed.

“Don’t come back to our guild! This commission nearly killed us…”

Sweating profusely and glancing around, the figure slammed the door in Asil’s face. Asil, caught off guard, unfolded the paper. It was indeed a commission worth fainting over. He had requested an investigation into Jenuka’s crown prince, a bold move for anyone living in the kingdom.

The list initially included only Jenuka’s nobles. Asil had thoroughly investigated the names as Cain instructed. He uncovered enough about their mistresses, illegitimate children, and unreported estates to fill a book, but sadly, that was all. No connections to Dius were found. Risking further, Asil commissioned investigations into several royals, with the final piece concerning the crown prince.

Asil’s eyebrows arched as he skimmed the paper. For the hefty price, the information was pitifully sparse—just an address and time. Alarmed, he pounded on the closed door, but no response came.

Reluctantly, Asil headed to the listed address. It led to a high-end red-light district lined with brothels. Facing a particularly large, ornate establishment that served both men and women, Asil entered a tavern across the street, ordered a drink, and settled by a second-floor window. Peering at the brothel, he waited for hours, ignoring the tavern owner’s pointed coughs.

As evening approached the specified time, a blond, blue-eyed young man emerged from the brothel, boarded a waiting carriage, and left. He returned in the same carriage late at night.

“So what?”

That was it. Asil waited longer, but only countless patrons entered the brothel, with no suspicious activity from notable figures. He stayed up all night, paying the tavern owner to remain at the window, waiting aimlessly for the next evening. Dozing briefly, he was jolted awake by cursed memories flooding his mind.

“Again…”

Before the designated time, a carriage stopped in front of the brothel. Different in color from the previous day but similar in shape and size, it parked, and minutes later, another blond, blue-eyed young man emerged. This one had a different face. It was clear the guild had not taken his money and provided random details.

Asil leapt up, dashed out of the tavern, and chased the receding carriage. Fortunately, the crowded streets slowed its pace. The carriage alternated between moving and stopping, eventually entering a secluded forest path.

“Huff, huff… huff…”

The carriage then sped up, becoming impossible to follow on foot. Asil halted, panting heavily. Another nosebleed dripped, which he wiped carelessly like mucus, muttering in a puzzled tone.

“…That’s the way to the palace.”

If his map was correct, it was indeed the route to the palace. Staring at the forest path, Asil turned back quietly. The next day, instead of returning to the tavern, he hid his horse at the forest’s edge, positioning himself to watch the path. As expected, around evening, a carriage similar to the previous ones raced down the path. Asil stared intently through its open window. Though too far to see the face clearly, it was another blond man.

“There’s only one reason a male courtesan would go to the palace, right?”

The information was about the crown prince. This suggested the crown prince was enamored with blond, blue-eyed courtesans. The connection between these courtesans, the crown prince, and Prince Dius…

Asil suddenly thought of Bride. She had bright blond hair, a hallmark of the imperial family, and blue-green eyes like the Emperor. Her siblings were also blond, with varied eye colors—turquoise, blue-gray—but some shared Bride’s exact shade. Recalling faces he had glimpsed at the palace with Valery, Asil pieced it together.

“Blond, blue-eyed, male, the crown prince’s age… Prince Dius.”

It could not be. Was he leaping too far? Hesitating, Asil pulled out the phone with resolve. He felt he was onto something. Prince Dius and Jenuka’s crown prince. The moment he mentioned their connection, Bride, answering the call, erupted in curses.

“Damn it, yes, I didn’t think of that… What the…”

“Does it make sense, Your Highness?”

“Dius studied abroad in the Jasrin Kingdom of the southern continent.”

Except for Eric, a leading crown prince candidate, the Emperor’s children enjoyed relatively free adolescences. Like Dius, Bride had spent years traveling the continent under the guise of studying abroad. When Asil responded blankly, as if asking what the issue was, Bride raised her voice.

“As far as I know, Jenuka’s crown prince also studied in Jasrin around the same time… I remember. I warned that bastard Dius to behave to avoid trouble with Jenuka. Yes, that’s right!”

