Actually, It’s a Messy Melodrama Chapter 46

“I don’t know how you’ll take this, but I’m living in hell right now.”

“……”

“I know it might sound obnoxious. You might think it’s not something I should say in front of you.”

Taejun knew exactly how his words would sound to others. To someone, the hell described by a person born with everything in his hands, who had likely never known pain or hardship his entire life, would sound like a mockery.

The only reason he was saying this, despite knowing that, was one thing. He wanted to alleviate Cha Haeshin’s sense of debt. He didn’t want him to feel the burden of receiving baseless kindness and pity, or the anxiety that came from it.

“I don’t think that.”

At Haeshin’s subsequent reply, Taejun smiled. A considerable amount of time had passed since they’d come out to the garden, and his body was getting colder, but Taejun didn’t dislike the sensation.

It was only after meeting Cha Haeshin that Taejun learned that winter was originally such a cold season.

“I knew I was trapped in hell, but I didn’t know how to escape, so I’d been wandering for quite a long time. Long enough to want to just give up.”

It was at that moment that Haeshin raised his gaze and looked directly at Taejun. The hell Taejun was talking about felt strangely familiar. Because Haeshin had been the same. Because he had been struggling inside a curse that he couldn’t find a way to break.

“And then I met you….”

And then Haeshin met Han Taejun and, with the desperation of clutching at straws, jumped into his life.

“I don’t know. I don’t know if you’re really the answer I’ve been looking for… but anyway, thanks to you, this hell seems to have gotten a little more interesting.”

And now, Haeshin was slowly finding hope within the shackles of the curse. As if possessed, Haeshin opened his mouth.

“Do I make… your hell… a little more bearable?”

“Yes. That’s right. That’s why I’m helping you. Because I want you, the pitiful you, to live and continue to make my hell bearable.”

“Live….”

“Yes. Live, don’t die.”

Live, don’t die. The moment he uttered those words, Taejun unknowingly clenched his fists. Could Haeshin even begin to guess the meaning of these words?

I’d rather you not know. I’d rather I be the only one rotting in this terrible hell. But if Cha Haeshin is also living in hell, I hope he doesn’t give up and we can find a way together.

A biting cold wind blew. The two sat in the middle of the night where the light had already faded, facing the wind in silence for a long time. Just the two of them.

☂️

“Hey, why are you telling me that now!”

The quiet and peaceful atmosphere was shattered the moment the two of them entered the house. The spark was Haeshin’s passing comment, ‘By the way, the director came to see me today.’ Haeshin, who hadn’t expected Taejun to react so violently, was startled and his eyes widened in protest.

“Well, I didn’t have a chance to tell you, did I?”

“You should have contacted me the moment Jin Youngmin showed up!”

“Ah….”

“Ah? A-ah?”

Taejun couldn’t hide his bewilderment at Haeshin’s dazed response, as if it were someone else’s business, when his own heart had sunk the moment he heard Jin Youngmin’s name. Only then did Haeshin open his mouth with a slightly sheepish expression.

“Well, I was really flustered too, and he left so quickly….”

In truth, it wasn’t that Haeshin hadn’t thought of Han Taejun, but at the time, his mind was too complicated with too many things to think about. Of course, there was no need to explain to Taejun in detail what those worries were.

“So what did he say? Did he… are you, what, are you hurt anywhere?”

At that, Taejun moved closer to Haeshin and asked, looking him over. He was afraid there might have been a physical threat. And this time too, Haeshin could feel Taejun’s worry in its entirety.

Haeshin flinched slightly. He knew it was out of concern, but Taejun’s overly sharp gaze felt strangely embarrassing and shy.

“I’m not hurt. The director didn’t act threateningly either.”

“Stop calling him ‘Director’ all the time. It’s annoying.”

Taejun grumbled like a whining child. It was a completely different image from the mature person who had comforted Haeshin in the garden just a moment ago, but strangely, Haeshin didn’t find that image bad at all.

Haeshin tried hard to suppress a smile and asked.

“Then what should I call him? That bastard Jin Youngmin?”

This time, Taejun looked blank for a moment before bursting into laughter.

“That’s good. It’s long, so maybe shorten it and just call him ‘son of a bitch’.”

“There’s something I’m curious about, can I ask?”

“What is it.”

“Why do you dislike Direct—… Jin Youngmin, sir?”

