Actually, It’s a Messy Melodrama Chapter 42

“Are you feeling a bit better?”

“Yes. I’m completely fine now. Um… I caused so much trouble as soon as I got here. I’m truly sorry.”

Haeshin bowed his waist and offered a polite apology. Taejun frowned. He wasn’t wrong. Taejun had shown him goodwill and brought him home, only for him to have a seizure and faint on the first day, and then even get sick, completely draining him. The expression ‘trouble’ was a perfect fit.

But Taejun didn’t like that word. He knew the situation couldn’t be helped, yet Haeshin’s subservient attitude grated on him. He was also displeased with Haeshin’s position of having to apologize despite knowing that Taejun had suffered almost no actual loss.

“It’s not something you need to apologize for. I was the one who told you to come to this house.”

“Still. Thank you so much for taking care of me in various ways. It seems you also spoke to my workplace…”

“I didn’t do it, Secretary Choi did.”

“Ah, I see. But wasn’t it you, sir, who instructed him to do so?”

At Haeshin’s question, Taejun didn’t give a clear answer and just cleared his throat.

There was no need to explain that it was Secretary Choi who had snatched the phone from Taejun, who had answered a call meant for Haeshin and bluntly announced, “Mr. Cha Haeshin will not be coming to work, so be informed”, and then explained the whole situation and handled it so Haeshin wouldn’t face any difficulties.

“Well, anyway. What I’m saying is don’t worry about it, since you haven’t really caused me any trouble.”

“Yes. Thank you.”

Haeshin bowed his head once more to express his gratitude.

To be honest, Taejun was uncomfortable with his thanks. No, beyond uncomfortable, he felt guilty. It was because of certain assumptions that had been tormenting Taejun all day.

Taejun had thought a lot about Cha Haeshin today. The image of Cha Haeshin asking if he was dead, then sighing in relief that he wasn’t dead yet, wouldn’t leave his mind.

He probably had a strange dream. On top of that, he was running a fever, so he must have been talking nonsense, not fully awake from his sleep. It didn’t require any further explanation. Taejun knew that too.

But strangely, Taejun’s mind kept searching for other reasons. Reasons that were absurd, with slim possibilities, what amounted to nothing more than bullshit.

Taejun had formed a hypothesis regarding his own indiscriminate regressions. For some unknown reason, the world was endlessly rewinding time, and while he should have lost his memories like everyone else and been unaware of the time regression, perhaps by some coincidence, he had become an anomalous existence.

It was a hypothesis created because there was no other way to explain such a haphazard regression if not for a coincidental reason. And this hypothesis only deepened Taejun’s sense of powerlessness. If this hypothesis was true, it meant Taejun was suffering through this pointless hardship for no reason, no purpose, simply due to bad luck.

But at that moment, upon hearing Cha Haeshin’s words today, a thought suddenly occurred to him. If he was an anomalous existence in this broken world, could there be only one such existence? Among the countless humans, wouldn’t it be more illogical for him to be the one and only?

Once that floodgate opened, the subtle sense of incongruity he had felt from Cha Haeshin until now flashed through his mind like a revolving lantern. The moments he seemed to be acting for some reason, his ambiguous words, Cha Haeshin’s attitude towards Jin Youngmin that couldn’t be clearly explained, and even his words from last night about not being dead yet.

If Cha Haeshin was also an anomalous existence like himself, and thus retained his memories of the regressions, it could resolve some of the questions Taejun currently had.

Once his thoughts reached that point, Taejun’s heart began to race uncontrollably. He knew it was an assumption that wasn’t certain and was, in fact, more likely to be untrue, but a thrill washed over him just from the emergence of a new possibility.

It felt like finding another person for the first time after drifting alone in the vast, open sea. It didn’t matter if Cha Haeshin couldn’t be any kind of answer or offer any help in ending this apocalypse.

If he could just pour out his utterly desolate and lonely feelings and find a way forward together, that would be enough. So Taejun honestly hoped that Cha Haeshin was such an existence, that he would become such an existence.

But right now, facing Cha Haeshin, Taejun felt self-loathing. He was even disgusted with himself for wishing for something like that while looking at a sick person.

Taejun’s life was peaceful by any measure. No, it was a life anyone would envy. The situation of constantly regressing was difficult in itself, but no matter which point in his life he regressed to, Taejun could always enjoy a relaxed and comfortable life.

Then what about Cha Haeshin? His life was stained with misfortune throughout. Separate from Cha Haeshin’s positive and spirited way of overcoming life, his life was truly turbulent.

