Humanity Chapter 12.1

The narrow alley, where villas were packed tightly together, was only wide enough for one car to pass through. Seolyoung, who had stopped the car for a moment with the hazard lights on, spoke.

“It would be nice for me to see your mother too. Should I at least say hello since I’m here?”

“Let’s schedule a time and meet later. She’ll be surprised if she suddenly sees you.”

At Yimyeong’s words, Seolyoung nodded his head. Just then, a car was entering the alley from behind. It seemed he could not stop for long, so Yimyeong hurriedly got out of the passenger seat.

“Seolyoung-ah. You should probably move the car right away.”

“Alright. See you later.”

“Yeah.”

“Call me.”

After Seolyoung’s car drove away, Yimyeong looked up at his ‘family home’, which he had not visited in a long time.

“Mom, I’m here.”

Seeing Yimyeong arrive with his hands full of various things, his mother nagged at him, asking why he had brought so much. Still, she could not hide how happy she was to see her son.

Yimyeong skillfully filled the refrigerator, which was packed with frozen, old-looking groceries, with food, and thoughtfully prepared daily necessities that his mother might need.

“This is a scarf. I thought it was warm.”

“Why did you buy something like this….”

While saying words of refusal, his mother immediately tried wrapping the scarf around her neck. The fine wrinkles on his mother’s hands as she felt the scarf’s texture caught his eye, and Yimyeong smiled bitterly.

“Things like this must not be cheap. Don’t worry about me and get yourself nice clothes and eat good food.”

“I’m doing perfectly fine.”

“Is your boss treating you well? He must be a very good person.”

Yimyeong, who had been smiling quietly with his eyes cast down, shook his head.

“I changed jobs.”

“Really? Is everything okay?”

Yimyeong nodded his head.

“Yes, it’s fine. The job… it’s bearable.”

‧₊˚

For some reason, the words he had said to his mother lingered in his mind for several days. A good job. It was a convenient excuse he made up to not worry his mother, but it felt strange because it seemed to describe his own situation.

“By the way, Mr. Yimyeong, it seems you still haven’t registered.”

As he was lost in thought, Yimyeong slowly turned his head toward the voice that came from his side. The one who had spoken to him was Inchan, Seolyoung’s personal physician.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t hear you for a moment.”

“Ah, I asked if you hadn’t registered yet.”

“Ah…”

“The blood draw is finished. Please press down firmly. By the way, did you present recently by any chance?”

While Yimyeong was pressing on his arm as Inchan instructed, Seolyoung interjected.

“Yes, Myeongie didn’t have a chance to register because of that.”

“Since it turned out this way, you should have just told him to come to the center and get it over with. Why call me all the way here?”

“…Stop talking to Myeongie so much and come out.”

Inchan clicked his tongue as if in disbelief.

“Hey, you’re so protective because he’s your lover, aren’t you? I’m a regular person, not an alpha or an omega!”

Seolyoung pulled Inchan away from Yimyeong and took him farther away. Then he skillfully changed the subject.

“Hyung, what did you say earlier? Don’t take suppressants, and what else?”

“It would be good to get tested like this once every two weeks.”

“When will today’s results be out?”

“About 3 days? But, you, come here….”

Inchan glanced around and then led Seolyoung even farther away.

‘Are you really planning a pregnancy? Have you told your parents?’

‘I’ll handle it.’

‘What are you going to do if it just happens? You have to continue your athletic career….’

Yimyeong, who was watching them whisper from a distance, turned his head again to look out the living room window.

“Mr. Yimyeong, then I’ll be on my way as well.”

“Ah, yes. Get home safely.”

Yimyeong awkwardly rose from his seat and bid him farewell. Seolyoung, who had returned after seeing Inchan off, immediately pulled Yimyeong into an embrace and kissed his cheek.

“He said the results from today’s test will be out in three days.”

“What’s being tested?”

“Things like hormone stability and your maturity level… And if you get pregnant, we can find that out too.”

As he spoke, Seolyoung lightly stroked Yimyeong’s flat stomach. In that moment, Yimyeong felt a wave of nausea without even realizing it.

“What’s wrong?”

“…It’s just hiccups.”

“Cute.”

Seolyoung gave Yimyeong a peck on the lips and pulled away. His back as he headed to the kitchen looked so light.

