Correction Chapter 37

“Don’t… lie.”

“I’m not lying.”

Don’t tremble! Shin Jungmin. You have to help hyung. Smile.

“Think carefully. Was it really Youngmin? It wasn’t. It was me.”

Shinwoo thinks. Amidst the confusion of his memories, the black fog obscuring the truth lifts, and a figure he hadn’t seen before comes into view. A figure he had vehemently denied, a figure he hadn’t even considered, overlaps with his memory.

‘Hyung… Shinwoo hyung…’

The one who accepted him, pushing aside all the physical pain and aversion… The one who gently embraced him, calling his name… wasn’t Youngmin.

“How… how?! You?!”

It’s impossible for an alpha to hold another alpha. The pheromone rejection is intense, and there’s an instinctive aversion. Same-sex pairings like omega and omega, or beta and beta, could develop deep relationships depending on the circumstances. But even if alphas share a lot and understand and cherish each other, it’s difficult for them to form a deep relationship.

Therefore, sex between alphas was considered rape or mounting, and the act itself was extremely perverse. At least, that’s what Yoo Shinwoo knows.

“Impossible. You’re an alpha.”

Unable to believe that he held an alpha, Shinwoo, in despair, demands Jungmin deny it.

“I… sent Youngmin away, and while I was cleaning the sheets with Youngmin’s pheromones, you came in. You were really drunk… You mistook me for Youngmin because I had his pheromones on me… and you…”

Shinwoo’s face pales rapidly. He reaches out and grabs Jungmin’s shoulders, trembling.

“Did I… Did I r-rape…”

Shinwoo might say he raped him. Jungmin could use that excuse to hold onto him. Shinwoo has a strong sense of responsibility. But then they would both cross a bridge of no return. It’s better for only one person to fall into that mire.

Smile. Jungmin.

“Hey~ No. Hyung, you would never do that. I just thought of it as a chance.”

“A chance?”

“A chance to be held by you. Since I’m an alpha, you wouldn’t hold me. I wanted to be held, but… you would never hold me. So, this was my chance.”

Is he saying this right? Will hyung understand what he means? Jungmin deliberately hides his trembling hands in his pockets and pretends to be nonchalant.

“Jungmin…”

“I like you. I love you… hyung…”

He thought he would never confess, never dared to even think about it. He said he would marry Shinwoo when he received his ring, but this is the first time he’s expressed it so directly.

“For a very long time, you’ve been the only one for me. I… wanted to be your partner. Even if it meant giving up everything.”

But he ends up doing it. Not for himself, but for Shinwoo… However, Shinwoo doesn’t understand Jungmin’s heart. He only grows colder.

“I… you…”

“Hyung.”

When Jungmin reaches out, Shinwoo pushes his shoulder away.

Ah, this is your answer. Jungmin withdraws his hand and puts it back in his pocket.

“I’m sorry.”

No. I knew you would say that. That you would push me away.

“I wasn’t in my right mind…”

I know. That’s why you… held me.

“It’s okay. Hyung. I’m… okay. So don’t worry about it. I’m sorry it wasn’t Youngmin. I might have given you a bad memory. I’m sorry. I apologize.”

He says everything calmly. He feels suffocated, tears threatening to spill, but he smiles. Shinwoo looks at him with a disgusted expression. Jungmin can’t breathe. He can’t stay here any longer.

“We cleared up the misunderstanding, right? Then I’ll be going now.”

“Was it… really you?”

“Yes, it was me. Not Youngmin.”

“How could I do such a thing, I…”

Even if he doesn’t want to know, he understands what Shinwoo means. Not, “How could I do such a thing to you,” but, “How could I mistake you for Youngmin and do such a thing.” Either way, he can’t avoid being hurt.

“Drive safely.”

Jungmin opens the door and walks out, shuffling his feet. He opens and closes the gate and walks slowly through the garden. As the sound of the car driving away reaches him, he collapses to the ground. The dam holding back his tears bursts, and they flow endlessly.