What if such a Cha Haeshin was repeating regressions like himself, and held onto those memories intact? What if he had to repeat that time, helpless, despite already knowing the misfortunes that would occur in the future?

Being beaten daily by his drunk father, using that experience to work in a bar and pay off loan sharks, his mother getting cancer, and being exposed to even more horrific crimes after marrying Jin Youngmin.

If he had to keep reliving any point of this life, what kind of person on earth could endure such pain?

He felt suffocated just imagining it. It was so horrific that he felt like he was committing a sin against Haeshin just by making such an assumption. And yet, Taejun had wished for Cha Haeshin to live such a life solely for his own pathetic comfort.

Lost in his chaotic thoughts, Taejun stood up from the sofa and walked. Approaching until he was right in front of Haeshin, Taejun slowly raised his hand.

Haeshin, without realizing it, clenched both his fists tightly. The large hand of the man approaching before his eyes had always been an object of fear, but Haeshin didn’t avoid it and endured. He could endure it because the man before him wasn’t his father, nor Jin Youngmin, but Han Taejun.

Presently, Taejun’s hand gently covered Haeshin’s forehead.

“You still have a fever.”

Taejun’s voice sounded almost like a whisper. The distance between them was excessively close.

“This much is…… okay.”

“Is that so?”

With a meaningless question in return, Taejun’s hand, which had been covering his forehead, slowly moved down and this time cupped his cheek. He looked fine now, but Taejun remembered his red, swollen cheek.

Heat rose at his fingertips as they caressed the skin. Haeshin’s gaze, meeting his directly without avoiding it, stirred Taejun’s emotions even more.

What was this feeling? Sympathy, guilt, pity, self-loathing, responsibility, desperation, a competitive spirit, earnest longing. The colors of countless emotions were mixed in a dizzying whirl, and Taejun couldn’t quite discern the color of his own heart.

However, one thing was certain: Han Taejun wished for Cha Haeshin to be even a little less unhappy.

In the tidal wave of emotions that couldn’t be defined by a single word, Taejun impulsively opened his mouth.

“Have you ever…… died before?”

At the absurd question, Haeshin’s eyes widened. Staring into Haeshin’s violently trembling pupils, Han Taejun continued.

“Have you never…… been dead?”

The reason he’d bothered to spit out a question that would surely get him called a madman was, in the end, because of that feeling.

He had already discarded the selfish desire for Haeshin to be in the same situation as him, but if by some small chance Haeshin was going through the same thing, he hoped that at least he wouldn’t be lonely. He hoped he would no longer feel that he was alone. That was why he wished for Cha Haeshin to be less unhappy.

Haeshin, his wide eyes blinking rapidly, answered.

“What kind of question is that……?”

“Is my question strange?”

“Yes. Asking if I’ve ever died…… the question is strange, isn’t it?”

Haeshin’s voice was perfectly natural. Taejun thought that very point was suspicious. Anyone would be flabbergasted to hear such bullshit, so if someone remained calm, what could be a more suspicious reaction than that?

“You were the one who said it first.”

“I did?”

“Yes. You asked if perhaps you had died, and then you seemed relieved, saying you weren’t dead yet.”

“When……”

“This morning, when you briefly woke up.”

“Ah……”

Only then could Haeshin understand the situation a little. It seemed he had said something strange in a half-asleep state.

Haeshin consciously let out a small laugh and tried to bow his head. It was an attempt to appear natural. But he couldn’t lower his head because Taejun tightened his grip on his cheek. Still holding eye contact, Haeshin answered.

“Honestly, I don’t remember saying that…… I must have been dreaming.”

“Is that so?”

“Yes. It’s something that doesn’t make sense, logically.”

“Right. It doesn’t.”

Taejun mocked himself. He was the one experiencing something that didn’t make sense, logically.

“I know, too. I know, but……”

“Sir……?”

“It’s just, what I mean is, what I mean is that I……”

Taejun, unlike his usual self, stuttered. The impulse to confess everything refreshingy and the reason that stopped that impulse, telling him he shouldn’t, fought fiercely.

If Haeshin was going through the same thing as him, the right thing to do would be to confess and join forces. But if not, then Taejun would just be adding another burden to Haeshin, who was already carrying a heavy load.

That wasn’t the only problem. If he wasn’t careful, the trust he had painstakingly built could crumble.

Haeshin had already rejected Jin Youngmin’s goodwill. This meant he wasn’t the type of person to intentionally approach people with money. But if Taejun started spouting things about regression and whatnot here, he might reject Taejun’s goodwill as well. After all, it’s best not to get involved with a crazy person.