Humanity – Chapter 8.1 – Mine

Author: nicotine

A man with a fair face, chilled cheeks, and gentle eyes.

To understand the person named Kwon Seolyoung, one must know how his first love began.

The empty hallway was filled with the lingering smell of water mixed with disinfectant. Water was dripping from Yimyeong’s clothes.

The two were silently crossing the hallway towards the locker room.

Seolyoung was completely dispirited. This was because everything he had planned for the day had not gone his way. At first, he simply wanted to show off his diving. He had decided to do this because he, too, often found his gaze stolen by Yimyeong running on the field’s track, so he wanted Yimyeong to properly see what he did best. It was the subconscious desire of a boy wanting to catch the eye of someone he was interested in.

However, when he actually dived, his form was not even as good as it was during practice. It was even worse than his dives during the most nerve-wracking competition. To make matters worse, he had even upset Yimyeong by playing a prank and pushing him into the water. With nothing going as planned, Seolyoung’s spirit was broken, and he became sullen.

So, the two were silent the entire way to the locker room.

But that was not the only thing that made Seolyoung shut his mouth.

“…….”

From a while ago, for some strange reason, his gaze kept going to the thoroughly drenched Yimyeong. The waterlogged t-shirt clung to his body, revealing the solid frame of a boy whose muscles were just beginning to form. Even after arriving at the locker room and receiving a change of clothes, Yimyeong hesitated to take his off, squeezing the water from his clothes.

Perhaps Yimyeong was the type who was shy about showing his body to people he was not close with.

Even though he noticed this, Seolyoung stood his ground and did not move aside.

“Aren’t you leaving?”

In the end, it was Yimyeong who spoke first. Seolyoung made an excuse.

“Just change. We’re both guys anyway.”

At those words, Yimyeong let out a short sigh and turned around to take off his wet clothes.

Although he knew it was rude to stare between people who were not very close, Seolyoung could not turn his eyes away. His body was half-turned out of worry that it might be grating on his nerves, but he could not bring himself to turn his head away as well.

Thud.

The wet clothes Yimyeong threw made a heavy sound as they fell to the floor. At that moment, Seolyoung unknowingly swallowed dryly. The exposed skin was glistening with water and looked very healthy. His black hair, which had become a darker color from being wet, clung to his white nape, strangely drawing his gaze.

He was preoccupied with drying his wet skin with a towel. The two legs that stretched out from beneath the single layer of underwear he had left on were taut like those of a slender horse. Each time he bent over, the muscles of his rear thighs moved with elasticity.

Seolyoung stared intently at Yimyeong’s hair, at the clear water droplets forming on the split ends, as they flowed down his nape and along his spine. The erector spinae muscles, in particular, which were concavely indented, seemed to collect the water droplets as if a waterway had formed there.

Even though he had seen his male peers’ naked bodies to the point of being sick of them while diving, Yimyeong’s physique was somehow different. As if possessed, Seolyoung took one step, and then another, toward Yimyeong’s back.

At that moment, Yimyeong, sensing a presence, abruptly turned around.

Seolyoung, who had unknowingly reached a hand towards that back, also stopped his movement in surprise.

The moment their eyes met, Yimyeong’s usual stoic mask had fallen away, and he looked at him with trembling eyes.

Why does he look at me with such fear?

“Wait a minute.”

Seolyoung felt a throbbing pain in his eyeballs as if they were about to pop out. Only then did he realize that he had been staring intently at Yimyeong from a while ago until now without blinking even once.

“What, what is it. You….”

At those words, he finally came to his senses. Seolyoung could not believe that he had just tried to touch him without permission. Pulling himself together, he changed the direction of the hand that had been about to reach Yimyeong and barely managed to prop himself up on a locker. Their eyes met once more. He could read Yimyeong’s bewilderment.

Was it awkward? It must have been. Even though he had clearly told himself in his head not to stare so openly, at some point, everything had evaporated. The sensitive tension Yimyeong was feeling was transmitted to him as well.

Instead of making a clumsy excuse, Seolyoung offered a sincere apology.

“Sorry. I don’t know why I did that either….”

His blinking eyelids felt hot. Seolyoung barely managed to shake his head and try to regain his senses.

“I wasn’t trying to do anything weird. It’s just.”

“…….”

“Suddenly, there was a nice smell….”

“Ah….”

Fortunately, Yimyeong seemed to understand and nodded his head. However, the stiff expression on his face did not easily fade.