Seeing him like that, he could tell that he had not brought up the topic of pregnancy lightly. The problem was that every time he saw that excited appearance, his own heart grew a little heavier.

If this ends up failing, how disappointed will he be?

‧₊˚

The area around the waiting room at the broadcasting station was crowded with people preparing for the shoot. Yimyeong carefully looked around the unfamiliar place as he made his way through the hallway.

Yimyeong, who had gone out with Seolyoung, ended up getting a tour of a broadcasting station, something he had never expected in his life. It was because Seolyoung, who had been refusing all interview requests, finally gave in to the agency’s nagging and accepted a few. Thanks to that, Yimyeong also ended up following him as a manager for the day.

He knew Seolyoung was a figure who drew intense media attention, but once he came to the broadcasting station, he saw that Seolyoung was truly being treated almost like a celebrity.

Standing in front of the restroom sink, Yimyeong splashed water on his face to clear his head. After roughly dousing his face with cold water and looking in the mirror, the reflection of a man’s face, so pale it looked drained, stared back at him. Taking out a hand towel and wiping his face, Yimyeong sighed.

He hooked a finger into his turtleneck and pulled it slightly away. A clear bruise remained under the fluorescent light.

He always had a bad habit of biting, but it seemed to have gotten worse lately. On top of that, he had barely slept because of Seolyoung, who had been clinging to him persistently from yesterday until they left the house today. Seolyoung had also only gotten about two hours of sleep in the early morning, but he showed no signs of fatigue at all during the brief shoot.

Yimyeong swept his hair back and lightly slapped his cheeks. Just as he was checking his face and about to leave the restroom and turn the corner, he heard Seolyoung’s name from the end of the hallway. His steps naturally came to a halt.

“Kwon Seolyoung has an omega girlfriend, you know. I heard she’s a total goddess.”

“Really? Where can I see her face?”

“It was floating around on Instagram?”

“Nah. That’s probably photoshopped. AI is on another level these days.”

“Try looking it up. Let’s see if it’s real or not….”

The group gathered at the end of the hallway was dressed in different kinds of casual suits. Seeing the press passes around their necks, they seemed to be reporters or on-site staff.

“Haa, but it’s kind of a letdown even though it’s obvious… As expected, an alpha dates an omega.”

“But he must be really careful. Seeing as how his girlfriend’s photos never surface.”

“When you think about it, it’s smart. Who’s as hot as Kwon Seolyoung these days. His girlfriend’s personal information would get dragged out in no time, right? And when athletes’ performance drops, people blame it on their dating life….”

“That’s true. It’s a relief his girlfriend isn’t an attention seeker either.”

Yimyeong quietly stepped into the hallway at an appropriate moment. The reporter, who had not noticed his presence, continued to talk, then, urged by his colleagues, finally spotted Yimyeong and covered his mouth in surprise. Yimyeong walked past them toward the waiting room, pretending he had heard nothing at all.

As soon as he turned one more corner, he saw a familiar silhouette. The tall, slender man leaning languidly against the hallway wall was none other than Seolyoung.

“Why are you out here?”

He, who had been looking at his phone with a blank expression, immediately lifted his head upon sensing Yimyeong’s presence.

“Ah, I was looking at something.”

With that, Seolyoung showed him his phone screen. On it was an article about Kwon Seolyoung’s omega girlfriend. It was an article stating that the person, who looked almost real, was actually a figure created by AI synthesis.

“Hah… I’m so stressed.”

Seolyoung sighed and ran a hand through his hair. Yimyeong placed a hand on his shoulder and patted him lightly.

“Don’t be like that. Everyone knows that article is ridiculous.”

“How do you know?”

“I heard them talking.”

“They said that in front of you?”

Instead of answering, Yimyeong gently led him by the arm.

“Let’s go. It’s time now.”

Seolyoung entered the studio with Yimyeong. While Seolyoung went around greeting the staff and sat in his prepared seat, Yimyeong stood far off by the monitors. The moment their eyes met, Yimyeong smiled at Seolyoung with just his eyes. Seolyoung immediately straightened his posture.

“…There are claims that alphas gain an advantage by using their physical superiority. Accordingly, there are controversies about changing the game regulations or restricting participation eligibility. What are your thoughts on this?”

