In This Life I Will Die as an Actress Not a Villainess Chapter 53

A few steps ahead, Teacher Yoon Youngjae stood there with heavier shading than usual.

The lighting meant to create contrast between the aged eunuch’s light and shadow had darkened the surroundings, falling beside just the two of us.

Sunim, having learned of Sangseon’s past, would interrogate him starting now.

Somehow, the space surrounding Teacher and me felt completely empty.

As if there were no cameras, no staff.

“Just be mindful of shadow placement. No directing. I’m leaving it to you two originals.”

Trust melted into the director’s dry tone.

This was the same director who’d persistently demand corrections from Lee Seokhyun and even the veteran Won Hyerim sunbaenim when their script interpretations differed.

I felt grateful.

“Then shall we? Ready, action.”

I quickly moved my steps along the palace wall.

Sangseon approached, having heard the footsteps.

“Time is of the essence, so why did you ask to see me? The hidden documents? Did something happen?”

I stepped back with a hardened expression.

In a cold voice, I asked.

“Are you truly concerned from your heart.”

At that, Sangseon’s brow furrowed.

“What do you mean. We don’t have time for wordplay. This is a situation where every second counts, as you well know…”

But Sangseon’s words went unfinished.

I pulled out the phoenix-patterned cloth that had been hidden beneath the roof tiles.

It was the cloth Sangseon had used to wrap the note when he’d communicated with the Queen Dowager’s quarters.

“…!!”

Shock and despair rose simultaneously in Sangseon’s expression.

The sounds filling the thick night air briefly vanished.

After a moment of silence…

Sangseon asked in a low voice.

“Does His Majesty know as well.”

“Is that what’s important to you, Sangseon?”

As if showing in real time how my affection for Sangseon had turned to disappointment, I kept my speech and expression rigid.

Then, looking at Sangseon who gave no answer, I gradually raised my emotions.

“You’ve been deceiving His Majesty and me all this time. Say something!”

I felt bitter.

Thinking of Sangseon from back then—I’d nearly gone mad with hatred for this man.

Both as the king and as Han Sena.

I asked desperately.

“Did you truly betray us. Or perhaps—maybe you never had any sincerity to begin with. In this vast palace…”

My emotions welled up.

“In this vast palace, you were the only one who’d become our ally.”

At that, Sangseon briefly squeezed his eyes shut.

“…It’s true that I started as a spy for the Queen Dowager’s quarters.”

My heart trembled.

Sangseon’s voice from that day overlapped with what I heard now.

Teacher’s voice acting as Sangseon overflowed with heavy guilt and regret, yet contained emotions slightly different from the script’s Sangseon.

As if he understood Sunim’s desperation, as if he too felt equally desperate right now.

Therefore, a silent protest that he wasn’t a complete traitor—that’s what it felt like.

“Then all your devoted service to His Majesty—was it all lies? Everything, those caring gestures!”

My voice grew louder on its own.

Sunim didn’t yet know Sangseon’s innocence.

Like me standing behind that wall that day, her eyes were blinded by emotion, unable to see anything.

I let out an empty laugh.

If even you are a traitor, what are His Majesty and I supposed to do now.

Should we just wait for a blade to reach His Majesty’s and my throats together.

While inwardly reciting these thoughts to myself, I leaned my body against the wall.

Though neither Sangseon nor the camera could hear my internal words, the emotions would be transmitted fully.

I thought we had hope. Had we been becoming others’ entertainment in vain hope.

With dry eyes, I looked at Sangseon.

Then Sangseon opened his mouth.

“At first, yes. But…”

At these words, I completely relaxed my facial muscles, showing an expression of disbelief.

To Sunim right now, Sangseon’s words were nothing but wordplay.

After deceiving us all this time, now he’s talking about ‘at first’?

I suppressed the impulse to ad-lib from genuine indignation, keeping a tight rein on it.

I decided to express everything through my expression alone.

