Boy Monster Chapter 90

His wild-dog-like eyes captured Eunho and would not let go. Within the blurry image projected on the wall, the living, breathing Jang Hwonwoo instantly stripped bare the identity of the rotten emotions and the lump of pus inside his body that Eunho had desperately tried to ignore until now. Within the reflected light, Jae Eunho’s eyes wavered, drenched in fear and pain.

—Let’s talk in chronological order. The reason I entered the mansion three years early and started successor training at the age of ten was because of you. Why? Well, I suppose I fell in love at first sight. It’s understandable. In that mansion, you were the most erotic person, Teacher.

—And I… haha… ah, this is really embarrassing. Well, to be honest, when I first saw you, I cursed you in my head as a man who was rotten to the core. Then I thought: I’m going to make him bow his head before me. …Are you surprised? I’ll give you a moment to calm down. When you’re ready, shall we move on to the next secret?

—Actually, I wasn’t afraid of crowded places at all. That appearance of a timid child was entirely a mask used to touch your compassion. Also, I once secretly committed severe harm against the lechers who set their eyes on you. I even fed poison to my half-brother who mocked me, forcing him to undergo a gastric resection. Besides that, regarding how I was in the military…

—Hmm, hmm! No. I don’t think I need to go into those stories. One more thing: even before you could read my mind, I dreamed of erotic scenes with you as the protagonist. I dreamed of them countless times, and among them were many acts of adultery that were violent and coercive enough to shock you. I am sorry. I always… wanted you… that much.

—Anyway, the point I want to make is this. I am not the good and virtuous man you think I am. Inside me, there is an impulse and a foul demon that has grown for a long time. I lied to hide it and acted hypocritically in front of you. The reason I am confessing this is because I wish to leave not a single grain of falsehood between us. Even for sins, if you confess, they give you room for a reduced sentence. Please look upon me kindly.

—I felt it wasn’t right to propose without confessing these things. Yes, a proposal. I want to form an infinite, thousand-year bond with you. It says in the Brahmajala Sutra, doesn’t it? That the bond between a husband and wife is formed by the accumulation of seven thousand eons of connection. I cannot even imagine forming such a precious bond with anyone but you.

—I will live my whole life correcting my terrible true self, so please accept me. I prepared a ring to propose, but I felt you wouldn’t be moved by such a thing, so I made a movie instead.

—I want you and love you enough to confess my ugly true self and beg for mercy. Will you accept me as your partner?

Jang Hwonwoo placed his hands on both knees and looked straight ahead. Already, Eunho’s vision was covered by transparent waves, making it impossible to see his face clearly.

Jae Eunho opened his mouth and wailed. In a place where there was no one he had to hide from, he cried to his heart’s content. A high fever swept through his entire body, and intense sobs struck his throat and chest multiple times.

There hasn’t been a day I didn’t want that gaze. Yes, it was that gaze. I knew of the dark chaos hidden behind your uprightness. But I forgot. I always forgot. Every time I looked at you, I forgot such things.

Like a frozen screen, he stopped there and gazed at Jae Eunho for a long time. By now, he would have stopped the projector and embraced Eunho from behind. Even after the movie ended, Eunho did not move. He stood there as if he had to shed all the tears that had been rotting away, like a child who knew how to do nothing but cry.

Just then, while the film was still rolling, Jang Hwonwoo moved his lips again in a scene that seemed to have ended.

—…However, if by any chance you are watching this movie alone.

—Though I’m sure that won’t happen.

—If things have gone wrong.

—Discard me. This is my final request.

—Erase me from your memory, Teacher. Erase me from the people around you, from everyone in the world, and make me a person who never existed. And live your life. Since I cannot discard you, you must discard me.

—You said it yourself. To dedicate your life and existence to love is not dedicating it, but discarding it. “Don’t die; you must live.” You definitely said that, Teacher. A person shouldn’t say two different things with one mouth.

—Well, I’ll stop here. It seems like a story I shouldn’t tell for too long. I’ll see you later then. To my Yeonri.

The projector stopped, and only darkness remained in the room. Jae Eunho left his cheeks slippery with tears and resented him.

“Hwonwoo, how can you… not cry?”

How could you be so resolute even while saying such things? Were you certain that you wouldn’t fail? Did you trust me that much? If so, how… how could you blindly trust me… and follow me like that….