The crown prince and the Third Prince, who studied together in the past. A blond, blue-eyed prince. A crown prince seeking blond, blue-eyed courtesans. Prince Eric, assassinated with Jenuka’s poison. The unbelievable claim that the Third Prince was responsible. No longer a baseless assertion, it was now credible, with evidence and suspicion mounting.

“That damn crazy bastard! Colluding with Jenuka’s crown prince?”

“It’s not certain, Your Highness. It could be a coincidence…”

“The evidence is there, the evidence! Oh, I’m not angry at you, Lieutenant. You’re doing excellently.”

Calming her agitation, Bride cleared her throat and praised Asil in a hastily composed tone. She ordered him to return immediately, as there was no need to stay longer. Urging him to report the situation in detail, Asil hesitated, moving his lips.

“Lieutenant?”

“Yes, immediately?”

“Yes. It’s been over a month. Return now. We’ve gathered credible suspicion faster than expected.”

“…Shouldn’t we investigate the crown prince more closely?”

“Are you suggesting you infiltrate the royal palace? Acting rashly could disrupt the empire’s efforts to annex Jenuka. Right now, why Jenuka poisoned Eric isn’t the priority. What matters is whether that bastard Dius was involved in Eric’s death. If we can nail him, that’s enough. The suspicion we have is sufficient to pressure Dius. Understood, Lieutenant? Return at once, that’s an order.”

Bride firmly dismissed Asil’s suggestion. Indicating she would accept no further objections, she hung up abruptly. Asil murmured a faint “Yes…” and climbed onto his horse.

He did not want to think about anything. That was why Asil had thrown himself into the mission in Jenuka with such desperation. He did not want to leave room for gaps. Those small gaps kept widening, threatening to let everything that formed his foundation spill out. Before he could act, even if he wanted to repair it, it was already irreparably broken, leaking endlessly.

Reaching the border between the kingdom and the empire, Asil decided to stay a day at a nearby village instead of rushing back. Fortunately, being close to the empire, the villagers recognized him as an imperial but neither threatened nor shunned him. Asil thanked the homeowner who offered a shed with some money.

“Here it is. A bit shabby, but it’s a newly built shed, so it should be fine for a night’s sleep. Cover yourself with this blanket, and you won’t be cold… Aren’t you hungry?”

The homeowner, handing Asil a thick blanket, scrutinized his hollow-eyed face.

“Sleep comes before food. Go to bed early tonight. I’ll treat you to a good breakfast tomorrow.”

As the homeowner left, Asil collapsed onto the shed floor. During this mission, he had not slept more than three hours a day. His heavy eyelids, threatening to close, were forcibly lifted. I can’t sleep. I’ll regret it. No. Asil scolded himself fiercely, but sheer willpower could no longer control his exhausted body. After obsessively blinking, Asil let out a long sigh and slowly closed his eyes.

The dream always began with limp toes. Large, solid boots hung lifelessly, unbelievable for boots that once strode confidently, now motionless as if they would never function again. Asil stared blankly from a distance, blinking lightly at first, then furiously rubbing his eyes. When he opened them wide, the boots vanished, replaced by a figure lying on a hard metal bed, utterly unlike himself.

The day before his discharge, Asil had secretly visited Valery’s hospital room once. His dreams were typically based on this memory.

Hesitating at the entrance of a room twice the size of his own, Asil quietly stepped inside. There he found Valery, bandaged tightly around his abdomen, shoulders, knees, and ankles. His lying posture was so orderly, like a body prepared by a mortician before burial.

Valery usually slept in a sprawling, careless manner. His muscular limbs spread wide or wrapped tightly around Asil’s body. He was not one to sleep so neatly, hands by his thighs, with such calm habits. Seeing this, it finally sank in that he was unconscious. Asil approached slowly, as if pushed by an unseen force, his reluctant steps halting at the end.

Asil gazed at Valery for a long time. The face, neither smiling, frowning, irritated, nor anxious, had cooled to a pale blue. No tears came as they had that day. No overwhelming fear surged. Valery lay on a clean bed, breathing quietly, proof he was still alive.

Looking at him, Asil slowly realized. He truly feared Valery’s death. Once, he had wanted to kill him. Later, he scoffed that he did not care what happened to Valery as long as his hands stayed clean. Now, Asil wanted to push Valery’s death far away, as far as possible.