“I am not a person who makes the rules. I just do my best to perform within the rules. Whatever the regulations may be, if they are made, I will follow them.”

Seolyoung was not an eloquent speaker, but he was not the type to lose out with words either. The reporter’s expression gradually softened at his answers, which cleverly avoided uncomfortable questions while clearly expressing his own opinions.

“Personally, what do you think? Since you started elite sports early in your teens even before presenting, you must have felt the differences afterward as well. Is there anything you feel has definitely changed as an alpha….”

At that question, Seolyoung tilted his head.

“Well. Other than when I’m dating my lover, not much has changed….”

It was the people on set who were surprised by that honest answer. Thinking it was a witty response, small laughs broke out here and there.

A short while later, Seolyoung, having successfully finished the interview, walked out of the studio to where the lights were off. When he turned his head toward Yimyeong, he saw that he was trapped in a crowd of women.

“Mr. Kwon Seolyoung, it was so nice to see you today.”

“Ah, yes. Me too.”

The reporter offered a handshake, and Seolyoung politely extended his hand.

“You’re entering the athlete’s village this time too, right? I think I’ll probably be there for on-site coverage.”

“Ah, you have access there too?”

Seolyoung answered mechanically and looked once more at where Yimyeong was. The reporter, who turned her head following Seolyoung’s gaze, struck up a conversation.

“Your manager seems to be very popular too.”

“…He is?”

Seolyoung had brought Yimyeong today to act as his manager. Every time they walked around the broadcasting station, he could see people not only recognizing Seolyoung but also looking at Yimyeong with an ‘It’s him!’ expression.

“Yes, a photo of his recent whereabouts was circulating recently too. I didn’t know he would look so much better in person than in photos.”

Yimyeong’s face glowed palely even in the unlit area. His slightly swollen lips and eyes, which had become docile from exhaustion, drew people’s attention in a strange way. Even though he was the one who had put him in that state, Seolyoung was filled with a small sense of dissatisfaction.

“He’s an alpha too, right?”

At the unexpected question, Seolyoung lowered his gaze to the woman who was a good head shorter than him.

“…I don’t know much about his private life.”

Just then, Yimyeong walked over.

“Let’s go, Seolyoung-ah. Ah, if you’re still talking, I can wait….”

Seolyoung immediately bowed his head slightly to the reporter in greeting and quickly followed behind Yimyeong.

“We’re finally going home.”

Yimyeong, who got on the elevator, pressed the button for the building’s basement floor. When they reached the parking garage, he, who had found the car first, sat in the driver’s seat. Seolyoung also lightly hopped into the passenger seat.

“Wow, you’re being my manager all the way home?”

“Yeah. You must be tired, so rest. Um… what are you doing?”

Yimyeong, who had just started the car, asked with a frown.

Seolyoung, while unzipping Yimyeong’s pants, looked straight ahead and feigned innocence. Yimyeong slowly pulled the car out of the parking space while looking at the side mirror, and at the same time, Seolyoung slowly swept his palm over the moderate mass wrapped in underwear, then pushed his fingers inside the underwear.

“What are you, doing….”

Sensing that his fiddling was unusual, Yimyeong suddenly stopped the car and slowly reversed back into the original spot. Seolyoung nonchalantly moved his wrist, groping Yimyeong’s lower regions. As he swept over the omega’s secret parts below the firm scrotum, a damp wetness seeped out from the split cleft.

“We’ll get in an accident… Nn. Why here.”

Looking up at Yimyeong, who was stubbornly staring straight ahead, Seolyoung forced one knuckle into the opening. Yimyeong, whose ignition was now off, slapped the back of his hand lightly, but his flustered reaction ended there.

Yimyeong, with his ears reddened, 괜히 looked out the side window. He was clearly on guard, worried someone might come. Regardless, Seolyoung used two fingers to spread open the narrow hole. Yimyeong’s back straightened at the feeling of something flowing out.

“It’s mine.”

The semen he had poured into him so much last night flowed out in a gush, not yet congealed. Yimyeong groaned and looked down.

“I told you not to do it inside. It’s hard to scrape it all out.”

“It’s fine since you held it in so well.”

“How can you say that….”