Seolyoung knew he had made a mistake. Yimyeong was a good kid, so he was pretending to be okay for now, but he might have already crossed a line. Seolyoung fretted inwardly, continuously studying Yimyeong’s expression. But Yimyeong avoided Seolyoung’s eyes until the very end.

“It’s the smell from your clothes.”

“Is that so.”

“You must have poured in fabric softener.”

Yimyeong said with a slight smile. Though he should have been reassured by his smile, Seolyoung could not smile back. This was because the belated thought began to dawn on him that he might have done everything that he disliked the most today.

He might not be interested in diving at all. He might loathe water, and he might despise showing his bare body to just anyone.

But he had no intention whatsoever of upsetting him.

He just wanted to get closer to him today.

The boy with no dating experience whatsoever felt things were ending in a mess and froze in fear. In front of him, who could not bring himself to open his mouth, Yimyeong turned away without giving him a chance to talk further.

“Thanks. This… I’ll wash it and give it back to you.”

“Okay.”

That was the last of it. Yimyeong left the locker room just like that.

Although the indifferent but kind friend did not make his rudeness obvious, Seolyoung was no fool. Yimyeong was uncomfortable with the situation just now. He might have been utterly disgusted by the strange atmosphere between two guys.

“Haa….”

Seolyoung let out a sigh, leaning his back against the locker.

He felt dizzy, and the world spun before his eyes. A fear that he might have already earned Yimyeong’s dislike washed over him. At the same time, he could not understand why he had done that.

Did he also notice that I was stealing glances at his naked body? He must have noticed that I tried to touch him without permission, too.

But why did I do that? Was I gay?

Seolyoung sat there blankly for a long time in shock. At the same time, he realized his own feelings, which he had not clearly known until now.

I think I’ve come to like you even more after meeting you today.

What if you don’t feel the same?

In that moment, a flame spread in his heart. It was so distinct that he mistook it for a physical burning. The fire flared up in an instant, blurring his vision. Heat rose in his temples, and his head throbbed. He felt so dizzy that for a moment he had the illusion that the ground was tilting, and at the same time, something sweet and heart-stirring, which he had never smelled before in his life, seeped into his body through his nose.

The fishy smell of water. Yimyeong’s scent, still lingering in the air. The skin that glistened within reach.

How warm would the flesh beneath it be? His heart pounded. At the same time, it ached as if it were being squeezed. The inexplicably intense impulse left Seolyoung bewildered.

A male classmate who strangely caught his eye. He had thought the reason his gaze kept going to the guy who ran on the field’s track every night was because his skin was unusually pale under the moonlight. He was blunt and spoke little, but he liked the kindness he inadvertently showed even to people he was not close with.

The more friends the better, so why was that kid always lying on his desk alone every day? In the classroom that was so noisy it could tear one’s eardrums, Yimyeong was always alone. Bothered by it, he would glance over, and if he approached and spoke to him, Yimyeong would give a one or two-word reply. On days when he managed to elicit that response, he would feel ecstatic and return to his seat, unknowingly humming a tune.

It was all because I liked him.

Because I liked him.

Seolyoung’s heart was overwhelmed with all sorts of emotions. While he was engulfed in despair that he might have ruined things with his rash actions just now before anything could even begin, his heart groaned with ecstasy. His emotions swung between two extremes.

Only after a long while did Seolyoung get up from his seat. His body was so hot that he had to wipe the sweat from his palms on his clothes.

As he left the gym, a wind blew. The lonely wind blowing on the street at dusk was not enough to cool the heat of his body.

‧₊˚

Last night, Seolyoung had fallen asleep while looking up a lot of useful information. He had been reading while fighting off sleep and had fallen asleep without even realizing when, and when he woke up in the morning, he was holding his phone in one hand.

After arriving at school, he watched for a chance to visit Yimyeong’s classroom. After deciding to go, he stopped by the bathroom to check his reflection in the mirror and unnecessarily fiddled with his hair.

Seolyoung, who had been sweeping his pitch-black hair, which fell apart along his part, this way and that, eventually messed up his hair completely and left the bathroom.

He stood at the back door of Class 2, pretending he had some business there. As soon as he peeked his head in and looked around, he was able to spot Yimyeong lying face down on his desk. His feet, which had been heading straight towards him in delight, soon slowed down after only a few steps. The moment he thought about what to say to greet him, he was at a loss for words. Even though he had crammed so many theories into his head last night, nothing came to mind when he actually tried to act on them.