He reached out over the rough face, rubbing the bridge of Valery’s nose, flicking his nose tip cheekily, and pulling at his closed lips.

“Will you wake up?”

Valery did not answer. His breaths remained soft, tickling Asil’s fingertips. As Asil’s hesitant touch retreated from the unresponsive face, the dream diverged from reality, fabricated in his mind.

“Don’t go.”

His eyes remained closed, lips tightly shut, yet a pleading voice rang loudly through the room.

“There’s still time. A few days, but there’s still time.”

He begged incessantly. There’s still time, a few days. You promised. Don’t go. Don’t go, Asil… Valery’s voice never stopped until Asil woke. Like a broken radio’s glitchy static, the halting voice clung to him. Standing by Valery’s bed, staring at his pale face, Asil had to listen. Until he woke, eyes wide, scanning his surroundings, the pleading never ceased.

“…Hah!”

Clutching his ringing ears and bolting upright, Asil blinked slowly. Sweat pooled on his eyelids dripped before him. His heavy, molten head burned with heat. Sweeping his soaked hair, Asil rose. The blanket on his thighs slid to his feet like shed skin.

“Shouldn’t have slept.”

His head ached. To get fresh air, Asil opened the shed door and stepped outside. The sun, just rising, formed a semicircle on the horizon. Staring blankly, Asil began walking aimlessly.

“I don’t want to go back.”

He did not want to return to the capital. He had fled to Jenuka to avoid staying there. The capital was too noisy. Everyone talked about Valery, leaving his ears no peace. Whether he would wake, or live as a half-paralyzed invalid, some even placed irreverent bets, treating his life as a game.

Asil could not bear to look at Valery’s corpse-like form and had not visited since that day, yet others killed and revived him dozens of times daily. When Valery was alive and moving, they feared even mentioning his name.

Asil stared impassively at the empty fields, harvest complete. Should I not go? Cain had promised not to chase him if he fled. With his mission done, disappearing now would not prompt a manhunt. The month-long agreement with Valery had long expired. No need to care about that promise. This nightmare would fade with time or become familiar.

If Valery did not die, there was no need for guilt. His death might be Asil’s responsibility, but his life was not. Valery was alive, and Asil had no reason to stay by his side.

“I want to escape.”

He wanted to avoid it. To stop thinking. The act of pondering exhausted him. Sitting on a sloped ridge above the field, he dropped his face between his knees. Closing his eyes, he saw Valery lying neatly on the bed, unaware of his presence. The pale figure brought relief that he was alive, yet anxiety that he might never wake. As if someone with a grudge had cursed his eyelids, the scene clung tenaciously.

“You’re up early.”

Asil turned to the homeowner sitting beside him. He gazed proudly at the empty field.

“When you’re old, you don’t sleep much. Why are you awake so soon?”

Asil moved his lips to respond but lacked the energy to speak. The homeowner, unbothered by the silence, rambled on. It was a relief for Asil. No need to reply or engage, the homeowner sought no reaction.

“We harvested early this year, just before you arrived. This morning, I’ll bake bread with the grain.”

“…”

“Isn’t it about time for the empire to harvest too? No… it’s just cooling down there, right? I’ve never been to the empire this time of year, so I wouldn’t know.”

“…”

“Does your family farm? You look refined, like a noble’s son, but your arms suggest hard labor. What do you grow if you farm? Our family grows…”

Fearing trouble in a post-war climate by revealing he was a soldier, Asil remained silent. Perhaps taking it as affirmation, the homeowner soon transformed Asil into the son of a wealthy farming family, dutifully helping his parents.

“Come on, come down here. I’ll show you the crops we grow.”

The homeowner descended the slope into the empty field, gesturing for Asil to follow. Sensing he would insist, Asil sighed and trailed behind.

“No boast, but our family is the village’s top farmers. See that field? That’s all ours. Harvesting is grueling, but once it’s done, winter doesn’t scare us. Watch your step. Follow closely. The field’s so vast you could get lost, haha!”

“Yes…”

“By the way, what brought you to the kingdom alone? You’re lucky to meet a kind soul like me. The mood’s pretty tense these days.”

The harvested field stretched endlessly. The claim of being top farmers was no lie. The homeowner’s eyes brimmed with a farmer’s pride and joy.

