Come Looking for Flowers Chapter 5.4 - Pneumothorax

“These flowers are truly blessed, don’t you think, Mr. Yoonjo?”

I wonder. Is that truly a blessing.

A being forced to put down its roots here for its entire life, only able to leave after it dies. There was no difference between me and the plants in this garden.

I can only leave this place once I die. It was a conclusion I had recently reached.

He had now reached a state where he couldn’t even sleep properly without the man’s body heat. He was living because he couldn’t die.

He was plagued by nightmares every day, and even with the heating turned up high enough to make him sweat and a thick blanket wrapped around him, his body trembled uncontrollably from the chill. There wasn’t a single place that didn’t hurt, and he suffered from the agony of his insides burning and being crushed.

The breath that was forcibly attached to his dying body seemed on the verge of snapping but never did. It was as if life had been forcefully breathed into a corpse.

His short-trimmed fingernails scratched roughly at his wrist. Scratch scratch. Once it had become a habit, it was not easy to fix. Another indelible scar was drawn over the old ones.

“Oh dear, I told you not to scratch.”

The helper, who had been absorbed in admiring the flowers, rushed over and re-wrapped the bandage that had already slipped down, tying it firmly again. From some point on, a bandage was always wrapped around his scarred wrist.

“Shall we go back in now? I’ll apply some ointment for you when we get inside.”

There was no reply to her question. The helper, who was watching him quietly, asked cautiously.

“Do you want to stay a little longer?”

Yoonjo neither affirmed nor denied it. He simply fiddled with the top of the bandage, as if gnawing at it.

He wants to be alone. The longer they spent together, the more accurately the woman could guess Yoonjo’s thoughts.

The woman hesitated. Should she somehow persuade this sickly young master and take him back to the house, or should she give him the time alone that he wanted?

His starting to come out to the glass garden was due to Director Won’s instructions.

The woman could not forget the first moment she had set foot in this place. Even in this cold winter, this inner space alone was as fresh as spring, filled with verdant, colorful flowers, trees, and grasses.

It was a space that would make most people’s jaws drop, unable to tear their eyes away, yet the sickly young master did not give it a single glance, his face utterly devoid of emotion. He did not show his dislike openly, but she could vaguely tell that he did not like this place.

After a moment of deliberation, the woman clashed his slender hand with both of hers.

“In that case, I will come back in exactly 30 minutes.”

The young master’s gaze met hers for the first time. Reading affirmation in his slightly dark brown eyes, the corners of the helper’s mouth rose in a gentle smile.

“Please rest comfortably. If you need anything, call me right away. You brought your phone, right?”

Nod. His head bobbed slightly. Looking at him, the helper let out a somewhat dry laugh.

There were instructions not to leave him alone, but a short while should be fine. Hoping with all her heart that it would be, the woman slowly got up.

Finally alone, Yoonjo stared blankly up at the ceiling, his expression no different from before. Beyond the transparent glass, a blue sky stretched out.

Slowly, he reached out his hand. Even when he stretched it as far as he could, the sky was out of reach.

His hand, which had been reaching for the sky, dropped with a thud. A bracelet clattered with the movement. Clatter. He fiddled with the large adhesive bandage on his neck out of habit.

A fortnight had already passed since that incident. Nothing had changed. Except for the helper who tried to drag him outside like this, everything was the same.

The hand hidden beneath the sleeve of the thick cardigan trembled slightly. The tremor, which he didn’t know when it had started, had no intention of leaving his body.

He stared blankly at his trembling palm and then hid it completely inside his sleeve. Just because he removed it from his sight didn’t mean the phenomenon would disappear, but like a foolish bird that only hides its head, he was busy just trying to hide it.

“Haaah……”

An exhausted breath trickled out. The scent of flowers he had once found fragrant now just felt like some ordinary smell of grass. It didn’t stir any significant emotion.

The phone in his pocket vibrated around the time there were about 10 minutes left until the helper was supposed to return. His hand moved slowly to pull out the machine that was emitting a low hum.

“……”

Even after seeing the name on the screen, Yoonjo could not bring himself to rashly slide the call button. While his fingertips hesitated, the call ended. Then, the screen lit up again.

He’ll keep calling until I answer. Because that’s the kind of person Won Kangho is. His finger slowly pushed the button. It took a long time even to bring the phone to his ear.

— What’s with you today, picking up on the second try.

The voice that came through immediately was low. Yoonjo, as always, remained still with the phone to his ear, without a single word of reply.

Even though he knew Yoonjo wouldn’t speak, the man called every single day. All he would be able to hear was the sound of breathing, yet it was a behavior that was difficult for him to understand.

