Formless Chapter 7

With a trembling hand, he flushed the toilet and rinsed his mouth at the sink. As he glared at his swollen face in the blurry reflection, a voice came from outside the door.

“Heewoon, are you okay?”

Heewoon spit and forced strength into his throat.

“Yeah. I feel a little better after throwing up.”

“You need to drink in moderation. I left some clothes in front of the door.”

“Thanks.”

Every time he heard his mother’s voice, the image of her dying was vividly drawn in his mind. I’m scared. It feels like Seo Gangwoo will come and kill us any second.

“It’s okay. It’s okay.”

Heewoon muttered quietly, as if chanting a spell, and turned on the shower.

Shwaaaaa—

He stared blankly at the stream of water falling from the showerhead. The image of gushing blood falling to the floor overlapped with it.

Squeeze. Heewoon closed his eyes. He stayed like that for a long while before opening his eyes and taking off his clothes. The sight of his hand trembling as it undid the buttons was familiar. He lifted his head. To avoid the mirror reflecting his ruined body, the only place for his gaze to land in the small bathroom was the showerhead.

“…The water bill is going to be high.”

The mumble was empty.

Heewoon tilted his head up a little more. A bright light stabbed at his eyes. The round, white light fixture was the most bearable thing to look at.

If his mother found out what happened yesterday, she might collapse again. It would be too much for his frail mother to bear.

“……”

So, I have to swallow it.

I have to act like nothing happened. So that no one notices. So that Seo Gangwoo doesn’t kill me.

Alone, I have to try.

His mottled body stepped under the stream of water that had only just now become warm. Occasionally, a stifled moan escaped between the sounds of the water.

🧸

That day, Heewoon went to the tutoring session he had scheduled for the evening. The severe muscle pain and the ache between his buttocks that came with every movement made him clench his teeth so hard that his jaw eventually ached with numbness.

His mother, seeing Heewoon’s face which had clearly been hit, asked in alarm what had happened, and Heewoon mumbled that he had fallen down. With a subtle expression, his mother said, be careful, and turned over to lie down.

It wasn’t the first time Heewoon had come home after being beaten. Recently, he had been hit by debt collectors a few times, and his mother had cried and angrily said she wouldn’t let those bastards get away with it.

But there was nothing his mother could do, and eventually, she chose to pretend she didn’t know.

Late that night, when Heewoon returned from tutoring, his mother asked quietly.

“If you’re short on money, should I try to get some?”

“No, it’s fine. One of my students’ grades went up a lot, so I got paid a little extra. That’s why I was a bit late paying it off.”

His mother’s lips moved for a moment before she nodded. Looking at her face, which was clearly exhausted, Heewoon said.

“Why are you still awake? I’m going to wash up, so you go to bed first, Mom.”

“Okay.”

His mother lay down. The one-room house was so small that when she and Heewoon lay down, there was almost no empty space left. Glancing at his bedding, which his mother had laid out in advance, Heewoon grabbed his clothes and went into the bathroom.

Heewoon knew that his mother wouldn’t fall asleep.

Because after Heewoon washed up, returned, lay down, closed his eyes, and started breathing evenly, she would have to quietly get up and take out the ointment hidden under the blankets.

Because she would have to apply the ointment gently, crying silently.

This time, I wasn’t beaten by loan sharks. A far more terrifying experience came to mind, so Heewoon deliberately thought of other things.

The remaining debt he had calculated to death, his hyung’s promise to return once he was settled, the money his mother had secretly sent to his hyung, the slap to the cheek he had received because of the resulting lack of money.

“My Heewoon…”

A warm hand stroked his forehead.

Heewoon sometimes,

wished that his mother was a very, very bad person.

🧸

Monday came. He hadn’t been able to sleep properly, so his face was puffy, and the bruises had worsened, making him look a mess. He put a large piece of gauze on his purpled cheek.

On his way to school, Heewoon fought back the urge to run away countless times.

All weekend, Heewoon had wished for Monday not to come, and at the same time, wished for Monday to come. The desire not to run into Seo Gangwoo and the desire to confirm that he wouldn’t kill him were combined.

Very unfortunately, the first class today was a major course that Seo Gangwoo also took.

In this class, Seo Gangwoo usually sits by the window on the inner side. Second or third row from the back. To stay out of Seo Gangwoo’s line of sight and be the first to leave the classroom, he had to secure a seat near the back door. So, Heewoon arrived at school earlier than usual.

But.

In the empty classroom, Seo Gangwoo was sitting all alone. Heewoon, who almost froze on the spot, walked right past the wide-open classroom door. He thought he heard the sound of a chair scraping, and his footsteps quickened.

Only after rushing down the stairs did he realize he had been running. He confirmed that Seo Gangwoo wasn’t following him, but he was still scared, so he went inside the school store. And he kept hovering near where many people were gathered, glancing at the door. A few people looked at him strangely, but he couldn’t care less.

