Formless Chapter 33

The inner wall contracted convulsively as Heewoon’s penis violently ejected semen within Gangwoo’s hand. Gangwoo also ejaculated, letting out a moan.

Heewoon just breathed raggedly, his mouth agape as if he were out of his mind. In his half-closed eyes, the lingering feeling of pleasure remained like a small spark.

Gangwoo gazed at Heewoon’s flushed face and slowly licked the finger stained with the whitish fluid. Heewoon finally came to his senses and lifted his eyelids.

Confusion and fear were mixed in his eyes, which shone transparently, wet with tears.

Gangwoo looked at him with pleasure and smiled.

🧸

Seo Gangwoo was unusually persistent today. He would usually stick to mealtimes, but he even broke that rule and kept clinging to Heewoon’s body.

So, when Heewoon returned home, he was completely exhausted. Both body and mind.

“I’m home.”

His voice tone was even higher than usual in his effort to pretend everything was normal. When he opened the sliding door, his mother, who had been lying down, got up and said,

“Yes. You’re back?”

Fortunately, his mother seemed not to have noticed anything. Seeing his mother’s face, Heewoon felt like tears would well up, so he put down his backpack and avoided her gaze.

“What were you doing?”

“…Studying.”

Eung. His mother nodded, flipping through channels. Heewoon quietly went into the bathroom, washed his face, and calmed his emotions. When he returned to the room, he was able to display his usual face.

Changing into his pajamas and getting under the covers, Heewoon felt the air was subtly awkward. It was probably because he felt uneasy himself. So, he deliberately asked cheerfully,

“Mom, where did you go today?”

“…Just….”

Heewoon thought his mother seemed to answer reluctantly. And the thought made his heart ache. She’s probably just tired from going out today. She’s always like that.

Heewoon didn’t talk any more and lay down looking at the ceiling.

“Hey, Heewoon.”

“Huh?”

Heewoon turned his head. His mother’s face, lying with her back to the TV replaying a drama, was shadowed.

“Never mind. Go to sleep quickly.”

So, he couldn’t see her expression.

A few days passed. His mother was going to his aunt’s house in Cheonan the day after tomorrow. She said she would be there for about five days, so Heewoon would be alone at home for five days.

It might be a good idea for Heewoon to visit his aunt’s house if he had time and help with whatever he could. Since sleeping over would be awkward, he could take a gift, see his aunt after a long time, and congratulate his cousin, sunbae Seonyeong.

Heewoon thought this as he walked down the stairs after class. But what kind of gift should he buy? Not just his aunt, but he felt he should give a gift to his cousin as well. This was because they had decided not to attend the wedding, as many people would feel uncomfortable around Heewoon and his mother due to their illegal private loan debts.

Perhaps because it was getting close to sunset, it was a little cold when he stepped outside the building. This was despite wearing a fleece-lined sweatshirt and a thick wool hooded zip-up. Heewoon sniffled and pulled the zipper all the way up. It felt a little better with his neck covered.

His upper body was somewhat fine, but now his ankles felt cold. He looked at his ankles exposed beneath his jeans and realized he hadn’t washed his shoes yet. Seeing the speckles of muddy water stains, Heewoon thought, I should wash my shoes when Mom goes to Aunt’s house.

Heewoon glanced at his watch. 4:35 PM. The class was originally until 4:50 PM, but since it ended early, Seo Gangwoo might not have arrived yet. So, he planned to walk around the school slowly and head to the parking lot around 5:00 PM.

As he walked past the wide lawn, his pocket vibrated. His heart sank, wondering if it was Seo Gangwoo, but he let out a sigh of relief when he confirmed the caller was his aunt. What’s up with Aunt?

“Hello?”

—Oh, Heewoon. Are you doing well?

“Yes. Have you been well too, Aunt?”

Heewoon spoke warmly, looked around, and went to a bench. Rustle, dry leaves were crunched with every step he took. The call was likely to be long since he had to ask about her well-being, talk about his cousin’s wedding, and so on.

The conversation continued for a while, asking about his school life and recent status. It was the moment he was congratulating her on the wedding and asking if there was anything he could help with. Heewoon spoke about what he had just been thinking.

“When Mom is at your place, I’ll visit once.”

—Hmm? When?

“Pardon? The day after tomorrow.”

—The day after tomorrow?

Hearing his aunt’s voice ask back as if she had no idea, anxiety blossomed in Heewoon’s heart. Thump. His heart began to beat fast.

“Yes. Mom said she was going to help you, Aunt…. Perhaps, was it a surprise visit?”

Heewoon added the last words with a laugh. Even to his own ears, the laugh sounded awkward and forced.

—…Heewoon.

At his name being called in a voice similar to his mother’s, Heewoon became even more anxious. The wind blew fiercely, and the hand holding the cell phone stiffened. Heewoon switched hands and put his cold hand into his pocket.