“Kwon Seolyoung, what’s with you wearing your school uniform today?”

It was a female student he had spoken to a few times who tapped his arm and spoke to him.

“Because I want to.”

As soon as he retorted, she stuck her hand out and hit him a few more times with her arm, which was dangling from just a sleeve. It didn’t hurt at all, but Seolyoung unnecessarily rubbed his arm and feigned pain. The female student giggled.

“I don’t have training today.”

“You always wear your gym clothes even when you don’t have training. But still, you look kind of good with the tie and all〜.”

The female student took a step back and pretended to scan him up and down with narrowed eyes.

“Do I look good? Should I keep dressing like this?”

“Why, are you going to do it if I say so?”

“Hmm… no.”

The girl’s giggling laughter was quite loud. Seolyoung kept glancing at Yimyeong. Wondering if his voice had been heard. He waited for Yimyeong to notice him and groggily sit up to look back, but he did not budge. He seemed to be fast asleep. Seolyoung took a few more steps closer.

“Ah, so cute. I think I’m going to die. I’m getting dizzy. How many months old is he?”

“Yeah, 3 months.”

However, the path between the desks was blocked by outstretched legs. In the moment Seolyoung hesitated, this time a photo was thrust in front of his eyes. In the photo was a puppy with fluffy white fur.

“He’s a total baby. He’s really, really, really cute, isn’t he? Seolyoung, do you want to see too?”

“He came to our house last week.”

Seolyoung tilted his head and looked at the photo closely. It was indeed so cute that he could not resist wanting to give it a bite. But Seolyoung, whose path to his destination was unintentionally blocked, gave a half-hearted reply and looked at Yimyeong’s back again. Even though the voices of the girls exclaiming over how cute the puppy was were very loud, Yimyeong did not wake from his sleep.

“I want to raise one so bad, too. I’ve been begging since elementary school, but my mom won’t let me.”

“Ah, really? Why not?”

“My mom and I have animal fur allergies.”

“Ah, then that would be difficult. Seolyoung, do you have a dog?”

The girls kept trying to include him in their conversation. Seolyoung, who had been taught to the point of his ears ringing to be kind to the opposite sex, had never ignored the girls’ words. In the end, he could not help but answer them earnestly.

“Ah… I’ve never raised one.”

“Really? Why? Do you have allergies?”

“It’s not that.”

Still, he was grateful that the girls kept calling his name, letting him know that he was there. Seolyoung gave a light gesture and stepped over the girls’ legs in a single stride.

He had finally arrived at the seat right behind Yimyeong. Seolyoung perched on the empty desk with his hands in his pockets and looked down at Yimyeong.

Yimyeong’s back rose and fell steadily. Seolyoung, who was measuring his own heart rate, knew that Yimyeong was not asleep. Why was he pretending to sleep?

Seolyoung, trying not to show it, was at a loss and pondered how to wake him up.

“There are those things too, you know. Robot dogs. They don’t shed, and they don’t poop.”

“Ew. What’s that. It’s not a real dog.”

Behind him, they were still engrossed in their talk about dogs. Seolyoung turned his gaze that way.

“Right, everyone reacts like you. But people who actually raise them say it’s not like that. They say you get as attached as you would to a real animal. So when the company that used to make the robot dogs stops making parts, and they break and can’t be fixed, they stop moving, right? I heard they even hold funerals for them.”

“What… that’s sad.”

Seolyoung looked at Yimyeong again, then at the clock on the classroom wall, and then at Yimyeong once more. The break was almost over.

Unable to wait any longer, Seolyoung tapped Yimyeong with his fingertip.

“Myeong.”

After repeating that a few times, Yimyeong finally lifted his stiff head. It was a face that made it hard to tell if he was sleepy or annoyed.

“Myeong, hello.”

“…Yeah.”

“Did you get home okay yesterday?”

“Yeah….”

Yimyeong’s low, subdued voice sounded extremely tired.

“Are you not feeling well?”

“I’m fine.”

The conversation was not flowing well. Seolyoung, who had never once thought it was difficult to approach people and carry on a conversation, was quite flustered inwardly.

I should have come with something to say prepared.