It was a pure curiosity. Haeshin had a clear reason to dislike Jin Youngmin, but Taejun didn’t. As far as Haeshin knew, the two of them were on rather good terms. That’s why Taejun had personally gotten permission for Youngmin and Haeshin’s marriage, which everyone else had opposed, wasn’t it?

“It’s just that… it’s not simply to help me, I feel like you don’t like Jin Youngmin much either, sir. It might just be my own feeling, though.”

At Haeshin’s question, Taejun fell silent for a moment. There were countless reasons why he disliked Jin Youngmin.

The fact that he acted docile in front of him but turned out to be a crazy perverted psycho, the fact that he had killed Cha Haeshin several times right before his eyes, and the infuriating and disgusting fact that he must have tormented Cha Haeshin even more, and for longer, where he couldn’t see. Naturally, these were reasons he couldn’t be honest about.

“…I never liked that bastard in the first place.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I have a pretty sharp eye for people.”

“I see….”

Haeshin nodded for the time being. Honestly, he didn’t quite understand. If so, did Taejun initially approve of his marriage to Youngmin with ill intentions? To further lower Jin Youngmin’s position within the family?

But even before Youngmin got married, the difference in status between Taejun and Youngmin was like heaven and earth. He wasn’t even at a level to be considered a rival. Above all, Han Taejun didn’t seem like the type of person to use marriage as a scheme to suppress someone.

“Anyway, so I’ve been thinking….”

It was Taejun’s somewhat excited voice that stopped Haeshin’s deepening confusion.

“Sit down.”

Taejun took off his overcoat, sat on the sofa, and called Haeshin over to his side. Wondering what he was about to say, Haeshin sat down next to Taejun with a slight sense of unease and an even greater sense of anticipation. Taejun’s eyes, as they carefully met his, were sparkling.

“Cha Haeshin.”

“Yes.”

“How about we go out.”

Silence fell. At the completely unexpected proposal, Haeshin couldn’t even manage a dumbfounded reply and just blinked his eyes.

“What are you talking about?”

And this was what he managed to spit out after a long pause. For someone whose life was practically in his hands, it was a rather impertinent tone, but for Haeshin, it was a desperate attempt at being polite. He had almost said, ‘What kind of nonsense are you talking about?’.

Taejun smirked as if he had expected Haeshin’s reaction. Haeshin, after calming his surprised heart for a moment, this time opened his mouth politely again.

“What do you mean, sir?”

“Literally. I’m going to tell Jin Youngmin that you and I are seeing each other, so he shouldn’t dare to covet you.”

“Ah….”

“And if he still dares to make a move on you after that.”

Dares.

The moment that word came out of Taejun’s mouth, Haeshin trembled at the tingling sensation in his fingertips.

The power Haeshin had so desperately wanted was right here. The power to make Jin Youngmin unable to even breathe freely, just as he had done to him for the past several years.

Facing Haeshin’s dazed face, Taejun smiled with a confident expression.

“Then I can step in confidently, can’t I?”

“……”

“If I’m your lover.”

Haeshin felt dizzy. Every single word Taejun said was making his head spin.

It wasn’t that he didn’t understand what he was saying. Fundamentally, it was a plausible idea. But just because it was a plausible idea didn’t mean it wasn’t strange.

“No, so, sir, I don’t understand.”

“Yeah.”

“To protect me… you’re going to pretend to be my lover?”

“Yeah.”

“That… of course, I’m not going to go around blabbing about it, but if you say that to Jin Youngmin… you know that word could spread to the Chairman and others, right?”

“I know, of course.”

Taejun nodded nonchalantly. His face seemed to be asking what the problem was. As the conversation continued, Haeshin was flabbergasted.

“Are you really going to go that far for me?”

“Did you think I was joking when I said I would help you?”

“That’s not it, but….”

Haeshin was at a loss for words. He thought it was an excessive measure for a simple act of goodwill, but then his heart grew heavy as he remembered what Taejun had said earlier.

The words that he had made Han Taejun’s hell a little more bearable.

He would have been less emotionally conflicted if Taejun had simply confessed. If he had said he’d come to like him and therefore wanted to protect him, he would have clearly drawn a line and said it was a misunderstanding, but at least there would have been no confusion about what that feeling was.

But Haeshin was someone who knew better than anyone what it felt like to live in hell, what it felt like to struggle desperately not to give up. To such a person, Haeshin couldn’t bring himself to put up a wall.

Because while Haeshin himself was using Han Taejun for a less miserable and less painful life, telling Taejun not to do the same would be a terribly selfish act.