Mother Tape Chapter 12.2 - extra 1

“But it was a really pretty snake. I thought it was cute.”

“Isn’t that a daughter?”

“A daughter?”

Jaekwon asked back at Hwang Gujo’s quite serious question.

However, after pondering for a moment, he shook his head.

“I will know when it comes out. Until then, I am not going to think about anything. I am so nervous I am going to go crazy.”

Letting out a short, sharp sigh, Jaekwon opened the door he was holding.

Inside was Wisoo, who had tied his hair up like a sparrow’s tail, having put off his hair salon appointment day after day. The adorably short ponytail swayed with Wisoo’s movements.

“Aigoo… So young, so young.”

At that sight, Hwang Gujo let out a lament and glared at Jaekwon.

To be honest, Jaekwon had no excuse either. Especially since he had remembered his first meeting with Wisoo.

Leaving Jaekwon behind, Hwang Gujo opened his arms like a true big brother and called out to Wisoo.

“Mr. Seon Wisoo!”

Wisoo, who had been playing a hidden picture game on a large tablet PC, lifted his head. Seeing the two men who were as big as doors standing by the entrance, Wisoo smiled brightly.

A child is having a child.

That was Jaekwon’s impression, which had finally slipped out.

❖ ❖ ❖

Although there was a guardian’s bed, thanks to Wisoo pulling him, Jaekwon had to lie down together with Wisoo.

“Are you really not worried at all?”

“I am not thinking about anything.”

Wisoo answered, staring blankly at the ceiling.

Jaekwon hummed, then followed Wisoo’s gaze.

“Do you see something?”

“No. I do not see anything. Oh, right… What happened to Mr. Kwak Jaekyung?”

Wisoo had said that when Kwak Jaekyung was strangling him, he had relived the experience of being possessed as if in a delirium. Jaekwon had lied, saying that Wisoo had simply sleepwalked to the rooftop and that no one had trespassed upon his body. It was under the sophistry that it is not a lie if you are not caught, and that there was no one to tell him the truth.

But it became true that there was no one left to tell him. Because Kwak Jaekyung was not in a state to speak, at least for now.

“It is just the same, you know. The shock was one thing, but the treatment was also late.”

Jaekwon thought of Kwak Jaekyung, lying there without waking up, and who would need very long-term rehabilitation even if he did wake up. The company he had built was shattered to pieces, and the decent actors among them left that company and were absorbed into a new agency established with Jaekwon’s support. The movie was unfortunately canceled, and as a gesture of sincere apology, Jaekwon prepared everything for the director and production staff to start their next project right away, so that their risks could be minimized as much as possible.

“You suddenly thought of it because you are in the hospital, right? Not because you miss him or anything?”

“Why would I miss Mr. Kwak Jaekyung.”

Wisoo flared up, insisting it was absolutely not the case. At the admirable reaction, Jaekwon patted Wisoo’s chest.

Even if he said he was not worried or nervous, it was possible that tension had built up in his body without him realizing. The fact that Wisoo, who usually fell asleep the moment his head hit the pillow, could not seem to fall asleep at all was proof of that.

“That is right. You do not want to see Kwak Jaekyung, and there is no way Kwak Jaekyung or Jung Taegyu will come, so it is okay to stop being scared now.”

At those words, Wisoo hesitated before asking.

“I am not scared of the surgery, but I am scared of not waking up.”

“Me too. So do not oversleep, you must wake up.”

“I am also scared that Mr. Kwak Jaekwon might go somewhere while my eyes are closed.”

“Where would I go. Should I entrust you with my wallet and phone, too?”

“As long as it is not that, I am really fine.”

Jaekwon found Wisoo, who answered so bravely, to be truly cute.

When he pulled Wisoo’s plumply swollen feet and pressed them firmly, Wisoo opened his mouth and laughed, saying it was ticklish. He had thought his body was sensitive, and indeed, he was very ticklish.

Making himself comfortable, he pulled Wisoo’s legs onto his lap and massaged them gently.

“Mr. Seon Wisoo has to take responsibility. For changing my taste and giving me a fetish I did not have.”

“A fetish?”

“I used to have no interest in other people’s hands and feet, but now I have come to like them so much.”

“Um… No. Mr. Kwak Jaekwon, you are already quite a pervert anyway, so I do not think you can say it is my fault just because you suddenly developed a new taste.”

Jaekwon’s eyebrow cocked sideways.

“Ah, I did not know you thought of me as a pervert.”

“There cannot be eight billion people who enjoy spanking and tying up someone else’s butt….”

