To You, Who Will Die Alone in Paradise Chapter 70

At one point, he had certainly felt fear towards Herma. But now that he had regained specific memories, not just fear but even anger had long since faded.

Herma had certainly done terrible things to him. The number of times he had directly lost his life to him was well over ten. However, according to Kellewen’s story, it seemed Herma had also been killed by Kellewen several times. Perhaps those deaths were more frequent and more cruel than Dandeleon’s.

Besides, before coming here, Dandeleon had seen Herma’s corpse with his own eyes. To call it a corpse was a kindness; it was almost a pulp….

‘Well, let’s not think about this anymore.’

…Anyway, what he meant was that there was no more fear left to feel for a corpse that had died so miserably.

“…It was merely borrowing Herma’s expression, there’s no other meaning to it.”

Having confirmed that Dandeleon was calm, Kellewen slowly began his story again.

“Speak comfortably. We don’t have much time, do we?”

“He said that demonic energy… is like a pathogen.”

He had wondered why he was taking so long to get to the point, but it was something Dandeleon had heard before. It was when Herma, under the guise of giving Dandeleon a gift, had invited him to Ardenberg and deliberately showed him a monster. At the time, he had thought it was just a way to emphasize the contagiousness of demonic energy, but it seems there was a more important meaning to it.

“Imagine dropping a single drop of a monster’s blood on the ground. For now, it will only corrupt an area about the size of that drop. However, the corrupted land will soon begin to emit demonic energy on its own. The demonic energy will taint the surrounding land and cause new corruption. In that way, the demonic energy expands itself. It never stops until it’s purified with magic.”

Dandeleon frowned. The explanation was long, but there was nothing particularly new.

“Isn’t this something everyone knows?”

“Then let’s think of it this way now. Two types of blood flow through your body. One is human blood, the other is a monster’s blood.”

Kellewen’s voice lowered.

“As I said before, a monster’s blood emits demonic energy and tries to corrupt surrounding creatures. So, normally, the demonic energy in your body should have corrupted your entire body. Then you would be reborn as a perfect monster, no, a Lazar.”

“But I’m fine…”

Dandeleon’s eyes widened mid-sentence. He finally understood why Kellewen’s explanation had ended with purification.

“Are you saying that I, no, the blood in my body… is constantly being purified?”

“You were born and raised in Roalanthe.”

As Kellewen turned his head, a light flashed at just the right timing. Dandeleon also stared in the direction he was looking.

Who was it that gave the name ‘lighthouse’ to a white, massive building that looked like a tower to anyone? When the jewel floating in the air above the building emitted light, a beautiful pattern appeared in the sky. The lighthouse, fueled by the magic of the high elf Jelocal, was purifying Roalanthe and its surroundings again today.

“If the place on the continent where purification is most active is the Elven Forest, Roalanthe is probably the second. It seems that intense magic purified the demonic energy in your body, making you look like an ordinary human. The body you received from your mother creates demonic energy, and the lighthouse’s magic purifies that demonic energy. This process has been repeating itself.”

Dandeleon recalled his faint childhood. Like his mother, Dandeleon had also been a child without any vigor. He had been sick often, and it seemed he had been on the verge of death quite a few times. But he had never questioned that fact. He had simply thought it was because he was born weak.

“As far as I know, you were examined by a doctor as soon as you entered the royal palace. Were you ten? That doctor said you would die before reaching adulthood, is that true?”

“That’s right.”

As he answered, another thought suddenly crossed his mind. Come to think of it, his mother had never once taken Dandeleon to a doctor. Even when she was with his father and they weren’t lacking for a living, she had never done so.

Was it not because his mother was indifferent to Dandeleon, but for another reason?

“It seems you were able to live longer thanks to moving away from the lighthouse when you entered the palace. Demonic energy is originally a part of your body. Since magic is constantly cutting off a part of your body, it’s only natural that your health would be poor.”

His mother must have known. She, too, was dying because of magic. His mother knew better than anyone that it was a problem that couldn’t be cured with medicine.

‘Why on earth…’

And yet, she had not left this beach. She had stayed here and even given birth to a child.

