In This Life I Will Die as an Actress Not a Villainess Chapter 86

“Ah…”

Two words hit my ears hard: first, Raymond Zhang, and second, Korean-American adoptee.

Director Raymond Zhang.

He was one of the people in the world I’d admired for so long.

A director who faced discrimination and prejudice as an Asian in the film industry, gained recognition for his work on a modest scale, and in his later years advanced to major film festivals to receive worldwide attention.

“Perfect, this is fascinating content. Very much like Director Raymond.”

But wait.

Was there a protagonist like that in Director Raymond’s filmography?

A Korean adoptee?

I’d watched all of the director’s works, yet I couldn’t remember it.

“The script is really good.”

“…I’m curious too.”

My inner thoughts slipped out.

Aiden looked at me with slightly surprised eyes.

After hesitating briefly, Aiden pulled out a script from the glove compartment and handed it to me.

<Hometown>

I mouthed the title on the cover.

“Read it for a bit.”

With trembling hands, I accepted the script.

I slowly turned the pages.

For a while after that, I forgot I was sitting in Aiden’s car as I read through the script.

“…Wow.”

A moment later, I closed the script and spoke as if entranced.

“Has the lead been cast?”

Aiden shook his head.

“They’re having trouble casting the female lead. There’s talk that if they can’t find someone, they won’t film it. That’s what’s worrying me.”

“……”

Absolutely not.

The character was far too compelling for that to happen.

Compelling enough to draw me in instantly without needing any additional explanation.

This director was famous for scrapping projects even the day before filming if he wasn’t satisfied.

Silence once again filled the car.

“Um, actually.”

“Um, actually.”

Aiden and I spoke at the exact same time.

Aiden continued first.

“If it’s all right, could I recommend you?”

* * *

A few days later, back in Aiden’s passenger seat.

I looked out the window with a fluttering heart.

As we drove closer to the production company, increasingly dense high-rise buildings filled the view outside.

Another sudden meeting like this.

I’d been so nervous I hadn’t slept all night.

Strangely, I felt far more nervous than when going to the Warners audition.

Even I didn’t understand this feeling.

Beside me, Aiden chattered excitedly.

“Can you believe it? That we both thought of it at the same time. The director’s first choice for casting was you, Sena, but he’d given up thinking you’d already been cast by Warners.”

Aiden rambled on excitedly.

Hearing those words made me happy and terrified at the same time.

My English was still somewhat lacking, and I didn’t really understand the sensibilities of Korean-Americans.

Maybe I’d followed along too recklessly…

Plus, I’d heard a new casting candidate had emerged.

I had no idea what would happen.

We arrived at the production company.

Aiden turned off the engine and shot me a quick wink.

It was a sign to relax a bit.

I looked out the window and exhaled deeply.

Let’s not get my hopes up.

I’ll just think of it as gaining one good experience.

Like always.

Aiden got out of the car first and opened the passenger door for me.

“Shall we?”

In a daze, I got out of the car and walked into the production company building.

Seven of the 50 floors in the building were production company offices.

Aiden led the way to the conference room.

On the fifth floor, when we opened the door, Director Raymond Zhang sat with production staff.

I’d heard the director had just flown from Korea to America the day before for this meeting.

Behind them, the LA cityscape spread out through floor-to-ceiling windows.

I felt like I’d possessed the protagonist in a movie.

Is this really reality…?

“Hello.”

The director stood up and greeted me with an awkward Korean accent.

Then he smiled and switched back to English.

“I barely know any Korean. I keep saying I need to learn, I need to learn, but I’m so lazy.”

Then he extended his hand to me for a handshake.

“I’m very grateful, Aiden. Thanks to you, I’m having such a valuable meeting.”

At the director’s words, Aiden shrugged his shoulders.

“If she gets cast, you’re covering my fee. You know I don’t come cheap, right?”

Thanks to Aiden’s joke, cheerful laughter erupted in the office.

Director David spoke again.

“As you’ve heard, this story is about a Korean adoptee. Through the identity confusion experienced by a Korean adoptee, I want to address the essence of family in this work.”

“Yes, I see.”

As expected, it was a theme deeply infused with the director’s life questions.

The emotions of a minority, an outsider’s solitary sentiment.

“Filming will mostly take place on location in America, and over 90% of the script will be in English.”

I quietly swallowed at those words.

I’d already prepared myself for this since the Warners audition.

However, being realistic content gave it characteristics completely opposite to Warners.

“The female protagonist is ordinary. Completely ordinary. This woman’s desires are just two things: wanting to raise her daughter in a happier environment than she had, and wanting to find her birth mother. Just those two.”

An ordinariness completely different from hero films…

Sometimes universal, straightforward settings felt more challenging than unique character concepts.

Especially like now, with an ordinariness I didn’t know.

It had been difficult even within Korean culture, and now it was truly a situation requiring a headfirst dive into unknown territory.

An unexpected challenge awaited me here too.

The director continued explaining the character.

“The protagonist was adopted by good parents and raised in a comfortable environment, but she was always bullied at school. Her parents didn’t know, and the protagonist tried hard to hide it. Because she didn’t want to break her parents’ hearts. After that, the woman accumulated wounds she couldn’t tell anyone about, one by one. Then this woman builds a family with her own hands. A husband and daughter. That daughter is also an adopted child from Korea, in the exact same situation as her.”

But… if there was a difference from the Warners project, this character made my heart ache just hearing her brief story.

“She’s a wonderful woman who doesn’t let go of hope even when life overwhelms her, trying to be strong.”

The role I’d been offered in the hero film was also really cool. Though in a different way.

