Dirty Sweet Baby Chapter 37

“I’ll do my best. Without any other stray thoughts. I’ll be faithful to my duties as a guide.”

Why hadn’t he realized this sooner?

It would have been better if it had been like this from the start.

Instead of being conscious of Cha Moogyul and scrambling to avoid him, he should have focused on himself first. Who Baek Heeheon is, what sustains him, and how he wants to live. If he had, he might have been able to keep his center without being swept away like this.

He had once cried out that he never wanted to be his guide, and just a few days ago, he had pleaded to quit everything. But in truth, looking back at the moments when Heeheon had genuinely faced Cha Moogyul as a guide, it wasn’t all bad.

Not the moments when he was terribly lost and used guiding as an excuse. But moments like when he led him during an emergency and shot at a creature in front of him, or this very moment, as he declared his aspiration to do his best as a guide.

He felt relieved. A strange sense of passion arose, and he could stand tall and proud.

National hero.

Honestly, it was praise far beyond what Baek Heeheon deserved. He even thought it was ridiculous for such a title to be attached to him. But Cha Moogyul was different. He was a raw gem that held a brilliant light, an esper who carried the nation’s expectations on his shoulders, and a great figure who would become a true hero of the new era.

“To be honest, I still have no idea what you’re thinking, or what your plan is… But I can see clearly that your ability will save countless lives. When your core fully matures and you are reborn as a complete S-rank esper, you will become the salvation of humanity in name and in reality.”

White night.

Baek Heeheon was also a witness on that day.

The shocking scene of blue light descending from the heavens and the black, wicked things being erased from the surface of the earth was not something that could be easily forgotten. So, Heeheon decided to contribute to it.

“Cha Moogyul, you’re that kind of esper. That’s your destiny.”

Of course, once the gap between them widened due to the difference in their ranks, Heeheon would no longer be his dedicated guide. He would naturally have to step back. But that wasn’t for now. So he thought he should try to do whatever he could.

He would help him, who was just beginning to awaken as an esper. He would set aside his personal feelings, fulfill his mission, and lead him to resolve his imbalance and blossom the ability he held within him. Heeheon decided on his own to become Cha Moogyul’s guide.

“So I’ll guide you…”

This time for real. Genuinely. Properly.

“I’ll be your dedicated guide.”

That was the right path and the correct answer.

“You’re my esper.”

Because Baek Heeheon was a guide, and that was now his new identity and his second life.

Heeheon clenched his fists and pressed his lips together firmly. For some reason, courage welled up, he felt overwhelmed, and the inside of his chest tickled. As he spoke, a certain emotion swelled up roundly, as if he were blowing soap bubbles. A beautiful border that was still fragile, as if it would pop if touched, but shimmered with various colors, kept Heeheon rooted to the spot.

<Worrying and doubting are all futile, and it’s good to just face life with sincerity.>

‘Sincerity… I see.’

So that’s why, at last…

‘…’

A brief pause hung in the air. Silence fell between Baek Heeheon and Cha Moogyul.

Looking back on their relationship, it was a truly difficult and heavy silence. But this time, he didn’t feel the urge to run away. Heeheon carefully raised his eyes and looked at Cha Moogyul. His gaze was straight and clear.

Cha Moogyul replied, as if spitting out the words.

“It’s decided.”

The scent of citrus and musky wood wafted over from close by. His black eyes, their depth impossible to fathom, had closed the distance and drawn nearer before he knew it. Leaning his upper body forward, he lowered his head and reached out a hand. A large palm cupped one side of Heeheon’s face.

As if to trap him within that hand.

“You even know how to speak properly…”

He lowered his head a little more, his face coming closer. Thinking they were about to touch, Heeheon flinched his neck back slightly. His eyes trembled minutely at the thought that he might be trying to kiss him again.

But it wasn’t lips that touched him.

Cha Moogyul pressed his forehead against Heeheon’s and pushed lightly. Then he repeated the words Heeheon had said.

“Yes. I’m your esper.”

“…”

“And you, Baek Heeheon, are my guide.”

He mumbled slowly, as if engraving the sentence into his mind. The rough, low voice that scraped the floor dug into Heeheon. ‘You don’t have to keep declaring it like that…’ he thought, but when Cha Moogyul defined it so clearly in his own words, he felt a strange sense of stability.