“The journey home will be tough. But reuniting with family washes away the fatigue.”

Asil responded then. The homeowner had turned back, his warm eyes fixed on Asil, prompting him to speak as if entranced. Realizing it was rude to stay silent, Asil murmured quietly.

“I don’t keep in touch with family. An occasional letter is all.”

The homeowner’s rapid-fire chatter faltered at Asil’s candid reply.

“Oh, is that so?”

“My parents passed away. I have three… two siblings left, but I haven’t seen either in a long time.”

“…Kids grow up and go their own ways. Ahem. My kids left home long ago too.”

Come to think of it, Asil had not thought of his siblings in ages. Recently, he had focused on clearing his mind, and when that failed, he spent most of his time thinking of Valery.

“Then is there no one waiting for you in the empire? Thinking of someone waiting gives you strength to return. Your face looks so weary. A lover, a friend, I mean.”

Unsure how his blank expression was interpreted, facing the homeowner’s warm, earnest words, Asil spoke naturally. Realizing what he said only after speaking, he waited for the homeowner’s reply instead of retracting. He was tired of suffering alone.

“Not a friend, nor a lover… but there is someone waiting.”

“Oh? Is this person dear to you?”

“…I’ve never thought of it that way.”

Dear? Who, Valery? Asil tried to force a scoff, but all that came out was a flustered puff of air. He stumbled over his words, adding explanations to correct the homeowner’s misunderstanding, his speech growing longer and more halting.

“Someone I hated… truly despised with all my being. Someone I wanted to kill, I hated them so much. That person is waiting for me, and I…”

He is waiting for me. With his eyes closed, like a corpse. Asil swallowed hard. The homeowner, quietly observing his expression, gave a broad smile.

“Do you still hate them now?”

“…”

“Humans are like that, you know. We love, then hate, hate, then love again. We close our eyes without ever fully knowing ourselves—that’s what it means to be human. Even I, just yesterday, was furious with my wife over something trivial, but this morning, waking up in the same bed, she looked so beautiful to me.”

“It’s not like that. It’s not… I can’t feel that way about this person!”

Finally, Asil shouted. He wanted to vehemently argue against the homeowner, who preached like an all-knowing sage despite knowing nothing. As Asil huffed and muttered, the homeowner looked at him with pity, chuckling as if he were grappling with trivial worries.

“Then don’t go back to them. You said you hate them, didn’t you? If you don’t go despite their waiting, that’s the end of it.”

In truth, Asil wanted to run away. As the homeowner said, he did not want to return. But when a complete stranger, ignorant of him and Valery, casually judged their relationship and dismissed it as insignificant, Asil felt not relief but an inexplicable surge of indignation.

“It’s not that simple…”

“…”

“It’s not something that just follows your heart.”

“Goodness, why are you making it so complicated? The younger you are, the simpler you should live. Say it without thinking, without any other reasons, just right now. What do you want to do?”

I don’t know. I don’t understand. The version of myself that cried fearing Valery’s death, the one that couldn’t leave even when pushed to flee, the one wandering like a madman terrified of thinking about him, ending the day with dreams of him, suffering and agonizing over him, feeling like I might die from the pain… Asil pressed his clenched fist to his forehead and squeezed his eyes shut. The sound of retreating footsteps echoed vividly in his heightened senses.

“Look at this. Do you know what this is?”

Asil slowly opened his eyes. A few steps away, the homeowner stood holding a stalk of ripe, golden grain. He shook the plump kernels on the stalk.

“It’s an ear of grain.”

After speaking, the homeowner pointed to the nearby field. Though the harvested field was empty, following his finger, Asil clearly saw what he was indicating.

“Do you see those over there? The kernels we missed while harvesting. Those are called ears of grain too. Did you know? Harvesting is grueling. You’d know if you’ve tried it—it’s incredibly tough. You bend over for days, working yourself to the bone to prepare before winter comes. Inevitably, you miss some ears like those. If you go to a field worked by young farmers new to the job, just collecting the missed kernels could fill two or three boxes.”

Do you understand what I mean? The homeowner asked Asil, tucking the stalk under his arm and strolling through the field. His hands busily gathered the scattered kernels.

