Dirty Sweet Baby Chapter 85

Cha Moogyul dismissed it as a clown show, but for Heeheon, deploying to the battlefield with him, working together with one mind to succeed, and thereby saving countless lives and rewriting a scenario that would have ended in tragedy… it was an event of absurdly immense significance.

He was too busy dealing with the Cha Moogyul right in front of him, and he hadn’t had the leisure to carefully reflect on the past events and situations, so it hadn’t fully sunk in yet. But the new things he had gained and realized swirled powerfully in his chest, becoming a feeling that couldn’t be expressed in words.

The five desires and seven emotions inherent in humans, impatience, anxiety, chaos and disorder, and then achievement and relief, hope, and admiration—all of these were connected as one, holding onto the other person and binding him tightly.

So, it would have been stranger if Baek Heeheon had been in his right mind. It was also a perfectly natural result that his exhausted and excited body was far more sensitive than usual.

‘Cha Moogyul…’

Why did he get so aroused from just a slight touch? The answer was clear.

So, in the end, he couldn’t resist and unintentionally had the thought. He wished he could just keep living like he did today.

Inevitably, human life flows on.

Everyone’s life will eventually come to an end, and the time will come to finish their given life. That’s why everyone contemplates and carefully decides how to live while they are alive. If there are countless people living in the world like stars, then there are also countless ways of life, like stars.

And today, it seemed that a clear guideline had been set for one of those ways, Heeheon’s way.

Heeheon wanted to live just like today, just to that extent.

He wanted to act, even if his strength was meager, to have courage, even if he lacked conviction, and to throw his anxious self into chaos to save people who were confused. And he wanted to do it with none other than Cha Moogyul by his side.

‘This is how I feel.’

This is how Baek Heeheon feels.

But Cha Moogyul…

Heeheon tensed all the muscles in his body, his shoulders stiffening as he swallowed a sound. As he repeatedly licked Heeheon’s member, pre-cum beaded like dew at the tip of the urethral opening. No matter how much he tried to swallow his moans, there was no way to hide the pre-cum that moistened the tip of his tongue.

Cha Moogyul grabbed Heeheon’s buttocks, which were submerged in the rippling water, with both hands and spread them apart. His hot tongue gradually moved down to the pale perineum, which had never seen the sun. He licked down in a long stroke, as if creating a path, reaching the tightly closed, light-colored wrinkles. Heeheon reacted immediately, twitching violently.

“Hngh! Ah, ugh…!”

Unintentionally, the closed hole opened on its own, welcoming him eagerly. But when Cha Moogyul stiffened his tongue and dug into the mucous membrane, the back quickly became soft and pliant.

Heeheon arched his back into a curve, his spine trembling. A white spray of water rose from the surface, which had risen to submerge him up to his navel. Compared to usual, he felt it so easily that he was surprised himself, to the point of flailing.

Now the water in the tub had risen above his navel, and the warm steam rising up made his face hot. He really felt like he was about to lose his mind.

Blushing, panting, and hesitating, Heeheon clenched his fists tightly in the water and opened his mouth before him. Heeheon’s flushed lips parted slightly, and inside, his shyly curled, rose-colored tongue trembled.

“Uh, um.”

What should he do? What would be best?

The air was filled to the brim with things that couldn’t be said, like a battle of wills. His head was a mess with all sorts of thoughts, and his gaze wandered aimlessly, having lost its destination.

“I.”

Heeheon, unable to even open his eyes properly, mumbled before finally squeezing out a strained voice.

“I’d rather, I wished I had been broken…”

“Ha, what?”

Cha Moogyul looked up, frowning as if he had heard something he shouldn’t have. Heeheon felt so ashamed he thought he might just stop breathing and die right there.

“Honestly, it all… seemed so futile. I thought if I injured my head or became disabled somewhere, if I were permanently broken, it would be ea-easier.”

He didn’t know why his heart was pounding like this. In a way, he was also scared. It must be a frightening thing for anyone to show their true self to another.

“I wondered what’s the point of living like this, ugh, even training busily every day felt like wasting time, everything was uncertain, and I was reluctantly pushed along…”

“…”

“I felt like a fake.”

Like the last words of a dying person, the expired sentences burst out in a hot, choked rush.