— Baby.

“……”

— Can I only hear your voice in bed?

The sleeve of the cardigan crumpled in his small hand. Even at the sound of the man’s low, seemingly pleased laughter, Yoonjo’s expression remained completely unchanged.

He hadn’t spoken in bed. He had only let out moans because of the man’s relentless torment. His tightly blocked throat had simply burst with pain and sensation, making a sound.

“I feel like hearing it today, though.”

The voice was so vivid it was as if it was spoken right next to him, not through the phone’s speaker. He blinked once and slowly turned his head toward where the sound came from.

“Were you enjoying the flowers?”

The man smiled, shaking the phone. His chest ached as if his heart had been pierced by the man’s sharp-edged smile.

His gaze was fixed on the approaching man. The man effortlessly took the phone from his small hand. Standing within arm’s reach, the man bent his upper body to bring his face close.

“What are you doing? Hurry up and get in my arms.”

His empty eyes scanned the man’s face. After a moment’s hesitation, his hands moved toward the man. Wrapping his arms around Won Kangho’s neck, he let himself be fully embraced in his arms.

When he threw himself into that abyss, everything that tormented him vanished. The chill, the pain. The only thing the man could not take away was the emptiness.

“I told you to look at the flowers, but it seems you rolled around in the flower bed.”

“……”

“You reek of sweetness.”

The man’s breath touched the nape of his neck. Flinch. A hot hand gently caressed his twitching waist. His small hands curled into fists.

The man’s words dissipated like smoke. There was no need to understand what he had said. He couldn’t have, anyway. He just felt a sense of relief. The pheromones the man released clung stickily to Yoonjo’s skin. Slick, slick.

His mind grew hazy and relaxed. His consciousness, which had been merely dazed just a moment ago, became drowsy, as if he could fall asleep at any moment.

Won Kangho lifted the person in his arms very lightly. The body, feeling no weight at all, was so light it was hard to believe he was a grown man.

“The Director came rushing his ass off just to have a meal with our Yoonjo.”

“……”

“Should we eat out today?”

Hmm? Along with the gentle voice that sounded like it was handling a small child, a kiss fell on his cheek. Yoonjo slowly closed and opened his fluttering eyes, merely letting out a long breath.

I want to fall asleep like this. The man’s body heat transferred completely through their touching skin, warming his body. The man had neatly solved a problem that hot water, heating, and an electric blanket could not, with the simple act of holding him.

“What would our Yoonjo like to eat, I wonder.”

A pleasant hum rolled down his earlobe and fell. The slippers he had haphazardly slipped on fell off and rolled onto the garden floor.

“Director.”

Manager Jung, seeing Won Kangho just leaving the bedroom, stood up. Even with Won Kangho wearing nothing but a robe, Manager Jung faced him with an unchanged expression. Won Kangho’s face was bright after having fully savored the flower-scented body.

Manager Jung followed the man who was leading the way. The door to a room located in the deepest part of the house, where no one had ever set foot, gradually grew closer.

“CCTVs have been installed with no blind spots. As you instructed, they have been hidden from view, and since I didn’t know what he would like, I filled it with all sorts of things, but I’m not sure if he will like it.”

The man’s eyes, scanning the wide space that unfolded beyond the open door, gleamed darkly. It was the first time a space in the man’s house, which was filled only with the monochrome tones of white and black, had been filled with color.

Won Kangho’s gaze fell precisely on the spots where the cameras were installed. The cameras, installed in places that were not obvious from the outside, were for monitoring the person who would use this place.

“Stock it with some art supplies.”

“Art supplies, you mean what kind of…”

“He likes to draw.”

The man made a humming sound and stroked his chin.

“He’s a baby, so I guess crayons and a sketchbook would be enough?”

The corners of the man’s mouth lifted as he thought of someone.

After all, a beast must be tamed with both a carrot and a stick. The eyes of the one preparing a carrot for the omega, who would be sleeping soundly, shone with a strange light.

“Yes. I will prepare them.”

Manager Jung, who had keenly understood the man’s words, bowed his back respectfully. The man did not stop him as he turned to leave immediately after a short reply.

I wonder if he’ll like it, that little thing. His dark eyes shone deeply.

The bedding touching his body was soft. Yoonjo buried himself deeper into the cozy fibers, pulling the blanket up to his chin.

‘Don’t just stay cooped up in your room, play in here.’

The eyes of the one recalling what had happened a little while ago were clouded. Blink. Every time he slowly closed and opened his eyes, the memory would blur and then become clear again, repeating.

