To My First Love, With Regret (Libenia) Chapter 7

While Eve walked toward Ethan with cheeks burning from an unfamiliar heat, the criminal who still hadn’t realized his place kept running his mouth.

“A lady of House Kentrell would never lower herself enough to ride some rusty two-wheeled junk driven by a laborer—”

“Thank you, Ethan.”

Eve deliberately sat behind him.

“Traditionally, the ladies of House Kentrell rode horses guided by knights.”

Ethan was not some “laborer” they sneered at.

He was the knight on the white horse.

Too busy enjoying the crown prince’s expression twisting in disbelief, Eve failed to notice the tips of Ethan’s ears turning red.

“Well then, goodbye.”

“Hold on tightly.”

Before starting the motorcycle, Ethan carefully took the hand resting on his shoulder and lowered it to his waist.

That large, strong hand touched her again.

This time, it wasn’t accidental.

It was deliberate.

Even if it was only to keep her from falling.

The moment Eve wrapped her arms around his broad waist, that strange feeling returned.

Too close.

He must’ve showered recently.

The neatly trimmed hair at the nape of his neck carried the clean scent of soap. Back when they were children, she often rode behind him on his bicycle. She used to hug his waist then too, breathing in that same scent of soap.

But this felt completely different.

Maybe it was because of the sharp trace of aftershave mixed into it.

The realization that the boy with barely visible fuzz on his chin had become a man who needed aftershave lotion made Eve freeze for a brief moment.

She had changed too.

Every time the motorcycle jolted over the uneven road, her chest brushed against Ethan’s back.

Against that broad, solid back.

Suddenly, she wanted to lean against him.

Wanted to wrap her arms tightly around the waist she was only loosely holding now.

And if I did… how would you react?

What would you think of me?

‘What is happening to me?’

Then, amidst the storm of unfamiliar impulses and restless curiosity, Eve suddenly realized something.

‘Don’t tell me… I just fell for Ethan?’

Good heavens.

All her efforts had completely fallen apart.

Her face now wore the exact same foolish expression as those idiots who fell in love with her.

Heat flooded her cheeks.

If Becky saw her now without knowing the reason, she’d probably assume Eve had gotten sunburned after walking around without a parasol.

“You can’t leave without greeting Father after coming all the way to our house.”

Ethan needed to reach the hardware store before closing time, but he couldn’t refuse Lady Evelyn’s stubborn insistence.

‘I really don’t have time for this.’

The princess entered the duke’s office first.

She only came back out much later.

“You may come in now.”

Ethan’s gaze lingered on Lady Evelyn’s retreating back as she walked away without even giving him the chance to thank her properly for helping him.

The beginning of this long, hopeless love had started with that cursed downpour and the sketchbook of Lady Evelyn’s that accidentally ended up in his hands.

While scrambling to gather everything during the sudden rainstorm at the beach, he’d accidentally packed her sketchbook into his own bag.

Lady Evelyn was always drawing something obsessively, yet she never showed anyone what it was.

Driven by simple curiosity, Ethan had opened the sketchbook.

And now, tormented by that curse, he regretted ever looking inside.

Because every page was filled with him.

Dozens of Ethans lived within those secret pages drawn through Lady Evelyn’s eyes.

Moments he himself didn’t remember.

Expressions he hadn’t even known he made.

‘Why was she drawing me?’

‘Could it be… she likes me?’

That thought robbed the young Ethan of sleep.

Again and again, he replayed the memory of that rainy day when she’d briefly pressed against him beneath the downpour. He remembered her warmth. Her fragility.

The princess who’d always seemed cold and untouchable suddenly appeared completely different in his eyes.

But the truth turned out to be painfully ordinary.

“Ethan, your surname really suits you. Fairchild.”

[1] Fairchild: Literally means “beautiful child.” Eve is teasing him about his handsome appearance.

One day, Lady Evelyn asked Ethan to model for her.

And when he asked why with a pounding heart—

“Because your face is perfectly beautiful. I think I could spend my entire life drawing it and never grow bored.”

That had been her answer.