“You foolish brat, you world-class lecher.”

Until the end, you throw thousands of questions at me.

You seize and command me like this.

I shared a dream with you for a season and danced with you. That is enough.

In the darkness, the shadow that had slowly slumped to the floor stopped crying. The man moved his lips, which felt no sensation.

The proposal, I accept it.

:･⚜️⊹.️

He left like that. Now the boy’s voice no longer echoed in the world. It could not be heard from anywhere. On the streets of Gyeongseong where he used to come and go, his traces had been cleanly swept away. People walked busily as if no one cared about his absence. The winter air, which had grown significantly colder, was transparent. Sunlight shone sweetly on the streets, as if there had never been a need for him to be here.

For a long time, Jae Eunho could not eat jajangmyeon, and he was grateful for the rapid changes in a world where rickshaws were disappearing.

However, Jae Eunho did not erase Jang Hwonwoo from his memory. Instead of fulfilling his final wish, he steeled his heart and burned the film.

The reason he destroyed the only remaining record of Jang Hwonwoo’s living, moving self was to survive. He felt that if he kept it, he would screen it every evening, and if he did that, he would become weak. Because he had promised not to discard him, he had to burn it away. It sounded like a contradiction, but he was sincere.

A body with the connection to Sa Hwelju remaining. Within it, every moment he had breathed with him remained eternally. The commonality they had known subconsciously, the spark of a shabby desire for a life abandoned without family or a shield… it slowly awakened. A few days later, Jae Eunho began to act as a secret intelligence agent for the royal family.

One day, much later, Eunho received permission from the King and left Sadong Palace disguised as a palace caretaker. It was his first outing in several years. It was because of the news that the Sashimcheon mansion was soon to be demolished.

The mansion, awaiting demolition, was empty. The wood, broken in places, gave off a desolate atmosphere.

Jae Eunho slowly flung the doors open. On the path past the courtyard toward the inner quarters, a large silhouette shimmered behind a plum tree. Judging by the build and the gait, it was Jang Hwonwoo. Seeing the face suddenly poking out from beside the tree, he felt as if his chest were being stepped on heavily.

Ah… it must be an illusion. The noon sun must be so strong that a lingering image of the tree remained in his eyes. He blinked a few times and looked at the spot again, but he was still standing by the plum tree.

It seems he has returned from a mission. His breath is a bit rough, as if he just arrived. However, far from being tired, he had a lively expression. Jang Hwonwoo took off his military cap and gave a deep bow.

“I’m home.”

“Right. You got more tanned during this mission.”

“Do you dislike it?”

Grinning, Jang Hwonwoo passed by Jae Eunho. Eunho shifted his body slightly to clear the way. Entering the inner quarters, he soon disappeared from sight. The sensation of him brushing past still remained on his arm. Softly caressing his arm, Jae Eunho walked toward the empty inner quarters. There was no one inside the room where the door had fallen off.

Sensing a presence suddenly, Jae Eunho turned his head toward the veranda. A ten-year-old boy was watching the rain falling from the eaves.

Jae Eunho locked eyes for a long time with the boy who had appeared abruptly. In the boy’s black eyes, he could see the deep night sky. The light that had spread from beyond his physical body on the night they danced the waltz was there.

I know it now. That day I discovered you under the eaves, you were waiting for me. And I was waiting for you.

It was just as the ten-year-old boy sitting on the veranda was about to speak. Eunho walked slowly toward him and said:

“I know, my hands are exceptionally pretty.”

As if he had been waiting for this moment, the boy crinkled his eyes and laughed. The eyes of the two met again. Crackle, something burned away inside their pupils. When something that had been crackling and wavering between their gazes suddenly burst, only the lingering image of flames remained, sparkling before his eyes.

The veranda, where the sunlight lay across, was empty. Jae Eunho, who had taken off his coat and hung it over his arm, walked over lingeringly and sat down on that spot. As he tilted his head toward the sky, he squeezed his eyes shut against the strong light.

“Can you see? I am here. Visit me whenever you want.”

Several butterflies flew up over the eaves with powerful wingbeats. Light purple and white butterflies mixed together and flew high. While warm sunlight poured down from the sky touched by the fluttering wings, a faint smile spread across the face of the eyes-closed Jae Eunho.