“Some ears ripen and form on their own if left alone, and some are missed without us realizing. The ones that grow steadily, surprising us with their size, are ears, and these tiny, insignificant ones that fall are ears too.”

“…”

“You don’t know either. When, at what moment, during your first harvest, overwhelmed by its difficulty and unfamiliarity, you missed some ears. If you gathered them all up, who knows? You might have quite a lot… Maybe you carelessly dropped one or two feelings that turned from hatred to fondness. Don’t live so complicatedly, don’t. Why is a young person trying to live in the past? You have so many days ahead. You may have hated them, sure! But now? Do you still hate them? If you hate them so much, why are you agonizing over whether to go or stay? I don’t understand.”

“…”

“Pick up an ear. Then you’ll know if you still hate them or not.”

With that, the homeowner focused on gathering ears, saying no more. Asil stood dumbfounded, mouth agape, watching the homeowner bend over, walking along the path in the field. Something I dropped? Was there such a thing? Asil closed his eyes. The faint afterimages sharpened. A face he had recalled and reimagined to the point of exhaustion…

“I’m worried.”

He had no idea when or what he had dropped. But the words he just uttered were sincere. What’s that? The homeowner, bending over, snapped back loudly. Asil whispered softly. It was not for the other man. To awaken himself, he moved his lips.

“I think… I need to see his face.”

Let’s go back. Let’s go back and wait until he wakes. Let’s see him open his eyes, meet his gaze, and hear what he says. It’s not too late to decide after that. Is it just the weight of his death that’s doing this to me, or at some point, did he… start to carry a different weight within me?

Asil looked back at the ears he had unknowingly dropped. Even after deep thought, he could not pinpoint when he dropped them, if he truly did, or how many there were, but one thing was certain. If he gathered them all, even if not enough for a box, he might hold a handful… With that thought, Asil bent down, following the homeowner, and picked up a small ear.

He had experienced falling before. During missions, he sometimes veered off the planned path, crawling through tangled underbrush. Walking treacherous paths where visibility was nearly impossible, he had once slipped and fallen off an unseen cliff, yet he survived.

When his back tilted over the railing, the first thing he did was not to brace for the fall but to tighten his grip on Asil and press his lips to the nape of his neck. He had been through this before. He would not die. As long as he did not die, it was fine. Thinking so, Valery lost consciousness the moment his head hit the floor, bouncing a couple of times, with the final thought that he might die like this.

In the depths of unconsciousness, he relived his life once more. Passing through his childhood under the Grand Duke’s fists and swiftly traversing his tyrannical days at the military academy, Valery groaned incessantly after Asil appeared before him.

“Damn it…”

There, Valery was a complete third party. A spectator forced to watch his life from a few steps away. He gazed indifferently at the times he was beaten to a pulp by the Grand Duke or when the Grand Duchess left the mansion after their divorce. But the moment another version of himself laid hands on Asil, Valery squeezed his eyes shut and turned away. Closing his eyes did not make the scene disappear. Instead, it grew more vivid, with Asil’s pained frowns or trembling fists twitching before him in excruciating detail.

“Stop it. Stop, you bastard…”

Valery cursed at himself. He kicked out, but the scene briefly scattered like dust, only to clump back together like mud and continue.

“Stop, stop… Asil, Asil…”

Valery muttered Asil’s name endlessly. The boy cried, suffered, cursed, raged, resigned, begged, and fled because of him.

“It’s all over now, isn’t it? The month is up, right? Am I crazy enough to stay by your side, Colonel? Let’s never see each other again. Not even in death, got it? If you chase me, I’ll die. Don’t come. Don’t even glance in my direction. Think I’m lying? I’ll really die, or I’ll kill you.”

With that outburst, Asil left with a relieved expression. He did not look back, growing smaller in the distance. The other Valery could not stop him. The two separated Valerys stood blankly, staring at Asil as he became a dot and vanished. Even when he was completely gone, they remained, gazing endlessly at the direction he had taken. Knowing Asil would never return, they were like mute beasts, desperately waiting for a master who had already left. For a long, slow time, Valery existed as an object in the void Asil left behind.

