Wandering Through Vol. 1 Chapter 20 - Imprisonment

Yiseo could easily be mistaken for a ghost as she wandered into Youngsun’s house in the middle of the night.

 

Loose, untied hair, no braid, dragging across the floor, and a pale face.

 

Of course, it was nighttime, so I assumed everyone was asleep.

 

Let’s wait until dawn and see if they’re okay.

 

Although I hadn’t planned to come running in the middle of the night, I couldn’t help but think of Youngsun and Nanny in the middle of the night when I was able to leave the room.

 

They used to visit every day and take care of Yiseo’s meals, and now that they’ve suddenly stopped showing up, she couldn’t help but worry.

 

‘According to Ban, there hasn’t been anyone visiting nearby…’

 

In the end, I decided to wait until dawn, and as I crouched under the eaves, I heard a child crying. 

 

The child’s cries caused a rush of movement in the night, and Young-sun came out carrying the child.

 

It was dark, so I couldn’t see her face, but she didn’t look like anything had happened to her.

 

…Then why didn’t she come back?

 

Yiseo felt a faint trace of regret at the end of the question and chastised herself. 

 

‘Nanny and Youngsun have their own lives, so how can they care about me like they did when they were children.’ 

 

There must be a reason why they stopped coming without saying a word. I wanted to see Nanny, but I didn’t think it was possible tonight. 

 

As she watched Youngsun turn away with the child in her arms, Yiseo also rose from her place under the eaves.

 

Her breath caught in her throat as she realized she had to go back to that small room with nothing.

 

‘Maybe I’ll just stay until dawn and see Nanny’s face.’ 

 

She thought she hadn’t made a loud noise, but her eyes met Young-sun’s as she turned around.

“Miss?”

 

Youngsun, holding the baby in her arms, hesitantly approached Yiseo. As she got closer, she could see Yiseo’s surprised look even in the night.

 

“What are you doing here, at this time of night, dressed like a ghost?”

 

Pulling Yiseo to her feet with one hand, Youngsun brushed off the dirt from her coat and grabbed her arm.

 

“Youngsun.”

 

“I’ll take you home, so let’s go. What’s wrong with you at this time of night when you’re so weak?”

 

It was more of a comment than a question. Yiseo staggered a few steps with Young-sun tugging on her arm before asking.

 

“…Why have you not visited me before?”

 

‘Why don’t you ask me why I’m dressed like this, what kind of man’s clothes am I wearing, why is my hair in such a mess, why did I come all the way here?’ 

 

“How is Nanny?”

 

Youngsun’s steps slowed.

 

“She’s… staying in the main house, the inner quarters. Madam hasn’t been feeling well lately, so she’s been staying with her…”

 

“What’s wrong with Mother?”

 

“Nothing too serious. She’s just been put under a temporary bed rest.”

 

“I see. I’m glad.”

 

The silence that followed only seemed to weigh heavier on Yiseo, who didn’t ask why she hadn’t visited her again. 

 

So much so that she wished the child in her arms would start crying again.

 

The heavy footsteps finally stopped before they reached the doorway to Yiseo’s place. 

 

Youngsun let go of her tight grip and scooped the baby into her arms, avoiding meeting Yiseo’s gaze.

 

“You should go inside, I’m afraid the baby is crying…”

 

“Yeah. It must be cold for the baby.”

 

Young-sun was embarrassed for the baby, who was wheezing and struggling. Yi took one look at the child and asked.

 

“What’s the baby’s name? Last time I saw you, I thought you said you were going to name the baby now.”

 

“Baekdol. May he live to be a hundred years old…”

 

It seemed like so long ago that I had been fiddling with all sorts of meaningful Chinese characters in response to Youngsun’s request for a good name. 

 

Yiseo decided to leave Youngsun in peace, as she was clearly uncomfortable.

 

“You’ve done well. Now go back inside, Youngsun, and I’ll send you a set of white socks later for the baby.”

 

“…No. Don’t give him anything. Please.”

 

Youngsun bowed her head deeply and stammered.

 

“I don’t want you to give anything, and I don’t want you to visit me like this, ever.”

 

“…”

 

“Don’t ever come to my Mother, Miss. She’s always feeling sorry for you, and she might come to see you again when she gets better, so please don’t do this.”

 

We fed off the same milk and grew up together like sisters, sleeping intertwined in the same quilt as children, sharing a raggedy quilt, and if I had an upset stomach, you would pat my stomach all night long, crying and begging me not to die.