When he woke up, the man was next to him for a change. He had wondered how long it had been since he hadn’t woken up trembling from the cold, and it turned out to be because of him.

Won Kangho was kind. As if he had never pushed him to the limit like that the previous night, he showed an incredibly gentle side. They ate together, and he had Yoonjo watch him get ready for work. He even handed him a tie, asking if he knew how to tie one and telling him to try.

The perfectly put-together man took Yoonjo somewhere. It was a room located in a remote corner, a place he had never entered before.

‘Whether you watch a movie, read a book, or draw, do whatever you want. No one but you can come in here.’

Leaving those words behind, the man left Yoonjo there and disappeared. Left all alone in the spacious room, Yoonjo just stood still in front of the door, far from looking around.

He felt inexplicably intimidated even though no one was watching. He felt guilty even looking inside, only darting his eyes around with furtive glances.

After standing like that for a long while, Yoonjo eventually fled the room as if escaping. Fortunately, the man had already left the house, and no one stopped Yoonjo on his way back to the bedroom.

He couldn’t figure out the man’s intentions. Why would he give him such a space? Was he trying to kick him out because he couldn’t stand the sight of him in the bedroom anymore?

“Mr. Yoonjo, it’s time to eat.”

His thoughts were cut short. The helper knocked on the door, announcing mealtime.

He slowly got up. His body, losing weight by the day, was unsightly. Yoonjo raised his arm, sniffed his own body, and got out of bed. Sniff, sniff.

“The abalone looked so plump, so I made some abalone porridge for a change.”

On the large dining table, a meal was set for Yoonjo alone. From the spoon and chopsticks to the bowls, plates, and cups, nothing was made of glass.

After a previous incident, the tableware Yoonjo used had been replaced with things like silicone or harmless plastic. Yoonjo did not notice this change.

The rich abalone porridge gave off a delicious smell. But not for Yoonjo. As soon as he smelled it, he felt a wave of nausea and quickly covered his mouth.

He ran straight to the bathroom and retched out his empty stomach. His throat and esophagus, from which he had thrown up yellow bile, stung. He clutched his chest, which hurt as if he had swallowed fire, and grimaced in pain.

“Mr. Yoonjo! Are you okay?”

The helper, who had rushed in belatedly, hurriedly checked Yoonjo’s condition. With a face pale as a sheet, she helped Yoonjo up.

Yoonjo, who had been mindlessly accepting her support, abruptly pushed her away. A foul odor was seeping from his body again. He didn’t want anyone else to notice that stench.

“Should we go to the hospital? I’ll contact the Manager right away—”

Yoonjo quickly clasped the helper’s hand as she tried to take out her phone. Then he snatched his hand back and shook his head with difficulty. Understanding his meaning, the ends of the helper’s eyebrows drooped.

“Okay, okay. I won’t. Let’s go inside for now. Go in and rest.”

Refusing the helper’s attempt to support him, Yoonjo painstakingly walked on his own. His staggering body was so precarious it looked as if it would collapse at any moment.

The helper checked Yoonjo’s bedding after he lay down on the bed, and then left the room saying she would bring some tea. Yoonjo, without any reply, clutched his throbbing head. A pained groan scraped his throat.

His physical condition was already at its worst. The only time he felt comfortable was when he was with the man. Even then, only his body was comfortable, not his mind.

He couldn’t even understand himself. Why he craved the man so desperately. Why his body became such a wreck, to the point where even daily life was impossible without the man.

Won Kangho was the one who had ruined him. It was also because of him that he started suffering from nightmares and an unexplainable chill.

But why. Knowing all that, why was he thinking of the man even at this moment?

When he had such thoughts, his mood would sink endlessly. He felt as if he were falling to the deepest depths of the ocean, to a place where he could fall no further.

It’s horrifying. He despised himself to the point of disgust. The hatred for himself and for the man grew fuller and fuller with each passing day.

For a moment, with the feeling of the bed sinking in, his tightly shut eyes flew open. His startled head whipped around toward where he sensed the presence.

“……”

A pitch-black dog was looking at Yoonjo, panting and smiling with its tongue out. Pant, pant. It would tap Yoonjo’s body with its front paws, then poke him with its pointed snout. Tap, tap. Poke, poke.

When Yoonjo showed no reaction, the dog made a whining sound like a flute and spun in place. Then it curled up its body and flopped down right next to Yoonjo.

Its eyes twitched as if it were trying to read his expression. Yoonjo, who had been staring at it blankly, turned his body completely to lie facing the dog.

