Formless Chapter 74

Heewoon looked around, found a mirror at the innermost part of the room, and hopped over on one foot. He almost lost his balance and fell, but quickly righted himself and looked in the mirror. It seemed okay.

On the hanger, where clothes for all four seasons were neatly hung, there were comfortable styles Heewoon usually enjoyed, as well as cleaner and tidier styles. As Heewoon scanned the hanging clothes, he tried on a thin jacket hanging closest to him. It was a little different from his usual style, but it wasn’t bad.

While checking his attire, Heewoon noticed that the clothes he was wearing were luxury brand items. He knew by the pattern on the lining of the clothes. It must be incredibly expensive. Could he really wear such clothes?

Knowing it was expensive, he looked in the mirror and felt awkward, as if wearing ill-fitting clothes. Heewoon took off the jacket he was wearing, carefully shook the dust off it, and hung it back on the hanger. The pain flared up as he stepped on his casted foot while focusing on the clothes, making his face contort.

“Hmm…”

Heewoon tried on a few other clothes. His thoughts changed as he looked in the mirror repeatedly. It seemed that the clothes he wore earlier looked awkward because it wasn’t a style he usually wore.

Aside from that one outfit, Gangwoo seemed to have chosen clothes well. They matched his skin tone perfectly and fit his body well.

Heewoon, who had put away the clothes he tried on, bowed his head to look at his feet. The doctor had said that walking little by little would speed up recovery. But he had been using crutches continuously because it hurt; he should try walking from now on.

Heewoon hobbled past the clothes he hadn’t even tried on. He finally reached the chair where he had leaned his crutches, took off his shoes, and put them back on the original shelf. Then he picked up the crutches he had set aside.

He took a few steps, leaning on the crutches. Just as the crutches touched outside the door, Heewoon looked back. He saw the dressing room, the first he had ever had.

He wished his leg would heal quickly.

🧸

“Eung. Mom. If you ring the doorbell, they’ll open the door for you.”

After hanging up the phone, Heewoon took a deep breath. He thought about going to greet her, but he would have to use crutches to go up the stairs again. It was quite difficult, and he thought his mother might feel even more sorry for him if she saw that. Perhaps it was purely a desire to meet his mother a little later.

As he had worried, his mother cried upon seeing Heewoon. Heewoon calmly explained to his mother, who was surprised to see him in a cast, that he had gotten a little beaten while resisting getting into the van, and that’s when it broke. He explained exactly as Gangwoo had told him to.

Then his mother got angry, and her face suddenly turned pale, as if a scary memory had resurfaced.

That must be why. His mother didn’t press him about Seo Gangwoo, or why he was staying here instead of going to the hospital or her house.

While he was talking with his mother, the housekeeper brought tea and desserts. Heewoon handed his mother a bankbook as she touched the beautiful cake with a fork, too pretty to eat.

“What is this?”

His mother looked at Heewoon and opened the bankbook.

8,000,000 won.

“I opened a new bankbook. The number written on the front is the password.”

It was a completely new number, not the one she originally used. His mother looked at Heewoon in bewilderment.

“Why would you…”

“Mom, use it. Don’t tell hyung you got money.”

Heewoon really wanted his mother to use that money. Without giving it to hyung.

However, he knew well that the possibility of that was slim. The reason he impulsively sent a large sum of money, even though he couldn’t imagine his mother refusing hyung who asked for money, was because he was currently at Gangwoo’s house. Because he didn’t have to go back to that small room every day.

Not wanting to carry the heavy emotions that weighed him down again, he decided to become a selfish person.

“No, Heewoon. Why would you give Mom the money you saved?”

“Hyung is also hurt, and he needs money right now.”

Heewoon pushed back the bankbook his mother offered, speaking as if to persuade her. His mother shook her head, looking at such a Heewoon.

“I don’t need this much. Mom will work now too.”

His mother said with conviction. Heewoon quietly looked at her. His mother was still pale and thin.

“Mom has been going to the hospital recently.”

“Hospital?”

At that word, Heewoon’s heart sank. Was his mother sick somewhere else?

“Huh, where does it hurt?”

“It’s nothing to worry about…”

His mother paused, then said softly. ‘It’s depression.’

Heewoon stared at the awkward smile remaining on his mother’s face. He remembered her back, motionless in front of the TV, and her face, filled with deep resignation, as she was dragged into the dark space.

‘If it were up to me, I’d just die…’

Her cracked voice was also vividly remembered. Heewoon gritted his teeth and strained his eyes. If he let his guard down for a moment, tears seemed ready to well up.

His mother, pushing her hair behind her ear, spoke in a cheerful voice.

“What’s the big deal about going to the hospital just for being a little depressed? Secretary Choi kept telling me to go, so I went a few times because I couldn’t help it.”

