Place to Be Chapter 22

Until last year, it was difficult to travel back and forth from the livestock market every day by subway, so he had ridden a motorcycle. However, as he began receiving deliveries from a broker, he disposed of the motorcycle. It was because the distance from the shop to his home was walkable anyway, and it was better to put whatever amount he could toward paying off his debts rather than keeping a motorcycle he barely used. Of course, he had never owned something like a car.

Jang Wigeon, who had been staring intently at Seo Chiyoung, seemed to let out a sigh.

“I’ll give you a ride.”

And to Jang Wigeon, who began to walk again as if telling him to follow, Seo Chiyoung said, “Oh,” and hurriedly waved his hands in embarrassment.

“No, you don’t have to do that…”

“I’m going near there anyway.”

Having spoken decisively as if telling him not to say more, Jang Wigeon looked back at Seo Chiyoung, who was still hesitating and standing still in his place, then frowned and returned. He practically snatched the handcart from Seo Chiyoung’s hands and began walking away with long strides.

Seo Chiyoung chased after him a few steps late, staring at Jang Wigeon’s back.

“It’s not a lie. I’m not going a long way out of my way just to drop you off, I really have business to attend to near there… Originally, I was planning to go after three or four in the afternoon, but it doesn’t matter if I go early.”

Jang Wigeon spoke as he walked, and Seo Chiyoung nodded, finally offering a small greeting.

“Thank you.”

He was happy. Regardless of the reason, Jang Wigeon was showing kindness to Seo Chiyoung while adjusting his own schedule, and Seo Chiyoung knew that such a thing was not very common.

Jang Wigeon glanced back at Seo Chiyoung. Seo Chiyoung, who had been smiling bashfully and happily behind him, suddenly made eye contact with Jang Wigeon as he turned around and involuntarily froze his expression.

Jang Wigeon frowned subtly. Rather than showing displeasure, he looked at Seo Chiyoung with a face that seemed to be sighing and then quietly clicked his tongue.

“It really must be hard for you to live in this world…”

“…?”

Seo Chiyoung only blinked and looked at him. Certainly, there had been countless times throughout his life when he thought things were difficult, but he couldn’t immediately understand why the man was saying such a thing.

However, even though he must have seen the look of bewilderment that appeared on Seo Chiyoung’s face, Jang Wigeon did not explain further or add any other words. He simply let out a short laugh and stopped in front of a car parked a few steps away.

“Is it okay to put it in the trunk? Or should I put it in the back seat?”

“Uh… it doesn’t matter.”

When Seo Chiyoung murmured this, Jang Wigeon opened the trunk and loaded the Styrofoam box and the handcart. Only then did Seo Chiyoung rush to his side, saying, “Oh, I’ll do it,” but it was already after Jang Wigeon had finished folding the handcart.

“Make yourself comfortable, comfortable.”

The meaning of Jang Wigeon’s words, which he murmured as if coaxing him, still couldn’t be precisely grasped, but he was laughing lightly as if he wasn’t in a bad mood, and Seo Chiyoung nodded with a “Yes,” while worrying about how he should make himself comfortable.

As Jang Wigeon walked toward the driver’s side, he asked Seo Chiyoung, who was still lingering behind the car, “By the way, is your timing okay?” and only then did Seo Chiyoung seem to snap out of it; he checked his watch and hurriedly ran to the passenger seat.

“I’m a bit late, a bit very late… No, but please drive slowly, slowly… safe driving…”

Looking at his watch anxiously and muttering that he was late, then suddenly as if just remembering, Seo Chiyoung urged Jang Wigeon to drive safely. Jang Wigeon stared at him and, at some point, burst into laughter.

“Yes, yes. Shall I try driving safely as fiercely as a race car driver, then.”

The movement of his hand as he inserted the car key was as pleasant as his voice.

The sound of a presence was heard from outside. In the pitch-black night approaching dawn, the sound of footsteps returning home now could be heard outside the window. “Yeah, I’m almost home now. I’m in front of the door. Yeah, see you on Saturday. I love you.” The quiet voice whispering affectionately carried quite clearly into the room.

