In This Life I Will Die as an Actress Not a Villainess Chapter 87

“Strike!”

The bowling pins toppled in unison with a satisfying crash.

A private bowling alley in Gangnam.

I’d gotten together with the <Desert Island> cast after what felt like forever.

We were having a small celebration thanks to the show’s still-going popularity.

Plus this was a chance to celebrate both my <Hometown> casting and Kkotbyeol’s North American <Desert Island> casting.

Kkotbyeol had just scored her third strike in a row all by herself.

“Kkotbyeol, are you training to be a pro bowler or something? Why are you so good at this?”

Jang Heeyeong sunbaenim’s eyes went wide.

Kkotbyeol wiped away sweat with a grin.

“I come here a lot with my parents!”

Meanwhile…

“Ugh, I can’t believe bowling is this hard.”

Whenever I grabbed the ball, it’d barely make it halfway before tumbling into the side gutter.

People giggled at the sight.

“Found something Sena’s bad at. This is your first time bowling, isn’t it?”

Seon Yuseok outright pointed out my awkward form.

“Noona! I told you not to throw it! This isn’t shot put! You’re gonna punch through the ceiling at this rate!”

“No, but I really can’t get it right.”

Frustrated, I grabbed the ball again and tried rolling it…

Thud.

The heavy ball flew forward and hit the floor.

Then rolled into the side gutter yet again.

The opposing team, including Kim Eunseo, burst into laughter.

“Thanks in advance, Sena-ssi! We’re bowling for free and having a blast.”

“I heard in America you have to be good at sports to be popular—is that why you’re trying so hard?”

Hearing that, my shoulders slumped.

“Actually, I’m worried I won’t even be able to act, let alone sports.”

Kim Eunseo shook her head.

“That dramatic act again! You always put on this whole show like you’re worried, then nail everything.”

“No, I’m serious this time.”

I protested my innocence, but Yuri-ssi changed the subject.

“By the way, Sena-ssi, how did you even think to turn down Warners?”

The other actors glanced at me with expressions that said they’d been curious too.

I looked at everyone watching me and hesitated slightly.

“Ah… it wasn’t that I disliked the Warners project, I just wanted to do <Hometown> more.”

Seon Yuseok’s jaw dropped.

“How can you give such a textbook answer like that? You’re not going to say this everywhere else too, are you, noona?”

“Why not?”

Kim Eunseo looked at me like I was being ridiculous.

“She does this weird thing sometimes. Whether she’s dense or what, I don’t know. That kind of answer won’t convince people.”

Convincing…

A situation where I had to convince everyone I’d never even met about the choices I’d made for my own path forward.

It felt deeply unfamiliar.

Won Hyerim sunbaenim, who’d been quietly watching me, spoke up instead.

“If that’s what Sena says, then that’s what it is. Issues like this blow over quickly anyway.”

Jang Heeyeong sunbaenim nodded along.

“That project’s about a Korean adoptee, right? It has its own significance, and it’ll be challenging too. Plus with everything going on, the pressure must be even worse.”

Hearing that, I let out a deep sigh.

“Yeah, that’s why I have no confidence. Even stepping forward feels scary.”

Won Hyerim sunbaenim gave my shoulder a light tap.

“Oh my? This is the first time I’ve seen Han Sena like this.”

“Don’t lose heart! Once you lose your spirit, even things you could do become impossible.”

“Okay.”

“Call me anytime things get tough.”

That made me smile.

That’s when Hyeonsu-ssi, who’d been quietly listening to the conversation, spoke up.

“Still, from now on you’re going to be drained from going around explaining yourself everywhere. Brace yourself, Sena-ssi.”

I could feel the serious warning beneath Hyeonsu-ssi’s gentle, calm tone.

* * *

A week later, back in LA.

I headed straight to the reading location with Aiden, who’d been waiting at the airport.

Inside Aiden’s car, which I’d grown used to by now.

I was scrolling through the endlessly pouring articles.

And the comments below them.

-They’re about to start filming soon. Such a shame. Couldn’t she have adjusted the schedule to do both?

-So who’s taking that empty Asian role now.

-Could’ve been the first and last chance for a Korean to break into Warners.

-Han Sena’s really stubborn.

-Was this really the best choice.

I let out a small sigh and set my phone down again.

Around when we were almost there, I tried to distract myself.

“Aiden, do you know any of the other actors?”

At my question, Aiden shook his head.

“No. I don’t even know all the other role castings yet. Don’t know anyone either.”

Hearing Aiden say that made me even more nervous.

I couldn’t shake the pressure that since I’d given up Warners, I absolutely had to deliver great acting here.

I leaned my head against the window and recalled last night’s dream.

I was watching the completed <Hometown> in a theater, but in the movie I was giving a terrible performance the whole time.

And I’d even ended up seeing real-time mockery online about my choice of <Hometown> over Warners.

“Ugh.”

It was so horrifying I shuddered.

What kind of dream is that realistic?

Aiden glanced at me with a smile as if to say not to worry.

Then left me with a meaningful comment.

“Oh right. I do know exactly one actor. Never acted with them, but… anyway, once you get there, something good will happen that you’ll like.”

The car we were riding in pulled up in front of the building.

I rode the elevator up with my nerves wound tight, then opened the conference room door where the reading would take place.

But then.

“Mommy!”

A young child came running toward me with a bright voice.

It was Chloe, who’d be playing my daughter Bella.

My eyes went wide as I looked at Chloe.

Everyone sitting in the reading room burst into laughter.