As he watched Seolyoung scoop out the clotted lumps with a squelching sound, a hint of dismay was present in his gaze.

“There are wet wipes here, so take them out and wipe….”

“Why? I’m going to wash my hands at home.”

Yimyeong’s mouth opened silently as he realized the intention behind those words.

“Let’s go quickly. I’m tired.”

Yimyeong sighed lightly and adjusted his seating position. It seemed he had concluded that it was better to just go home quickly than to try and stop Seolyoung.

“I’m starting the car. Don’t do anything that will distract me too much from driving.”

“Alright, alright.”

A short while later, the car the two were in emerged onto the street level. Pedestrians could be seen occasionally outside the darkly tinted car. Seolyoung headed home, groping Yimyeong’s nether regions to his heart’s content from an angle they could not see.

‧₊˚

Yimyeong sat, almost leaning against the sofa, and looked down at his flat stomach. Even though he had not moved his body much recently, the lines of his abdominal muscles were distinct.

He unconsciously brought his palm to that stomach. Outwardly, there was no change. But the anxiety that some kind of change might be happening inside him surged up from time to time.

…It can’t be. Not yet.

He had had countless intimate encounters with Seolyoung. Even when he did not know what suppressants were and did not use contraception, pregnancy was not easy. So, there was no way that the pregnancy of a male omega, which was said to be so rare, would suddenly succeed. Yet, doubts kept creeping in.

Yimyeong looked out the living room window with slightly tired eyes.

He wanted to make Seolyoung happy. That pure man, who not only genuinely loved a defective product but also promised to give his precious future to him. A man who had climbed to the peak of success on his own without failing even once since birth, without even knowing how precious it was.

If he wanted it, there were countless partners who could give him a child more easily, but he wanted him. An incompetent man with more than one or two disqualifying factors… just because he was his first love.

Then shouldn’t I at least do this for him? When he wants it so much.

Yimyeong’s Adam’s apple bobbed significantly.

— Ding-dong.

Just then, the doorbell rang from outside the front door. Yimyeong snapped out of his solitary thoughts and quickly turned his head. Seolyoung’s face was on the intercom screen.

“Why did you ring the bell?”

When he opened the door, Seolyoung showed him the bags filling both of his hands.

“I had no hands. Phew, this is heavy.”

He naturally tried to take the bags from Seolyoung, but Seolyoung did not hand them over. Yimyeong, stepping back awkwardly, scratched his head.

“What did you buy so much of?”

“This looked delicious, and that looked delicious, so… You didn’t eat lunch, right? Let’s eat this now.”

Among the things Seolyoung bought was packaged food that could be eaten right away. It seemed he had bought it from the basement food court of a nearby department store. He had gone to several different shops to buy various things.

“Are we going to eat all of this now? I think there will be leftovers.”

“Then we’ll leave leftovers. It’s better than not having enough.”

In the end, as Seolyoung insisted, the two of them set up a feast on the table and began to eat. He thought it was a bit excessive, but once they started eating, it seemed they could finish everything. The soft roast beef with a side of mashed potatoes was especially perfect for his palate.

“This is delicious.”

“See. I knew you’d eat well.”

Seolyoung showed a proud smile. At his next words, Yimyeong stopped his hand.

“It seems your appetite has been good lately. Your portion sizes have increased. I heard some people crave food like that when they’re pregnant.”

Barely managing his expression, Yimyeong moved his chopsticks again. He no longer reached for the roast beef he had been eating so deliciously.

“…My stomach probably just stretched. Since you keep feeding me so much….”

“Well, that could be it too. Anyway, it’s good to nourish your body.”

“That’s true.”

Yimyeong forced the corners of his mouth up into an awkward smile.

That night, Yimyeong had a dream about being pregnant.

His belly grew bigger by the day. The speed was so abnormal that he could feel it swelling even as he slept. The belly, which had been defined with abdominal muscles, lost those traces as the peritoneum swelled, and in its place, fair, expanded skin settled. The belly, which had almost no fat, was round only in the front due to the firm transverse abdominis muscle wrapping around his waist. The shape, completely different from the bellies of women with a moderate amount of body fat, was alien.

‘It’s a boy. See, you can see it on the screen here, right? This side is the arm and here is the leg….’

On the ultrasound screen, an apple-sized fetus was visible.