The voice, having finished the call with a lover, soon disappeared into the building, and Seo Chiyoung, who had just turned off the light and lay down in his bedding to seek sleep, blinked his heavy eyes in the darkness. His body was as tired as water-soaked cotton, but for some reason, he didn’t fall asleep easily.

The soft voice whispering love, the shy and happy tone calling for a lover—things that would normally pass by ordinarily remained exceptionally clear in his ears.

“…”

What must those things feel like, Seo Chiyoung wondered.

He had never had such a thing as a lover. It was bound to be that way. A man who likes men was difficult to meet by that fact alone. Since it was a probability so low that one couldn’t even expect a chance encounter, to meet his own kind, he had no choice but to find out where they often gathered and visit, or rely on the closed spaces of the internet.

However, in either case, the fact remained that time and effort had to be invested, and Seo Chiyoung’s life was not leisurely enough to seek out a lover while putting in that kind of effort. No, he had lived so breathlessly that there was no room in his mind to even bring up the idea of a lover or a romance.

As a result, perhaps his body had become accustomed to this lifestyle, or perhaps it was because he had passed the so-called turning point in age, his body—which had been on the simple side to begin with—did not particularly brim with desire. It was to the extent that when a sudden desire arose occasionally, it was enough to handle it himself.

But on quiet and sleepless nights like this, he sometimes thought.

Is it going to pass like this? Forever. Walking purely alone.

Loneliness arrives in fits, suffocating him. In the days when the times that were as delicate as glass have passed and his verdant youth has begun to recede little by little, the emotion that pulses slowly and dully occasionally appeals like a scream that I am still alive.

Seo Chiyoung looked at the wall clock with eyes accustomed to the darkness. Reflecting the dim light from outside the window, the clock pointed to a time past three in the morning.

Seo Chiyoung let out a quiet sigh. He needed to sleep quickly to start tomorrow refreshed. Tomorrow, he had to stop by the bank in the morning and also visit the building owner, so he had to head out a bit earlier than usual. The owner’s house was located quite a walk further in from the old building where Seo Chiyoung’s shop was. Every month-end, he would visit in person to say thank you and hand over the monthly rent in an envelope.

The owner was a person with a prickly personality who would frequently nitpick over this and that, but it wasn’t easy to find a place that rented at that price, and also due to his own patient personality, Seo Chiyoung had remained in that spot for several years—a place where tenants had changed several times before him because of the owner.

Seo Chiyoung closed his eyes while recalling the tasks he had to do tomorrow morning one by one. He needed to sleep quickly, but perhaps because he was thinking that, sleep came even less.

From afar, a couple of murmuring presences passed by while sharing a conversation. He couldn’t hear what they were talking about, but he could tell it was an ordinary yet friendly atmosphere. Whether they were family, friends, or lovers.

He had friends, but he was so busy living that meeting them was not easy. It had been a long time since he’d seen his family, who were far away, and he had no lover.

“…”

He had lived without having these kinds of thoughts much, but lately, he felt that way more and more. That he was lonely.

He knew the reason. It was because he continued to look at a gaze that held someone desperately in its heart. Perhaps he had even been infected by their sentiments.

Today, as well.

Yoon Junyoung had visited the shop. And Jang Wigeon, who came to this vicinity quite often lately saying he was busy preparing to open a new shop, followed along as he usually did when Yoon Junyoung visited. Even when they didn’t come together, if Yoon Junyoung came alone and was sitting eating intestines, Jang Wigeon would show up late, whether they had made a prior appointment or if he had found out somehow.

Since then, Kwon Kanghee had not come once. Aside from passing comments, Kwon Kanghee was never particularly the subject of their conversation, and while Seo Chiyoung had reached the point where he could chat quite a bit with them since they had become excessively frequent regulars, he did not open his mouth about Kwon Kanghee.

‘I should look for a house around here. My mother’s been looking at me with hawk-eyes more and more, and finally yesterday, she said she didn’t want to live in the same house as a grown son who isn’t even married.’