The way his mother spoke, almost as if making excuses, painfully pierced his chest. Heewoon plunged his fork into the smooth surface of the cake. He opened his mouth, his gaze fixed only on the crumbling cake.

“Keep going. They say many people are getting counseling these days.”

Each word was carefully chosen.

“…Eung.”

A small voice was heard. The fork, which had been rolling a bright red strawberry, paused briefly then poked the strawberry. Heewoon looked up with a bright expression.

“Mom, eat your cake.”

His mother, who watched Heewoon put a strawberry in his mouth as if to show off, muttered that it looked delicious and ate the cake.

“Going out and meeting people seems to give me a lot of good energy.”

“That’s good.”

“I’m also looking for a job.”

“Mom. Use that money, and I’ll send you money every month, so Mom, just stay home…”

“The doctor.”

His mother interrupted Heewoon. His mother’s expression, which had darkened for a fleeting moment, returned to normal as she took a breath.

“The doctor said to work, and also do some hobbies. That’s what he said.”

Her voice was firm. Heewoon’s lips parted, then he let the words pass.

“…Still, don’t overdo it from the beginning, do it part-time.”

“……”

“It hasn’t been long since your surgery, Mom.”

At his added words, his mother’s face brightened a little.

“Not long? It’s already been four months.”

“It’s only been four months.”

So, Mom, please use that money. Otherwise, I’ll feel uncomfortable.

At Heewoon’s words, his mother finally nodded slightly. She gazed at the bankbook, then suddenly lifted her head and looked around.

“The room is really spacious. Do you sleep in this room?”

Her voice was damp. Heewoon pretended not to notice and gave his mother a tour of the house. He tried to show her the downstairs too, but his mother stopped him, so he only showed her the second floor. When they returned to the room, his mother’s voice was dry, without moisture.

“Nice house.”

Heewoon chuckled softly, then, remembering something, asked,

“What did you tell hyung?”

“Just. I said Heewoon is becoming independent now.”

“Does hyung believe that?”

At Heewoon’s words, his mother smiled silently.

It didn’t matter. Hyung wasn’t an important person to him.

His hatred didn’t disappear just because hyung was on the operating table. However, the remaining hatred was round and calm rather than sharply edged. He didn’t get angry thinking about hyung.

He just hoped hyung wouldn’t make his mother suffer. That was all he wanted from hyung.

A while later, Gangwoo arrived. Their time alone together had passed reasonably well, so they had overcome one hurdle.

“Hello.”

“Ah… Yes, hello.”

His mother seemed very uncomfortable with her son’s male lover. Heewoon was busy trying to read his mother’s expression, so Seo Gangwoo was the only calm one.

Heewoon was nervous that Gangwoo might say things like he resembled his mother a lot, or that his mother was beautiful, but fortunately, there were no such polite greetings.

“Shall we prepare dinner right away?”

“Yes. That would be good.”

His mother seemed to think it would be better to eat rather than stand there awkwardly. Heewoon agreed.

“Hmm, I’ll go downstairs first.”

At his mother’s words, Heewoon belatedly realized that he had greeted his mother in Gangwoo’s bedroom. There was a living room, and other spaces where they could talk, but he had acted as if he absolutely couldn’t leave the bedroom.

His mother gave a slight smile and went out. Someone standing on the stairs guided his mother, and his mother followed, touching her head as if unfamiliar with the place.

Gangwoo’s lips suddenly touched Heewoon’s cheek as he watched his mother disappear from sight. Heewoon started, surprised, and looked up at Gangwoo.

Gangwoo chuckled softly and pulled Heewoon’s waist closer. Heewoon barely managed to grab the crutches he had dropped and sighed. Gangwoo glanced at the crutches, then stroked Heewoon’s back and asked,

“Did you have lunch?”

“Uh.”

“Did you take your medicine too?”

“Eung.”

“Did you talk well with your mother?”

Heewoon answered “Eung” again. He was worried about his mother and wanted to go downstairs quickly. Not a single sound of talking could be heard in this large house. What if his mother asked the staff about Seo Gangwoo?

“Did you miss me?”

“Eung.”

Ah. Heewoon answered carelessly, then looked up at Gangwoo blankly. Gangwoo, whose eyes met his, smiled so gently it seemed to melt.

“I missed you too.”

“……”

“Were you avoiding looking at me because you thought it would show that you missed me?”

“…No.”

“No?”

Gangwoo mumbled, raising his eyebrows.

“Then…”

“I missed you!”

Heewoon shouted, thinking something scary was about to be said. Gangwoo, whose words were cut off, furrowed his brows as if dumbfounded.

“I missed you, Gangwoo.”

“……”

It was an awkward tone of voice to anyone who heard it.

“It’s like getting a forced bow.”

Gangwoo sighed and said, seemingly displeased. However, the corners of his lips were subtly curled upwards.