In This Life I Will Die as an Actress Not a Villainess Chapter 25

The next morning.

Click—

“Oh my!”

The door opened, followed by a short shriek.

Startled awake by the sound, I bolted upright.

Bright sunlight poured over the couch where I’d been lying.

I squinted and looked toward the door—Minyeong unnie was staring this way with a dumbfounded expression.

“Sena, you didn’t go home?”

Whoa.

Looking outside where the sun hung high in the sky, my head went foggy.

Yesterday I’d finished reading the script and meant to just close my eyes for a moment…

Oh no, this won’t do.

I quickly stood up and approached Minyeong unnie.

“Unnie! I want to do this one.”

I snatched the script from the desk and shoved it at Minyeong unnie like I was forcing it on her.

Minyeong unnie checked the script and furrowed her brow.

“This kid chose this of all things… What about the others?”

“Huh?”

“Weren’t there any other ones you wanted to do?”

Unnie’s lukewarm response deflated me just before I lost all my energy.

“I didn’t think about the others.”

At my words, unnie let out a short sigh.

Was there some serious problem?

Some external issue…

“This one—you’re not going to get cast.”

My energy really did drain away.

Talking about casting when I hadn’t even tried yet.

When I sighed too, Minyeong unnie made a troubled face.

“The casting lineup just dropped. The male lead is Lee Seokhyun, and the supporting roles are all actors who get paid thousands per episode.”

A top S-tier male lead among top stars, plus trusted veteran supporting actors attached.

That meant my competitive spirit flared even more, but I paused at the next words.

“Most importantly, you know Jung Yuwon, right? The agency contacted them but got rejected.”

Jung Yuwon was currently Chungmuro’s hottest rising female star.

“…”

“They’re hoping for someone on the level of Seo Jaeyeon or Lee Nara.”

Meaning they wanted top S-tier domestic actresses.

Actresses who earned hundreds of millions per episode.

In other words, if Jung Yuwon got rejected, I didn’t stand a chance—that was unnie’s realistic advice.

After that, Minyeong unnie’s string of perfectly reasonable words continued.

“Writer Nam Jihye has had three hits in a row, and Director Kang Jeonghwan made his debut with authentic sageuks. Since they’re veterans and even attached a top male lead, naturally they’d want a top female lead—that goes without saying—plus they’ll want someone experienced in sageuks. But Sena, you just finished your first proper drama.”

Hearing that, I closed my mouth.

My thought process stopped for a moment.

It felt like some misfortune notice had just landed on me.

If what unnie said was true…

I could only nod.

“If it’s like unnie says, there’s no way I’d get cast.”

“Sena, I’m not saying this to discourage you, you know that, right?”

“Of course I know.”

Silence settled over the office for a moment.

I watched unnie’s face, which seemed to be cycling through countless thoughts.

My face probably looked no different.

I hadn’t thought things would just flow smoothly after coming back.

But honestly, losing my energy was unavoidable.

I worked my heavy shoulders loose with effort.

I smiled at unnie and asked,

“Unnie, in your eyes, is my acting lacking?”

At my words, unnie’s eyes went wide.

“Are you kidding?”

“Then that’s enough. I’m going to audition for this.”

Unnie’s eyes opened even wider.

“You’re going to audition…?”

“Yes. I really enjoyed this one. Whether casting is realistically difficult, production is difficult, whatever it is—I want to at least try for a project I find interesting.”

At those words, unnie laughed as if incredulous.

I continued speaking.

“Even if I fail, I don’t want to give up on my ambition.”

I really meant it.

Even if the resolution I’d made last night ended in failure, I didn’t want to discard it with my own hands.

Having to give up on a role I wanted to play because the owner of that role wasn’t me—I was tired of that now.

Even if the result was the same, I wanted the process to be different from my past life.

I wanted to at least try with all my heart.

Because that’s why I’m living twice.

It’s also why I act…

Unnie, who’d been staring intently at my face, burst into laughter.

And this time, an unexpected reaction came from her side.

Minyeong unnie grinned.

“As expected, I had a good eye for people.”

“Huh?”

“I wanted to see you never give up in any situation. That’s our company’s identity too.”

“What, were you testing me?”

“Testing? I was going to tell you anyway. You’re this prepared of a person. And I want to take the challenge too.”

“…”

At unnie’s words, my nose suddenly stung.

“Right, we have to audition. Why wouldn’t you audition for a project you want? Hm?”

Unnie’s words made my emotions swell.