It turned out Ethan’s face merely satisfied the refined aesthetic standards of a young lady raised surrounded by beauty.

But didn’t “drawing your face forever” sound almost the same as “spending forever together”?

Back then, Ethan had been young.

Painfully naive.

Unable to give up hope, he’d carefully tried to flirt with her.

“The beautiful one is you, my lady. I’m merely handsome.” He’d smiled awkwardly. “I’ll continue modeling for you, but every time we meet, you have to call me handsome instead of beautiful.”

Eve answered with devastating simplicity.

“Yes, Ethan. You’re handsome.”

And that was the end of it.

She stared at him intensely while drawing, but it was only the cold gaze of an artist studying her subject.

Not once had she blushed or smiled shyly the way girls in love with him usually did.

His attempt at flirting had been completely ignored.

Even now, he still hoped Lady Evelyn had never realized that awkward little stunt of his had been flirting at all.

In the end, love had only been an illusion.

But by the time he realized that, he was already hopelessly trapped inside it.

The feeling born from youthful misunderstanding continued growing wildly through the chaos of adolescence like stubborn weeds.

And weeds always sank deep roots.

He hadn’t seen her for so long after Lady Evelyn left for boarding school.

And when she finally returned, he had already left.

He came home during Christmas and Easter holidays and visited the estate to pay respects to the duke, yet somehow they never crossed paths.

The only news he received about her came occasionally through Becky’s letters.

“Next month I’m going to Richmond with Lady Evelyn. Can I visit your university while I’m there?”

“You don’t need to send money anymore. Milady raised my salary.”

Just a single line mentioning her—

Yet on those days, he could never focus on studying.

He’d exhaust himself on the tennis court or basketball court, then chain-smoke cigarette after cigarette trying to calm the turmoil inside him.

But none of it helped.

Eventually, he would only torment himself further by pulling out the worn scrap of paper hidden carefully inside his wallet.

It was the only drawing he’d secretly torn out before returning the sketchbook that long-ago day.

Because on the back of Ethan’s portrait was a self-portrait of Eve.

‘I wish we could exist on the same page.’

But the front and back of a sheet of paper could never see each other.

Lady Evelyn and Ethan Fairchild were just like that paper—

So close they nearly touched, yet forever existing in separate worlds that could never truly meet.

Even knowing he could never step into the world she belonged to, Ethan still couldn’t abandon that impossible dream.

Only now did he realize the years he’d spent struggling merely with the desire to see her had actually been bearable.

Compared to the reality represented by the cold back of his unrequited love—

This was unbearable.

“Kh… ahem…”

Only after hearing a short cough from beyond the door did Ethan finally come back to himself and enter.

But Lady Evelyn hadn’t seemed cold just moments ago.

He was used to nobles treating him coldly.

Yet when it involved the woman he loved alone, he couldn’t stop himself from overthinking every little thing.

While paying his respects to the duke, thoughts of Lady Evelyn kept distracting him so badly he nearly bit his tongue.

“I apologize.”

Ethan froze.

Was Duke Kentrell truly apologizing to him—

The despised son of a criminal?

“Please convey my apologies to Mr. Robinson.”

Of course.

Those apologies were never meant for him, Jack Fairchild’s son.

The duke, who would never lower his head to anyone else in Cliffhaven, deeply respected the old lighthouse keeper who had silently protected the lighthouse his entire life, continuing the duty passed down through generations.

“I immediately sent repairmen over, so don’t worry about tonight. Naturally, House Kentrell will cover all restoration costs for the damaged equipment.”

It seemed Lady Evelyn had already explained everything that happened, including the scale of the damage.

Which meant he no longer needed to rush into town.

‘So that’s why she insisted I come here first.’

‘I never expected them to help this much.’

The dizzy feeling that began the moment he unexpectedly saw her on the cliff returned once more, growing stronger every time their bodies touched.

Back then, standing on the cliff, it had almost felt exhilarating.

Now it felt more like falling into an endless abyss.

‘Don’t fool yourself.’

Wasn’t she simply the only responsible person in that entire reckless Kentrell family?

Yes.

Responsibility.

Nothing more.