Formless Chapter 62

As soon as he saw one corner of his mouth turn up, his body fell backward. Gangwoo had tripped him by hooking his foot behind his knee.

“Ack!”

Heewoon screamed as he fell onto his bottom on the lawn. Gangwoo immediately climbed on top of Heewoon’s body. As Gangwoo sat astride his stomach, his breath caught, and Heewoon groaned.

“Hmph…”

A white puff of breath scattered from his mouth. Through it, Gangwoo’s cool face was visible.

“When I want to choke sunbae like this,”

Gangwoo’s hand gripped Heewoon’s neck hard. His breath was cut off in an instant. Heewoon’s eyes widened, and he grabbed Gangwoo’s hand. Seeing Heewoon’s face quickly turn crimson, Gangwoo immediately released his grip.

“Without holding back.”

Heewoon coughed because his neck had been choked for a moment. It was even more painful due to Gangwoo’s weight sitting on his heavily heaving body.

“If I wanted to choke you, and then have sex right here, stripping your pants immediately, that’s ‘playing with you.'”

The large hand merely encircled his neck, but it was enough to instill fear. Gangwoo’s expressionless face looking down at the coughing Heewoon was also terrifying.

“Yes, yes.”

Heewoon nodded, terrified. Gangwoo let out a long sigh. He withdrew his hand from Heewoon’s neck, where he could feel a fluttering pulse, and briefly touched Heewoon’s reddened cheek.

“There’s no need to even be lovers. Why does this feel so bad?”

“……”

“Does sunbae know?”

“N-No, I don’t.”

“I should have known from when you mentioned having a girlfriend or whatever.”

Gangwoo frowned and eventually swore. Heewoon’s body hunched over a little more. Gangwoo stared down at Heewoon’s cowering face. To Heewoon, it felt like a long time. After a while, Gangwoo opened his mouth.

“I’m annoyed, so I’ll just leave you be.”

“…Okay.”

His face, nodding without understanding what was said, was innocent. He didn’t even consider that he was making an easy path difficult. Gangwoo laughed roughly.

“Stupid bastard.”

At that, Heewoon merely watched his expression.

“You’re only good at making things worse. Huh?”

The hand stroking his cheek was rough. Heewoon’s eyelids twitched whenever the hand touched him. He held his breath and observed Gangwoo’s expression.

Gangwoo sighed and got off Heewoon’s body. Heewoon lay there, breathing heavily. Gangwoo, having stood up, looked at Heewoon.

“Are you just going to keep lying there? Then do whatever you want.”

“Ah…”

Gangwoo looked annoyedly at Heewoon, who had half-raised his upper body and stopped awkwardly. At that gaze, Heewoon’s chest somehow grew cold. It must be because he was scared.

“You can’t even understand simple words.”

“Ugh…”

Gangwoo grabbed Heewoon by the collar and pulled him up. His feet, which had been airborne, swayed and landed on the lawn. After confirming that Heewoon was standing, Gangwoo released his hand and said coldly,

“What do you do properly, sunbae?”

“……”

The corners of his closed mouth dropped slightly. Heewoon realized this and tried to compose his mouth.

“Just when I think you’re doing something cute, you cause trouble and talk back.”

“Sorry.”

Heewoon sniffled after uttering a short word. Snot came out, perhaps from being out in the cold for too long. Seo Gangwoo, who gave him a pathetic look, turned away as if he couldn’t bear to see him. Heewoon clenched his fists.

And he imagined.

What if Seo Gangwoo said, ‘Let’s stop whatever this is right now?’

He would be very happy. He would no longer be swayed by violence or harsh words, nor would he feel guilty towards his mother, and everything would return to normal.

The tall figure’s back receded into the distance.

There would be no forced sex, and no uncomfortable clinging. The situation he had long awaited would unfold.

But where did all that waiting come from? He was very confused. Was it from a desperate desire for an end, or from his mind classifying what should and shouldn’t be done?

His steadily moving feet abruptly stopped in front of the front door. The broad back swelled greatly and then contracted.

“Aren’t you coming?”

Gangwoo turned around and said. Heewoon looked at the chiseled face, familiar to his eyes, and started walking.

And hugged Gangwoo’s waist.

“…What is it?”

Gangwoo’s hand paused in mid-air. Heewoon closed his eyes and pressed his cheek against Gangwoo’s chest. His neck, which had been choked earlier, seemed to ache.

“Are you being affectionate?”

Gangwoo frowned. Heewoon shook his head. It wasn’t that.

It was just…

Because he was scared.

The feelings he was experiencing, the thoughts.

Imagining a future with Seo Gangwoo and a future without him.

Gangwoo’s hand rested on his thick padded jacket. He encircled Heewoon’s back, looked down at the top of his head, and thought for a moment. Then he asked with a suspicious tone,

“Did you drink alcohol since this morning, by any chance?”

“…No.”

“The nonsense you’ve been spouting, and this now, it’s all suspicious.”

“I said no.” Heewoon said, burying his lips halfway into Gangwoo’s firm chest. His voice created a small vibration.

“I’ll have to check.”

The moment the whisper was heard, his shoulder was pushed back and his chin was grabbed. And their lips met.