But this time, the more I heard the director’s explanation, the stronger my desire to do this became.

It was an emotion I hadn’t felt when preparing for the Warners audition.

‘Ah, I want to do this.’

The moment I thought in such a clear sentence, I realized it.

Why my feelings had been ambiguous even after receiving the Warners casting offer.

That project—I’d never approached it from the start thinking ‘I want to do this.’

Instead, I’d practiced by finding the merits and meaning of hero films, trying to draw out the desire to do it.

Perhaps it all happened because I’d auditioned after seeing the Warners name.

That’s how I received a casting offer, but in the end, I’d never been certain it was my project.

Since being reborn, I’d jumped into anything I wanted to do without looking back, yet with that series, I’d been calculating the time to invest in it.

When had my criteria for deciding what I wanted to do become films with major capital investment or script possession phenomena?

I’d been mistaken all along.

What I wanted to do—I just needed to decide that for myself.

To realize something so simple only now.

Or should I be glad I at least realized it now?

That’s when the director asked.

“I’ll get straight to the point. Sena, would you consider playing the lead in my project?”

I was so shocked by the aggressive casting offer that my mouth wouldn’t move.

No audition, yet this aggressive…? Why?

Director Raymond continued appealing.

“I’ll be honest with you. I’ve had you, Sena, as my first choice all along. From what I’ve researched, there’s almost no suitable face to take on this story.”

“…?”

Th-this is a definite love call.

I had no idea what kind of image the director had in mind when writing the script.

“Korean-American actors already living here are actually problematic. The protagonist in the work is a woman who’s been an outsider her whole life, so she needs to not be completely accustomed to American culture. Yet she can’t be portrayed as too Korean either.”

“Ah… Did you look at other Korean actresses too?”

“I’ve already seen hundreds. There are so many talented people. But I liked you, Sena.”

Sweat formed on my palms.

Just as I opened my mouth to answer, suddenly my phone rang.

“Ah, sorry.”

I grabbed my phone to turn it off quickly, but on the screen was the name ‘Warners AD.’

I froze and stared at the screen for a moment.

Sitting beside me, Aiden’s eyes unconsciously moved over and saw my phone screen.

Aiden and I made eye contact at the same time.

* * *

[Han Sena, Mega-Budget Action Hero Film <Fabulous> Contract Falls Through]

[‘Warners’ Rejected for ‘Raymond.’ Han Sena Turns Down Capital, Chooses Art…]

[Han Sena’s Unique Path After Rejecting <Fabulous>—Boldness or Recklessness]

The entire internet was in an uproar.

Articles came out as expected.

Even though they’d only been posted starting an hour ago, they were already being mass-produced endlessly.

The view counts and comments were countless.

-??????????????

-She rejected Warners? She’s insane

-Lolol she’s got artistic delusions

-Is she serious? Does she think hero films aren’t real movies? Like some kind of elitism.

-She got kicked out because she can’t speak English, everyone. Let’s all go home.

-I understand Han Sena’s feelings though. Looking at her filmography, she seems to dislike formulaic scripts.

-Wow, I’ll give her credit for conviction.

-But still, it’s Warners, noona. Let’s reconsider. Do Warners first then do all the art you want.

Every comment shared one thing in common: questioning my decision.

As I read the comments one by one with a worried heart, Minyeong unnie shut the monitor as if she’d expected all of this.

Then she took a sip of coffee.

“You chose well, Sena. Don’t look back now.”

“Unnie, I made the right choice… right…?”

I still wasn’t certain.

Not that I was swayed by the comments or people’s reactions.

Just…

“Why are you acting like this, so unlike your usual decisive self.”

“I’m scared.”

I confessed what I hadn’t been able to tell anyone.

Unnie looked a bit surprised at that.

Then her face showed understanding.

“Yeah, why wouldn’t you be.”

I really was terrified.

My life was changing too differently day by day.

I’d never even dreamed of advancing overseas.

Until now, I’d simply taken on challenges with realistic possibilities, raising my standards just a bit higher than my limits.

But now I’d rejected appearing in Warners and been cast as the lead in Director Raymond Zhang’s project.

Now that it had come to this, I really had to do this work well.

Even if it meant squeezing out every limit I had.

Also, while the comment reactions didn’t shake my choice, I couldn’t help but care about them.

Most of all, what made me this scared was…

Just as I’d never lived as a hero, I’d never lived as a Korean adoptee, and I knew very little about their lives.

They were actually more unfamiliar than the heroes I’d seen countless times.

Plus, I’d never married, never had a child, never even lived in America.

It was such a disadvantageous starting line.

Zero base.

But whether she knew my inner thoughts or not, Minyeong unnie looked at me and suddenly curved her lips up.

Her expression looked somehow intrigued.

“…Come on, unnie, aren’t you even worried?”

Even at my complaint, unnie’s lips wouldn’t come down.

“You’ll figure it out on your own.”

“This time it’s really not like that. I have no feel for it. Really, none at all.”

“Then all the more reason you should do it.”

“What?”

“Honestly, you’ve been boring until now.”

“Boring…?”

“Yeah, you did way too well. Without a single flaw. It’s been more like watching a veteran actor’s digestive performance rather than a rookie actor’s challenge.”

Unnie said something incomprehensible.

“Rather than a huge attempt or challenge, it felt like you already knew your abilities and were using them to steadily build your filmography step by step. Honestly, you even have a good eye for projects.”

It was shocking.

In that moment, unnie’s words shattered the thin yet solid glass wall that had been trapping me without my knowing.

“You should do that too. Like a rookie, like everyone else. Something you have absolutely no feel for. Something where you can’t predict what will happen.”