“…”

Valery blinked. He saw the air. Beyond it, a familiar ceiling. His vision, blurry after one blink, cleared gradually after a few more. Rubbing his heavy eyelids, he instinctively groped the space beside him. Nothing. The cold, empty sheet wrinkled under his roughly searching palm, as if no one had ever been there.

“C-Colonel!”

A servant approaching with shaving supplies let out a shrill scream. Having noticed Valery’s stubble and gone to fetch a razor, the servant returned to find Valery slowly sitting up. A month after being moved from the hospital to the mansion, he had finally regained consciousness. Frantically turning his head, he scanned the room.

“…Where?”

His voice, low and hoarse from disuse, prompted the servant to respond with a startled “Pardon?” The servant was about to fetch the live-in doctor who had stayed since Valery’s return. Staring in disbelief as Valery swung his legs off the bed, the servant froze.

“A…sil?”

“Pardon? L-Lieutenant, you mean?”

“Asil… Asil.”

Realizing the person he sought was nowhere in the room, Valery, eyes bloodshot, staggered to his feet. The servant, anxiously shifting, recalled Asil, who had stayed at the mansion for a long time. No one spoke lightly of Asil. But with eyes and ears, it was impossible not to notice that Asil and Valery’s relationship went beyond that of a lieutenant and colonel. The servant knew how Valery, who typically regarded everyone as objects, looked at Asil differently. That knowledge made it harder to speak.

“…Did he leave?”

“Colonel…”

“He left? Left me… behind?”

“Y-Yes… L-Lieutenant, well…” The servant gasped. “Colonel, you can’t move like that!”

Stepping onto the carpet and fully standing, Valery closed his eyes against a wave of dizziness, steadying his breath. Shoving aside the servant who rushed to stop him with surprising strength, he moved forward. Too strong for someone bedridden for over two months, the servant, collapsing to the floor, cried out as Valery exited the room.

“No, you can’t… Colonel!”

His feet moved. His body was free. This was not unconsciousness. Not a dream, but reality.

“Chase him. Catch him, make sure he can’t leave again. I was wrong from the start, damn it… What was I thinking, letting a guy desperate to escape anywhere near…”

Someone blocked his path, shouting protests, but Valery swung his arm like a whip, pushing people aside one by one. Ignoring the thuds of bodies hitting the floor, he did not stop. His pace quickened, nearly running as he left the indoors. Noticing the cool air and changed leaves, he realized he had been unconscious for a long time.

With that, he understood Asil had not left him just a day or two ago.

“He must have left the moment he could.”

It did not matter. He would take him back. A month? That childish promise could be erased. Valery grinned, yanking open the car door. Unlocking it, he gripped the steering wheel. Staring ahead, he mentally listed places Asil might have gone.

His hometown? Asil had rushed to that cramped place every break, so maybe he was there now. No, perhaps he went to his sister. Asil, reckless even at the risk of being caught, came to mind. He cherished his sister, so maybe he left the capital with her and her husband… But had they not been nearly estranged for years? He might have chosen the younger sibling instead. Valery recalled the island the kid had gone to for studies, abandoning Asil. What was its name… Damn, his head felt like it would split.

Valery dropped his forehead onto his hands, clasped over the steering wheel. A faint voice echoed. Words he had heard before, on a hot summer day.

“If my heart remains unchanged after a month… let me go, Colonel. If nothing changes, acknowledge our ill-fated bond and don’t hold me or touch my family.”

No. I can’t. I don’t think I can. Asil, the thought of you leaving makes me feel like I’m losing my mind. Valery muttered. Then, an imagined Asil snapped back.

“I want to go to the frontier. If I’m assigned there, I’ll go… You stay here, Colonel. Let’s not cross paths. You stay here, and I’ll go there. If we never see each other, if we’re so far apart we can’t feel each other’s existence, then you and I…”

No. I don’t want that, Asil. Save me. If I can’t see you, if I have to be so far I can’t feel you, what reason do I have to live? I don’t want to die. I don’t want to die without you, so… please, save me.

The two years without Asil. Losing him after having him was even more wretched. He had forced his hold on him, but at least he could see Asil whenever he wanted. Then he lost him. Because of his carelessness, bleeding and collapsing with Asil, he had no choice but to let him go. How he had fretted to not lose the reclaimed Asil. Even if their relationship remained unchanged, having Asil near was enough. But it was not. His greed reached endlessly, craving even Asil’s heart.