‘Why on earth.’

His chest felt tight and suffocating. He had never understood his mother in his entire life, but that was because she was hiding a secret. But even now that the secret of her being a monster was revealed, Dandeleon found it hard to understand his mother.

‘Why didn’t mother go back?’

The question that popped into his head led to a realization. Dandeleon was startled and muttered.

“Wait, Kellen. Then when you said to leave the continent earlier…”

“Because no matter where you go on the continent, Yggdrasil’s magic will kill you.”

Kellewen replied.

“Your body has now reached its limit due to repeated purification. It’s dangerous to stay here any longer. But, Leon…”

He raised his hand and pointed to the sea. It was in the direction with the rising morning sun at his back. Slightly to the south of west. The place where the purple seawater sloshed outside the lighthouse’s sphere of influence.

“Beyond that sea is your world. The place where you originally belong. The land of the Lazar.”

Kellewen’s voice trembled. It was the real answer he had found after countless attempts. Dandeleon now knew what that process had been like. Because he knew, he understood Kellewen’s overwhelming emotion, and because he knew all too well, it was agonizing.

“Sarphana told me. The farther you get from the continent, the more you’ll regain your true form. Strong, beautiful, and above all, healthy…”

Kellewen smiled brightly at Dandeleon.

“You’ll regain the life you were supposed to enjoy, one where you don’t die in vain.”

He didn’t know why his vision was blurring even while facing a happy smile. Dandeleon pretended to look at the distant sea Kellewen was pointing to and rubbed the corners of his eyes. The question that had been lingering in his mouth ever since he realized what he had to do finally burst out.

“If I leave, what about you?”

He had said the words, but he couldn’t bring himself to look at Kellewen. Dandeleon stared at the purple horizon and waited for an answer.

The sunlight was warm and the sea was so beautiful, yet his heart was full of fear. It wasn’t because he didn’t know what answer would come. It was because he felt he knew what Kellewen’s reply would be, that’s why.

“Leon, I am not a Lazar.”

Dandeleon felt as if the world was collapsing.

“An elf’s body cannot withstand demonic energy. Leon… I… I will stay here.”

“You can just purify it with magic!”

Dandeleon grabbed Kellewen’s arm and clung to him.

“If you just purify your body… then can’t you live there too? You, you’re a high elf, you have a lot of magic….”

“Not anymore.”

Kellewen took hold of Dandeleon’s hand that was gripping his arm. The temperature from his hand was so cool that Dandeleon’s heart sank. It had always been his own side that was cool, but now Kellewen’s side was as cold as a dead person’s.

“I used a lot of magic turning back time. I thought I was only using Yggdrasil’s magic, but at some point, my own magic started running out too. I’m nothing more than an empty vessel now.”

“Then what are you going to do?”

As his heart grew anxious, his voice naturally rose. Dandeleon held onto Kellewen and shouted.

“What can you do if you just stay here? What are you going to do! Tell me, you…”

Dandeleon recalled what he had left behind in the Benoit Royal Palace. Tuella Deum had been found as corpses, and the high elf was missing. The Elven Forest would use all its power to track down Kellewen. They would capture him and behead him. For Yggdrasil, for the guardian tree, for that…

“Are you going to offer your life to that damn tree?!”

Kellewen pulled Dandeleon’s hand from his arm.

“I owe Yggdrasil a debt.”

He said so and let go. Dandeleon’s hand dropped limply into the air.

“I saved you with Yggdrasil’s magic, so now it’s my turn to repay it. Of course…”

Kellewen smiled bitterly.

“It’s just a trivial amount of magic that’s not even much left.”

Dandeleon stared blankly at his own hand, which had nowhere to go. His faintly trembling shoulders began to heave and then spread to his entire body. The trembling wouldn’t stop even when he gritted his teeth as if they would break. Dandeleon spat out words painfully, as if vomiting blood.

“You… you haven’t changed at all!”

Technically, that was wrong. Kellewen had used an enormous amount of magic to save Dandeleon. He had done so knowing full well that it was an act of sacrificing the continent’s lifespan for Dandeleon, so to him, Dandeleon was now the priority over the world.