“That is right. I am a rather rare pervert. But Mr. Seon Wisoo, who likes that, is an even rarer pervert. And I like that.”

Jaekwon’s long finger slid perfectly into the groove between Wisoo’s big toes and pressed firmly on the top of his foot.

Wisoo looked at the shining ring on that hand and recalled the day they went to the district office to submit the documents. It was after he had his resident registration restored and had his identification card made. He could not describe how thrilling those simple words were, ‘Could you please show me your ID?’—words that other people must have heard tens, hundreds of times.

As he held out the brand new, shiny card, Wisoo almost cried disgracefully. It was a good thing that Jaekwon grabbed his shoulder, which was trembling from a churning stomach, and joked with him.

‘You know this is non-cancellable once you submit it, right?’

Jaekwon had smiled like a villain and pointed to the red letters on the wall. It said, Non-cancellable.

‘Even if you change your mind, a trace of me will remain on Mr. Seon Wisoo. Even if you dump me, I will remain as your ex-husband. And Mr. Seon Wisoo will become a person with the most persistent ex-husband and ex-boyfriend in the world.’

He did not know why those words were so exciting instead of scary. Thanks to that, he was able to finish the paperwork in high spirits. The box for heterodite, check. Name, check. Resident registration number, check. And even the signature.

And on their way out, they each had a cup of Dippin’ Dots. An autumn rain was drizzling that day. Even so, Wisoo liked it better than a bright sunny day.

So, actually… I do not have any more lingering feelings….

“You know.”

Jaekwon, who was pressing Wisoo’s feet, began speaking in a casual tone.

“Ever since Mr. Seon Wisoo said he would take away my fears, I stopped having dreams, and even if I do, I forget them all as soon as I wake up.”

“……”

“So if Mr. Seon Wisoo disappears, no matter how much I miss you, I cannot even see you in my dreams, and even if I do, I will forget.”

Jaekwon grabbed Wisoo’s ankle, lifted it, and kissed the dry top of his foot. In that position, he only turned his gaze to look at Wisoo.

“You cannot leave me.”

“……”

“This time, Mr. Seon Wisoo has to come looking for me.”

In the case of male omegas, the risk during childbirth doubles. Jaekwon had thoroughly read all sorts of papers and case studies. The more he knew, the more his confidence should have grown, but instead, only his fear grew.

Wisoo was not afraid. It seemed that his share of fear had come to him as well.

But truly, to the point of desperation, Jaekwon was terrified.

Wisoo stretched out his arms. Jaekwon let himself be held in an embrace that was barely half his own size.

❖ ❖ ❖

On the day of the surgery, Seon Wisoo and his guardian and dependant, Kwak Jaekwon, both signed the surgical consent forms. Jaekwon smiled and waved at Wisoo until the operating room door was completely closed. And as soon as the door closed, he found it unbearable that time was not flying by like crazy.

Making a mockery of having quit smoking cold turkey, he bought a pack and chain-smoked as soon as he tore open the plastic. Hwang Gujo, next to him, told him not to be too anxious, but as the surgery time grew longer, he also started shaking his leg and smoking with him.

In the end, they had to buy a second pack.

Fortunately, before they could finish the second pack, Wisoo’s surgery was over. The doctor came out first and, smiling at Jaekwon who had become noticeably gaunt in those few hours, said.

“It’s a princess.”

“Woah! A daughter! Hey, Jaekwon-ah! It’s a daughter, she says!”

Hwang Gujo, who had a strong fantasy about having a daughter, shouted with joy as if it were his own business. Anyone seeing him would have thought he was the father.

Jaekwon, with his disheveled hair, asked.

“What about Wisoo? Is he okay?”

“The surgery went very well. There were no adhesions with other internal organs, and the baby’s home is a little smaller than average, but it is not a problem.”

“So he is healthy, and there will be no problems.”

The doctor soon said, “Ah,” and then corrected himself to speak clearly.

“Yes. He just needs to wake up from the anesthesia.”

Only then did Jaekwon sink into a chair. He had not sat down even once during the entire surgery.

“Haaa….”

Jaekwon, sweeping his hair back, let out a deep sigh and offered his thanks, “Thank you. You worked hard.”

Hwang Gujo also sat down next to him. If he had been worried that Kwak Jaekwon might commit suicide out of a sense of emptiness when Kwak Bonyoung died, this time he had thought he might really just jump off the hospital rooftop.

“Now, why don’t you be a little happy that the princess has arrived?”

“Uh-huh. I am happy.”

“Look at that reaction.”

“I am happy, but….”

Jaekwon finally shot up to his feet.