During that promised month, he thought he had gotten a little closer to Asil’s heart… or so he believed.

“No way. Asil would never…”

In the space of unconsciousness, he faced the past self that trampled Asil, over and over. He tried to forget, to push those mistakes to the past, but he saw his wrongs in stark detail. How could he not know? Asil’s heart was not something his efforts could sway. It was simply… Asil’s heart. No matter how fiercely he struggled, it was, in the end, Asil’s heart.

“It’s not something effort can change. But I can’t let him go.”

Valery forced his drooping head up with gritted teeth. First, he would catch him. Carefully, without hurting him, he would gag him to prevent self-harm. Bind his limbs for days until his thrashing calmed… Yes, start with that, and think about the rest later. Valery organized his plan. His vision blurred and sharpened, his body trembled suspiciously, but he ignored his body’s signals, quietly raising the corners of his mouth. Veins bulged on the back of his hand gripping the wheel. He pressed the pedal toward the gate. Or rather, he was about to.

Knock, knock. Someone tapped the window. Thinking it was one of those blocking his path, Valery ignored the irritating noise and pressed his foot down. But then, the person outside slammed the window hard enough to crack the glass. Valery’s head turned instinctively.

“What are you doing right now?”

Asil flung open the car door, leaning in at an angle and speaking.

“What are you doing, acting like this the moment you wake up… Ha, get out.”

“…”

“Can’t you hear me?”

“…”

“…Are you really okay?”

Short-cropped hair curling at the boundary of scalp and forehead. A pale, clean face. Soft eyes and dark pupils. A small nose, lips. And the neckline, chest, legs, toes. All of it…

Valery’s pupils darted frantically. He checked, rechecked, and checked again, like a man losing his mind.

“Asil.”

It was his Asil.

“Asil, Asil… Asil.”

Valery stammered. His large body lurched out of the car door recklessly, almost tumbling. Then Asil’s gaze slowly scanned Valery from head to toe. Wide-open, unblinking eyes. A face tinged with exhaustion. Rough skin and stubbled jaw.

“Asil…”

Bloodshot eyes, trembling lips, fists clenching and unclenching, and large, bare feet stained green from stepping on the lawn.

“…You’re barefoot. Where are you rushing off to?”

To you. You know that, so why ask? Why be so cruel? Valery retorted inwardly.

“What, thought I was running away and came chasing after me? We made a promise, didn’t we? If nothing changed after a month, you’d let it all go. You know it’s been well over a month, right?”

I know. That’s why I’m in this state. Valery stared at Asil, who smirked with a faint grin, with unfamiliar eyes. Why was he smiling? Did he really think Valery would let him go?

Valery wanted to ask. Just moments ago, I was planning to tie you up like an animal and keep you on my bed. Would you still smile if you knew?

“I know. I know, so… I wasn’t chasing you, I mean.”

“…What?”

“I was going to work. To the palace, to see Bride.”

You wouldn’t smile. You wouldn’t even give me a faint smile. You’d spit at me for holding you, burn with hatred, wither away, and eventually stop expecting anything from me.

“Why would I chase you? We made a promise, didn’t we? I’ll keep it. I have to. I know how to keep promises…”

Seeing Asil’s smiling face, Valery realized one stark truth: he could never treat Asil as he had imagined. Tying him up like an animal, forcing his feelings, neither Asil nor he could endure that process.

Fearing the loss of Asil’s smile, perhaps the last he would see, Valery babbled, “Promises are meant to be kept.” Contrary to his hopes, Asil’s tilting mouth hardened coldly. Valery anxiously watched Asil, who stood frozen, beginning to frown.

“So, you’re saying… you’re telling me to go?”

“…”

“To leave?”

“…Yes.”

“…Ha, haha!”

Asil laughed. Not a warm smile, but a cold, spasmodic burst of hollow laughter, eyes narrowed. He had spent days on horseback to see Valery. After reporting to Bride, he had come to the mansion, barely avoiding looking like a beggar. And the response? That the month was up, so he could go… He had agonized and suffered for this? Ears or whatever, it was a failed harvest. He had painstakingly gathered scattered kernels, clutching them preciously, only to find Valery acting like he had never tended a field.

