The Unbelievers Chapter 52

Eunseong wanted to demand an answer from him, to ask why he was acting like this after kicking him out because he disliked him. He directed a sharp gaze at the man. Unlike the usual distance Siun kept, he was standing close now, yet his eyes looked at Eunseong vacantly. Young Eunseong could not possibly guess what was in his heart or what he was thinking.

“I don’t like it.”

“Ah… you don’t like it. Should I move you somewhere else?”

He looked as though he had come here straight from work, showing accumulated fatigue. He, too, must have many things on his mind.

His tie was not straight. His entire outfit was not stiff as if starched, as it usually was. He was disheveled somehow.

“You want me to move again and be a nuisance?”

“If you don’t like it, you have to move again. Do as you wish.”

“…As I wish?”

“Yes, as you wish.”

I don’t know why he is saying things that don’t add up, especially after kicking me out of the house to prevent me from doing as I wished.

Only then did Eunseong catch an unfamiliar scent wafting from him. It was like the fishy smell of grass he had caught while passing the glass greenhouse—the one he was told never to enter—and it also seemed like the smell of alcohol. Having lived with him, he had never once seen him drink or appear drunk.

“Mister, did you happen to drink?”

“…Do I smell?”

He covered his mouth and smelled his own breath. It seemed like the distance that had made Eunseong so sorrowful had vanished because of the alcohol. That didn’t mean he was relaxed, however. His expression was distant, and he was staring intently with eyes that seemed to fumble through Eunseong’s abyss. Eunseong felt that Yoo Siun was observing him.

“Are you drunk?”

“No. I didn’t drink that much.”

“Why… did you drink?”

“Because it was hard to remain sane. No, because I had to not be sane.”

“…”

I didn’t know what he was talking about, but for now, I stepped aside to let him in. Yoo Siun did not move. It seemed he had no intention of coming inside from the beginning.

A surge of sorrow welled up. Why did he show up if he was going to be like this? I had finally managed to steady my heart, but seeing him made my emotions fluctuate again.

“Is it harder for you to remain sane than it is for me?”

“Yes.”

To Eunseong’s accusatory question, Yoo Siun answered “yes” without hesitation. Eunseong was flabbergasted. He looked up at him resentfully.

“…Isn’t it foul play to kick someone out and then come find them like this? And having drunk alcohol on top of that?”

“You’re right. I shouldn’t do this.”

“…”

“I shouldn’t be like this. Just to confirm something…”

Although there was a scent of alcohol, he did not look like a drunk person at all. It was true that he looked a bit exhausted, as if his emotions were being gnawed away. It seemed that his first cousin once removed liking him was not something he could easily ignore. Furthermore, Yoo Siun had brought Eunseong here under the pretext of separating him from his father to protect him. He had a responsibility to look after him until the end.

“…”

“…”

Seeing Yoo Siun troubled and struggling because of him, Eunseong was regretting having blurted out that he liked him. He just looked down at the floor and fidgeted with his toes.

At that moment, Yoo Siun’s hand cupped the cheek of the bowed Eunseong and pulled it up. Startled, Eunseong lifted his gaze toward him.

Yoo Siun had approached within an interval that felt like torture to Eunseong, who said he liked him. He narrowed the distance and took one more step forward, cupping his cheek and staring at Eunseong with dark eyes as if he were about to kiss him.

Eunseong’s heart began to race as if running a sprint. His flustered eyes were trapped within his gaze, moving here and there, but unable to escape from within.

“…Did you take the mysophobia medicine?”

“I took it.”

“Are you all better? Is that why you’re this close… Mister, you can’t come close to me.”

“I think I’m all better.”

It wasn’t a sexual sensation, but his thumb tenderly caressed Eunseong’s cheek. It was a gentle touch that felt like an apology for causing such pain, for leaving him alone after bringing him here promising protection.

“It was very hard because of me, wasn’t it?”

“…It’s okay. I wanted to be independent anyway. I have to someday. I can’t live attached to you forever.”

“…”

“And I shouldn’t like you, either.”

“…”

“…Is it okay to like you?”

“No.”

“I can’t like you?”

“No.”

While he was fondling Eunseong’s cheek with his thumb, he said “no” quietly and low, yet firmly. Eunseong’s hand gripped the back of Yoo Siun’s hand. He could feel their overlapping temperatures. Eunseong felt his breath gradually hitching. He even became careful with his breathing in front of him.

“…Do I smell a lot like alcohol?”

“Yes… a lot. A lot.”

“Do you want to smell it?”

“What?”

“Take a smell.”

Yoo Siun moves even closer. Eunseong’s eyes flew wide and his pupils themselves dilated. It was a distance where he could feel the scent of his breath and his body odor, and even the temperature of his skin where warm heat could be felt, as if they were about to kiss. Eunseong froze stiffly and stayed pressed against the door, unable to even take a step back.