He regrets it. That day… He should have pushed Shinwoo away no matter what. Because of his own selfishness… this happened. Who can he blame? He dug his own grave.

✽✽✽

The final exams end, and thankfully, the summer break starts right away, so he doesn’t have to go to school.

Youngmin is busy dating a new alpha he was introduced to, and Jungmin shuts himself in his room, focusing only on studying and exercising. He struggles with his anguish, sometimes going out with friends and playing passionately, sometimes spending days drowning in alcohol, then returning to studying and exercising as if nothing happened… His emotions swing wildly, like someone with bipolar disorder.

But he acts properly in front of his family so they don’t worry. He finishes all his meals, even if he feels like throwing up, and talks a lot with his parents.

“I heard Shinwoo is going abroad to study.”

He hears this after dinner, while having tea and discussing economics, business, and current events with his father, as usual, without Youngmin.

“What? Shinwoo… hyung?”

“Yes. He said he’s going to America.”

He didn’t know. No, of course, he didn’t know. He had never even heard Shinwoo mention wanting to study abroad, even jokingly. It’s not something one can do suddenly, and he never imagined Shinwoo would leave Youngmin’s school and go abroad…

Jungmin returns to his room, puts his phone on the table, and agonizes over whether to call Shinwoo, but in the end, he can’t.

He wants to ask where Shinwoo is going, but he knows they are no longer in a relationship where he can ask such things. They haven’t contacted each other since that day, and even when they met at school, they only exchanged greetings without having a proper conversation.

Even so, he never imagined they would part ways so suddenly…

“Hyung is always so unpredictable.”

Jungmin buries his face in his pillow and cries silently for a long time.

Perhaps heaven took pity on him? A few days later, his father calls him downstairs, and there stands Shinwoo, dressed in a suit.

Seeing Jungmin frozen in place, Shinwoo approaches and greets him first. Gently– “Hi, Jungmin.”

“Have you been well?”

Even though they are almost the same height now, Shinwoo reaches out and strokes his hair. Is this a dream?

“Shinwoo hyung?”

“It’s been a while, hasn’t it?”

“What are you doing here?”

“That’s a strange thing to say. Is this somewhere I can’t come?”

“N-No, that’s not what I meant.”

“I know. I just thought I should say hello before I leave for my studies abroad.”

So, he really is going. And so suddenly…

While Shinwoo and his father talk, Jungmin sits silently in the corner of the sofa. He wants to speak but can’t. He feels like tears will fall if he opens his mouth…

“Can we… talk for a bit?”

Shinwoo calls Jungmin after finishing his conversation with his father. He can’t refuse. So, he follows Shinwoo. He doesn’t lead him to Jungmin’s room, but to the backyard of the mansion.

“We played here so much. Those days are gone now.”

Those happy times that won’t return… If they were never to come again, he should have cherished them more.

“Jungmin.”

Jungmin nods. It’s the most he can do.

“I’m sorry. That day… I’m sorry I acted like that. I know you were lying. I’ve known you for how long? You know me well, and I know you well too. I… mistook you for Youngmin and forced myself on you, didn’t I?”

Jungmin turns away. This time, Shinwoo grabs him. Seeing Jungmin’s eyes filled with tears, Shinwoo tightens his grip.

“I was suddenly scared, couldn’t accept it, and with all those complicated feelings… even though I knew I shouldn’t, I abandoned you. I made you carry that burden alone. I’m sorry.”

“N-No–”

His voice trembles and won’t come out. It’s difficult. Is it this hard to say a single word? As Jungmin lowers his head, Shinwoo strokes his hair.

“And thank you for your feelings. Thank you so much. When I think about it, you and I have been tangled up so much. And we’ve been broken so much. I’m so tired, I want to give up on everything. I’m completely wrecked, and aren’t you too?”

No, I’m not. Hyung.

“I ran for years, asking for your attention even when you wouldn’t look at me. I’m tired… so tired that I finally stopped to catch my breath, and I saw it. That both your love and my love were too far away…”