The Espers Who Regretted Losing Me Chapter 57

Well, he really did look crushed with guilt.

Yeon Dogyeong had even warned me beforehand that Shinra had “lost his confidence.”

After that, he kept calling himself trash over and over again.

Honestly, I never thought it was entirely Lee Shinra’s fault.

I hated espers, sure—but if we were being fair, what happened was just an unfortunate accident.

Like always, Shinra, the barrier-type esper, and I were waiting in a place that seemed safe when the incident happened.

If it hadn’t been a merged gate, nothing serious would’ve gone wrong.

It wasn’t his mistake. The situation just went bad.

Still, I didn’t feel like saying It’s not your fault just to make him feel better.

Someone might call me cold if they could hear my thoughts, but so what?

He suffered for just one year.

I suffered for seven.
Seven years of choking, suffocating days.

If my feelings could disappear just because I saw them acting weak once, I wouldn’t have hated them in the first place.

Even if they were more shocked because they thought I was dead, it didn’t move me much at all.

The Director was like that too. How was I supposed to know what kind of feelings they’d been holding toward me?

No matter how pitiful they acted, I couldn’t forget.

My goal was simple:
Make the three espers who ruined my childhood suffer the same way.

After everything that happened inside the gate, my emotions—once settled—started boiling again.

I’d built a strong wall and endured everything in silence for years.
But once that wall cracked, it was hard to hold on like before.

Still, I couldn’t just explode emotionally while pretending to have lost my memories, so I only pressed my lips together with a cold expression.

Lee Shinra seemed very bothered by that.

“N-Nuna… I-I… th-there’s… s-something I really… n-need to say…”

His face had turned paper-white.
He struggled to breathe as he forced the words out.

He looked so fragile that if I pushed him lightly, he might collapse—
Like a child whose family, once telling him to come home anytime, had suddenly turned away.

Memory is strange. And cruel.
Why is it that memories you don’t want never disappear?

“I-I… I… n-nuna… to you… I—”

“……”

“I l-let go of your h-hand… a-and s-said… h-harsh things…”

So that’s it.
He wanted to apologize for letting go and saying cruel words.

But judging by how badly he was shaking—unable to breathe properly, crying nonstop—it must’ve been a deep trauma for him.

He looked like he might throw up at any moment.

That made me uncomfortable instead.

So I spoke first.

“You’re apologizing right now just to feel better yourself, right?”

At my flat words, Lee Shinra blinked.

His face froze, empty and soaked with tears.

I tilted my head and added,

“No? The person involved doesn’t even remember it. Going on and on about how sorry you are—that’s just guilt.”

It felt like rubbing salt into a wound.
But I didn’t feel guilty at all.

My sarcasm came straight from what I’d learned watching espers all these years.

He’ll probably cry again. Or shut up out of wounded pride.

He didn’t seem like he’d get angry, though.

Keeping my indifferent expression, I waited—slightly tense.

Then Lee Shinra answered.

“I-I will apologize again. W-When you get your memories back… I-I’ll do it again then.”

Half expected. Half not.

He was crying—but instead of protecting his pride, he was doing the opposite.

Wiping his tears with the back of his hand, Lee Shinra sniffed.

“Y-You’re right… n-nuna. E-Every day… not one day missed… I d-dreamed that you d-died. That I l-let go of your h-hand…”

He still stuttered, but he looked calmer than before.

He glanced down at his hands, took a deep breath, then continued with swollen eyes.

“I w-want to feel at ease. B-But don’t accept my apology. I want you to say cruel things to me. You can even hit me.”

“…?”

That was so unexpected I broke out in cold sweat.

If he wanted peace, why ask for insults and violence?
Had he gone half-crazy? Masochist or something?

Normally, I would’ve just made a stiff face.

But I’d decided not to bottle things up anymore, so I said exactly what came to mind.

“Are you a pervert? Like… into pain or something?”

At my uncomfortable question, Lee Shinra shook his head frantically.

His tearful face now showed pure panic.

“N-No! That’s not it! I-I do want peace, but accepting an apology is your choice, nuna.”

“That’s true.”

“I-I’ll just wait until you remember… no, even if you never remember. I’ll do anything. I’ll say nonsense, bark like a dog, take insults—whatever you want. You can curse at me, take it out on me, anything. So, so—”

“……”

“C-Can I… say I’m sorry to you? Just this once?”

The conversation had gone in a weird direction, but the conclusion was simple.

He wanted to apologize.

I didn’t really understand his feelings—but there was no reason to refuse either.

If I tell him not to, he’ll just cry again and make things awkward.

This wasn’t me being soft.
I just wanted to erase the dark past as much as possible.

Sitting on the sofa with my arms crossed, I nodded.

“Go ahead.”

And Lee Shinra knelt down in front of me.

“W-Why are you kneeling?!”

“I-I learned that this is how you apologize properly…”

“Who taught you that?”

“You did……”

His real older sister?
I frowned, thinking she was weird—when a small voice continued.

“Y-You did, Hyeya-nuna. When we were kids.”

“Me? …I did?”

“Yes. You probably don’t remember now, but…”

No, I don’t remember at all.

Still, depending on how serious the situation is, kneeling to apologize isn’t that strange.

And this was serious.

“You said that even for small mistakes, you should kneel when asking for forgiveness.”

“……”

“I did a lot wrong to you. Really… really a lot. I’m sorry, nuna.”

Lee Shinra bowed deeply, pressing his forehead to the floor.

Honestly, it felt good.

I never thought I’d get an apology like this in my life.

That was when—

Yeon Dogyeong, Cha Eunhwi, and the Director all entered the room together.

“Yoon Hyeya, I brought cola— …oh.”

Yeon Dogyeong’s voice trailed off, his face flushed from running.

“Ah.”

Cha Eunhwi made a short sound, used his ability to move next to Lee Shinra—

And knelt down too.

“……”

The Director rubbed his eyes, then looked at me.

His face was blank, but his eyes shook violently—clearly misunderstanding something.

I waved my hand firmly.

“I didn’t tell them to do this.”

“…I see. Of course……”

And while the Director nodded—

Yeon Dogyeong quietly walked over and joined them on his knees.

Seeing even the stiffest ones bowing like that felt strangely satisfying.

This would be a great picture.

Unfortunately, I’d left my bag inside the gate.
And my phone battery was dead anyway.

As the strange silence continued, the Director sighed and spoke.

“Well… I think we should talk about what happens next. Everyone, please stand up.”