I wanted to ask him what on earth he was saying. After telling me not to like him, after hurting me by answering coldly that I shouldn’t like him, he was playing with me. He was mocking me because I was younger than him and knew nothing.

Eunseong tried to avoid him. He tried to push away the warmth cupping his cheek, but his strength would not let Eunseong go. It was a physical force in which an intention was clearly felt.

“…Why are you doing this?”

“Smell it.”

“What smell… what, please don’t do this. Why are you like this? You said I shouldn’t like you!”

He struggled to push him away strongly, but it was as if Eunseong were trapped in an invisible wall. There was an illusion of heat rising like a haze from his body, blurring his vision.

He felt a pain as if somewhere in his heart was actually aching. The more he smelled the scent of his body so close by, the more short of breath he became, and suddenly his chest felt tight and painful.

Strength drained from his body to the point that he lost his grip on Yoo Siun’s hand, which he had been holding to push him away. His eyes grew tired as if sleep were washing over him, and a sense of helplessness weighed down his entire body, making his limbs feel heavy and making him want to do nothing.

“…Are you okay? You feel nothing, right? Yes?”

Yoo Siun asked. He asked urgently, as if pleading that he must feel nothing.

However, contrary to his wish, Eunseong’s knees buckled from a bout of anemia that turned his mind white. Startled, Yoo Siun snatched up the falling Eunseong to catch him. With one hand, he grabbed the door that was about to close, and with the other, he wrapped his arm around Eunseong’s waist and held him.

Eunseong dropped his face against his chest. The scent he had told him to smell—whether it was alcohol or the smell of grass—a fresh yet fishy scent spread throughout his body.

His mind was bewildered, but his limbs wouldn’t listen, and Yoo Siun was holding Eunseong softly and cozily in his arms. Holding him firmly so he wouldn’t slide down.

“…”

His expression as he looked down at the limp Eunseong was distorted with pain, like someone dragged into hell. I had never seen such a sad face, such a pained face.

Words hovered inside his mouth. He had to move his vocal cords to let out air, but the words would not come. Moving his lips slightly, Eunseong gasped for breath.

“Are you dizzy?”

“…I, I don’t know. Suddenly… haa, suddenly.”

“Does your body feel strange?”

He had come here hoping it wasn’t the case. An irresistible force was loaded into the arm tightly wrapped around Eunseong’s waist.

Eunseong could not answer properly and muttered softly. Yoo Siun closed and opened his eyes tightly.

He knew what he had to do.

He led the panting Eunseong into the house. The door closed behind them. Setting Eunseong, whose knees were buckling as he kept trying to sink down, against the wall, Yoo Siun looked at him with observant eyes.

“…”

Without asking anything, he just continued to stare at Eunseong obsessively. He stared fixatedly at Eunseong’s state, who was like a fish thrown out of water, only gasping with his gills, unable to breathe.

Eunseong’s legs lost so much strength that it was hard to stand upright. Instead, his senses became extremely sensitive, to the point that he could feel a dull thumping every time his pulse beat at the nape behind his ears, his wrists, and inside his knees. A sweet body heat that seemed to melt the inside of his nose was vibrating between them.

“…W-why am I like this…?”

“…”

“I’m strang… strange.”

I don’t know why my body is suddenly like this. His limbs were sinking as if he had been given an injection that momentarily robbed him of his strength.

Eunseong opened his eyes, which were closing weakly. He didn’t know why he did it.

Eunseong hurriedly wrapped both arms around the neck of the man standing close to him. He rubbed his lips against the man’s pulsing neck.

“Mister… Mister.”

Clinging to the bewildered and frozen Yoo Siun, he caressed his nape. He rubbed against him until the flesh of his lips was chafed and the bridge of his nose was bent. The sensation that dissolved and seeped softly into his joints made his spine tingle. His back stiffened.

“Eunseong.”

“Wait a moment, Mister… wait a moment, wait a moment.”

At the gesture to pull him away, Eunseong clung desperately, pressing his heated lower body against him and fumbling. His drunken breath made his entire pulse throb. His pounding heartbeat painfully hammered against his blood vessels.

Even though no one had taught him, Eunseong pressed his abdomen against Yoo Siun and rubbed his sensitive areas.

“Ah, I’m strange… Mister, Mister. Ah, ah…”

“…”

Yoo Siun, who had been staring terrifyingly into the dark corner while holding Eunseong who was clinging recklessly, raised his hand and pressed on Eunseong’s pressure point. As he applied pressure and pressed hard for a moment, Eunseong’s body stopped all actions as if the power had been cut and slumped down. Eunseong collapsed in his arms.

“…”

Yoo Siun merely looked vacantly at the body hanging limply without any strength.