Bella was the biggest adversary for Emily, the character I’d be playing.

A twelve-year-old adopted daughter entering puberty.

We’d be facing tremendous challenges due to personality clashes.

In that sense, this project had been even more worrying.

But Chloe innocently greeted me and hugged me first.

All the tension I’d been holding onto instantly disarmed and melted away.

I also broke into a wide smile and hugged Chloe back.

* * *

A few days later.

-I’m curious if Lee Nara and Han Sena can actually smile and greet each other when they meet in person lolol

-A hoobae swallowing her sunbae whole—how pretty could she be~ No matter what, Nara shouldn’t try pulling rank over something like this.

-Winner’s my side. Therefore I’m Team Han Sena! Do well with Hometown or whatever it is~

-Wait, they both just fairly auditioned—why’s everyone biting and tearing at each other? Seriously, celebrities must be so exhausted.

I closed the comment window that was full of all kinds of pointless chatter.

Even just reading text made my head spin like my ears had been assaulted.

Unlike the chaotic Korean websites, the American scene was remarkably quiet.

In a place where such a massive volume of gossip overflowed, something like an Asian hero casting issue couldn’t become a main topic of interest.

Being far from Korea felt fortunate in a way.

Thanks to that, I could approach filming with a more peaceful mindset.

“Let’s keep the first shoot light.”

The director spoke in a crisp voice.

“Yes!”

I also answered energetically, deliberately pushing aside other thoughts.

First scene filming, which always felt new no matter how many times I experienced it.

I calmed my pounding heart and lowered my gaze to focus.

“Camera A, B roll!”

“Ready, action.”

At that sound, I walked out into the set’s living room.

The entire house was a complete mess, as if a typhoon had torn through.

I picked up the calendar from the table first.

The calendar showed Bella’s school schedule, Emily’s work-from-home schedule, and Sean’s publishing dates.

I set down the calendar and sighed deeply looking at the state of the house.

I threw open the living room window for ventilation.

Through the window, the neighborhood landscape that looked close to countryside came into full view.

A very small town in Pennsylvania.

I began cleaning in earnest.

Following that, I shot multiple angles and versions of vacuuming, doing laundry, and washing dishes.

Sweat actually poured down my body as if I’d really done backed-up housework.

After finally clearing away the miscellaneous clutter, I sat on the sofa holding a cup of coffee.

Just as I was about to take a breather…

“Ring ring ring—”

The phone on the sofa table rang.

Before I could take even one sip of coffee, I picked up the receiver.

“Hello? …Bella? No, swimming center would’ve ended thirty minutes ago.”

It was a call from the math tutoring teacher.

With an anxious expression, I clutched the receiver in one hand and looked at the clock hanging on the wall.

According to the script, this scene took place the day after I’d already fought with Bella about the math tutoring issue.

‘Why do I have to do math tutoring?’

Bella’s line when she’d come home after bombing a test and challenged Emily and Sean about it.

“Yes, yes… I’ll look into it.”

I hung up and hurried to my feet.

I ran quickly to the kitchen table.

My hands trembled as I grabbed the car keys and cardigan.

Then I quickly called Bella on my cell phone.

She didn’t answer no matter how many times I called.

I gave up on calling Bella and called Sean instead.

“Sean! Bella’s disappeared right now. She was supposed to go to math tutoring after swimming center. She’s not answering her phone either.”

I paused as if listening to Sean’s response.

‘Calm down. She might’ve just stopped somewhere else, or might still be at the swimming center. Check the swimming center first. I’ll head there right away too.’

“Okay.”

Just as I hung up…

Someone opened the front door and came into the house.

Startled, I rushed toward the entrance.

It was Bella.

Bella stood there with water still dripping from her hair, having just come from the pool.

“…Bella?”

Bella glanced at my face and ignored me, slipping right past.

I grabbed Bella’s arm.

“What about math tutoring? Why didn’t you tell Mom?”

“I told you.”

“…?”

“I said I didn’t want to go. I’m not going anymore.”

Leaving just those words behind, Bella went upstairs and slammed her bedroom door shut.

My head went fuzzy.

Something bigger than the emotion I’d anticipated and built up from the script overwhelmed me.

I just stood there staring at the water droplet marks Bella had left behind.

What am I even supposed to do in a situation like this?

How do you discipline a child…?

“Cut!”

The moment I heard the director’s voice, I hastily looked that way.

“I’m sorry, Director. I was too confused just now. Did it show?”

The director raised the corner of his mouth as if amused.

Then asked me.

“Why were you confused?”

“The daughter’s rebellion was harder than I thought? I’m more shocked than I expected.”

The director laughed even louder at that.

“I deliberately didn’t have you do this scene during the reading. Remember, Sena?”

Come to think of it…

The director had skipped several scenes during the reading.

This had been one of the scenes I’d really looked forward to but couldn’t do, which had disappointed me.

“This is my method. Sometimes certain scenes aren’t worth acting multiple times. Emotions wear down too.”

Ah…

“So contrary to what you’re thinking, I really liked this scene just now. It looked genuinely bewildering. That kind of thing can’t come from calculation.”

The director’s style was remarkably unique.

Unlike the smiling director, I kept feeling even more bewildered.

Somehow Minyeong unnie’s words kept echoing in my ears too.

Whatever, I give up.

I really did need to try a method I’d never attempted before.

That’s why I kept attempting new projects in the first place.

I looked at the director and spoke.

“If you’re okay with it, Director, I’ll keep this flow going and move right into the next scene.”