In This Life I Will Die as an Actress Not a Villainess Chapter 118

“Ugh, I don’t want to talk about work.”

“Ah, sorry.”

Hwang Yuseon raised her hand with understanding and laughed.

I smiled along and took off the stuffy life vest.

Then something came to mind, and I looked at Hwang Yuseon.

“Sunbaenim.”

“Yes, hoobaenim.”

Hwang Yuseon answered with a cute nasal tone.

“For you sunbaenims… what matters more—ratings, or your own will?”

“Your own will?”

“You know…”

Even as I asked, I felt embarrassed and scratched the bridge of my nose lightly.

“Things like passion, ambition…”

A moment of silence settled over the boat.

Wondering if I’d asked the wrong question, I checked the three people’s expressions.

But then.

“Pfft.”

Hwang Yuseon burst out laughing.

Then she really did laugh as if she’d heard the most hilarious story, cackling while slapping the floor of the boat.

Ha Seongjun and Park Eunki beside her also burst into hearty laughter.

“Sena-ssi, you’re a romantic.”

“This is the first time Sena-ssi feels like a rookie.”

Park Eunki held back his laughter considerately to avoid embarrassing me.

Ha Seongjun looked at me and answered.

“Who hasn’t had passion? Especially in this industry.”

Hearing those words, I smiled bitterly.

“Right.”

“If we only went by the personal will that Sena-ssi mentioned, Yuseon-ssi would’ve jumped to indie films ages ago, Eunki-ssi would’ve debuted as a director, and I’d have announced my retirement.”

What kind of nonsense is this?

I looked at Ha Seongjun, confused.

So each person wants indie films, directorial debut, and retirement?

Hwang Yuseon crossed her arms and leaned back.

“Sena-ssi hasn’t learned how to lose yet. People who succeed in this industry didn’t succeed just by learning how to win. You need to learn how to lose properly too. Especially to your own passion.”

Hwang Yuseon’s words sounded like a secret unspoken rule that successful people had known from the start.

An unspoken rule only I didn’t know yet.

How to lose.

It was the first time I’d encountered the perspective that defeat didn’t have to be purely negative.

The oppressive sense of defeat was already deeply rooted inside me.

Was that root too deep?

Thinking about it, I only knew the sensation of being defeated or losing, not how to lose well.

I let out a deep sigh and leaned back, tilting my head up.

Hot sunlight wrapped around my face.

It felt like the whole world was telling me to just lose for once.

To stop being so stubborn.

That easy, fast paths are still paths.

That now was the time to learn that.

“Everyone off.”

The boat quickly arrived at the dock.

* * *

That evening, in front of the kitchen table.

“But I’m still going to do it.”

“…”

“Because I’ve already gotten interested in this project.”

“……”

Mom didn’t even look at me as I chattered away, covered head to toe in pain relief patches, and just kept peeling fruit.

“Do I have to lose? Do I really have to lose, even to you?”

Mom stuffed a piece of melon into my mouth as if to shut me up.

“Who said what?”

I immediately chewed the melon.

“No one.”

I’d already finished reading the script Seo Jaeyeon had sent.

As expected, the script was entertaining.

A 16-episode mystery comedy about two female detectives conducting a joint investigation.

But the entire time I read that script, I kept seeing glimpses of the <Say Your Name> script in front of my eyes.

Unlike this light and fun script, those heavy, sticky, dense emotional lines kept coming to mind.

And I thought.

“That script is more interesting.”

Even if it’s difficult.

Winning and losing, personal will and ratings, difficult things and easy things.

I decided to escape from those headache-inducing standards and just find the simple reason.

Fun.

I find that more fun.

Then I’ll do it.

It seemed pointless to keep searching for reasons not to participate in this project.

My mind had already been consumed by thoughts of that script for days anyway.

If I’m going to agonize like this, I might as well just do it.

Just like me, go all in.

As expected, gambling suited my personality better than calculating.

I called Minyeong unnie.

* * *

“Oppa, Sena wants to eat ribeye.”

“……”

“Won’t oppa buy Sena ribeye? Huh?? Pwease.”

“Noona, why are you doing this.”

Seon Yuseok looked at me with a terrified expression.

“Blech.”

Kim Eunseo beside him made exaggerated gagging motions as if she couldn’t stand it.

With the single-minded determination not to lose to their rejection rather than my passion, I widened my eyes and cupped my chin with both hands.

Then I winked coyly at Kim Eunseo.

“What’s wrong with everyone. What did we do wrong. Let us apologize.”

“Isn’t Sena cute?”

“You seem insane.”

Kim Eunseo’s rejection was particularly severe.

I switched my target back to Seon Yuseok.

I looked at Seon Yuseok with seductive eyes and twisted my body.

“Should just the two of us go out, oppa?”

Seon Yuseok’s ears immediately turned red.

Then Kim Eunseo looked at Seon Yuseok incredulously.

“I don’t want to…”

Seon Yuseok answered.

Oh, could it actually be working?

I tried to smile even more cutely when—

“Please stop…”

I see.

I let out a short sigh and leaned back in my chair, running my hand through my hair.

“This isn’t easy.”

“What is this? Are you going on a comedy show?”

“Is this for your next role? It’s truly horrifying…”

Seon Yuseok covered his mouth with his hand, brows furrowed in genuine concern.

“Yeah, kind of.”

The character I’d just acted was one of the personalities belonging to <Say Your Name>’s protagonist Yu Dayang.

The lightest comic relief personality.

“You’re using people around you to practice and test, seriously?”

Kim Eunseo shook her head as if flabbergasted.