Because I like him, I want to talk more, but strangely, I become stiff like a robot. Seolyoung stood up and moved to face Yimyeong. However, Yimyeong, far from looking at him, did not even seem to notice that he was in his school uniform, a rare sight. It ate him up that meaningless acquaintances would hold onto him, talk to him endlessly, and notice even small changes, while Yimyeong himself had no interest in him.

Seolyoung tilted his head slightly and tried to make eye contact with Yimyeong.

“Are you sleepy?”

“Yeah….”

He wanted to talk a little more, but it seemed he had no intention of doing so. Seolyoung looked at the clock again and licked his dry lips. The fact that Yimyeong had not looked at him even once since he had sat up with an annoyed air made his heart even more anxious.

“…Why.”

After staring blankly at Yimyeong, who still would not look at him, Seolyoung could not help but say.

“No, go back to sleep.”

As soon as the words were out, Yimyeong lay down on the desk again as if it were a good thing. Just then, the bell signaling the end of the break rang.

Seolyoung headed for the door with a face that was just dejected enough that no one would notice. As he was leaving the classroom, he almost bumped into a female student who was carelessly running in.

“Careful.”

When he reflexively grabbed her shoulder, the female student’s ears turned red, and she returned to her seat with a suddenly shy face.

If it had happened only once, he would have comfortably deluded himself into thinking it was because he was busy. However, from right after that, Yimyeong noticeably avoided him. Even if Seolyoung loitered around Yimyeong’s vicinity for no reason, they never made eye contact. When he saw him approaching from far down the hallway, Seolyoung, uncharacteristically, would laugh loudly or speak in a slightly louder voice than usual. He did this hoping it might attract even a little bit of attention.

And on those days, he was invariably ashamed of his own behavior.

Now, the type of information he looked up every night had changed a little.

However, as always, the theories were not very helpful.

He had prepared dozens of conversation patterns because he wanted to talk to Yimyeong again. But in front of the distancing Yimyeong, all of it became useless. The more the desire not to make a mistake grew, the more Seolyoung was at a loss, unable to either approach or retreat.

Moreover, since the locker room incident, Yimyeong no longer appeared on the athletic field late at night. Whenever he thought it might be because of him, his heart would boil over.

It was half impulse. When he sent a message to Yimyeong.

[When are you going to give me my clothes?]

[They’re expensive]

Immediately after sending the message, Seolyoung regretted it.

“Ugh…. So petty.”

His words sounded childish and small-minded, and they even seemed like he was nagging. He belatedly thought about adding an emoticon, but it would only make him look even more pathetic.

Of course, he was not doing this because he was attached to the clothes. There were guys who sometimes coveted Seolyoung’s gym clothes or his national team uniform with ‘Team Korea’ written on it, and if Yimyeong wanted them, he could give him more than ten. But a foreboding feeling that this was likely not the reason gripped Seolyoung.

“Hoo….”

Coming to his senses, Seolyoung stared blankly at the spilt water he had just poured. After thinking of various ways to fix it, he sent another message.

[I’m kidding. You can have it.]

[^^]

And Seolyoung trudged home and tried to sleep.

Even by then, Yimyeong had not replied to him. Not only had he not replied, he had not even read it. Seolyoung tossed and turned with a troubled heart and barely fell asleep.

And when he opened his eyes the next morning, a late reply from Yimyeong had unexpectedly arrived.

[Sorry, I forgot. I’ll be sure to return it today]

Seolyoung shot up from the bed, not yet fully awake.

The time Yimyeong sent the message was around 4 AM. Seolyoung, who had no way of knowing that he was working a part-time job in the early morning, sacrificing his sleep, had all sorts of delusions.

Why was he not asleep at this hour? He dozes off at school because he goes to bed so late every day. And he wondered what was going on in his nights that he did not know about.

Wetting his lips, which were dry with nervousness, Seolyoung poured out all the words he wanted to say into the message window.

[You really don’t have to give it back. I was kidding.]

[When are you going to give it? I have afternoon training but I can take a short break during dinner time]

[Or lunch is fine too]

After receiving the reply, he felt like he could fly and forgave himself for last night’s impulse. Thinking it was a good thing he had done it, Seolyoung quickly dashed to the mirror to check the state of his face. His hair had flipped up while he was sleeping, so it seemed he would have to wash it one more time.

Even while washing up and putting on his school uniform, he glanced at his phone several times.

“I’ll be back.”

As he slipped his feet into his sneakers and left the house, he checked the message window one more time. Yimyeong had read his message but hadn’t replied.

