In This Life I Will Die as an Actress Not a Villainess Chapter 24

A tavern in Sangam’s food alley.

Sizzle—

Okonomiyaki cooked on the griddle.

“Cheers!”

I clinked glasses with Minyeong unnie.

Morning Dew soju.

“Kyah-, our Sena. You landed your first commercial too. I’m so proud, you know? Let’s only walk flower paths from here on out!”

“Ah, it’s all thanks to you, unnie. This is just the beginning for us. Road to success! Path to glory!”

“Come on, let’s go!”

We clinked glasses again—clink—and I knocked back the soju.

“Wow, when did you come up with that idea earlier?”

“Hm? Ah… just, you know. It just happened…”

At my response, Minyeong unnie giggled.

“So out of nowhere, we ended up shooting two versions of the commercial, a double. You were totally waiting for this ad, weren’t you? Hm? You’re showing all the signs of preparation. Hm?”

I shook my head halfheartedly at those words.

“Look, look.”

After teasing me for a moment like that, unnie naturally shifted to talking shop.

“Did you see that <Annals of King Yeonsan> that got picked up?”

“Yeah, yeah.”

The moment I nodded reflexively, the alcohol hit me like a truck.

Right, I’d seen it before.

Twenty years ago.

I hadn’t watched it in this lifetime yet.

Come to think of it…

What other movies came out around this time?

There might be variables I don’t know about.

Suddenly something occurred to me.

“Boss, one more bottle please!”

I stopped unnie’s arm as she tried to order another.

“Ah, unnie, wait. Boss, that’s not us! Cancel please!”

Minyeong unnie looked over at me with a what gives expression.

“What? Not drinking more?”

“I’ve got somewhere I need to go soon.”

“Where? At this hour?”

“To see a movie!”

“Hey, you’re a celebrity. If you go with a guy, you’ll get caught by paparazzi!”

* * *

Inside the dark theater.

The ending credits rolled as the lights came on.

I stretched out long.

Reaching for the empty butter-grilled squid box, I rummaged through it.

I’d finished it all while watching two movies back to back.

The moment I decided I should watch some Korean films, I’d impulsively come to this place—’Cinema All Night – Korean Film Festival’.

It was my first visit in twenty years, so it felt refreshingly nostalgic.

Plus, this place was…

“Going to close down soon. Makes it even more precious.”

I looked around the small, cozy theater interior while stretching out my legs.

Seeing my fellow actors’ fresh-faced rookie appearances on screen had been delightful too.

They were all so young and full of life.

The actresses hated their pre-surgery faces to death, but looking at them now, they’d been so pretty.

The unique atmosphere of 2010s films was wonderful too.

I took a sip of coffee and flipped through the notebook I’d been holding.

To jot down my impressions from the movie I’d just watched.

A kind of study notebook.

‘Sorrow. Crime melodrama.’

‘Seong Jeongyeon’s bold performance. In a crime melo where you rarely find this kind of purity and childlike quality. With this work, she established herself in Chungmuro with her one-of-a-kind features.’

‘Seong Jeongyeon’s next work: Michelin Love Diary’

This one was a huge deal too.

After that came the thriller, the romance, and then the romance fantasy drama that totally exploded.

I should reference this.

I drew a thick underline.

The actress names I’d written in my notebook stood out vividly.

In my past life, they’d seemed like people living in a different world.

Actually, even now it wasn’t that different.

Out of the three films I was seeing today, two of them had rookie-level female leads just like me, but to me, they’d always felt like distant stars in the sky.

Because I’d personally witnessed in my previous life what paths they walked, how they walked them, and how much they shined.

I felt again the sensation I’d experienced at awards ceremonies, watching my brilliant colleagues on stage.

A feeling I’d forgotten for so long.

Was it the coffee? My mouth tasted bitter.

“No. This time, I will too. I have to.”

I gripped the pen tightly as I made my resolution.

I want to shine like them.

I want to stand in the same place as them.

I want to stand shoulder to shoulder with them as equals.

What I really wanted to become was more a ten-million-moviegoer actor than a superstar.

Though thinking about it, those were kind of the same thing anyway.

Either way, actress Han Sena.

An actress people could trust based on name alone.

That’s the kind of person I want to become.

I can still dream.

I scribbled this thought down in my notebook too.

Honestly it’s hard, but unlike my previous life, things were gradually unfolding the way I wanted.