Seon Yuseok looked shocked.

“You’re not doing this in front of other people too, are you?!”

“Why, is it that weird?”

I asked, feeling a bit deflated.

“I used something different on other people.”

“What else did you do…”

* * *

Before coming here.

“Manager Lee, clear my entire schedule today. I’m going to Thailand for a massage.”

“How could I refuse?”

Lee Seokhyun politely clasped his hands together and bowed.

“Reject that ad that came in last time too. I don’t like that company.”

“Yes.”

“And I’m going to start dating. What’s the point of being a superstar top actor. I’m not a nun. Am I supposed to live like this?”

“Wh, what glory for Soene!”

“…”

I stopped mid-performance and looked down at the top of Lee Seokhyun’s bowed head, speechless.

“I didn’t say I was doing it with you.”

“…Wasn’t this a mistress and manservant concept?”

Lee Seokhyun looked up with a puzzled expression.

“……”

I shouldn’t have tried this on someone who’s already unhinged in daily life.

Realizing my mistake, I quickly turned on my heel.

“What, you’re just leaving like this?!”

Lee Seokhyun called out urgently from behind.

* * *

I shook my head, briefly recalling this morning’s events.

Seon Yuseok and Kim Eunseo looked confused.

I changed the subject and asked about their well-being.

“I heard Yuseok finalized his next project too? And Kim Eunseo, I heard your filming’s almost wrapped.”

They both nodded.

I looked at Yuseok and asked again.

“What role are you playing?”

“Supporting male lead in a romcom. It’s a script from a rookie writer, but it’s pretty fun.”

“Ooh.”

Kim Eunseo and I showed positive reactions simultaneously.

Not only did it suit him well, it was also a good choice for making a proper start.

“Do well with that, and you’ll be perfect for a main male lead in your next project.”

Hearing my words, Seon Yuseok smiled bashfully.

“That’d be great.”

“Everyone’s going to be busy now.”

“By the way, I heard Kkotbyeol took a leave of absence as soon as she entered university? Because of filming.”

Kim Eunseo brought up recent news about Kkotbyeol.

“Yeah. She was a bit disappointed about not being able to attend school.”

“She’s already a star, our Kkotbyeol.”

Yuseok smiled warmly.

Kkotbyeol, who’d become a Seowon Arts University hoobae, had barely attended for a year before taking a leave of absence as soon as the new semester started.

Being fluent in foreign languages and having left an impressive image on the North American version of <Desert Island>, she was receiving love calls from overseas too.

“Everyone’s going to be busy now.”

Kim Eunseo smiled happily.

Seeing that smile, I smiled too.

“Let’s all keep working hard.”

* * *

That same time, Studio Haechi.

Having gained momentum from successfully casting Han Sena, the production company was pushing hard to secure the remaining cast and staff.

They’d crossed the biggest mountain of securing Han Sena, but two more large mountains remained.

The director and the male lead.

The production PD sighed as he looked at the male lead list that Han Sena’s side had requested.

Kim Semin, So Hyeonwoo, Lee Seonho.

Especially Lee Seonho among these was already close to a discarded card.

Lee Seonho, who supposedly received dozens of romcom scripts every season, was as difficult to bring in as plucking stars from the sky.

That’s when the PD’s phone rang.

Checking the caller ID, the PD tensed up.

It was the director he’d been putting the most effort into contacting.

“Yes, Director. Hello!”

-The female lead is confirmed as Han Sena, right?

“Yes yes… Did you finish reading the script?”

-This is no ordinary matter…

Hearing the director’s words, the production PD broke into a cold sweat and smiled.

Every single day since taking on this script had been a grueling march.

“If it were ordinary, we’d have gone to someone else. Why do you think we contacted you, Director? You’re the only one who can make this work well.”

-Actually, I’ve been discussing working on a next project with Lee Seonho recently. If Lee Seonho agrees, I’ll take it on, but if he doesn’t, I can’t guarantee anything.

The moment the PD heard Lee Seonho’s name, his eyes went wide.

“Lee Seonho?!”

-Yes, we worked together on the last project. It went well, and our working styles match.

The PD mouthed ‘Ah, right!’ silently.

“Please talk to him for us!! This is really going to be a hit.”

-Yes yes, I’ll contact you again.

With that, the director left that stunning news and casually hung up.

The moment the call ended, the PD clasped his hands together.

He felt like he’d found a ray of light.

If things go really, really well, they could land Lee Seonho.

They could create a dual-lead production with Lee Seonho and Han Sena.

The PD closed his eyes and sent prayers to countless gods.

“Please bless our project.”

* * *

Minyeong unnie’s office, which I’d been frequenting often these days.

For some reason, unnie didn’t bring up the next project and instead rattled off other schedule options.

“Pick one. Going on a blind date, participating as a game voice actor, doing a guerrilla fan meeting.”

“Huh? What’s that?”

“Things that’d be good for you to do during the off-season.”

What kind of choices are all so strange?

And guerrilla fan meeting?

“Guerrilla fan meetings are totally 90s style, aren’t they? Why so suddenly in this era?”

Hearing my words, unnie shook her head as if I didn’t know anything.

“Trends go in cycles. Don’t you know? A UBN variety show PD created this concept. Production’s confirmed, and they want to recruit you as the first guest.”

“Oh?”

I felt like there might have been a similar program in my past life.

My memory was quite hazy.

“You kind of glossed over your birthday this year because you were busy too. Fans have been waiting for something like this. Feel the fans’ reactions up close on the street.”

Unnie smiled warmly.

Ooh, meeting fans up close?

This seems good?

I was intrigued.