That’s when Sangseon threw out something unexpected.

“Do you know what my dream is. To live in an ideal Joseon. A nation with power, a king worthy of being a true ruler, wise ministers assisting him, and young subjects serving their lord while receiving protection…”

While listening to these words, my brow gradually drew together.

Irritatingly enough, it wasn’t actually nonsense.

Our king had truly grown into ‘a king worthy of being a true ruler’ through the process of fighting the Queen Dowager, using her as a cautionary example.

“What His Majesty showed me made me ashamed.”

Sangseon’s final words.

These words made my mood turn utterly miserable.

Because they made me want to forgive Sangseon.

They even made me want to cling to him, asking why he did it.

With eyes filled with resentment, I looked at Sangseon.

“…His Majesty doesn’t know yet.”

Sangseon couldn’t lift his head.

“If his heart wavers, he might not move according to plan.”

At those words, I answered firmly.

“If he were so weak, he couldn’t have fought until now.”

I filled my voice with complete conviction.

“Didn’t you say he’s different from the Queen Dowager? So if you confess that sincerity you revealed to me just as it is, he’ll accept it.”

Hurry and beg His Majesty’s forgiveness.

Return to stay fully by our side again.

This was my true feeling right now.

At that, Sangseon lifted his head to look at me.

A moment when our gazes met, crossing multiple emotions.

One second, two seconds, three seconds…

Even as considerable time passed, no directing instructions came from the director.

Shortly after, I sensed a staff member signaling to the director.

Director Kang’s slightly unsettled voice reached us.

“Cut, okay.”

With those words, all my strength drained away at once.

Teacher Yoon Youngjae also let out a deep breath.

Extreme tension, understanding of Sangseon, conviction in my lord—

Multiple emotions still swirled inside me.

My heart beat rapidly.

For those few minutes just now, I’d truly lived as Sunim.

That time when I’d died and struggled again and again had made me live within the palace walls.

For a moment, I recalled the promise I’d made when parting with Sunim.

Could this count as keeping that promise well?

* * *

A hotel in Gangnam.

“You’ve been deceiving His Majesty and me all this time! Say something.”

“…It’s true that I started as a spy for the Queen Dowager’s quarters.”

On the large screen, Sunim’s image filled with despair was flowing.

My face, fully immersed in method acting, was shown in close-up.

The Flower Beyond Palace Walls—or Palace Flower—press conference venue.

As I sat watching the video together with reporters, actors, and production staff, I felt inwardly proud.

It was my most carefully crafted scene, after all.

But…

For some reason, the same video had been playing on repeat twice in a row.

Everyone except me kept staring at the video blankly as if seeing it for the first time.

I glanced around.

This is kind of embarrassing.

Soon a seat arrangement was made and interviews began.

Before reporters could even ask questions, Lee Seokhyun boldly grabbed the microphone.

“Everyone, that scene you just saw was created by Sena-ssi herself.”

“Oh? What does that mean?”

“Han Sena-ssi, please explain!”

The atmosphere quickly grew noisy.

Oh man, that guy, seriously.

When I looked at Lee Seokhyun with a forced smile, he grinned back at me.

The director, writer, and other actors all showed me gentle smiles.

Don’t tell me everyone came here coordinated except me.

When I looked at Director Kang, he pointedly avoided my gaze.

Hey.

The sound of reporters frantically typing on keyboards filled the hall.

Writer Nam Jihye, watching my flustered state, grabbed the microphone first.

“We actually had a lot of talk about the female lead casting.”

Her voice overflowed with a relaxed presence.

She seemed to be redirecting attention to spare me, a newcomer.

“At first, the director opposed Sena-ssi’s audition quite a bit, right?”

Writer Nam glanced at Director Kang with a subtle smile.

Director Kang responded with a slightly annoyed expression hidden beneath the same capitalist smile.

Then he grabbed the microphone.