And the reason for that was…

In my past life, I’d resented the Yoo Ji-an character for why things didn’t work out, but I’d realized it was actually my acting that lacked conviction.

Right now, as I poured fierce effort into my acting compared to before, things were vastly different.

My acting was gradually pulling me out into the world.

The reason for all the changes I was experiencing lay in my acting.

I resolved never to forget that fact.

Just then, the lights went out again and the third movie started.

My heart pounded.

* * *

Meanwhile, in the same theater.

Diagonally behind Han Sena, a gaze watching her closely glinted faintly.

Eyes that had been observing persistently from the moment they’d spotted Han Sena entering the theater wearing a cap, all the way through watching her scribble something in a notebook.

The owner of that gaze also wore a cap pulled low.

‘So the rumors are true—she’s hardworking. A young actress. Coming all the way here to study.’

Soon, the movie title appeared on screen.

<Annals of King Yeonsan>

Both Han Sena and the owner of that gaze began immersing themselves in the film.

* * *

Inside the somewhat sparse office.

Hoaaam—

After staying up all night watching movies, drowsiness poured over me.

I kept sipping my americano—my life force—while continuing to peer at my notebook.

The door opened and Minyeong unnie appeared.

“Good morning. What are you looking at so intently?”

Unnie approached carrying a sandwich.

I quickly snapped the notebook shut and tucked it into my handbag, worried she might see.

“What is it, what is it?”

Minyeong unnie leaned her face toward my handbag as if she might dive right in, still chewing.

“No, you can’t.”

This had the upcoming projects of other actors that hadn’t come out yet written in it.

If she saw it, there’d be serious trouble.

I grabbed a sandwich from the shopping bag unnie was holding.

“Yes, ham and cheese!”

I bit into it and chewed—the moment unnie sat down at the opposite table.

“You don’t really gain weight despite how much you eat, huh.”

“Me?”

“Yeah, you eat quite a bit for someone your size.”

“Mm, I guess that’s true hearing you say it.”

“Mm, you’re kind of annoying, you know that?”

“Yep.” I answered while smiling as obnoxiously as possible.

“Do you carry that notebook around to write project notes?”

“Ah, yeah. You know, while watching movies and stuff. What project should I do next. What do I want to do. Things like that?”

“As expected, you’re quick.”

“Hm?”

I picked up a piece of ham that had fallen onto the table and popped it back in my mouth.

“Do you have a project in mind?”

Hmm…

I remember some projects, sure, but I have no way of knowing when they started production.

“Well. I’ll have to see what scripts come in first. Unnie, do I not have any contact offers yet?”

“Right, I was actually going to talk about that.”

Unnie dumped a massive pile of papers from another shopping bag.

“…?”

“Scripts. Read them.”

The sandwich almost got stuck in my throat.

Just then, unnie walked over to the office desk and pulled out another massive pile of documents from the drawer.

“…?”

“That one’s scripts that got contacted. This one’s scripts circulating in the industry. I scraped together everything I could get my hands on.”

My jaw dropped.

Had I ever seen this volume of scripts in my entire life?

“Wow…”

Unnie plopped down the shopping bag that had been full of sandwiches.

“Eat all of these while you read.”

“Am I… being held captive here?”

“Pick out the projects you want to do and show me.”

Then unnie looked straight into my eyes.

It was the same look from the day we first met.

Eyes asking—I’m curious who you are.

“I want to see what kind of project actress Han Sena chooses.”

* * *

How many hours had passed?

“Hnngggg—”

In the empty office, I stretched out my stiff body.

Ha, I read like crazy and there’s still this much left.

After setting aside the scripts I’d read, about one-fifth of the pile remained.

A sigh slipped out.

I took a breather for a moment and muttered to myself while gazing out at the darkening sky.

“Still… this really is something special.”

Back then, AK would toss me scripts after filtering them down to just a few options.

Even those were predictable dramas, and the roles I’d be playing were all variations of the same thing.

Having this breadth of choice was a first in my entire acting career.

“But this unnie… she’s ruthless.”

Minyeong unnie had deliberately left out writer names, clearly testing me, handing over only the scripts themselves.

So I couldn’t choose based on any titles or names.

‘I want to see what kind of project actress Han Sena chooses.’

Those words from earlier circled through my head.

I was curious too.

What kind of project would I end up choosing?

I straightened my posture and picked up a new script.