At that moment, Yimyeong felt a severe wave of nausea. He had the thought that something was terribly wrong with his body. Even in that moment, his belly continued to grow, and the fetus moved, making its presence known. Once again, an extreme wave of nausea surged. The doctor who saw Yimyeong smiled gently and said.

‘You might experience severe morning sickness at this stage. Still, your body shouldn’t be harmed, so please find something you can eat and have it….’

In that moment, Yimyeong could not hold it in and got up from his seat. The moment he shot up, he could not tell if it was a dream or reality. Even though it had happened in a dream, the terrible nausea continued to churn his insides.

Yimyeong got out of bed and ran straight to the bathroom.

“Ugh….”

He leaned his head over the toilet and threw up. Everything he had eaten today came pouring out, mixed with sour stomach acid.

“Hahk, heok….”

As he gasped for breath, another wave of nausea surged. Yimyeong shed physiological tears and vomited once more. Now there was nothing left to bring up, and only clear saliva trickled out.

“Haa….”

Flushing the toilet, Yimyeong squeezed his eyes shut. After letting out a tired sigh, he straightened his back, walked over to the sink, and turned on the water. Rinsing his mouth and washing his face made him feel a little better.

And the moment he turned around to wipe his face, his eyes met with Seolyoung, who was standing by the door.

“Are you sick somewhere?”

Seolyoung, his eyes heavy with sleep, was looking this way with a worried face. Yimyeong sniffled and shook his head.

“I woke up to the sound of you throwing up. Did you throw up?”

“Yeah.”

“Why all of a sudden?”

“I don’t know. Maybe I have an upset stomach….”

He was reluctant to say that he had a strange dream. When he turned off the bathroom light and headed to the master bedroom, Seolyoung followed him.

“Should we go to the hospital tomorrow?”

“No, I’m fine.”

“Then should I ask Inchan hyung to come over?”

As soon as he lay down in bed, Yimyeong shook his head at the kisses that followed on his ear and cheek.

“I’m really fine.”

“Okay, then let’s see. If you’re still not feeling well tomorrow, let’s call him….”

With those words, Seolyoung fell fast asleep again.

Yimyeong stared intently at the ceiling of the dark room.

The unusually vivid dream kept replaying before his eyes. What if that was not a dream but reality… Just thinking about it made the hair on his head stand on end.

It seemed that his real self would react in much the same way as he did in the dream. In front of Seolyoung, who would be happy about the pregnancy, would I really be able to not show my fear?

Would I be able to enjoy the same happiness as him?

‧₊˚

The next day, Seolyoung insisted on calling Inchan to the house.

“Other than his body temperature being a little lower than usual, there’s nothing special. His health is fine. There’s no need to worry too much.”

At Inchan’s words that there was no problem, Yimyeong managed to show a smile. On the other hand, the shadow on Seolyoung’s face did not disappear.

“His temperature is low? Is that a problem?”

“It’s just lower than last time, it’s within the normal range. Mr. Yimyeong’s body temperature was originally on the higher side.”

Inchan spoke simply and packed his bag. Seolyoung held onto Inchan and asked again.

“Hyung, then that… that thing….”

“What. You’re asking if he’s pregnant?”

When Inchan asked outright, Seolyoung’s ears turned red.

“You brat. Do you think pregnancy happens that easily? Even between a normal man and woman, they aren’t this hasty. Let alone a male omega….”

“Still, I can ask, can’t I?”

“Ha〜 honestly. Mr. Yimyeong, please do something about this guy. After I took his blood last time, he called me day after day asking if the hormone test results were out yet. It’s not something that can happen right away.”

“You did that?”

It was the first time he had heard of this. At Yimyeong’s question, Seolyoung looked embarrassed.

“He said we could find out with the hormone test results, so just in case….”

“…….”

Yimyeong could not manage a reaction and just swallowed dryly. He wanted to know the test results, and at the same time, he wanted to pretend he did not know.

“So… how did the results turn out?”

Inchan answered Yimyeong’s question for him.

“What do you think? Kwon Seolyoung got his hopes up for nothing.”

“That means no, right?”

“Yes. There wasn’t even a sign of it.”

At his answer, Yimyeong felt a sense of relief without even realizing it. He had been so tense for that short moment that he felt the strength drain from his entire body.