Seolyoung tried to shake off the uneasy feeling and headed to school.

On the classroom desk, where he arrived, a paper bag he hadn’t seen before was neatly placed.

“You’re here? Someone left that there.”

Ignoring the friend who poked his head in curiously, Seolyoung rummaged through the bag.

“…….”

Inside was the gym uniform he had lent to Yimyeong that day. The neatly folded clothes smelled pleasant, as if they had been washed once.

“Didn’t recognize the face. Is he from the sports club too? Dude was crazy tall.”

At that moment, a small note fluttered out from between the laundry and fell. The note, drifting to the classroom floor, was quickly pinned down by his friend’s foot.

“Give it here.”

Seolyoung frowned and snatched the note back. In front of his bewildered friend, Seolyoung hurriedly checked the note.

[Good luck with training]

That was all.

Seolyoung silently repeated the cryptic words to himself several times. Good luck with training. Four straightforward characters that couldn’t be misinterpreted no matter how he tried. His friend grumbled about Seolyoung’s unresponsiveness since entering the classroom, but Seolyoung didn’t even hear him.

He felt an indescribable emptiness. He had assumed that since Yimyeong was returning his clothes, they would meet, and he had looked forward to exchanging a few words face-to-face. But Yimyeong had cleanly kept his distance, as if mocking Seolyoung’s expectations, leaving no room for misunderstanding.

“Ha….”

Seolyoung stuffed the clothes back into the paper bag and slumped onto the desk.

He couldn’t even confront Yimyeong and demand why he was acting this way. Yimyeong’s actions were all too reasonable.

Why is he acting like this all of a sudden….

Seolyoung tightly shut his eyes. There was only one reason. He had denied it until now, but hadn’t he already suspected it? Yimyeong must have sensed something in the locker room.

If Yimyeong was a guy who liked girls in an ordinary way, a guy giving off that kind of vibe would probably seem repulsive. Acting like that when he’s not even gay. Or maybe, the very existence of a friend who might be gay.

Seolyoung carefully retraced the process of getting close to Yimyeong. It was always him who approached one-sidedly, and Yimyeong had even directly said that he found it annoying at times. It was Seolyoung who kept clinging to someone who willingly stayed on the outskirts.

He wasn’t entirely clueless about why Yimyeong was acting this way. He just didn’t want to admit it.

From that day on, Seolyoung threw himself into physical training as Yimyeong had suggested.

“Huff, huff….”

To the point where he could taste blood in his throat. Pushing his body to its limits allowed him to briefly escape his stray thoughts. Sweat dripped from his chin, and he breathed heavily while engaging in intense physical training.

If his feelings were obvious and made Yimyeong uncomfortable, there was only one solution: stop showing those feelings and keep his distance. Seolyoung knew it was time to act wisely. Continuing to push behavior that the other person disliked wasn’t good. The days of teasing or pranking someone he liked, like an immature elementary school kid, were over.

“What’s up with him?”

“The world championships are coming up, aren’t they? Guess he’s fired up.”

His lean, sturdy frame was running at a terrifying pace on the treadmill. Seolyoung, running as if chasing a wall in front of him, was grateful that no one could see his face.

“Huff, ugh, huff….”

He had to keep his distance. If that’s what Yimyeong wanted. His head understood, but his chest felt like it was about to burst from the suffocation. Whenever that happened, Seolyoung just ran mindlessly. If he exhausted his body to the point of leaving no energy to think, he could endure it a little better.

As he was slowly getting used to this one-sided love, one season passed.

Leaving the gym, Seolyoung ran into Yimyeong for the first time in a long while.

At first, he thought it was an illusion. Above his head, tree leaves rustled in the night breeze, creating a refreshing sound as they brushed against each other, and the track on the field glistened under the moonlight. Yimyeong was running on it, just like before.

It had been a long time. Yimyeong hadn’t come to the field for quite a while. Perhaps he was avoiding running into Seolyoung. The mere thought of that possibility made Seolyoung’s heart grow cold.

Seolyoung stood in the shadow of a tree, watching Yimyeong for a while. His feet wouldn’t move. In the past, he would have approached Yimyeong the moment he saw him alone and greeted him, but now, for some reason, it felt like the hardest thing in the world.

Yimyeong’s pace gradually slowed as he ran at a distance. Then, breathing heavily, he leaned on his knees. He stopped for a moment at the far end of the track, opposite Seolyoung. It happened to be the side furthest from the water fountain.