Gangwoo’s hand, holding Heewoon’s wide-eyed chin, cupped his cheek. The other hand burrowed into the nape of his neck. It was so chillingly cold that Heewoon hunched his shoulders and hugged Gangwoo’s waist even tighter. The hand that briefly pulled away stroked his head.

“I still don’t know well.”

Gangwoo, in a knowing tone, pressed his lips against Heewoon’s again. His lips, touching without a gap, traced a soft arc. Warm breaths mingled.

After the kiss, Gangwoo’s face returned to normal. With the annoyance and coldness gone, he looked at Heewoon as if seeing something very lovable.

Even after entering the house, Gangwoo wrapped an arm around Heewoon’s shoulder, saying he was cold. Seeing Gangwoo like that, Heewoon, scared of his own relief, burrowed back into the firm embrace.

Gangwoo let out a sigh-like breath, grabbed Heewoon’s arm, and went up to the bedroom. The staff’s eyes widened as they watched the two people almost run across the living room. Heewoon’s face was hot, and he hesitated, but Gangwoo pulled him, making him go up the stairs two steps at a time.

As soon as they entered the bedroom, Heewoon flailed and reached out his hand because Gangwoo was roughly taking off his clothes. He needed to close the door.

“What. Where are you going?”

With a low voice, the back of his neck was gripped.

His unzipped pants dropped to the floor with a thud.

“To close the door.”

His fingertips almost, but not quite, touched the door. As he took a small step, he stepped on his pants caught around his ankles. Uninterested in Heewoon’s struggles, Gangwoo licked his white nape and hugged his waist.

When a lukewarm hand, warmed by the mild air, suddenly entered his knitwear and fumbled with his skin, Heewoon barely managed to close the door.

Thump, as soon as the door closed, he was pulled back.

They intertwined their bodies senselessly. He was only wearing pants. Only after the stormy sex did Gangwoo take off the rest of Heewoon’s clothes. He removed the knitwear, the T-shirt underneath, and the thin short-sleeved shirt in order, smiling a little. Heewoon was slightly bowing his head, perhaps embarrassed by the layers he was wearing.

The morning sunlight broke brightly over his dry shoulders. The gaze that had been watching his gently heaving, flat chest traveled back up. His slender chin, slightly parted lips, high nose bridge.

“Sunbae.”

“Yes.”

His eyes, shining brightly in the sunlight, turned towards Gangwoo. Gangwoo fixed his gaze there for a moment, then murmured lowly,

“Right. Whether it’s a lover or whatever.”

“What does that even matter?”

Heewoon blinked as if in answer.

“Nothing changes anyway.”

“…Yes.”

Gangwoo put his broad palm on his forehead and swept his hair back, his eyes curving into a smile.

“Either way, sunbae is mine, isn’t he?”

“……”

When no answer came, Gangwoo, raising one eyebrow, bit Heewoon’s nape painfully.

“Ugh…! Right. Right.”

Heewoon hunched his shoulders in pain and answered several times. The tongue that had licked the bitten spot slowly traced up his Adam’s apple. The large hand embracing his back crept down his spine. Heewoon twisted his waist because it tickled, and Gangwoo chuckled lightly.

Gangwoo then hugged Heewoon and lay down on the bed. Heewoon stared up at Gangwoo, who was fiddling with his hair.

“Hmm?”

Heewoon shook his head and burrowed into Gangwoo’s embrace. He hugged the firm body, solid wherever he touched, and buried his face between the pillow and Gangwoo’s shoulder.

Soft hair touched Gangwoo’s cheek. Gangwoo lightly kissed it and sighed.

“Would it have been better if it was like this from the beginning?”

He’s asking for trouble, Gangwoo clicked his tongue.

Even breaths flowed from Heewoon, who was held still. Deep in sleep, Heewoon rubbed his cheek against Gangwoo’s chest. A warm, small heat was felt. Gangwoo stopped patting his back and looked down at Heewoon, whose face was completely hidden in his embrace. After a long while, he murmured,

“Still, I won’t go easy on you.”

The large hand stroked Heewoon’s head for a long time. As if comforting Heewoon, who would face difficult times ahead.

🧸

A few days passed.

Even though he had said there was no need to be lovers, Seo Gangwoo was sometimes prickly. Each time, Heewoon had to watch his expression. The more he thought about it, it seemed he had surprisingly gotten away without a severe beating that day. He had done the crazy thing of talking back to Seo Gangwoo. Ah. Perhaps it was also because he had done the crazy thing of hugging Seo Gangwoo first.

It was the last weekend afternoon of February. Heewoon ate lunch, took a nap on Gangwoo’s bed, then got up late and watched an online lecture. While eating a snack that came in just then, he was thinking that he would gain a lot of weight if he kept eating and sleeping like this.

“Sunbae. You have a call.”

Gangwoo entered the study holding a cellphone. The cellphone seemed to have been in his padded jacket.

His mother’s number was displayed on the screen. Thinking that deleting even his mother’s number was a bit too much, Heewoon answered the phone.

“Hello?”

—Heewoon!

As soon as he heard his mother’s agitated voice, Heewoon became anxious. He asked urgently,

“Why. Is something wrong?”

—Your hyung is back.

“…Huh?”