It felt as though Baek Heeheon, who had been unable to rely on anything and had only wandered and drifted alone, had found a place to lean on, even for a moment. To think that Cha Moogyul, the very person who had made Baek Heeheon wander all this time, would become his refuge. It was a contradiction if you thought about it, but truly, for this one moment, the anxiety that had constantly enveloped Heeheon had subsided.

“So, hyung, you just have to do your best for me.”

He moved the fingers that were holding his face and touched one ear. A neat index finger drew a semicircle along the round outer edge of his ear. It was a light touch, but of course, his core reacted.

“Worry about me. Suffer because of me… Just fill this head of yours with that.”

Feeling ticklish and shivery, Heeheon subtly lowered his gaze. Cha Moogyul let out a soft laugh and whispered.

“You’ve realized it, haven’t you? Hyung, you can’t go anywhere without my permission now.”

After that, unbelievably peaceful days continued. Cha Moogyul did not go back on his word. As if it had never been any other way, he completely changed his attitude and diligently participated in guiding. His response was so perfect that Heeheon felt like he was seeing a ghost.

Whenever the call came, Cha Moogyul would finish the guiding in the guiding room, dressed neatly in his combat uniform, sitting in a chair, with only minimal, restrained contact.

They still had to have mucosal contact to bridge the rank difference, but he no longer kissed him as before, and ended the guiding at the point of touching the oral mucosa with his finger.

What was even more surprising was his self-control.

Even though he must have been feeling severe craving and impulses, whenever he reached a point where he seemed unable to bear it, he would inform Heeheon of the fact and ask for the guiding to be stopped. Then he would clench his fists and bite his lip, keeping Heeheon at a distance and enduring it alone until the impulse subsided.

Strangely, watching his efforts to suppress his instincts, it was Heeheon’s heart that gradually weakened. It must be hard, it must be painful, it’s a pity. Such thoughts slowly sprouted and took root in his heart.

‘Still, it’s not like I can solve it for him…’

Sometimes, he felt hesitant, wondering if he should just let Cha Moogyul guide to his heart’s content as he wanted, like before. Of course, he knew he shouldn’t. A guide had to remain calm even when an esper was intoxicated by guiding and lost their judgment, and sometimes had to push them away cruelly and stop.

In a way, guiding Cha Moogyul had become a learning experience for Heeheon as a guide. For Baek Heeheon, who was only a 5th-year guide, the esper named Cha Moogyul was a huge challenge he had never seen before. Although not by as large a margin as Cha Moogyul’s growth, Baek Heeheon was definitely growing too.

In that respect, Heeheon felt a little grateful to him. Because he became Baek Heeheon’s dedicated esper, he had suffered ceaselessly, been miserable, and had a hard time, but in the end, it was because of that that Heeheon was able to find himself. Baek Heeheon gained the confidence that he would never lose himself as a guide again.

‘True. If I can guide Cha Moogyul calmly, I’ll be able to stay cool with any esper in the world.’

After all, there was no one who could shake Baek Heeheon as much as Cha Moogyul. If he could get past him, it was like passing the final exam in one go.

‘And…’

He wondered if this was too hopeful a thought, but.

If possible, someday…

‘I want to become a respectable guide who can be acknowledged by Cha Moogyul.’

Just as Baek Heeheon was always in awe of him, couldn’t a day come in the distant future when Cha Moogyul might also feel a little impressed looking at Heeheon? If he could be acknowledged by him as a guide, and be accepted as a comrade and colleague who would fight an endless battle together for the rest of his life as a manifestor…

‘Now… that seems like it would be okay too.’

Why was it?

When he thought he had to spend his whole life with him as his family, as his brother, it felt like pure hell and was utterly dreadful, which was why he tried so desperately to escape, but perhaps because he had experienced one major failure, it seemed he could be satisfied with just this now.

He didn’t want to break anything anymore.

Not Baek Heeheon’s life. Nor his relationship with him.

‘So this is enough.’

Perhaps someday he and Cha Moogyul would be dispatched together and go to the front lines. Trusting each other, watching each other’s backs, and fighting creatures…

‘It’s okay. I won’t wish for more. This is as far as it goes.’

He would never be able to kiss Cha Moogyul again.

He wouldn’t be able to greedily embrace or touch him either.

The mistakes he had committed using guiding as an excuse would not be repeated. If they were about to be repeated, this time, Baek Heeheon would have to properly stop it…