“Yes. Understood. If you’re letting me go this easily, why didn’t you torment me less back then? I thought you… you…”

“…”

“Fine, damn it! Let’s never see each other again. We’re no good face-to-face, you and I. Never, never again, got it?”

Love you, I love you. He had never uttered such confessions. But still, was it all just shallow obsession? Something that could vanish so easily just by not seeing each other?

Asil turned and strode toward the gate. Then let me go sooner. Abandon me sooner. Why did you lower your eyes so gently, speak such tender words? Asil rubbed his stinging eyes with the back of his hand. Good, this was what he wanted. To leave Valery and live without seeing him. He looked healthy. No need to think of him with pointless worry or guilt. That’s why he rushed here. Seeing him awake and moving, now it was over…

As Asil stepped outside the gate, his wrist was grabbed. The force spun him around, and he faced Valery, standing so close their chests nearly touched. Lowering his reddened eyes, Asil muttered.

“You said to go.”

“…”

“Let go, ugh! Let go, I said…”

Unable to contain his irritation, Asil looked up at Valery but could not finish. His disappointed dark eyes wavered before a sight he had never seen.

“Don’t go.”

Valery whispered. A droplet slipped into his parted lips.

“Don’t go, Asil…”

“…”

“I can’t bear you hating me. I don’t want to see it. But… you leaving me, that’s even worse. I won’t ask you to love me. I won’t be shameless. Just stay by my side and keep… hating me, despising me.”

Each time he moved his lips, tears pooled above his upper lip, dripping into his mouth like a small spring.

“I love you, damn… I love you, Asil. I love you. Because I love you…”

Asil stared blankly at the face, twisted so fiercely it was unclear whether it was confessing or cursing. He seemed unaware, just as Asil had been.

“Don’t leave…”

Under the sunlight, Valery’s cheeks shimmered with ripples, soaked through. His flushed, drenched cheeks trembled with each word. He was crying. Not shedding elegant tears like pearls in a masterpiece, but a face drenched as if stranded in a downpour.

At the pitiful, heart-wrenching sight, Asil instinctively reached out, without conscious intent to touch, and placed his hand on Valery’s right cheek. It was wet. Supporting the face that leaned into his palm as if craving touch, Asil cautiously opened his mouth.

“Do you know you’re crying right now?”

“…No.”

Valery murmured softly, lips pressed to Asil’s palm. He lifted his wet eyes slightly, meeting Asil’s gaze. His glistening pupils slowly traced Asil’s face.

“You’re smiling… Do you know?”

“…No.”

Hearing Valery’s words, Asil realized his lips were pressed upward, stretching his cheeks. He raised his other hand, fully cradling Valery’s face. Warmth and lukewarm moisture met his hands. Strangely, it did not feel unpleasant. It felt like touching something infinitely precious.

“I was thinking, and… it’s really strange, but the person waiting for me here…”

“…”

“It’s only you, Colonel.”

For Asil, there was no one but Valery. It had been that way for a long time. Could that be a reason to stay by his side? It was just… like a rootless wanderer settling anywhere out of necessity.

“Whether you’re waiting or not, what does that have to do with me? Right? But…”

If he was to stay, there should be other reasons. Preferably many. All sorts of reasons to remain here, by his side.

“When I came to my senses, I was here.”

Countless reasons, like kernels. Far more than a handful. And those reasons… Asil had a premonition that this man before him would, over many days together, create them one by one. That ultimately, Valery would forge those reasons into a single, absolute emotion, binding them together.

“It’s my way of saying I’m back.”

“…I know.”

“It’s my way of saying I won’t leave, so stop crying.”

“I know, I know… Asil.”

Panting, Valery grasped Asil’s cheeks. They stood, holding each other’s faces, gazing for a long time before slowly pressing their lips together. A cautious, tender kiss, like a first. As if vowing not to repeat past mistakes, as if placing a final period on sins, hatred, and resentment. As if praying for a new beginning, they kissed silently.

“I love you.”

Valery murmured. Asil did not reply. But unable to suppress the bursting laughter, he let the smile Valery so desperately craved bloom brightly across his face.