Heewoon left the store at 8:57. So that he could arrive at the classroom at exactly 9:00, when the lecture began.

This class was not only a major but also strict on attendance, so Heewoon usually made sure to have about 15 minutes to spare. To get a scholarship, even a 0.01 percent difference in score was important. Last semester, he hadn’t received a scholarship and had to take out a student loan, so this semester, he had to get the scholarship no matter what.

He was fed up with the situation of having to think about money while under the threat of death. Heewoon let out a bitter sigh and opened the classroom door. Fortunately, there was an empty seat near the door. As he placed his bag down, Heewoon glanced around slightly, and his face stiffened.

Because Gangwoo was looking at him.

‘Come here.’

Seo Gangwoo said with his lips, moving his own bag that he had placed on the seat next to him. Heewoon managed to put on an expression as if he didn’t understand what he was saying and sat in his own seat, pretending to take out a book. He could feel the stare, but it was withdrawn once the professor started calling attendance.

After class, he left the classroom faster than anyone else and hid in a bathroom stall two floors down before heading to his next class. During lunchtime, he ate at the convenience store in front of the back gate, worried he might run into Seo Gangwoo.

Was it a good thing that, like a stalker, he had Seo Gangwoo’s entire schedule memorized? Heewoon was able to avoid him until all his classes were over.

On Mondays, Seo Gangwoo’s classes end at 6:00. Heewoon looked at his watch, which pointed to 5:00, and let out a sigh.

Another day has passed well. I just need to endure like this for two more months. This is Seo Gangwoo’s last semester.

“Haah…”

Should I take a leave of absence?

If I take a leave of absence now, how much of the tuition can I get back? Even considering all that, if I take a leave and get another part-time job, I could earn much more money.

Then again, it wasn’t like earning more money meant I could pay off more of the debt.

‘Your hyung said he was a little short on money for his business…’

The image of his mother’s awkward smile came to mind.

Heewoon stopped dead in his tracks and covered his eyes. He hadn’t slept, and he had been on edge all day, so his eyes were extremely tired. Today’s tutoring session starts at 8:30. Then he had enough time to stop by home and get some sleep.

Several people passed by Heewoon, who stood with his head bowed low, his eyes covered. Heewoon, who had even thought about how he had no morning classes tomorrow and no overlapping classes with Gangwoo, took a deep breath and removed the hand covering his eyes.

“Oh, I’m sorry.”

He had almost bumped into someone coming from the front, so he dodged to the side while still looking down. But the man in front of him didn’t move his feet at all. Puzzled, Heewoon’s face turned deathly pale the moment he lifted his head.

“Are you sleeping on your feet?”

“Ah…”

A sound like a moan escaped his slightly open mouth. Heewoon took a step back and looked around.

This wasn’t a deserted factory with no one around. This was a university campus where there were hundreds of people who would pull out their phones if someone showed even the slightest strange behavior. If he was here, he couldn’t harm him.

“What. Did someone call you, sunbae?”

Seo Gangwoo asked casually, following his gaze.

“…No.”

“Then.”

“Huh?”

“Why are you looking somewhere else, you fucking bastard.”

The tone was so calm that for a moment he doubted his ears.

When he turned his head, he saw a cold face, so Heewoon quickly lowered his head. A frightening silence continued for a while.

“Follow me.”

“Ah. I have my part-time job…”

“It’s at 8:30.”

Heewoon’s face contorted in bewilderment, as he had no idea he would know even that. As he moved his lips to make another excuse, Seo Gangwoo sighed. Feeling a pang of guilt, Heewoon asked in a small voice.

“W-what are we going to do there?”

“I was just thinking we could talk a little…”

Watching Heewoon, whose eyes were darting around as if seeking help, Gangwoo said.

“Looking at the way you’re acting, you need to be beaten up a bit.”

Terrified, Heewoon moved abruptly. In his haste, he bumped his face against Gangwoo’s solid shoulder. Gangwoo grabbed the staggering Heewoon’s arm to steady him and let out a hollow laugh.

The two of them headed out the main gate. To show his willingness to follow obediently, Heewoon walked closely behind Gangwoo’s back.

“Come walk next to me.”

Gangwoo said, looking back at the top of his bowed head.

“Okay.”

Even after moving to his side, he still walked closely next to Gangwoo. So close that their arms or hands would sometimes brush. Each time, Heewoon would flinch in surprise, and Gangwoo would gaze down at him.

A foreign car was parked in the alley. The people who had been openly staring pretended not to look when the owner of the car appeared, sneaking glances.

“Get in.”

Gangwoo opened the back seat door and gestured with his chin. As Heewoon hesitantly got into the car, Gangwoo followed him in. Heewoon jumped in fright and looked around. The windows were tinted jet black, making it impossible to see inside.

Click, the car door closed, and reality set in. Now, there were no countless phones to protect Heewoon.