“So Kwon Seolyoung, you should stop being so bothersome too. Just have a good relationship, live well together… and if your relationship gets longer, then introduce him to both sets of parents, huh? It’s not too late to prepare while getting married. Life is long, you know?”

There was a hidden meaning in Inchan’s words. Yimyeong noticed it.

Seolyoung, with his alpha instincts, wanted to sow his seed in his omega one way or another, but that alone would not magically solve all the realistic problems. So he was indirectly telling him to be a little more aware of reality.

Yimyeong agreed with Inchan’s words. There was nothing wrong with what he said. Because he had been thinking the exact same thing. He, the person involved, was also not sure how long these romantic feelings would last.

“Myeong-ah, I’ll see hyung out. Wait a moment.”

Seolyoung gave him a light kiss on the forehead and swept his hair back. Yimyeong quietly nodded his head.

While he was staring blankly out the window, he heard the sound of the door lock. The door opened and Seolyoung came inside.

“…Did hyung leave okay?”

“Yeah. He nagged and nagged until he left… Hah, I’m never calling him again.”

Grumbling, Seolyoung lightly washed his hands.

“I could have just gone to the center, right.”

At the self-reproaching tone, Seolyoung furrowed his brows.

“Don’t worry about it. They say there are tens of thousands of unregistered alphas and omegas. You’re not the only one who hasn’t done it. You don’t have to do it if you’re uncomfortable.”

“It’s because you’re uncomfortable.”

“Me?”

Seolyoung came closer. He sat next to Yimyeong on the sofa and affectionately wrapped an arm around his shoulder, and with his other hand, which was not around his shoulder, he fiddled with Yimyeong’s hand that was on the sofa. Affection was present in every action, in every gaze.

“I’m not uncomfortable at all.”

“It weighs on my mind because I know you’re the type of guy who would say that.”

“What’s wrong? Your expression hasn’t been good since a while ago.”

Seolyoung gently tapped his cheek. It seemed hiding his feelings was impossible. Yimyeong wet his lips and opened his mouth.

“Weren’t you disappointed?”

“About what?”

“That I’m not… pregnant.”

“Well….”

Seolyoung furrowed his brows and opened his mouth.

“It would have been nice if you were, but it’s not something to be disappointed about even if you’re not. Like Inchan hyung said, life is long. There’s so much time ahead of us. It’s just… since my rut came and all, I thought there might be a possibility this time, so I did have some expectations….”

Seolyoung’s face as he watched for a reaction was incredibly cute. Yimyeong could not hold back and let out a faint laugh. Seolyoung, who could not take his eyes off that smile, said.

“Hyung was right too. If you think about it, marriage should come first, but I was too hasty.”

“Ah….”

“How about we register our marriage first?”

The moment he heard those words, Yimyeong’s breath caught in his throat. Because he now knew that the things Seolyoung said like this were not jokes.

“I think that’s even more…. something we need to be careful about than pregnancy.”

When he spoke calmly, Seolyoung let out a deep sigh.

“You’re right. If we’re being technical, a proposal comes before registering a marriage.”

How on earth does his train of thought get here? Yimyeong silently rolled his eyes and looked at Seolyoung.

“Myeong-ah. If I propose, will you accept?”

“Where’s the proposal where you already know the answer?”

“Haa… Myeong-ah. You make my heart flutter so much when you’re like this. You’re a genius at playing hard to get.”

That was not my intention.

As if to prove it, Seolyoung took Yimyeong’s hand and placed it on his own chest.

“Look. See how much my heart rate has gone up.”

“…It has.”

Looking at Seolyoung insisting it was all because of him, he could not help but let out another laugh. This was the problem. Being with him was so enjoyable and happy. The Seolyoung before his eyes was a far more lovable being than when he saw him on television from afar.

So he had to admit it. The problem in this relationship was himself.

Seolyoung had done nothing wrong.

The reason he was afraid of pregnancy was not because he was afraid it would be impossible, or because he was afraid of disappointing the expectant Seolyoung.

It was because he himself felt a sense of rejection. For him, who had denied his omega body his entire life, pregnancy was truly not an easy thing.