“I need to go see Wisoo first.”

Jaekwon, murmuring as if possessed, walked as if he were running with his long legs before Hwang Gujo could even stop him.

❖ ❖ ❖

I guess it is separation anxiety.

Jaekwon readily admitted it.

In the recovery room, after Wisoo was moved to a hospital room, Jaekwon was smiling brightly while constantly talking to him to keep him from falling back asleep.

It was definitely a completely different atmosphere from just a little while ago.

“You cannot sleep.”

“…A snake. There was a snake.”

“A snake? Did you dream?”

“No. Mr. Kwak Jaekwon… you talked about a snake.”

Wisoo whined, frowning with his almost-closed eyes.

“How… could you say… such a thing? A snake….”

“But are you saying I did not dream what I dreamt? I told you. I cannot remember any of my dreams. But since that one clearly comes to mind, it must be a conception dream for the baby.”

“Nooo… there are so many other things.”

“I liked it, though.”

“Really… so insensitive….”

Wisoo was getting irritated. Finding that fascinating and funny, Jaekwon had already taken out his phone and was recording a video.

“Uh-oh, you cannot sleep.”

“Ah… you are annoying right now….”

“Me? I am annoying? Wow, should I cry?”

“You are not a baby….”

“Mr. Seon Wisoo, who am I.”

With his hazy eyes, Wisoo tried to look at Jaekwon. His brow was deeply furrowed from trying to focus.

“…Who else would you be….”

“Uh-huh. I am Mr. Seon Wisoo’s husband. Who am I. What is my name.”

“Gwa… Mr. Jaekwon….”

“What? Gwa? Who the hell is that. Say it again.”

Overcome by an unbearable sleepiness, Wisoo was extremely annoyed. He was sad that he was being kept from sleeping when he wanted to.

“Ah, Mr. Kwak Jaekwon….”

Jaekwon covered his smiling lips with his fist, then fulfilled his own selfish desire in a feigned strict voice. This was for Wisoo’s own good anyway. He had to stay awake. There was a proper justification, too.

“Say, Jaekwon-ie hyung.”

At Jaekwon’s subtle and gentle tone, Wisoo, who was nodding off, mumbled.

It was hard to hear. Jaekwon pushed his phone closer and urged him again.

“Hm? What was that? Jaekwon-ie… what?”

“Jae…kwon-ie hyung….”

It was so cute it was beyond words. Jaekwon, smiling so widely that Hwang Gujo would have said his mouth was about to rip at the corners, poked Wisoo’s cheek with his index finger.

“Just one more time.”

“…Jaekwon…ie hyung.”

Like that, Jaekwon completely fulfilled his selfish desires until Wisoo was finally almost awake from the anesthesia, and when Wisoo came to his senses a little, he pretended not to know anything and even backed up the roughly 15-minute video to his drive.

❖ ❖ ❖

Five fingers, five toes. One nose, one eye, two ears, one mouth.

Jaekwon and Wisoo’s second generation was smacking her lips in an incubator, receiving the gazes of one uncle with no blood relation, and her two fathers.

“Aigoo, look at that tiny thing.”

Hwang Gujo, grinning from ear to ear, continuously took pictures with his camera.

Recently, Hwang Gujo had said he was preparing to be baptized. His will to become a godfather was truly strong. He does not have to receive it, does he, Jaekwon thought to himself. It was because he found it amusing to watch Hwang Gujo suffer while memorizing prayers in Korean.

“She can go home in a month and a half, right? What am I going to do. I cannot leave because she is on my mind.”

Wisoo, his face pressed against the glass as if he would go over it, nodded.

“She is really cute, right? Like a doll.”

“Isn’t it amazing? She is Mr. Seon Wisoo’s daughter.”

“I was just sleeping and then I woke up, so I do not know… but I know that she is pretty.”

“They say her body is a bit small, but while she is in the incubator, her weight and height are expected to grow to the average.”

Jaekwon said, his gaze fixed on Wisoo who was looking at the baby beside him.

“But she does not have a name?”

Hwang Gujo asked, pointing at the name tag that only had Kwak Jaekwon, Seon Wisoo written on it.

“You have not named her?”

“Not yet. I have a lot to think about.”

“I said we should go with Strawberry. Or Lemon.”

“Are you kidding?”

“No way!”

Hwang Gujo and Wisoo shouted at the same time.

Jaekwon, who had been leaning against the glass with his arms crossed, had his eyes widen into circles at the sight of their alliance.

“This will not do. Mr. Seon Wisoo, that guy originally has the worst naming sense. I am counting only on Mr. Seon Wisoo.”