“I don’t deny Sena-ssi acts well, but she’s a newcomer with no historical drama experience, so I was a bit concerned. But now, well, I’m the one clinging to Sena-ssi’s coattails.”

Director Kang delivered his answer with a blunt yet tactful response.

Then, with just a smile on his lips, he looked at Writer Nam with a deadly gaze.

Writer Nam just shrugged her shoulders.

Ugh…

This tension is painful to watch.

Writer Nam continued speaking as if nothing had happened.

“Sena-ssi brought this scene to us herself. Pretty bold, right? But as you all saw, can you not watch this? I fell for it at first sight.”

“Oh wow, that’s why! I was completely blown away watching it!”

The comedian-turned-MC responded enthusiastically to the writer’s words, raising the atmosphere.

“Now then. How about we hear from veteran actor Yoon Youngjae, rediscovered by the media, about this scene?”

The MC’s question turned to Teacher.

Teacher chuckled and picked up the unfamiliar microphone.

“Veteran actor—I like the sound of that. As you know, I spent a long time in the theater world that people aren’t very aware of, then suddenly ended up boarding this drama while helping my junior with an audition.”

Laughter flowed from the audience.

It was truly veteran-like.

I too smiled gently while looking at Teacher.

“This scene came entirely from this junior I cherish. I was blown away just from hearing about it before filming. It’s no exaggeration to say I decided to do this drama because of this scene.”

As the warm atmosphere continued, Lee Seokhyun and Won Hyerim sunbaenim each added their words.

“Ah, I’m jealous. She did better at the audition than the short film, you know? But then she came to set and did even better. I feel threatened.”

“I hear people calling Sena-ssi Post-Won Hyerim a lot lately. The title Post-Won Hyerim is too small for Sena-ssi. She’s just her own Original Han Sena genre.”

At those words, I quickly waved both hands.

Flustered—how do I handle this.

Every topic and conversation centered around me.

I broke into a cold sweat.

That’s when the MC changed topics with a cheerful laugh.

“From what I hear, there’s a viewership pledge.”

“Yes. If we exceed 20%, we plan to release that short film in special content.”

Director Kang nodded and answered.

Finally the MC asked me a question.

“Now then, our star Sena-ssi! Let’s hear Sena-ssi’s thoughts too. How was this project?”

I steadied my breathing and picked up the microphone.

My face probably looked flushed.

“I’m really embarrassed.”

Every gaze focused on me.

This kind of pressure was new.

But somehow, the feeling wasn’t bad.

“Starting with casting and the short film—it was such a good project that I was greedy for it. Plus, I wanted to join these people here—the writer, director, and senior actors—so I was desperate enough to create that short film.”

“Wow, Sena-ssi. Aren’t you being too modest?”

The MC responded with a laugh.

At those words, I shook my head slightly and smiled.

“As the director mentioned, I’m such a newcomer. Seeing you all view it favorably like this, I’m glad I struggled. I’m so happy filming these days.”

“Well then! As the lead, we can’t skip hearing about your viewership pledge. Our Sena-ssi, Seokhyun-ssi! If you exceed 20%, what will you do?”

Ah, I hadn’t thought about that.

Before I could even think, Lee Seokhyun blurted out.

“Sena-ssi’s girl group dance!”

What?

I whipped my head around to look at Lee Seokhyun, who ignored my gaze.

So that’s how you want to play it.

I also grinned at the MC.

“The director set his at 20%, so I’ll set mine at 25%. But Seokhyun sunbaenim has to join me. In Palace Flower costumes?”

At that, cheers erupted from the press seats.

Camera shutters and typing sounds followed continuously.

Lee Seokhyun’s eyes went wide.

Ha, thought I’d die alone?

I’d thrown it out there, but 25% was a wall that only mini-series prepared years in advance by broadcasters could surpass.

An impossible viewership rating to reach even with the trinity of star writer, director, and actors aligned.

That’s why I’d aimed for it as my pledge.

So, well, I should be safe.

Right? Please.