Seolyoung stared blankly at the electrolyte drink in his hand. Wiping the sweat dripping from his chin, Yimyeong was approaching. Even though Seolyoung knew he wasn’t coming toward him, his heart pounded wildly.

Since that day, Yimyeong had clearly drawn a line with his actions. Realizing that unspoken intention, Seolyoung could no longer approach him shamelessly. His feelings had grown so much that he was now afraid of even earning a bit of dislike. He didn’t want to do anything that might make Yimyeong uncomfortable.

I saw the note.

I trained hard like you said.

Why didn’t you give it to me in person… why did you just leave it there?

Well, I get it. You thought if you were too nice, I’d act clingy.

Being popular, Seolyoung understood that kind of trouble well. Many people attached meaning to his ingrained kindness and meaningless warmth, which had often put him in awkward situations. But he couldn’t bring himself to coldly cut them off, worried about hurting their feelings. It was a habit he knew about but couldn’t easily fix.

On the other hand, was Yimyeong cutting him off because he was that sensible?

Or was it because Seolyoung meant so little to him that he didn’t care if he got hurt?

Seolyoung pressed hard on his chest once. The heart that had once rejoiced in realizing his first love was now beating out of fear. He tried physically pressing on it to calm it down, but it wouldn’t settle.

By then, Yimyeong had reached the water fountain and turned it on. The refreshing sound of water splashing filled the quiet night air. As Yimyeong tilted his head to drink the water spouting from below, his cheek gleamed pale.

Just a few steps, and Seolyoung could call out to him and make him look his way, but he couldn’t. Instead, he hid behind the tree, afraid Yimyeong might spot him.

In the end, Seolyoung stayed hidden until Yimyeong left the track, only returning home past midnight.

“Ha… damn….”

Rarely one to curse, he threw his bag down as soon as he entered his room and groaned in frustration. He felt like the world’s biggest idiot for not even being able to say hi. He was angry at himself for not managing a single word.

Leaning against the wall, Seolyoung tilted his head back, hitting it against the wall with a thud, and stared at the ceiling. This wasn’t like him. But he didn’t know how to overcome it either.

He suddenly reached for the paper bag Yimyeong had left. The common supermarket bag had been sitting in a corner of Seolyoung’s room since the day he received it.

Taking out the clothes and burying his nose in them, he caught a faint whiff of Yimyeong’s scent beneath the cheap fabric softener.

These clothes had touched Yimyeong’s bare skin. Jealous of the fabric that had grazed the skin he couldn’t even touch, Seolyoung tightly shut his eyes.

Seolyoung took off his own gym clothes and put on Yimyeong’s. Many nights, thoughts of Yimyeong kept him from sleeping easily. He sometimes recalled the locker room incident but never dared to imagine beyond it. Hiding under the covers, Seolyoung slid his hand between his thighs.

“Ugh….”

Even though he hadn’t had a typical school life, Seolyoung was, at his core, an ordinary boy who had never imagined he’d fall for another guy. He had never thought he’d feel desire for someone with a body like his own.

Sometimes, when smaller, delicate girls playfully hit him, he found it cute, but that was as far as it went. Vaguely dreaming of an ordinary romance, Seolyoung’s mind had been completely overtaken by Yimyeong since that day.

The unfamiliar fact of thinking about a man’s body strangely heightened his senses.

“…Yimyeong.”

Seolyoung decided to indulge his dirty desires for this unattainable crush. Closing his eyes, he recalled the skin that had seemed close enough to touch. In his imagination, he was back in the locker room that day.

The smell of disinfectant mixed with water, the droplets dripping from Yimyeong’s wet clothes.

And the smooth, wet skin revealed as the clothes covering his body were pulled back.

Without hesitation, Seolyoung reached for that skin in his imagination. Unlike reality, he could touch Yimyeong’s body in his fantasy. The moment his hand touched the wet skin, Yimyeong let out a lower moan than expected, sending shivers down Seolyoung’s spine.

‘Seolyoung, ah….’

Just hearing his name called sent electricity through his body. In his fantasy, Seolyoung pulled Yimyeong into an embrace, burying his nose in his neck and inhaling his scent deeply. Yimyeong’s wet skin pressed against his tightly gripping arms.

‘Yimyeong, I like you.’

