Place to Be Chapter 44

“I’ve known those friends since we were very young. I went to elementary school with Kanghee, and Junyoung lived in the same neighborhood. We didn’t all know each other from the start; I knew them each separately, playing with Kanghee at school and with Junyoung when I came home, but once we entered the same middle school, we all started hanging out together. Since then, the three of us have always been together.”

Jang Wigeon picked up his chopsticks. However, he only poked at the plate half-heartedly.

“When I was young, I was a bit of a precocious brat. It made sense; my family was well-off, I was smart, and my parents were busy and rarely home—it was the perfect environment for a ‘yellow-leafed’ kid to sprout. Besides, like most busy parents, mine felt sorry for not being able to look after their children, so they tried to make up for it with money. So I could do whatever I wanted. In an environment like that, it’s usually strange if you don’t turn out crooked. But considering that, didn’t I grow up to be quite a decent person?”

Jang Wigeon looked at Seo Chiyoung and smiled with his eyes. Seo Chiyoung mumbled a “Yes” and gave a barely visible nod, and Jang Wigeon burst into laughter. “Your tone says otherwise, even though there are few people as decent as me,” he said, his voice sounding cheerful as if joking. However, that cheerful voice slowly faded away.

“It’s because Junyoung pulled me along. Whenever I tried to go astray, even a little bit, he always blocked my path. Every part of me that is a ‘proper human being’ was made that way by Junyoung. Since we practically grew up together, we were almost always together.”

Jang Wigeon fell silent. Quietly putting down the chopsticks he was holding, he remained silent as if lost in thought before opening his mouth softly.

“Mr. Chiyoung, you said it before. That everyone has a place assigned to them.”

Seo Chiyoung looked at him and, after a brief pause, nodded his head.

“As for me… I couldn’t figure it out. What I should do, where I should go, who I should lean on, or where my place was. This place where I’m standing now definitely didn’t feel like it, and I felt like there must be a comfortable, cozy place somewhere else, but I couldn’t find it. No matter where I was or what I did. When I was a kid… and still now.”

It was the first confession of insecurity Seo Chiyoung had heard from Jang Wigeon. Despite always having firm confidence in the events he encountered in life without a hint of anxiety, the heart that had always been unstable regarding life itself shimmered through those casual words.

Somewhere else, not here.

He felt like his place existed. He didn’t know what kind of place it was, but he felt there must surely be a spot provided just for him.

A place that fills what was not given to him.

A place where the occasional thirst and the empty space deep inside his heart that never went away could be filled—a place where everything is satisfied.

Where could that place be?

…Or perhaps, was it never given to him in the first place?

“Whenever I tried to go down the wrong path or go astray, Junyoung always stood in front of me. I might not have known it then, but looking back later, the direction he pointed was always right. So… I felt like if I were with Junyoung, I would reach the place where I was meant to be. No, I thought that wherever he was, was where I should be.”

Jang Wigeon stopped the story he was quietly relaying to Seo Chiyoung. He then brooded over the nostalgic and precious memories that remained only in their minds—or perhaps only in his.

Seo Chiyoung looked at Jang Wigeon and then dropped his gaze. Suddenly seeing seasoning on the tip of his index finger, he rubbed it away with his thumb. He pulled the cooling gopchang toward him and poured it back onto the iron plate.

While stirring the iron plate that was beginning to heat up, Seo Chiyoung added just a little more alcohol, water, and seasoning. Sizzle, only that hot sound rang out in the quiet air.

It was a feeling that had continued for over twenty years. Perhaps it was Jang Wigeon’s first love. A heart that had jokingly confessed from the position of a closest friend for over twenty years had lost its destination today.

“…”

Twenty-some years. It was a heart that had continued for a time more than double Seo Chiyoung’s own. It had been over a decade since Seo Chiyoung first encountered Jang Wigeon. Even then, he had only watched him for a few years during that time. But Jang Wigeon had been watching him from the side for over twenty years. Today, that heart received notice that there was no place left for it to go.