It was Dandeleon who had wanted a lover who would put him, and only him, before the world. Now that he finally had the love he wanted, why was he so angry?

“All you think about is dying!”

Dandeleon knew there wasn’t much of an alternative. It was also ridiculous to scream ‘why did you do it’ when his life had been saved thanks to Kellewen. Was blaming his savior an ungrateful venting of anger?

But then who, what could he be angry at?

If not Kellewen, then who.

Dandeleon shot up and walked away haphazardly. Kellewen did not follow. Dandeleon recalled the night he had first died. A scornful laugh burst out along with his tears.

Dandeleon walked along the beach, crying and laughing like a madman. The waves repeatedly came in and receded, as if to touch his feet but not quite. Just as he was thinking of just throwing himself into the sea, a splash of water suddenly shot up from the side.

“Is the story over?”

It was Sarphana who appeared from the water. It seemed she had been enjoying a good swim. A surge of irritation made his reply less than polite.

“No.”

“Doesn’t matter. I can’t wait any longer, so let’s go back right now.”

But Sarphana snatched Dandeleon’s wrist and spoke. Dandeleon, flustered, tried to shake his hand free, but Sarphana paid no heed and dragged him along. Before he knew it, the seawater had risen past his waist and up to his chest. A little further and his feet wouldn’t even touch the ground.

“Wait a minute, I told you the conversation isn’t over.”

“I said it doesn’t matter. I don’t like to repeat myself.”

“What are you going to do if I don’t go? What if I don’t want to go to this land of Lazar or whatever?”

“I will drag you there by force. Just like now.”

The moment he heard those words, Dandeleon’s last bit of patience, which had been hanging on by a thread, snapped.

“Why is everyone so selfish?!”

• To be continued in the next chapter –

Chapter 45

Dandeleon shouted at Sarphana with all his might. His voice, filled with anger and irritation, was louder than he thought. Dandeleon screamed at the empty sea.

“Is it all that matters if you just do what you want? What about my feelings? What about my heart? Does that not matter at all?!”

After shouting at the top of his lungs, he couldn’t overcome his anger and plunged his head into the seawater. The cold water drenched his face.

A tingling sensation spread throughout his body.

He had just meant to cool his head a bit, but it felt surprisingly good. Without realizing it, Dandeleon bent his legs and sank his body deeper inside. The sound of the waves was faint in his ears.

Strangely, he was full of energy. It felt as if the seawater was enveloping him and breathing life into his entire body. Dandeleon enjoyed the feeling for a long while before suddenly coming to his senses. His wrist, which had been captured by Sarphana, was now free.

“Fwah!”

Dandeleon pushed his head above the water’s surface. It felt like he had been underwater for quite a long time, but he wasn’t out of breath at all. Tilting his head, he found Sarphana watching him from a short distance away.

“…I’m sorry.”

Dandeleon doubted his ears. He never thought he would receive an apology from Sarphana. He thought she would get angry at him for raising his voice.

“Apsara said something similar once.”

Sarphana was still expressionless, but if you looked closely, you could also get the feeling that she was slightly dejected. She fidgeted with her braided hair with her hand and said.

“She told me to please just leave her alone. That she would take care of her own business. But I just couldn’t do that. That girl had an unreliable side to her…”

“That’s true.”

When Dandeleon agreed, Sarphana’s eyes widened. But Dandeleon felt he knew what she was trying to say.

His mother, Apsara, was not very interested in most things. Perhaps that’s why she had a tendency to believe and follow whatever others said. Zellos had described it as being pure, but even he had agreed that Apsara was an easy target for scams.

“If it’s her own business, she should think with her own will, but she keeps doing what others tell her to. How does she know what that person’s intentions are?”

“Yes, that girl’s heart is too weak.”

When Dandeleon spoke, recalling his mother in her lifetime, Sarphana’s face lit up.

“Without even considering how noble a body she has. Anyone who just begged earnestly, she would immediately cut her arm and give her blood. Later, rumors spread and someone even came from another island. I tore that bastard’s two arms to shreds and his legs…”

“Wait. That’s enough.”