As he clumsily pressed kisses to his lips, Yimyeong opened his mouth awkwardly in return. Closing his eyes, Seolyoung traced the lines of his back muscles. The warm, living skin under his fingertips was so wonderful he didn’t know what to do. Even as he hurriedly and clumsily touched every spot he wanted, Yimyeong didn’t resist, instead gently wrapping his arms around Seolyoung’s back.

The fantasy was overwhelmingly sweet. So much so that reaching its peak and facing reality felt terrifying.

Just the thought of Yimyeong holding him tenderly was enough to drive Seolyoung to the height of excitement.

‘Yimyeong, I like you so much… I don’t know why I’m like this. Am I weird?’

‘You’re not weird at all.’

‘We’re both guys. Don’t you find me gross?’

‘Not gross at all.’

‘…Do you like me too?’

‘Yeah, Seolyoung. I like you….’

Yimyeong tilted his head delicately. His lips brushed somewhere between Seolyoung’s ear and neck. That single touch made Seolyoung tremble with joy.

‘I like you.’

And then the whispered words.

Seolyoung reached his peak uncontrollably, embarrassingly fast.

If only Yimyeong would really say those words to me.

Exhaling heavily, he saw the dark wall through his narrowly opened eyes. The sudden rush of reality cooled his head. But unlike his reason, the heat of his instincts refused to subside.

At that moment, Seolyoung cried a little.

If Yimyeong knew he was like this, he would despise him. He’d abandon even the slightest courtesy and thoroughly ignore him.

Suddenly, a story he’d once heard came to mind. A story about people pouring love into robotic dogs with no hearts or empathy. Why did he think of those foolish humans who gave affection and love to machines covered in sleek metal skin?

Perhaps unrequited love was like that. Knowing there would be no fruition, no completion, no reciprocation, yet starting it anyway….

Even so, as long as he didn’t flip the switch and declare it dead, it was a feeling he could keep going. If he expected nothing from a soulless object.

The corners of his eyes were wet. Seolyoung silently wiped them with the back of his hand.

Of course, it’s unrequited love.

Why did I think I’d be different?

‧₊˚

Having finished reminiscing, Seolyoung slowly opened his closed eyes.

Outside the window, the familiar neighborhood came into view. Tender new leaves were sprouting, decorating the streets with vibrant green.

The taxi soon turned onto a narrow road. Knowing he was almost home, Seolyoung glanced at the seat beside him to wake Yimyeong. Yimyeong, fast asleep, had his head tilted.

Seeing Yimyeong brought back teenage emotions as vividly as if they were yesterday. Even though it was all in the past, everything felt so alive—perhaps because he had never stopped or concluded this first love.

If only the feelings he held were as pure as they were at the start.

The long-held emotions had grown too old, and some had turned into obsession. It was a deep feeling he couldn’t easily show to Yimyeong.

Should he hide this obsession?

How should he package it to put Yimyeong at ease?

As he had told Yimyeong, he didn’t care what Yimyeong was like. But somehow, he felt Yimyeong wouldn’t feel the same. Yimyeong saw him as a sort of savior, so he should act accordingly. If possible, he wanted to perfectly embody the image Yimyeong desired.

The dream he thought he’d never achieve was now in his grasp. He absolutely didn’t want to let it go. After yearning for so many days, he couldn’t mess this up by acting foolishly like he did as a teenager.

So this time, let’s not make mistakes.

Let’s make him love me completely. So he can’t live without me.

Seolyoung made that vow to himself.

Whatever Yimyeong wanted, Seolyoung would perfectly embody that fantasy and earn his love. He would become a haven so comfortable that Yimyeong wouldn’t even think of escaping.

“Turn right here, please.”

At the soft words to the taxi driver, Yimyeong slowly opened his eyes. As focus returned to his half-opened eyes and he looked at Seolyoung, Seolyoung gave him a gentle smile.

“You awake?”

“Yeah, sorry… I slept too much, didn’t I?”

“You looked nice sleeping.”

After paying the fare, Seolyoung got out of the taxi first and held the car’s roof to prevent Yimyeong from bumping his head.

“Careful getting out.”

“…….”

Yimyeong briefly looked up at Seolyoung’s hand before lowering his eyes. As soon as he got out, Seolyoung said to the driver, “Drive safely,” and closed the car door, then immediately patted Yimyeong’s back.

“You’re tired, let’s go rest.”