“I was alive, but it didn’t feel like I was living…”

It was a devastating inner truth that was painful for even himself to face directly.

He felt that this was what was finally emerging after opening his heart.

Heeheon had tried relentlessly to settle in the place he had arrived after running away from Cha Moogyul. He had devoted himself to his second life, which he had started anew as a guide, almost clinging to it.

He devoted himself to shooting practice even when his shoulder blades ached as if they would break and his fingers cramped several times. He holed himself up at a desk in a chicken-coop-like dormitory until dawn, memorizing regulations and guidelines until they were worn out. He poured out his guiding to the point of near exhaustion and racked up achievements, all in an effort to be of some help to the other agents who were fighting for their lives.

He had survived like that for five years.

But really, if you looked at the very bottom of the bottom, that wasn’t the real Baek Heeheon.

No, of course, he did want to live as an exemplary guide. It wasn’t that he didn’t have that desire at all. He wanted to adapt here quickly, and he wanted to live a respectable life.

But for Heeheon, even that was a means of escape.

Because what Heeheon truly desired was something he could never obtain. Because he couldn’t dare to speak it out loud. He ignored what was in his heart and looked elsewhere.

Heeheon let out a hot, ragged breath.

The tips of his ears were beet red as he hesitated and hesitated again, then clenched his teeth and turned his head to look at Cha Moogyul.

“Do you think, I, I… could have so easily said that I like men…?”

“…”

“When I’ve hidden it my whole life?”

“…”

“How could I say I liked it? You were my little brother, how could I say that, that I actually liked everything I did with you…”

Ha. There was nothing he could do now.

Heeheon swallowed his panting breath. He felt that if he didn’t say it like this, Cha Moogyul would really never know. It was bound to be that way.

The emotional gulf between them was too deep to ever be filled, and there were countless unresolved issues and accumulated resentments from over the years. He hadn’t even resolved things with his mother, so he didn’t know how he ended up like this with Cha Moogyul, but…

“Even if I say it, you’ll doubt my true intentions, and you’ll never believe my words, but I… I have no one but you either.”

Did Cha Moogyul know?

<Gyeol is winter.>

<Heeheon is the sun.>

In fact, winter is the season when the distance to the sun is the closest.

Based on the Korean peninsula, January and February. Because the Earth’s axis is tilted, it is closest to the sun during this time.

The coldest, but the closest.

“It’s really only you.”

Really, fuck, really.

He curses Cha Moogyul. Hates him. With all his heart, he wants to blame him and shake him off. At the same time, he forgives him. Admires and envies him. Is grateful and sorry. He wants Cha Moogyul, wants to be the piece that he wants. He wants to desire and be desired. He wants to live with him, wants to be the driving force that lets him breathe. And likewise, he wanted to breathe because of him.

Because everything about Baek Heeheon is directed towards Cha Moogyul, he cannot live as the true Baek Heeheon if he is excluded. He would be nothing but a fake, a well-made shell, a terminally ill person pointlessly prolonging his life while waiting for the day he dies.

“…Ha.”

Cha Moogyul let out a long exhale and swept back his wet hair. There was no particular answer from him. He merely looked Heeheon up and down from head to toe. He scrutinized every corner as if licking him with his gaze, endlessly digging into this moment as if time had stopped.

Unable to bear the silence, Heeheon fumbled for his hand in the bathwater. He finally found his fingers, intertwined them, and with difficulty, removed the glove from his hand. At that, a light flashed.

The platinum ring, firmly set on his left ring finger, momentarily stole his gaze. He had already grown accustomed to his long, thick-knuckled hand, his cool body temperature, and such things, but the ring was an exception.

“What should I do?”

After a long while, after what felt like an eternity, he finally moved.

Cha Moogyul roughly took off the combat uniform covering his body. Unlike Heeheon, who was already completely naked, Cha Moogyul was still fully dressed in his combat uniform, and with the bloodstains dried on it, it was a sight that evoked the vivid scene from the field.

As he unbuckled his top and pulled down the zipper, flawless, smooth skin was revealed through the gradually opening clothes. Every time Cha Moogyul let out a rough breath, his clearly defined abs moved along with it. Moreover, every time Cha Moogyul moved his ring-clad hand, a white light flashed up and down.

It was as if a star were falling down upon Heeheon.

“My heart’s fluttering. Me.”