“…It would be so nice if it were decided from the start that the person I like would come to like me back.”

Then so many of the world’s suffering hearts would disappear.

At some point, Seo Chiyoung must have muttered those words to himself without realizing it.

Jang Wigeon raised his gaze and looked at Seo Chiyoung. But soon, the brief smile vanished from his face, and instead, a slight tension gripped his eyebrows.

On the iron plate where the moisture had vanished and only the smell of stir-fried gopchang wafted up, a single drop fell with a sizzle.

“Why are you crying, Mr. Chiyoung?”

Jang Wigeon spoke as if it were absurd. Seo Chiyoung mumbled “Uh…” and rubbed his eyes. Then he went “Uh, uh,” his face clouding over in embarrassment.

“Cheongyang chili got in my eye…”

“There isn’t any cheongyang in the gopchang.”

“I mince a little bit into the sauce when I make it.”

Jang Wigeon looked at Seo Chiyoung with a suspicious face. The face that had been smiling calmly just a moment ago was gone; he frowned as if his mood had suddenly soured.

“Don’t cry. I don’t like that kind of thing.”

He might have thought Seo Chiyoung was crying because he pitied him. A faint but truly displeased tone was embedded in his voice.

Seo Chiyoung went “Uh…” and hovered in distress, then blurted out “It’s true,” and impulsively reached out to rub Jang Wigeon’s eye area. It was only after he felt the sensation of the man’s eyes widening slightly in surprise through his fingertips that he startled himself and quickly withdrew his hand.

“…Ah… damn it…”

A curse leaked out from Jang Wigeon’s mouth after a moment of silence. He furrowed his brows deeply and brought his hand to his eye. Soon, tears began to stream down from his eyes as well. Clicking his tongue lowly, Jang Wigeon took the wet towel Seo Chiyoung quickly handed him and covered his eyes. Seo Chiyoung also wiped his own eyes with a wet towel, thinking that this situation of two men crying was somehow foolish. But soon, he thought it didn’t matter. If even in that way, the things that had been knotted up in the heart could flow out even a little.

But the cheongyang was potent. Seo Chiyoung, who had rubbed his eyes properly, shed enough tears to turn even the tip of his nose red, while Jang Wigeon, who had managed to compose himself sooner, stared at Seo Chiyoung in disbelief with reddish eyes while holding the wet towel in one hand.

“I-I’m sorr…”

When Seo Chiyoung offered a clumsy apology in a tearful voice, Jang Wigeon looked like he was about to say something but let out a dissatisfied sigh instead. However, the voice that opened was fortunately a bit softened.

“I told you, I really don’t like crying at times like this. I have no intention of crying either.”

“…I… me too…”

“Saying that with red eyes, a red nose, and a red face isn’t convincing at all,” Jang Wigeon muttered and clicked his tongue. Then, as if a thought occurred to him, he wiped his expression and stared fixedly at Seo Chiyoung. After looking him over from corner to corner with a subtle gaze as he soaked the wet towel in cold water to wipe his eyes again, Jang Wigeon started to say something but closed his mouth again.

Jang Wigeon sat there quietly and waited in silence until Seo Chiyoung’s eyes calmed down, and Seo Chiyoung sat before him with stiff, red eyes.

“With eyes the size of a calf’s…”

The words muttered with a sigh no longer held any displeased or dissatisfied tone; there was only a faint, hollow laugh as if it were simply absurd.

How much time had passed? By the time the redness had almost vanished from Seo Chiyoung’s face, Jang Wigeon—who had been quietly leaning against the wall casting his gaze toward the endless rain outside—muttered calmly.

“I’m sorry. I said I would take your side, but it ended before it could even reach a situation where I could do that. If something like that happens next time, I’ll take your side then.”

Without even looking at Seo Chiyoung, as if perhaps whispering to himself, Jang Wigeon muttered those words and fell silent. And he simply continued to look outside in silence for a very long time.