For me too, this wasn’t an easy resolution, and her tone showed she understood that.

Unnie continued speaking right away.

“But what I said earlier—I wasn’t just trying to scare you. It really will be less than 1% probability. Even so.”

Unnie walked over to the table and hung her coat on the rack.

“Let’s do our best to find a way to break through the audition. Together.”

At those words, a huge smile broke across my face.

I ran over to the table and hugged Minyeong unnie, who was a full hand-span shorter than me.

“I really love you so much, unnie.”

“Ugh, gross. Get off me.”

“I’m going to work really hard.”

“Yeah, me too. If we fail, we’ll think about other things then.”

At those words, I nodded vigorously.

* * *

And so, after a full three-hour journey, I arrived here.

“Scholar… experience?”

Traditional etiquette experience center.

The receptionist’s eyes wavered.

‘Surely she meant to say lady’s chamber experience and misspoke.’

Her expression made it so easy to read what she was thinking that I wondered if I had a talent for mind-reading.

I spoke again with emphasis.

“Yes, scholar experience.”

It was one of the courses for fully enjoying the pleasure of preparing for a role.

In my previous life, I’d gone through this process every time I prepared for auditions to escape those mediocre villain roles.

Even if the results were disastrous, the process was enjoyable and left me with a lot.

I’d taken violin lessons, visited boxing gyms, learned dialects from locals…

‘Her image makes it hard to cast her as the lead, but… that violin playing was no joke. What a shame. Can’t we use that somehow?’

With this one comment from a director on a past project, I’d gotten cast as the lead’s rival supporting role.

Even if it wasn’t the result I wanted, my diligent preparation definitely paid off.

My preparation and practice were used somewhere, somehow.

This time was the same logic.

As I stepped into the experience center, the eyes of the people seated inside went round.

From the instructor with the air of a venerable teacher to the male students of various ages who’d come for lessons—everyone looked at me with confused expressions.

“Oh? It’s Yu Ji-an!”

Meanwhile, a middle school boy suddenly pointed his phone at me.

“Ahem, making loud noises and pointing at others isn’t a gentleman’s etiquette.”

The teacher—nice save.

“Please, have a seat.”

Following the teacher’s guidance, I found a spot and sat down.

“Alright, then. Here are the things you need to know first for proper posture. Regarding footwork, move your feet heavily and carefully…”

Small booklets lay on the little tables in front of each seat.

The teacher recited from the booklet while adding explanations.

It was Yulgok Yi I’s ‘Gyeongmong Yogyeol.’ (+) ^[1] TLN: Translated as “Key to Breaking Folly’s Hold” is a book serves as a guide for learning and self-cultivation, aiming to alert oneself and cleanse the mind for firm decisions in learning and immediate action. The book was designed to help readers overcome ignorance and folly through disciplined study and moral development, without the author needing to teach them personally. The key goals of the book were to cultivate a serious and meaningful attitude toward learning and to encourage practical application of knowledge and virtue in life.

After that, the teacher’s instruction continued nonstop for three hours.

* * *

And that evening.

“Teacher Yoon Youngjae…?”

“Yes, I want to learn acting from that teacher.”

The agency office.

Minyeong unnie sat at the desk looking at me with a dumbfounded expression.

I’d come barging in on unnie asking her to arrange a meeting with Teacher Yoon Youngjae.

“If you want to learn sageuk acting, there are plenty of good actors and coaches. How about Park Hyun or Hwang Minsik instead?”

Unnie calmly tried to persuade me.

“They’re true sageuk veterans, and I’ve heard they’ve coached rookies before. I’ll somehow bring them in no matter what it takes.”

“No, it absolutely has to be Teacher Yoon Youngjae.”

I answered firmly again.

“So… why exactly?”

Unnie tilted her head to one side.

I couldn’t easily answer unnie’s question and fell into solitary thought.

These were things I couldn’t explain to unnie.

* * *

It was quite a long time ago now.

In my memory, the first time I saw Teacher Yoon Youngjae was at a Chungmuro film festival awards ceremony.

Back then, I was mixed into the crowd watching my fellow actors receive awards.

From a distance.

I was performing this-and-that villain acting in dramas, not even invited to the ceremony, watching from afar on a big screen.

One of the Best Actor nominees that day was Teacher Yoon Youngjae.

For the lead role of King Yeongjo in the film <Yeongjo>.

And this fact had been heating up the media for days already.