‘Finally seeing some I recognize.’

After reading several pages, scenes from the drama I’d watched in my previous life unfolded in my mind.

Although Minyeong unnie hadn’t told me the writer’s name, investor, which broadcast station was discussing airing it, casting actors, or anything else—my memory couldn’t be blocked.

That didn’t mean I planned to choose projects relying solely on my memory either.

This project would definitely guarantee viewership if I landed a role.

“But this one…”

I clearly knew it would get aired and do well.

“Doesn’t grab me.”

I set the script down.

If I could get a role in this project, it would be some passive, submissive tragic female lead.

I picked up the next script.

“Hmm… a sageuk.” (+) ^[1] TLN: A sageuk drama is literally historical drama, in case you didn’t know yet. Since I was thinking of using sageuk instead of translating it, to match the makjang drama.

Opening the proposal, something immediately caught my eye.

“A woman dressed as a man?”

There’d been occasional romcom sageuks featuring cross-dressing women.

A minor boom a few years back that had since faded.

But one this openly about a woman who’s the king’s close aide… had there been one like this?

The female lead’s character description showed she cross-dressed and was actually active in politics.

As if entranced, I grabbed the script.

Cross-dressing woman sageuks had been a few years ago, so timing-wise it worked, and having her brazenly enter politics created clear differentiation from other projects.

Wait, before that.

Reading the script from the beginning felt too tantalizing.

I set down the script and picked up the thick bundle of papers with the entire plot written out.

I was dying to know how the content developed.

About twenty pages densely packed with content went like this:

The female lead, hiding her family circumstances, cross-dresses and passes the civil service exam to enter the palace.

That’s how the female lead becomes a government official, and a tense, precarious romance blossoms between her and the king…

The king, constantly fluttering over a male official, feels confused every single day.

Meanwhile, the female lead secretly sneaks into the archives to find records of her parents who died falsely accused of treason…

The Queen Dowager, trying to rule over the king, kills the king’s close aides, and attempts to expose the female lead’s identity.

So the female lead chooses to disappear on her own, and before leaving, hands the king documents containing all her secrets.

Finally, the wavering king receives that letter, awakens, and proceeds to purge the Queen Dowager’s faction.

Thus, he solidifies his position as a true king and claims his love.

Hmm.

A proactive female lead who flips the traditional cross-dressing woman sageuk role, and a coming-of-age male lead’s story.

Fresh, with perfect scene composition, plus sweet and deadly romance.

Everything was…

“Fascinating.”

I picked up the script and began reading.

Six episodes worth of script were available.

I devoured the script in one sitting.

I was desperately disappointed I couldn’t read further.

After reading to the very last line, I closed the script with a snap.

This is so good…?

Even just reading six episodes, the immersion was incredible.

Plus, what I loved most about this script was…

“The female lead is so compelling…”

I muttered like someone possessed.

Suddenly my heart pounded.

My head felt dizzy yet crystal clear at the same time.

This instinctive sensation was one I hadn’t felt in so long.

The sensation when I’d found a role I wanted to play.

I slowly flipped through the script again, lost in thought.

I desperately wanted the female lead role.

Compared to the one-dimensional villain roles I’d played in my past life, this character had incomparable depth.

It felt like gathering pieces of all the role characteristics I’d wanted to play and creating a complete version—this female lead was exactly that.

Suddenly my throat felt dry.

I reached for the cup beside me.

In my previous life, even when I got this sensation, it was useless.

Because there was never any role I could grasp with my own two hands.

Rather, this sensation only brought me powerlessness and frustration.

‘You think Sena-ssi can handle this kind of role? As if.’

‘You do know you need to distinguish between what you want to do and what you’re good at, right? That’s basic, you know?’

Words I’d heard countless times from people around me echoed in my ears.

The image of that rookie actress I’d seen at the theater also came to mind.

An existence like a distant star to me.

Now I truly needed to walk a different path.

I felt an intense desire for this female lead to be the character I’d take my next step with after Yoo Ji-an.

Song Sunim.

That was the female lead’s name.

All right, I’ve decided.

I’m going with this project.

As I organized the scripts, a strange thought suddenly occurred to me.

“If it’s this good… why don’t I remember seeing it as a drama?”

• 1. TLN: A sageuk drama is literally historical drama, in case you didn’t know yet. Since I was thinking of using sageuk instead of translating it, to match the makjang drama.