He just made eye contact with the dog for a long time. The dog, which had been darting its eyes around, closed them and let out a sharp huff of air through its nose. Hmph.

The hand that had been buried in the blanket wriggled out. Wiggle. He slowly extended his hand toward the dog. Sensing the movement, the dog opened one eye. Its ears perked up.

He didn’t know how long it took to place his hand on the dog’s head. The touch, impossibly cautious, gently stroked the dog’s firm head.

Even though they had been together for so long, he had never once touched the dog. Or was it not that long? How long has it been since I came here? Whatever it was, it didn’t matter. Whether he had been here for a long time or a short time, it was all the same since he couldn’t leave this place before he died.

The dog, which had its eyes open for a moment, soon closed them comfortably. It looked as if it were enjoying Yoonjo’s touch. The eyelid watching the dog slowly blinked once.

You’re warm too. The dog’s body heat was hot as it traveled through his fingertips. His insides still felt hot and painful, but at least it wasn’t agonizingly so, like he was about to die.

“Did you like the playroom?”

The man, who arrived with the night, asked as he loosened his tie. Yoonjo’s eyes, which had been sitting quietly on the bed, turned to him.

Playroom? What is he talking about? His thoughts were slower than others, so it took him a long time to answer questions.

It seemed he was talking about the room I had fled from this morning. To use the man’s words, he had told me to ‘play’ there, so it was probably that.

His gaze, pondering an answer, crawled along the floor. The man didn’t rush him and took off the white shirt that had been tightly constricting his body.

“I put everything you like in there, you don’t like it?”

Was there anything I liked? Yoonjo couldn’t agree with the man’s words. In this world, there was nothing he liked. He even disliked himself.

It was a relief he wasn’t half-asleep. If his head had been foolish, he would have kept delaying his answer. That wasn’t what the man wanted.

“You’re saying you like it?”

The man asked again to Yoonjo, who had slightly shaken his head. This time, he immediately nodded his head. Just once.

“You like it without even knowing what’s in there?”

“……”

“You didn’t even look around.”

How did he know? His surprised eyes widened.

He was sure the man had already left the house when he had come out of the room. The only person who would know he had left the ‘playroom’ early would probably be the helper.

“Shouldn’t you at least have a look around, out of respect for the Director’s effort?”

The man, who had shamelessly stripped off his pants and underwear, let out a sneer. He disappeared into the bathroom connected to the room, and soon the sound of water dripping onto the floor filled his ears.

His eyes, which had been shaking in confusion for a moment, soon calmed down. He had accepted it.

That man is capable of it. It was Won Kangho, not just anyone else. A person who knew things the person himself didn’t. It was impossible that there was something he didn’t know.

So I liked drawing, reading books, and watching movies. The hobbies he had learned about thanks to the man were not very impressive.

His gaze turned to the door. Should I go and pretend to look around now? He was afraid that the man’s mood might sour and he wouldn’t hold him. It was even more so because he was an unpredictable person.

The dog, which he didn’t know when it had appeared, poked Yoonjo’s knee with the tip of its nose. Poke, poke. It placed its large front paws on his knee and panted with a smile. Pant, pant.

For some reason, he couldn’t bring himself to touch the head he had been stroking so casually just a while ago. The hand clutching the bedsheet turned white. The sound of dripping water continued.

Why did it have to be him? Why did the chilling aura that tormented me all day disappear whenever I touched him? The questions arose every day, but he couldn’t think for long. Whenever he pondered about him, he would inevitably doze off.

“You like to draw.”

“……”

“You don’t like it?”

After dinner, the man took Yoonjo to the playroom. When the door at the end of the hallway opened, things he hadn’t noticed when he was alone came into view.

Among them, what caught his eye the most was a canvas set on a large easel. The man set down the person he was holding in his arms in front of it and made him lean his back against his chest.

“Hold it.”

The hand that held the pencil was clumsy. The man grasped Yoonjo’s hand holding the pencil and drew lines wildly on the canvas. Swish, swish.

Did I like to draw? His eyes, trying to retrace the past, were dull and lifeless. His gaze was on the man’s scarred hand that was holding his.

“You have to put strength in your hand.”

A hot kiss fell on his cheek and ear. The man’s laughter pooled in Yoonjo’s ear as he flinched. Hmmph.

Urk. A sudden wave of nausea surged up. His body slumped forward. Old memories rushed in like a tidal wave and engulfed Yoonjo.

They are all useless things to reminisce about and remember now. Reminiscing about a happy past does not change the present situation.

Ugh, he retched without trying to hold it back. Unfortunately, nothing came out. Even seeing that sight, the man was unfazed.

