Chapter 79
“Th… I just… I think… I always… wanted to be acknowledged.”
Stumbling over her words, she slowly began to open up about herself. I had already heard many things: how she had been isolated, how constant criticism had worn down her sense of self-efficacy. But that wasn’t the core.
Right now, Shin Yerim was talking about her foundation. By her own will.
“B-but… since things… didn’t go the way I wanted… I think it made it even harder…”
Being acknowledged by someone is difficult. Just like she said. The more you struggle for recognition, the more you end up unable to feel satisfied with anything.
Let’s say your goal is to rank in the top 10 at school. You reach that goal, and people acknowledge you. But before long, your eyes drift upward.
A little higher.
Toward a place where you can be acknowledged more perfectly.
What she said earlier, “But nationwide, my ranking dropped a lot,” was the perfect example of that.
“Everyone wants to be acknowledged. I don’t think that’s strange.”
It only becomes a problem when it goes too far.
Shin Yerim slowly nodded.
“I… I th-think so too… b-but… it just…”
After a brief moment of thought, she answered.
“I think… I was always impatient. My parents always wanted the highest results, but I could never reach them. Whenever someone forced something on me, I always ended up doing the opposite.”
She spoke slowly.
“Wh-when I think back… even when I first started stuttering… There was pressure to speak perfectly… It was… a speech contest…”
I quietly waited.
“B-before I went in… my m-mother grabbed me and said I had to do well… no matter what… no matter what. If not… There would be no options…”
She said she didn’t even remember how old she was, but she clearly remembered her mother’s eyes. It must have been elementary school.
“I was so scared that I said okay… and went up…”
One mistake. One moment of stuttering.
“It felt like… my m-mother in the audience… was staring at me… The moment I felt that… I started trembling… and kept stuttering… and stuttering… and in the end…”
This was trauma. Shin Yerim’s trauma.
Her hands and feet trembled as she spoke.
—
[The client’s trauma has been recorded.]
[‘Skill: ???’ unlock condition: Trauma Record (2/2)]
[‘Skill: ???’ has been unlocked.]
[Resonance Therapy (Lv. 1)]
Even without a counseling session, you can now perform minor mental stabilization on clients whose trauma has already been recorded!
Currently available individuals ▼
※ Cooldown: 48h
—
The intrusive notification broke my focus, but I immediately redirected my attention back to Shin Yerim.
Gently stopping her, I said,
“You remember the breathing technique, right? Let’s steady your breathing again and think it through.”
I calmly paused her, then continued the session.
“Then what do you think influenced your stuttering to continue?”
“E-every time… I spoke… it came back… that moment… that gaze… At some point… it became a habit…”
A habit. A stress-induced response. I nodded lightly.
“Does that gaze keep coming back? Even now?”
“I-it used to… especially when I was younger… N-now… I’m not sure… Now…”
She said it had lessened.
“Why?”
After thinking for a moment, she answered.
“B-because… here… everyone is kind…”
“In what way do you think they’re kind?”
“H-here… everyone waits… for me… They don’t say I’m frustrating… They don’t hate me… They praise me… so…”
They didn’t deny her; they praised her. Praise. It directly targeted her desire for recognition.
“When I’m here… it feels like… it’s okay for me to exist… Everyone… tells me that… Even if I fail… no one says anything to me…”
The absolute “kindness” of this place seemed to have had a positive effect on her.
They say when people change, their faces show it first.
And indeed, Shin Yerim looked brighter. Johanna had once complained about whether she could even see with her hair like that, and eventually fixed her bangs for her. Her once dry hair was now neatly tied, and her dark circles had improved.
She looked more at ease overall.
“Of course… talking with Muyeong… also helped a lot… He always helped me finish what I wanted to say… and he was the first one to wait for me… Thank you… I’ve always wanted to say thank you…”
In the end, this world suited Shin Yerim the most.
Once I realized that, there wasn’t much I could say. I could only feel relieved. As a counselor, too, it was something to be grateful for… a situation where the client could improve. An ideal place.
Such places are usually just fantasies, but she had found one.
What could I possibly say?
“Please come back to our world because we need you.”?
“So we can struggle through that mess together”?
A mess is still a mess. The place Shin Yerim chose was here. The place that healed her was here.
‘…And staying here isn’t a permanent farewell.’
We’d meet again someday. Maybe then, everything that tormented her would be gone.
For the first time, truly for the first time, I felt like I had done what a counselor was meant to do.
Even if, in reality, I hadn’t done much.
Still… one person had found meaning in this damned world. She didn’t just sit there… she stood up.
“…Thank you… for always speaking kindly… and giving me solutions…”
Shin Yerim bowed her head deeply. Looking at the top of her round head, I spoke.
“…No. I only made suggestions. You’re the one who took action. So…”
All I did was talk. Of course, that’s most of what counselors do. But still, I didn’t know how to respond to the fact that I had actually helped someone.
After taking a short breath, I continued.
“So the change… came from your actions.”
If she hadn’t acted, nothing would have changed, no matter what I said. She was the one who accepted everything and showed positive change.
“I think it’d be good if you keep going like this. And try to trust yourself a bit more.”
Shin Yerim smiled faintly.
It was awkward, clumsy, but it was the most genuine smile I had seen from her so far.
I wasn’t sure if I deserved that kind of smile. I just stared at her blankly for a moment.
***
It was a peaceful moment.
Today, I was standing guard on the wall again. You could say it was the same routine. Just a few hours left. The end was near. That was why the old man pushed even harder, cracking my skull open as usual.
People from Earth chatted quietly, filled with joy at the thought of returning home. Those who had chosen to stay didn’t join those conversations.
The tension had eased. It was a moment overflowing with a strange sense of emotion.
And yet, the longer this continued, the more uneasy I felt.
Events always escalated at the end.
It felt like everything was heading toward the worst possible scenario.
Like… a cliché from a horror movie.
That moment right before something decisive happens, when everything seems to be functioning normally.
‘Unsettling.’
I couldn’t shake the feeling.
Still, I kept doing my job. Work is work.
My synchronization was stable at 54%. Usually, it would be close to 70% by now. Lee Hoin said he was around 65%.
Today was another identical invasion. The monsters rushed in like mad, slipped, climbed, and repeated the same nonsense. Meanwhile, the strike teams struggled in the distance to kill the leaders.
Far away, the strike team finally took down the leader… cutting off its head without much trouble.
Yes. Just like this.
Maybe this time, it’s really over.
When the sun rises… we can escape.
When the sun rises.
‘Even that thought sounds like a cliché…’
My heart pounded uneasily.
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