Also, his lack of conviction about marriage was also his own problem. In reality, he was not confident he could withstand the world pointing fingers and saying that Kwon Seolyoung had chosen an absurd partner for himself.

Until he met Seolyoung, he could acknowledge himself for somehow struggling and enduring this hard-mode life. But that small bit of self-respect turned into something endlessly shabby in front of Seolyoung’s perfect life. Yimyeong knew it too. That this was all just his own inferiority complex.

And to think I’ve been sugarcoating it all as being for Seolyoung’s sake….

How hypocritical.

“Myeong-ah?”

Seolyoung, finding the silent Yimyeong strange, spoke to him. Yimyeong quietly turned his head and once again said seriously.

“Seolyoung-ah, let’s think about marriage slowly.”

“…Why are you being like this all of a sudden?”

“It’s because I know you’re not saying it as a joke. Like Inchan hyung said, we have a lot of time. So slowly, with a long-term view….”

“What’s the need to take a long-term view. It’s obvious I’m going to do it with you.”

At Yimyeong’s serious attitude, Seolyoung’s expression also began to gradually harden. Yimyeong held his hand tightly as if to soothe him.

“I would like it if we had a child. Sincerely. Because that, regardless of our will, is truly no different from a fate bestowed by heaven.”

“…….”

“But marriage is not. That is our will, so we need to be a little more… careful.”

“Is it just because we have to be careful? Without any reason?”

Seolyoung’s tone changed. Avoiding his sharp-looking eyes, Yimyeong nodded his head.

“Myeong-ah, do you even love me?”

“Of course I love you. You’re my first love. The best luck I’ve ever met in my life.”

“Really? You’re my first love too. When I met you again, I thought I was the luckiest guy in the world. But why do we seem to think so differently?”

It must be because we’ve lived such different lives.

The inside of his mouth tasted so bitter. Yimyeong lowered his gaze and said with difficulty.

“I’m not saying I won’t do it. I want to marry you too… It’s just, I’m saying I need time.”

“I don’t understand.”

Seolyoung leaned back against the sofa, tilted his neck back, and let out a deep sigh. Yimyeong silently watched Seolyoung with melancholic eyes.

‧₊˚

One day in early summer, ahead of the World Championships, the date for Seolyoung’s entry into the athlete’s village was set.

As the entry date approached, Seolyoung became terribly affectionate. He was already affectionate, but now he was truly acting as if he would dissolve Yimyeong in sugar water. He treated him with such devotion, as if he were waiting on someone without hands and feet, that Yimyeong was enjoying an unprecedented level of luxury.

Of course, as a perfectly fine and sturdy adult male, it was not that it was not burdensome. However, Yimyeong realized that Seolyoung’s actions were things he did to reduce his own nervousness and anxiety ahead of their brief separation, and decided to just accept it.

“How’s this much pressure? Does it hurt?”

Seolyoung had Yimyeong sit on the sofa and was washing his feet himself. He had brought warm water and was splashing it to wash his feet, then scooped out a coarse scrub and refreshingly rubbed his entire foot and even gave him a massage. He was just going along with it because Seolyoung wanted to do it, but his skill was so excellent that the tension in his back naturally eased.

“It doesn’t hurt. It seems just right.”

“Really? I’ll do it for you every day until I go in.”

Seolyoung’s eyes were extremely focused as he scrubbed the slender feet, where the bones of the joints were visible, until they were squeaky clean.

“Myeong-ah, even your feet are handsome.”

“Feet are just feet, what….”

Suddenly, Seolyoung let out a short sigh.

“Hah, I really don’t want to go.”

Seolyoung would say he did not want to go a hundred times a day. He had not counted, but if he had set his mind to it and counted, it might have well exceeded a hundred times.

“It’s not like we can’t see each other at all.”

The rampant alpha hormones had subsided, and the rut that he had suffered through like a fever had passed, so all the sources of anxiety had disappeared. Now, all he had to do was improve his physical condition and prepare for intensive training.

The brief separation was truly unavoidable. Civilians could not enter the athlete’s village. Although Seolyoung would go out from time to time, it would be completely different from their current life of being together 24 hours a day. Even though it was a fact he had known for a long time, Seolyoung could not easily shake off his gloom.

“We can talk on the phone every day. Call whenever you have a spare moment.”

“Are you not bothered at all?”