“Is it hard to get attached?”

The man effortlessly caught his collapsing body in his arms. He gently wiped the corner of the mouth drooling messily with the back of his hand and headed for the sofa.

As something soft touched his head and back, his clouded eyes became clear for a fleeting moment. As Yoonjo let out a long breath, the man climbed on top of him.

“You should cling to me, hurry.”

The arrogant one chattered insolently. Yoonjo, who had been flailing in the sea of memory, desperately clung to him like someone who had found a rescue boat.

He wrapped his arms tightly around the man’s neck and shut his eyes. Hoping the trembling that had started again would subside, he desperately burrowed into the man’s embrace.

“Don’t tremble.”

The man’s lips covered his, which were letting out rough breaths. A hot tongue invaded the damp interior, rummaging around at its own will.

The hand that gripped the man’s clothes tightly turned white. The brown eyes, not yet fully closed, widened and wandered in the air.

It’s strange. When he touched the man, all this pain was supposed to disappear. But for some reason, the fear was rapidly growing in size.

I’m scared. It felt as if he would be completely consumed like this. His body was already broken, what if his mind broke too? A terrible imagination enveloped his trembling body.

The man, unaware of this fact, kissed Yoonjo while stripping off his clothes one layer at a time. He caressed the body that had become naked in an instant and bit down hard on the tender lips. Bite.

“Hk, ughh……”

A confused cry escaped. When he parted his lips to breathe, the man twisted his head to fill that gap and kissed him even more deeply.

A wet, sticky sound rolled over the sofa. Yoonjo’s eyes, desperately clinging to the man, squeezed shut. Tears flowed down from the corners of his eyes.

Blue pheromones wrapped around Yoonjo’s body. The breath of the one inhaling trembled. What was absorbed through his lungs quickly sent blood to every corner of his body.

Slowly, heat began to rise. His pale face gradually took on a pinkish hue, and the trembling that had been continuous melted away like snow.

Ah, this is it. As the tension eased, the sensations the man was pouring into him slowly became clear.

As long as he could get rid of the chill and receive warmth, anything was fine. Even if it was the person who had ruined him, he was simply willing. Finally, he could breathe.

Schlup. With an embarrassing sound, their lips parted. A well-formed thumb pressed down and wiped the lips that followed as if in regret.

“Suck it.”

The thumb pushed its way through the gap of his wet lips. Grasping the man’s wrist, he greedily sucked on his finger. He tickled the base of the finger with his tongue, gathered his lips into a circle to pull it out to the fingertip, and then took it back in, wrapping it with the hot flesh.

The man’s eyebrow twitched slightly. He pressed down hard on the tongue that was busy sucking his finger.

“Gack, keck……”

“It’s all worn out.”

Where the thumb had been, the index and middle fingers now filled the space. The fingers disappeared and reappeared inside the blood-red lips, reminiscent of fellatio.

The in-and-out movement was relentless. A cough burst out every time it stabbed the deep part of his throat, but Won Kangho did not stop his hand.

Yoonjo’s hand, which held the one with veins bulging, was nothing but skin and bones. The sight of him, unable to push away or resist with all his might, further aroused the man’s sadism.

“Stick out your tongue.”

The body, heated to its limit, moved as the man commanded. From between the parted lips, a wet, soft, pink tongue peeked out. The man spat on it and kissed him again.

The saliva-drenched fingers headed for the space between the plump buttocks. Under the influence of pheromones, the hole was already wet and twitching.

He pushed in his middle finger and immediately thrust his index finger into the crevice. Plunge. With the fingers buried to their roots, a moan erupted from the throat that didn’t even know how to speak.

The man firmly held his head as it tried to fall back. The delicate skin turned red wherever it was touched.

The soft inner walls clung to the man’s fingers. The hole twitched, stretching to the shape of the fingers and then shrinking again, repeating.

The fingers that had been wet with saliva were now completely covered in the transparent fluid leaking from the hole. The liquid dripped so much that it flowed down his elbow, staining the gray sofa a darker shade.

“Oo, ooph……”

He couldn’t breathe properly. His dazed mind couldn’t give any commands to his body, and he could only let out moans and tremble as the man toyed with him.

Another finger pushed its way into the loosened hole. The tight interior stretched a little more and let out a sound. Squish. Transparent fluid trickled down the inner wall.

The excited omega’s pheromones ran wild unstably. The scent of flowers brushing past the tip of his nose made the thread of reason in the man’s mind snap. Snap. The bewitchingly strong, sweet scent was more stimulating than anything else.