“…I did not know there was something Mr. Kwak Jaekwon could not do either. Or perhaps… you are just not being sincere.”

“Oh? Am I the villain now?”

Wisoo, who usually exuded a gaze that said, ‘I like everything Mr. Kwak Jaekwon does,’ ‘I like Mr. Kwak Jaekwon,’ ‘I like you from head to toe,’ stubbornly looked away this time.

Letting out a hollow laugh, Jaekwon turned his head towards the other side of the glass.

Strawberry or Lemon… She looks so cute and sweet-and-sour that such words would fit her perfectly.

Jaekwon’s affection was unfortunately vetoed.

❖ ❖ ❖

“You are still up, what are you doing?”

The distribution line Hwang Gujo was in charge of was aiming to be listed on the stock market next year. Jaekwon, who had come in late at night after participating in a financial strategy meeting to prepare for the first quarter, asked as soon as he entered the hospital room.

“Just a moment. I will go wash up.”

Before going to hug Wisoo, Jaekwon held up both hands and headed for the bathroom.

Jaekwon, who had washed up with the door open, came out and offered a late reunion greeting.

“Good evening. Did you have a good meal?”

“Yes. Did you have a good outing?”

“Me? It was boring.”

Wisoo sat Jaekwon down on the guardian’s bed and started drying his hair with a towel. It was something he had learned from Jaekwon, so his touch was quite skillful.

Even so, Jaekwon was concerned because the expression on Wisoo’s face reflected in the mirror across from them was quite serious.

“What are you worrying about so much.”

“Ah… I was thinking about a name.”

“I said let’s pick one together.”

“……”

“So this is what betrayal feels like. It cuts deep.”

“I feel betrayed too… How could you say Strawberry or Lemon…. It is so insincere.”

“It is because they are flavors that both Mr. Seon Wisoo and I like.”

“…Mr. Kwak Jaekwon, you have no sense.”

Dumbfounded, Jaekwon soon burst into laughter.

He turned his body, placed his arm on Wisoo’s thigh, and snatched the towel from his hand, tossing it beside him.

“I told you the meeting was boring. So I kept thinking about other things. I thought I would fall asleep otherwise.”

“Yes.”

“While I was doing that, I thought of a few. Do you know the Sahara Desert?”

“I know it. Isn’t it the biggest desert in the world?”

“It is an unknown desert, and it is the biggest, scariest, and most powerful place in the world.”

Jaekwon thought that it being a land of death was purely from a human’s perspective. From the desert’s point of view, it was closer to an undying land that does not permit intrusion.

“I thought of the name Saha, too.”

“…Kwak Saha.”

Wisoo murmured. The name was pretty. The sound was nice, too.

“In Chinese characters, ‘sa’ can mean snake, I heard. Though I would not use the Chinese character for snake. Ah, this was the limit of my brain. No matter how much I racked my brain, this is all I could come up with. Do you know that Mr. Seon Wisoo and the baby are the only two people in this world who make me feel powerless? I need you to know that.”

“Kwak Saha, Saha….”

Unlike Jaekwon’s worries, the name rolled off the tongue as if she had been born with it from the start. The last name Kwak was not common and had a strong sound, making it difficult to find a name, but it went well with the name’s relatively soft sound.

“Think about it. Of course, I would prefer to choose it together, and since you say my sense is terrible, another name is fine too.”

Jaekwon pulled Wisoo and had him lean against the backrest cushion.

Because he had been so adamant about sleeping separately until the stitches were removed, Wisoo could not bring Jaekwon onto his bed. Instead, they would lie down, one person with his hand down and the other with his hand up, and fall asleep holding hands.

Wisoo, holding his hand, stared at the black ceiling and pondered for a long time. And before dawn, in the early morning, he shook Jaekwon awake.

“Mmm….”

“Saha.”

“…You did not sleep?”

“I want to go with Saha.”

“Oh… really?”

“Yes.”

Wisoo, whose eyes were sparkling from staying up all night, nodded firmly.

“Kwak Saha.”

Before Wisoo’s eyes, a desert that looked like vast gold unfolded. A quiet and strong land that no one could invade, nor could they carelessly harm.

❖ ❖ ❖

“Saha?”

Hwang Gujo, who had come to help with the discharge procedures, widened his eyes.

Wisoo was being discharged, but Saha needed a little more time. Before changing the name tag, he told Hwang Gujo the name first, and he kept asking again and again.

“Saha? Really?”

“Why. Is this one lame too?”