The old apartment complex in Yeouido was filled with long-grown trees and grass, giving it a fresh feel. Stepping onto the uneven pavement shaded by trees, cool air brushed their cheeks.

Yimyeong was staring at the long hallway of the corridor-style apartment, as if its structure was unfamiliar.

“It’s old, but the inside’s pretty nice. It was remodeled just two years ago.”

At that, Yimyeong met his eyes. The calm, dark eyes made Seolyoung’s heart flutter again. He loved it so much but didn’t know how to express it, causing him to falter. Anyone would feel this way, holding a long-cherished dream. Seolyoung, who rarely hesitated with people, found this version of himself unfamiliar.

They rode the elevator to the top floor. Pulling the curious Yimyeong by the hand, Seolyoung stood in front of his apartment door.

“The passcode is 0217. Remember it.”

Yimyeong nodded silently.

It was actually a combination of Yimyeong’s class and number from high school. Seolyoung’s bank account and various website passwords all included this combination. He glanced at Yimyeong’s expression, wondering if he’d noticed, but sadly, Yimyeong seemed completely unaware. Seeing Yimyeong’s slightly subdued demeanor, Seolyoung gave up on explaining.

“Let’s go in.”

Seolyoung opened the door and let Yimyeong in first. Yimyeong, stepping awkwardly into the entryway, looked around the apartment and swallowed dryly. The house, with all walls except the load-bearing ones removed, looked completely different from the typical apartment structure Yimyeong knew. It was, in a word, an interior that screamed money.

“Yimyeong?”

Seolyoung, closing the door, found it odd that Yimyeong wasn’t coming in. He was still standing stiffly near the entryway, like a guest.

“…….”

Looking at Yimyeong’s back, Seolyoung carefully embraced him. Yimyeong flinched slightly but soon leaned into the hug.

The nostalgic scent filled Seolyoung’s nose. The smell of the pool mixed with disinfectant, the scent of Yimyeong from the empty locker room, came rushing back with memories of falling in first love.

Now, he could hold him whenever he wanted to….

Overwhelmed by an indescribable fullness, Seolyoung’s fingertips trembled slightly. Yimyeong reached up and gently held the fingers of Seolyoung, who was hugging his chest.

“Yimyeong….”

Seolyoung rubbed his cheek against Yimyeong’s ear and neck. Burying his nose in the scented nape, he inhaled deeply.

But at that moment, an intensely unpleasant smell brushed past his nose.

The smell of a rapist.

“…Seolyoung?”

Yimyeong turned around and gave a faint smile.

“Why so sudden… I can’t breathe.”

Looking closely at Yimyeong’s smiling face, Seolyoung realized he was holding him too tightly. He could feel Yimyeong’s ribcage struggling to breathe under his arms. Startled, Seolyoung loosened his grip.

“Sorry. I got carried away because I was so happy… Was that too much?”

“It’s okay.”

Yimyeong lowered his eyes. Seolyoung scrutinized his expression. It seemed he was easily forgiven for saying it was out of happiness.

“By the way, national athletes are something else. I don’t lose to anyone in strength.”

Yimyeong smiled awkwardly as he spoke.

“Is it because you’re an alpha? They say alphas are physically superior.”

“Really? I wouldn’t know… Yimyeong, want to shower first?”

Unable to stand the rapist’s scent lingering around Yimyeong, Seolyoung ended up saying that.

“I’ll show you around the house after.”

“Okay.”

Thankfully, Yimyeong agreed readily. He seemed to want a warm shower too.

From the bathroom where Yimyeong entered, the sound of clothes dropping came one by one. Seolyoung, who had brought a change of clothes, lightly knocked on the door and spoke.

“I left some clothes outside for you.”

“Thanks.”

“Can you hand me your worn clothes? I’ll wash them.”

The bathroom door opened slightly, and Yimyeong’s hand emerged through the narrow gap. His slightly wet hand passed out the clothes he’d taken off: a jacket, a shirt with some blood near the collar, and pants.

Though stained with blood and bodily fluids and soon to be washed, Yimyeong had neatly folded the clothes before handing them over. His personality showed even in that.

Seolyoung examined each piece of clothing Yimyeong handed out. As the door was about to close, he spoke again.

“Yimyeong, what about your underwear?”

“…Huh?”

“You need to give me your underwear too.”

Yimyeong’s hand, which had paused, quickly retreated inside.

“I’ll take care of that myself….”