“Euh, ahp, eu, hk!”

The man, biting down hard on the tender lips, moved his arm rapidly. He rummaged through the hole, making a space for himself to enter. No matter how much he poked and prodded, the tiny omega hole showed no sign of stretching.

Every time the fingers were buried to their roots, a stark, squelching sound echoed. Splish, splosh. He sucked on the tongue that didn’t know what to do and bound the omega, who was squirming in his arms, even tighter.

The soaking wet hand pulled out in one go. The hole, having lost the thing it was clinging to, opened and closed repeatedly, expressing its disappointment.

“Breathe deeply.”

“Hh, eut……”

From the fully opened pheromone gland, the man’s pheromones flowed out like a wave. He poured his blue pheromones onto the omega beneath him. As if he couldn’t be reassured by the marks left on the body alone, he performed a complete pheromone shower.

From outside his pants, his massive erection twitched and revealed itself. The man stroked his own member up and down with his wet hand and moistened his lips with his tongue.

The penis, like a ball of fire, pushed its head against the small hole. Press. The hole widened under the pushing force and swallowed the dark red head. Gulp. The intimidating shaft hid its body inside the hole.

“Aah…!”

The pouring pheromones and the penis pushing its way in from below. The strength drained from his arms and his body separated from the man’s. The pitch-black eyes that saw the limply hanging body flashed.

The man’s member scratched the inner walls and hit the deep interior hard. Thump, thump. With every thrust, his head rang, and he rapidly ascended the stairs of pleasure.

Unlike the bed, there was nothing to grab onto on the sofa. The hand that had been scratching the sofa found its place and moved toward the man.

Won Kangho willingly bent his upper body to allow Yoonjo to embrace him. With a satisfied smile on his lips, he continued to thrust his hips upward.

“Baby.”

“Haah, eu, euk……. Ah!”

“From now on, just keep acting like this. It’s so nice when you act pretty, hmm?”

I have to answer. His head shook up and down frantically. It wasn’t an answer given with will, but merely a response because the man had asked something.

He liked this heat right now. This act, which heated his body and mind so he couldn’t think of anything, was so very welcome.

For the past few days, or perhaps for a very long time, Yoonjo had been waking up in an unfamiliar place. He would certainly fall asleep in the bedroom, but he would wake up somewhere else.

Every time the man went out, he would take Yoonjo to the so-called ‘playroom’ before leaving the house. Today was no different.

“Haaah……”

The sound of his breath, bursting out like a sigh, was faint. Yoonjo, who slowly sat up, stared blankly into the air for a moment.

As his consciousness gradually became clear, the things he had forgotten found their places. This is why I don’t want to wake up. His head throbbed with a headache.

Yoonjo wrapped the blanket, which was as large as a duvet, tightly around his body and slowly stepped off the sofa. He left the playroom and headed for the bathroom right next to it.

Since Won Kangho started leaving Yoonjo in the playroom, the place where he washed up also changed. It was the large bathroom in the hallway, not the one attached to the bedroom.

As soon as he entered the bathroom, he threw off the blanket and his sleepwear. Only after immersing himself up to his neck in the water did he let out a long breath as if relieved. The moments when his broken body felt normal were not many.

When he was in the man’s arms, when he soaked his body in hot water, and when he felt alive.

How did it come to this? Sometimes he got confused. Whether it was right to live even like this. No, was he even alive in the first place?

— Mr. Yoonjo, it’s almost time for Dr. Choi to arrive, you should come out and eat soon.

The helper’s voice pulled Yoonjo’s mind out of its solitary thoughts. His head, which had been facing the rippling surface of the water, turned toward the door. There was, of course, no reply.

— The meal is almost ready, so please finish up and come out. I’ve left your clothes out in front.

Listening to the fading footsteps, he quietly traced his thoughts. Who was Dr. Choi? After a long while, he finally remembered the owner of the name.

‘How about we try having some time to talk together?’

“Ah.”

An exclamation like a breath escaped. For a fleeting moment, a strange light flickered in Yoonjo’s eyes as he remembered Dr. Choi.

Dr. Choi visited the penthouse periodically. It was too grand to call it counseling, and a bit too heavy to be light conversation, but it seemed these sessions continued periodically.

Everything was done under Won Kangho’s command.

The man no longer trusted hospitals. If there was a truly unavoidable reason to go to the hospital, he would either accompany Yoonjo or attach Manager Jung to him so he couldn’t be left alone for a moment.

Yes, that’s right. Finally finishing his long train of thought, he slowly stood up from his spot. Water trickled down his unsightly body. Yoonjo headed straight for the shower booth, preparing to meet Dr. Choi.