 

“My mother’s not your mother, your mother is Madam.”

 

When I was in that small room with the man who abandoned me, I thought of you and the Nanny. I wanted to leave, but I had nowhere else to go. 

 

I thought, ‘Is there anyone who will come to see me, at least once, and if so, who will ask if I’m okay?’

 

‘There was no one there but you and the Nanny…’ 

 

“When it was time to eat, I went to see you, Miss… and that’s when I saw the Great Lord.”

 

Youngsun closed her eyes tightly. 

 

Yiseo stared at her in the distance. Her hands were shaking as she gripped the baby swaddle so tightly her knuckles were white.

 

“If I want to hold on to my life, I must never look towards the Lady again.”

 

Frightened by the words of the Great Lord, Youngsun dropped the statue she was carrying to the ground and fled away, too frightened to think of where to run. 

 

After that, Youngsun stopped following Yiseo.

 

Even though she didn’t tell her the details, Yiseo realized that it was a bad situation.

 

“You’ve seen some rough stuff, Youngsun.”

 

I couldn’t tell if I was speaking aloud. 

 

Yiseo backed away from Youngsun like she was running away and muttered.

 

“I’m sorry, please leave. I won’t come back for you.”

 

After a moment of hesitation, Youngsun walked away, leaving Yiseo behind.

 

Yiseo was left alone. Turning to walk toward the man’s place, she had nowhere else to go.

But her steps didn’t slow down.

 

Leegwang had made sure that no one could come looking for her. 

 

Even her parents had turned their backs on her, and there were really only two people left.

 

Nowhere to go, no one to come find her.

 

Yiseo couldn’t tell the difference between that and being dead.

 

Back in that tiny room, panting day and night, not knowing if it’s really living, if it’s going to be like that for the rest of my life…

 

Why should I live any longer?

 

Yiseo turned away. There was nowhere to run, so she simply walked wherever her feet took her. 

 

Like running away.

 

💫

 

At first light, the sun has not yet risen, and the beating of drums sounds.

 

Hearing that the road was finally open for travel, a young man, Shin Suyeong, rushed out of his friend’s house, panting. 

 

He set off down the narrow, crooked back roads of the village, hoping to arrive in time to greet his stern father.

 

Whether it was the lack of sunlight or the distance, it was eerie to see no one walking around. I would have turned back if it weren’t for the muffled shouts of vendors from the main street.

 

Turning around another narrow alleyway, I found myself in a dark place.

 

Suyeong stopped when he spotted a small figure crouched at the end of the alley.

 

Even in the dim light, the silken robe that glistened in the light was priceless, but she wore clothes that were rarely seen, even in a monk’s home, and her hair was untied and unruly.

 

Seeing the strange appearance, Suyeong hesitantly approached.

 

He had a long way to go, but he wondered if some nobleman had passed out from drinking.

 

“Are you all right?”

 

As he approached, he bent down and grabbed the crouching figure by the shoulders. 

 

The skinny, thin bones in his grasp gave him a slight chill, so he pulled away.

 

It felt as if it would crumble with the slightest pressure. Like holding onto a dry twig.

 

“Huh…”

 

The person with its head between its knees raised its gaze. 

 

Her face was pale white, her eyes red and sunken. The corners of her eyes were drawn together uncomfortably.

 

The eyes widened in surprise at the sight of him.

 

This doesn’t look like a man.

 

‘But why is he here, dressed like this, at this time of day?’

 

In embarrassment, he jerked back from bending toward her, but her hand grabbed his sleeve as he pulled away.

 

“…Mu.”

 

A voice so small that he couldn’t hear it unless he strained his ears to hear it called out to him. A name he’d never heard before.

 

“Yangmu.”

 

It felt strange, so he shook off his sleeve. 

 

A tiny hand, falling weakly, stuck strangely into his eyes. His chest heaved in the cold, wet snow.

 

The other person didn’t grab him again or call out to him.  Instead, she just looked at him like she’d just been pushed off a cliff. 

 

Maybe I should let it go again, or maybe this time, she’d call out to me.

 

As he hesitated, he raised his hand, but a voice spoke from behind him.

 

“Step aside, if you please, Mister.”

 

The voice brought him back to his senses like a bucket of cold water. He took a few steps away from the crouching figure.

 

It was like he’d been mesmerized.