“Yes, Aunt.”

The hand placed in the soft pocket did not warm up quickly. Instead, it became ice-cold after his aunt’s next words.

—By any chance, don’t you know your mother is having surgery?

His rapidly beating heart suddenly stopped, as if it had plummeted. His mind went blank.

“Surgery… What surgery? I, I haven’t heard anything like that.”

Heewoon stammered. His tone clearly showed his bewilderment. A sigh was heard through the receiver.

—Oof, this brat. I thought something was strange.

His aunt clicked her tongue.

Heewoon’s eyes shook, unable to find focus. He remembered when his mother was diagnosed with liver cancer. It had been so hard and terrifying to keep imagining his mother’s absence, something he had never considered before that.

“What kind of surgery?”

Heewoon’s voice, asking calmly, trembled slightly.

—Ah, a lump developed in her uterus….

“A lump?”

Heewoon abruptly cut off his aunt and spoke in a sharp voice. Tears quickly welled up.

—Oh, no. Uterine fibroids. It’s nothing to worry about at all; it’s just common. She needs general anesthesia, but what is she thinking not telling her own son? Was she planning to call me?

The words directed at Heewoon quickly turned into talking to herself.

Heewoon’s mind raced. If it was nothing to worry about at all, why did his mother hide it from him? His aunt’s tone, suggesting it was nothing, was also very strange. Why general anesthesia if it’s nothing?

Why did his mother tell his aunt but not him…?

—She probably didn’t tell you to prevent you from worrying. Don’t worry too much, Heewoon.

Heewoon listened blankly to his aunt’s words. If he looked it up, he’d know it really wasn’t a big deal, and recovery was fast….

Heewoon, who had been blank, opened his mouth.

“Aunt.”

—Yes?

“Did Mom borrow money?”

—…….

A surgery requiring general anesthesia would cost a good amount of money. But the money Heewoon gave his mother was an amount she couldn’t possibly save. They hadn’t had health insurance since they found out about the debt.

—Heewoon. Your mother knows how hard you work, so she must have done it because she didn’t want to burden you unnecessarily. And it’s not an open operation; it’s really just a simple procedure….

His aunt spoke in a persuasive tone.

Heewoon thought.

Did his mother hide it because she was worried he would worry about her? Did she hide it because she was worried he would worry about the money?

“Yes.”

Yes, Aunt. I know. Yes. Thank you.

Heewoon looked down and kept answering. After hanging up, Heewoon immediately went to the search bar. He rubbed the slight tears from the back of his hand and searched. It was an unfamiliar word to him, but many search results came up. Heewoon stared at them for a long time.

He read both reviews and questions. It was as his aunt said. Although some people said they were scared, no one was scared of the thought of dying.

However, he was still uneasy. He couldn’t take a surgery that required general anesthesia lightly.

But, his mother had hidden it from him.

She was planning to lie that she was going to his aunt’s house and receive the surgery alone. To prevent him from worrying. And she had borrowed money from his aunt.

Thud, a tear fell onto his phone screen.

It was a mess.

He was so afraid that something bad might happen to his mother, but he was also angry. When he thought about why his mother hid it, he felt sad again. He felt wronged as to why they had to deal with this because they didn’t even have a few million won.

And….

He hated himself for asking about borrowing money after hearing that his mother was sick.

Heewoon hung his head low and roughly wiped away his tears. He needed to call his mother. He needed to ask what happened and hear the details about the surgery.

It was then. A low voice was heard.

“What are you doing here?”

Heewoon was startled and raised his head.

“What are you doing not coming when I asked you to….”

Gangwoo, who was walking over, stopped speaking when he saw Heewoon’s face. He knitted his brow and said coolly,

“Why are you crying?”

Heewoon rubbed away his tears and shook his head, saying it was nothing. He hadn’t noticed, but the sun was already setting. Looking at his watch, it was well past 5 o’clock.

“Ah… I didn’t know it was this late.”

“Forget that. Why are you bawling?”

Gangwoo, standing in front of Heewoon sitting on the bench, spoke with annoyance. His gaze touched Heewoon’s cheeks and nose, which were red from the cold. Heewoon hesitated, then opened his mouth.

“Mom is….”

His voice was trembling too much, so Heewoon swallowed.

“…sick. And she didn’t even tell me….”

The corner of his mouth twitched, and eventually, tears streamed down again. Gangwoo, who was standing one step away, let out a long breath.

“So. You’re crying outside?”

“……”

“Grown adults crying—people are staring.”

Heewoon sniffled and bowed his head deeply. Gangwoo looked down at his round head, then shifted his gaze. The hand gripping the cell phone was bright red, and the thin ankles exposed beneath the jeans were also red.

“Let’s go first.”