“Oh dear, you came out without drying your hair again.”

The fact that he was meeting someone brought on a severe obsession. Afraid that he might give off a bad smell to Dr. Choi, Yoonjo washed his body over and over again. It took twice as long as usual.

As Yoonjo sat in the dining chair, the helper approached from behind with a towel. The helper carefully absorbed the moisture from his hair, which was dripping with water.

Yoonjo did not push away or avoid the helper who was touching his hair. Yoonjo did not have the strength to refuse Won Kangho’s people.

The food set on the dining table was all white and clear in color. Among the food Yoonjo ate, nothing stimulating existed.

Still, the frequency of him throwing up had decreased a lot recently. The nausea and queasiness were still there, but compared to the time when he would vomit everything he ate, it was a great improvement.

“Even if it’s a bother, you must dry your hair. If you catch a cold, you’re the one who suffers, and it’s hard when you’re sick. The Director worries too.”

It was just as he put a spoonful of porridge in his mouth. At the helper’s words, all of Yoonjo’s movements froze stiff.

His throat tightened. What was in his mouth couldn’t go down and just rolled around scratchily on his tongue.

Who is worried about whom? The moment he thought of the man, a wave of nausea surged up. He hastily threw down what he was holding and rushed to the bathroom.

“Ugh, wek……”

He retched out his empty stomach several times. Tears rolled down his cheeks and fell into the toilet bowl.

It was disgusting. The moment he heard that the man was worried about him, he couldn’t stand the surging nausea. Hearing that the man was worried about him was more painful than his throat, which felt like it was on fire.

— Mr. Yoonjo, Mr. Yoonjo, are you okay?

The helper’s voice, knocking on the closed door, was urgent. Thump, thump. The locked doorknob only made a rattling noise and did not give way. Rattle.

His vision blurred due to the tears welling up. The door, the floor, the ceiling, everything mixed together, making his stomach churn even more. He spat out the churning contents once again.

His esophagus felt like it was burning. Pfft. A hollow laugh escaped. Can heat and cold coexist? It was clear that I was broken.

— Mr. Yoonjo, please open the door. Mr. Yoonjo!

Be quiet. He covered his ears and curled up his body. A sharp sound pierced his ears.

The hard bathroom floor, the helper’s voice calling him while pounding on the door, the burning inside, and the body trembling from the chill.

Be quiet, be quiet.

Just be quiet.

The words that couldn’t come out of his mouth rolled around inside. His increasingly collapsing body touched the floor. A tired breath escaped from between Yoonjo’s lips as he rubbed his damp cheek against the bathroom tiles.

The sounds gradually grew distant. The sharp stimuli became blunt, and his consciousness faded.

My stomach hurts so much.

When he came to his senses again, it was not the bathroom but the bedroom. Slowly, his eyelids lowered and rose again, repeating.

He was staring blankly at the ceiling. Just then, with the sound of a door opening, someone entered the bedroom.

“You’re awake.”

His head turned a beat late toward the sound. The white-haired old man with a benevolent smile continued to speak.

“Is your body feeling a bit better?”

He quietly nodded. When he tried to sit up, Dr. Choi stopped him. Yoonjo obediently rested his head on the pillow again.

As always, Dr. Choi started the conversation with everyday stories. And naturally, Yoonjo lost the thread from the middle.

“I brought something with me, would you like to have a look?”

The hand that had been picking at the stitching of the blanket stopped. His amber eyes slowly turned to Dr. Choi. A characteristic, dignified smile greeted Yoonjo.

What Dr. Choi handed him was a small notebook and a pen. A question mark appeared above Yoonjo’s head as he looked at the random items.

“How about you try writing a diary?”

A diary?

“Anything is fine. You can write about what happened that day, or what you want to do. Just write down whatever comes to mind.”

“……”

“It’s not as if words only make sense when they are spoken out loud, is it? Heh heh.”

The more Dr. Choi explained, the more Yoonjo’s eyes grew dim. The strength gradually drained from the hand that was forced to hold the pen.

Due to Yoonjo’s poor condition, the counseling session did not last long. After Dr. Choi left, Yoonjo naturally headed to the playroom. He didn’t want to get on the man’s bad side by staying only in the bedroom.

There wasn’t much to do in the playroom. Lying curled up on the sofa was the entirety of what he did. That meaningless time would end with the man’s return home.

He didn’t know when Won Kangho would return. He just waited endlessly.

After waiting for the man for an unknowable amount of time, the door would open with the sound of approaching footsteps. The only one who could open the door to this room was Won Kangho.