This was also a question Seolyoung asked about a hundred times a day. Each time, Yimyeong would faithfully answer that he was sad too. However, it seemed Seolyoung thought he was just saying it. No matter what answer he heard, he wore an expression of dissatisfaction.

“Of course I’m sad too. But we can meet again after the competition is over. I’m going to watch the competition too.”

“How can we be apart for seven weeks?”

“How did you endure the seven years after high school graduation?”

At those words, Seolyoung finally showed a smile. Yimyeong continued speaking in a serious voice.

“Seolyoung-ah. You’re going to continue your athletic career. Things like this will happen countless times in the future, what are you going to do.”

“Should I retire?”

Yimyeong was so surprised that he was momentarily speechless.

Seolyoung has a knack for bringing up heavy topics as if they are nothing. For example, it was like that when he suddenly asked to get married, and also when he talked about pregnancy. The problem was that, in retrospect, none of it had been a joke.

And now he was even talking about retirement….

“You’re joking, right?”

At the words he barely managed to get out, Seolyoung stared at Yimyeong and then lowered his head.

“Yeah, I’m joking.”

“…You scared me. What kind of joke is that.”

“Do you like me as an athlete?”

Yimyeong nodded his head.

Even when there was absolutely no point of contact between his life and his own, Yimyeong would often look up videos of him competing. Even though his own life might be hitting rock bottom, he was comforted by the sight of him splashing water like jewels on the shining surface. He had talent, he knew what he was good at, and he even put in the effort. Isn’t it only natural to want to see that beautiful sight for as long as possible?

“I’m feeling depressed these days.”

Seolyoung mumbled. Yimyeong shook the shoulder of him who was lowering his head.

“Honestly, I’ve never been like this during my athletic career. Should I say I couldn’t even imagine that personal matters could affect my performance. But since this is the first time something like this has happened, it’s affecting my mentality.”

At the more serious answer than expected, Yimyeong could no longer find anything to say in response. Seolyoung, with his head down, wrapped Yimyeong’s feet with a towel to dry them and said.

“I think I fell for you much faster, and deeper, than I expected… so I guess that’s why I was so obsessed with marriage and pregnancy. I didn’t know my mentality was this weak either.”

He felt sorry for him. When he had said that they had a long life ahead of them, Seolyoung had been nagging about those things because he was lonely about their brief separation.

But that was why he could not make an impulsive promise. Seolyoung had to live a life of repeating training and competing in tournaments throughout his athletic career. If they rashly registered their marriage to resolve loneliness and anxiety, it would truly be a bad move.

But now, he no longer wanted to bring up these realistic words and hurt Seolyoung. They had already talked about this enough, to the point of being sick of it, and in the end, the gap between their opinions had not narrowed.

So, instead of adding any more words, Yimyeong quietly kept his mouth shut and looked at Seolyoung with pitying eyes.

He, too, as if reading Yimyeong’s mind, gave a bitter smile when their eyes met.

“Still, I’ll work hard while thinking that you’re watching.”

“That’s how I endured for seven years.”

Yimyeong lifted Seolyoung’s cheek and gave him a light kiss on the lips. Seolyoung stared intently into Yimyeong’s eyes and then pulled him into a tight embrace. As if he really did not want to be apart.

And on the day he entered the athlete’s village, Yimyeong followed him all the way to Jincheon to see him off. Even until the moment they parted, waving their hands, Seolyoung was clearly reluctant to go. It felt like he was going reluctantly because he could not abandon the responsibility for the work he had done his whole life.

Watching Seolyoung’s back as he kept turning around, Yimyeong waved his hand again and again.

‧₊˚

It was from that very athlete’s village that he realized something strange was happening to him.

When he got out of the same car as Seolyoung, and when he greeted him, Yimyeong felt people’s gazes. His face had become known through photos taken by chance, and he often received such stares when he was with Seolyoung, so at first, he did not think of it too seriously.

However, on that day, the stares that landed on his cheeks were particularly piercing. That was precisely the reason he could not give Seolyoung a hug, even just once, under the pretense of hugging a close friend at the end. Those gazes were, without exception, not very friendly. When he looked around, wondering if he had something on him, there were even people who would conspicuously avoid his gaze as if to prevent their eyes from meeting.