Until then, Teacher Yoon Youngjae had been an actor who only frequented the theater scene, and this was his first screen debut.

Everyone who saw the film said the same thing.

“Who is that actor?”

It meant two things.

That the face was unfamiliar.

And where had such a gem been hiding until now.

Without a doubt, no one could deny that year was Yoon Youngjae’s year.

When the name was called on that tension-filled ceremony stage with all eyes focused.

“Congratulations to Actor Yoon Youngjae on winning.”

The moment the host finished speaking, every actor who attended the ceremony rose and gave thunderous applause.

The teacher straightened his clothes and slowly walked onto the stage.

After receiving the award and gripping the microphone, the teacher took a moment to look around the stage below.

I couldn’t read the teacher’s emotions.

What must it feel like?

Working tirelessly until that venerable age, finally grasping your first trophy…

And the first words the teacher spoke at that moment became indelibly engraved in my heart.

“Shouldn’t I be receiving Best New Actor instead of Best Actor?”

Many juniors laughed at the playful joke.

But I couldn’t laugh.

Because I could feel the teacher’s sincerity—not excited, not particularly joyful.

It was shocking.

The teacher spoke calmly.

“This award I receive today, I share this glory with the actors sitting in this ceremony today who… haven’t yet seen the light. Those commonly called actors who haven’t received the spotlight. And the actors not even invited to this ceremony.”

After a brief silence, the teacher continued.

“Or those who, regardless of any external results or evaluation, aren’t shining their own internal spotlight on themselves as much as they want.”

Each word pierced my heart.

“To those people, I want to say it’s still okay. Because you’re not as old as this old Yoon Youngjae.”

The brief acceptance speech’s final words followed.

“Everyone, keep striving forward.”

And with thanks, the teacher returned to his seat.

Watching that, my head went hazy.

At that moment, I thought.

‘I’m really young…’

When someone like that exists, saying age is nothing and shouting ‘keep striving.’

What had I been so defeated by until now?

I was in my late thirties, and I realized I was still young.

And I became even more desperate for acting.

Of course, even after that, I couldn’t satisfy that desperation.

* * *

And now.

I looked at Minyeong unnie, who was still watching me with eyes that couldn’t understand.

Minyeong unnie wouldn’t know.

When she said she’d bring Teacher Yoon Youngjae to the agency, why I’d burst into hollow laughter.

How happy those words made me, how much I reflected on my own inadequacies.

Having Teacher Yoon Youngjae on the same ship was more reassuring than anything else.

If I had the chance, I was ready to run over and learn acting anytime.

And that chance was right now.

“Unnie, please.”

“This kid really is a mystery. Teacher Yoon Youngjae is a theater actor, and we don’t even know if he’s done sageuks.”

“Unnie-! Just trust me this once.”

“I trust you. I trust you, but it’s just so strange! Fine, I’ll at least try contacting him.”

Unnie let out a small sigh while still wearing that incomprehensible expression.

A few days later.

At the experience center, I was in the middle of learning tea ceremony.

“Place the tea leaves on the vessel like this and carefully cover it. Then grip the handle…”

I was intently focused on the instructor, brewing tea.

The pottery was heavier than expected, making my hands tremble.

Wow, this isn’t… easy…

Someone with alcohol addiction could get criticized as the female lead for this level of shaking.

Just then, my phone vibrated briefly under the desk.

I glanced around and discreetly picked up my phone.

A text from an unknown number appeared, making my heart pound.

‘Hello, this is Yoon Youngjae. I heard the story through Minyeong-ssi. I was deeply moved by a young actor’s sincerity and passion. However, I’m still a lacking actor with a long way to go, so let’s each work hard in our own positions, and hopefully we can meet on a good project when the opportunity arises.’

Reading it instantly, a deep sigh escaped me.

It was a humble way of declining my request.

I’d expected it, but still.

I poured tea in a daze.

“Sena-ssi, your elbow dropped.”

Just then, the tea ceremony instructor’s correction came.

“Ah, I’ll try again.”

Trickle— As I poured tea, I started working through my thoughts.

• 1. TLN: Translated as “Key to Breaking Folly’s Hold” is a book serves as a guide for learning and self-cultivation, aiming to alert oneself and cleanse the mind for firm decisions in learning and immediate action. The book was designed to help readers overcome ignorance and folly through disciplined study and moral development, without the author needing to teach them personally. The key goals of the book were to cultivate a serious and meaningful attitude toward learning and to encourage practical application of knowledge and virtue in life.