It was by chance that his steps, which were heading for the sofa, stopped in front of the bookshelf. Yoonjo’s eyes, scanning the titles written on the spines of the books, were as dim as a dying candle flame.

“……”

Today’s counseling session with Dr. Choi was a failure. It was impossible for him to write words he couldn’t even read.

He couldn’t read books, draw pictures, or watch movies. It was a room made for Yoonjo, but there was nothing the master of that room could actually do in it.

The man had prepared it as a gift, but Yoonjo, the recipient, did not feel that way. To Yoonjo, the playroom was just a mirror showing his unfortunate reality.

With this body, there was nothing more he could do. He couldn’t do anything but lie still as a mouse waiting for the man, and stretch out his arms asking for a hug when the man came.

Did the man want to make me realize this? If so, it was a success. Since he had come to realize his situation more clearly, the man had succeeded.

The surging emotion became water and flowed down his cheeks. His blood-red lips trembled.

“Eu, heueuk……”

Pathetic. It was pathetic. There were no words in the world to describe him other than pathetic.

A life where he only looked at the man who had ruined his life. A life where there was nothing he could do for himself. A powerless life like a marionette on a string, dragged when pulled, and collapsing when let go.

It wasn’t that he wanted to live like this. But to do something now, Yoonjo was too tired and had no will. Just breathing was overwhelming.

Yoonjo, who had been burying his face in his palms and crying silently, stopped his crying abruptly. His soaking wet face slowly lifted.

“……”

A pure white canvas. A well-sharpened pencil placed below it. A strange light flickered in his eyes as he looked at it, then quickly disappeared.

The face of the one composing his mind painted a strange peace. Haaah, the long-exhaled breath was excessively heavy.

Totter, totter. His slow steps, as if crawling on the floor, headed for the sofa. As always, he lay down on the sofa and hid his body inside the blanket.

Let’s wait. No matter how foolish I am, I can at least wait. That is the only beautiful thing I can do. Let’s at least do that.

A sob-filled breath occasionally burst out of his mouth. The eyes of the one waiting once again for the man who would arrive with the night, closed.

The blanket wrapped around his frail body kept slipping off. Only when his body grew cold would he notice it and pull it back up, repeating this several times.

“The tea has gone cold.”

The helper, who was sitting opposite him, muttered as she opened the lid of the teapot. The helper glanced at the person sitting in front of her and let out a lighthearted comment.

“Mr. Yoonjo, I’ll go heat up some more tea water and bring it back. You can be alone, right?”

Even though she knew she wouldn’t get an answer, the helper always asked for Yoonjo’s opinion. And today, as expected, Yoonjo did not reply at all.

“Please rest. I’ll be right back.”

The helper left her seat very lightly. It was possible because there were men guarding the inside and outside of the garden.

In front of Yoonjo lay the notebook and a single pen that Dr. Choi had given him a while ago. Unfortunately, not a single letter had ever been inscribed on it.

The owner of the notebook seemed to have no intention of leaving any blemish on the pure white paper. It was only recently that he had succeeded in just holding the pen.

He lightly brushed the ballpoint pen in his hand with his thumb. The somewhat thick tip of the pen would pop its head out when he pressed the back end, and hide back inside when he pressed it again.

“……”

The meaningless action continued repeatedly. The number of times he clicked the pen was countless, but its tip had never once touched the notebook. Click, click.

Yoonjo’s gaze, which had been staring blankly at the pen, moved to the notebook. He glanced at the pen once more and cautiously moved his hand.

His eyes, scanning the surroundings, trembled anxiously. He moistened his parched lips with his tongue, and just as he finally placed the tip of the pen on the very top of the notebook.

“Oh my, it’s cold!”

The voice of the helper, returning with the teapot, pierced his ears. His startled hand slipped. Across the many lines drawn on the notebook, a single long line was drawn.

In an instant, his throat tightened. Yoonjo, who had shot up from his seat, clutched his own neck with both hands. The chair that was pushed over fell and rolled on the floor with a loud noise.

“Eu, heuk, ughh……”

“Mr. Yoonjo!”

A sharp ringing in his ears painfully stabbed him. His staggering body bumped into the table and finally collapsed. The teacup and notebook that had been on the table fell.

The hands that had been wrapped around his neck had somehow moved to his ears. He gathered his remaining strength to cover his ears, squeezed his eyes shut, and huddled his body.

The unexplainable seizure, which had started at some point, came without warning and tormented Yoonjo. The ear-splitting ringing, the suffocating breath, and the terrible and painful memories that filled his mind.