Jaekwon glared, his eyes implying that if he said it was lame, friend or not, he would be reaffirming their friendship with his fists.

“No, the sound is pretty. It just does not seem like a common name.”

“Is being common important? And if she grows up and says she does not like it, I will change it for her. There is no need to live with one name for your whole life, is there?”

It was something he had never heard before in his life. That you do not have to live with one name for your whole life. Hwang Gujo, who had lived his whole life with the single name Hwang Gujo, blinked his eyes in a daze.

“You have an English name too.”

Ah, that is right.

Hwang Gujo immediately corrected the fact.

“Do you like it, Mr. Seon Wisoo?”

“Mr. Wisoo chose it.”

Jaekwon said as he tightly fastened Wisoo’s clothes.

“Is it not pretty? He said it came from the Sahara Desert.”

“The desert? Not the ocean?”

“I like the desert. It is a place that blocks intruders.”

Indeed, it was said that even in ancient Egypt, the desert had blocked many invasions from external forces. Wisoo wanted Saha to become a very strong person. Because there would come a day when both Mr. Kwak Jaekwon and he would no longer be by her side.

Hwang Gujo quickly got used to the name. He even brought several silver necklaces and bracelets engraved with ‘SAHA’, saying it was easy to write in English. The sizes were various, and they were prepared enough to be worn until she was at least five years old.

As for Wisoo and Jaekwon, they waited calmly, just as they did when they were living alone. They were also busy enjoying the late spring. Wisoo saw the cherry blossoms at night and also saw the cherry blossoms during the day. A photo from that time was also placed neatly in Wisoo’s photo album, where he only took pictures of truly precious things.

And that was also shown to the child through the glass on Saha’s visitation days.

Finally, on the day of Saha’s discharge, after saying goodbye to the nurses they had grown fond of, they got on the elevator.

“Why are you so hesitant?”

Saha was in Jaekwon’s arms. Wisoo, however, was somewhat stiff and only looking forward.

“Are you shy?”

“It is not that… She is just so much smaller than I thought….”

She was small even when she was in the incubator. However, he had thought that she would have grown quite a bit by the time she came out. Wisoo, who had never even seen another person’s baby, could not bring himself to touch the child who was much smaller and softer than he had imagined, no, he could not even look at her carelessly.

“Try holding her.”

“What if I drop her….”

“I will be supporting you from underneath.”

The child had come without preparation, even before their relationship was established, so she felt like a child who had appeared ‘poof’ in a single day as if Santa Claus had come and gone. As such, he was scared that she might disappear ‘poof’ in a single day. She was a magical existence.

Overcome with nervousness, Wisoo wet his lips with his tongue and held out his hands. Jaekwon placed Saha in his arms.

A very warm, nutty, and sweet smell came from the baby, who was swaddled in a blanket and sleeping deeply.

“She is heavier than you think, right?”

Jaekwon asked, supporting his hand under Wisoo’s arm.

Just as he said, her presence was much more distinct than he had thought. The weight that wrapped around his arms, the warm body temperature, everything was magic.

“It is really amazing….”

“I feel the same way.”

“Did you… want to have a baby?”

“I had no thoughts of having a child.”

The elevator door opened. For a moment, Wisoo felt his heart drop at that quick answer.

Jaekwon, despite it being late spring and there being no reason for it to be cold even in the underground parking lot, overprotectively guided Wisoo to the car.

“But that is probably because I did not think I would live that long.”

“Why, why did you think that?”

He had seemed perfect from the first time they met, so he naturally thought that such darkness would not exist. More than anything, there were no soot-like marks on his shoulders or feet.

But Jaekwon had something else.

“Because of emptiness.”

Because he felt empty and void, and because an unmaterialized, abstract sense of revenge towards Kwak Bonyoung alone could not guarantee a life past forty, Jaekwon had never lived looking towards the future. He had only ever walked looking one step ahead.

“So the one who gave me a future is Mr. Seon Wisoo.”

Jaekwon said in a very plain manner.

Wisoo, in a daze, got into the passenger seat. Jaekwon, who had been shielding his head with his hand so that it would not hit anything, looked at Wisoo turning back to him and covered his mouth to laugh. It was because, coincidentally, Saha, who had just opened her eyes for a moment, and Wisoo had looked at him at the same time, and their faces were identical.

Jaekwon made a promise, like a scene he had seen in a drama. If anything went wrong with these two, whether it was the bastards who caused it or the world, he would destroy them all and follow them in death.

The future he had never had was, like this, heavier than he thought and warmer than he thought. Just like Wisoo’s impression when he first held Saha.