Foot Worship Chapter 20

I listened to his words, lost in thought. Even for someone with masochistic tendencies, the limit of what one can endure is fluid, depending on one’s condition that day. Someone who might normally handle breath control for over two minutes might fail to hold on for even a minute, depending on the environment or their physical state.

In such moments, the safe word is the signal the sub gives to the Dom to let them know they are in a dangerous situation or reaching their limit. Since this part is potentially linked to one’s very survival, it was best to choose a word that would instantly cool the atmosphere, provide a shift in perspective, and effectively force the Dom to stop. I deliberated, and when an idea suddenly struck me, I opened my mouth cautiously.

“Jerome, do you happen to have a Korean name?”

―Hmm, my Korean name is only used by my mother when she’s angry.

“What is it?”

―Lee Taeha. …Surely you aren’t thinking of using that as a safe word?

I briefly imagined Jerome being scolded by his mother. A laugh escaped me, but I bit my lip hard to swallow it and organized my thoughts. It was the perfect word to shatter the atmosphere instantly.

“I’ve decided on the safe word.”

―It isn’t that, is it?

“That’s right. Lee Taeha.”

―That’s cruel. But I suppose if I heard that during play, it would certainly snap me back to reality.

“For the motion, I’ll use a finger snap.”

―Hmm, there’s no need to actually make a sound. If you just bring your thumb under your middle finger, I’ll understand. I suppose one of your hands or your mouth needs to be free, then. I’ll keep that in mind as well.

Imagining Jerome faintly smiling, I bit down on my lower lip. Jerome was such a strange person. He made me expectant, made me restless. And yet, it wasn’t a negative emotion—not anger or dislike—but a fluttering sensation I had never felt before that shook me to my core.

He kept carving out a space for himself, constantly poking at some sensitive part of my mind. I was spending every hour wrapped in a sensation where I looked forward to today more than yesterday, and tomorrow more than today. I was certain that I was feeling a genuine, human attraction toward Jerome. The more I felt that, the more I wanted to look good for him, and the better I wanted to perform for him.

“Good afternoon, Sunbae.”

I snapped out of my reverie at the voice and looked up. I waved at the boy who was rubbing his short hair in his school uniform, smiling.

“You’re here, Jaewon. Go change into your judogi and come out.”

The boy was Han Jaewon, who had recently been selected for the national reserve team. Although Han Jaewon was still a high school student, he was strong and seasoned, so I had been keeping a close eye on him. There were many students preparing to become athletes at the gym operated by Yang Suho, a former national judo team member. Seeing their spirited determination made me feel nostalgic; it was like seeing my own younger self, and the feeling was strange.

I found it endearing when they’d recognize me and hang around, trying to learn even a single thing, so sometimes I’d just gather them all and teach them techniques. I felt a sense of accomplishment watching these kids quickly master techniques after I corrected their movements just a few times. That’s why I had a great interest in nurturing juniors lately. I had already obtained all the necessary certifications to open a gym long ago, so there would be no issue even if I started preparing tomorrow.

As I sat on the floor, resting my chin on my hand and debating whether I should just open a gym now, Yang Suho, who had finished cleaning, gave me a nudge with his hip. I narrowed my eyes and looked up at him.

“What now?”

“Are you still an active athlete? Why are you so restless about not being able to work out?”

“Sunbae, why do you only hate me?”

“Look at this physique. Are you seriously thinking of competing actively again? Are you trying to follow in the footsteps of Moon Jung-ho?”

Recently, Moon Jung-ho, who had been my mentor and idol, announced his return to competition. The return of the gold medalist, who had announced his retirement and poured his efforts into fostering athletes at a high school, was a breath of fresh air and a huge stimulus to the judo world. It must be physically and mentally burdensome to compete against young athletes, but he accepted it all and returned to the field. Perhaps because of that, I, too, had received media attention as an athlete capable of returning to active duty. Along with that damn incident.

“There’s the second national team selection in March, you know. I saw you the other day, and if you just dry out your water weight, you could compete one weight class lower than your active one, right?”

“What? Wow, man, that really woke me up. I am not returning.”

Just the thought of “drying out” water weight was agonizing. Everything else was manageable, but weight loss was just too grueling. Most athletes cut their weight class below their usual weight to compete. They would shorten their body’s water content in a short period to pass the weigh-in, then return to their original body weight to compete.

In my case, I had to lose almost 5 to 6 kg as the tournament approached, and that process was pure hell. I would drastically reduce my food intake and use sweat suits or saunas to drain—or rather, wring out—my moisture. My nerves would become as thin as paper, sharp, and my spirit would be devastated. And the time crawls by in a sickeningly slow way. I like exercising, but I never want to go through weight loss for a weigh-in ever again. I shook my head, shivering.

“But you’re still nervous…”

“Ah, Sunbae, I’m leaving.”

I cut Yang Suho off and stood up. Yang Suho nodded as if he had already heard my answer. Without looking back, I hurried into the locker room like I was running away. I closed the door, slumped to the floor, and let out a long sigh. Yang Suho knew the reason why I had retired as an athlete. Just recalling that event made me feel suffocated and heavy in my chest. It had been over a decade, but it just wouldn’t be forgotten. I tried to shake off the thoughts and stood up.

I took off my top and stood in front of the mirror. After exercising hard for a few days, it felt like my already large muscles had become even more hypertrophied. On top of that, I hadn’t shaved since yesterday, so my beard was coming in dark, and I looked like a mess. But I was in a position where I couldn’t shave even if I wanted to.

Because Jerome had sent me a message in the morning ordering me not to shave. He even added that he wanted to shave me himself, which made my heart flutter for no reason. Finally, I would be able to meet Jerome tomorrow. I took off the rest of my clothes and stepped into the shower.

Foot Worship, which had been quiet for the past few days, was boisterous from the morning. A large number of posts summoning the operator were posted, causing notifications to ring loudly. I begrudgingly pulled myself out of bed and sat in front of the computer. I puffed out a long cloud of cigarette smoke as I read through the posts in question.

Foot Worship was a site aimed at sharing concerns and communicating freely among people with the same inclinations, as well as finding partners. Since the purpose was clear, I tried my best to be cautious when people signed up.

When signing up, users had to fill out a randomly generated questionnaire, and only if the operator reviewed it and accepted the application could they use the free bulletin board.

The recruitment board could only be used 14 days after completing the registration, but it wasn’t automatically accessible just by filling the days. Users also had to complete a mission of writing 20 posts and 30 comments to gain access. I wanted the members to grasp the site’s atmosphere while writing comments and posts.

I did this to weed out, as much as possible, those who approached out of curiosity or with mischievous intentions. Of course, even with such efforts to prevent accidents in advance, it was woefully insufficient to discern a person’s true intentions. Every time an accident broke out on Foot Worship, I felt a sense of skepticism about running the site.

The person who wrote the post in question was a sub in her mid-20s. She had recruited a partner through the Foot Worship recruitment board and had met a Dom in his early 30s offline to play. They had mutual feelings, so they even entered a D/s relationship and continued the relationship, and she claimed there hadn’t been any problems for the five months they had been meeting.

But as it turned out, the Dom was a married man with a child. That alone was shocking, but the sub said she had even been sued by the Dom’s wife for being the “other woman.” Occasionally, there were cases where people would hide their inclinations, get married, and then try to enter this scene again.

When legal issues were involved, things became a headache in this world. Since one couldn’t reveal their sexual orientation, one inevitably became the weaker party. I rubbed out my shortened cigarette in the ashtray and picked up my phone. This wasn’t a problem for me to handle. There was someone else who could provide truly practical help.