Foot Worship Chapter 5

I tried to step back, but Jerome grabbed my wrist with such stubbornness that he wouldn’t let go. He took a deep breath and met my gaze.

“To be honest, I had been busy with my main job, so I actually came to the interview intending to turn it down, not to accept it. Since there are risks like outing and such, it felt a bit wrong to turn it down over the phone. But contrary to my expectations, I couldn’t bring myself to do it.”

“…Why?”

“Because once I saw your face, I got greedy,”

“…”

“Actually, even now, I don’t know why I came all the way here at this late hour to do this, nor do I understand what’s going on inside me.”

My heart hammered just like it had when I was sprinting down Hannam Bridge. Kwon Raewon was wrong this time. What he said wasn’t sexual harassment; it was flirting. I was certain he said it because he had feelings for me.

For a sub with a giant build like me, a flower-like Dom only existed in the imagination. Because I’m big and muscular, there were always guys who approached me hoping to increase the intensity of sadistic acts. Every time that happened, my self-esteem hit rock bottom. I had tried dieting and even attempted to reduce my muscle mass, but due to years of working out, there were limits. And now, a unicorn-like Dom, one that only existed in my imagination, had appeared before me.

I downed the beer in front of me and rubbed my lips. Once I felt certain, a confidence I’d never had before surged up.

“Mr. Jerome. In what way should I interpret what you just said?”

“…”

“Think carefully before you answer. I only give one chance. I’m not a ‘persimmon I can’t eat,’ I’m a ‘persimmon that can be eaten.’”

I knew it was ridiculous. A mere 15 minutes of short meetings, short conversations, and now. It was too little time to get to know each other, and it could be seen as a joke. Nevertheless, I didn’t want to let this person go.

“I apologize, but I don’t understand what you mean by a persimmon I can’t eat or a persimmon that can be eaten.”

“…Ah, there’s a proverb in our country about ‘poking a persimmon one cannot eat.’ It means if there’s a persimmon I can’t have, I poke it so others can’t eat it either. But I’m saying I’m a persimmon that can be eaten. Uh, so, what I mean is, you can eat it without having to poke it, or something like that…”

The more I spoke, the more intimidated I felt, and my voice began to trail off. In truth, I had no idea what I was saying either. In the end, I couldn’t even finish my sentence properly, just biting my innocent lips and watching his reaction. Jerome, who had been keeping his mouth shut as if lost in thought, slowly stood up. He rubbed his face with both hands as if to shake off the alcohol and took a deep breath. I just kept swallowing dry lumps in my throat.

“…I’m sorry.”

∞ ∞ ∞

I shuddered with futility and stared blankly at the TV screen. On the channel I’d turned on meaninglessly, the sound of people laughing and chatting rang through the house like noise. The more I chewed on what happened earlier, the worse I felt, so I turned off the TV with the remote and flopped onto the sofa.

Clearly, we were both a little tipsy from the alcohol, and even the surrounding air had been sultry. I could see clearly how Jerome’s eyes were glistening with desire as he stood close to me. The night was deep, and the atmosphere was ripe enough that it wouldn’t have been strange at all for our lips to meet. We were on the verge of making hot history. But Jerome just stared at me, left behind only the words “I’m sorry,” and walked away.

“Wow, I’m seriously so pissed off.”

My anger was rising to the point where I couldn’t stand it. I had abandoned a friend and ran 4km like a madman to get there. No, if he was going to do that, he shouldn’t have played those word games in the first place. What am I supposed to do when he lights a fire in my heart and just runs away? I ruffled my hair in annoyance and sat up straight. I gulped down cold water from the table and let out a long sigh. I wished it were all just a dream.

I checked the time and got up. Even if I felt like dirt, I had to do what I had to do. Dragging my slippers, I went into my study. Three monitors in total—one 34-inch wide monitor, one installed vertically, and a sub-monitor—were set up to wrap around the desk. As I sat in the desk chair and moved the mouse, the screen turned on, and a window requesting the admin ID and password popped up.

I was about to enter the admin ID, but I changed my mind and logged into Foot Worship as a regular member. Almost all the boards I had created had ‘N’ marks on them. It was proof that the site was that active. When I went to the free board, there was a barrage of profanity, probably because of some issue. I logged out immediately and logged in with my admin ID.

I entered the report board out of habit. It seemed some guy with the nickname ‘Fig’ had been impersonating an administrator and causing trouble. I immediately tracked down his ID. I searched for the ID to ban him permanently, but he was already permanently banned. If it was a permanent ban and not just a withdrawal, it meant an admin had done it. Just in case, I checked the admin login logs and found that someone had logged in with the admin mode 20 minutes ago and finished cleaning up.

Ha, a small laugh burst out because it was so absurd. Normally, I was the only one who could log into admin mode, but after the interview ended, I had suppressed my resentment and sent Jerome an email with the ID and password. Since I had decided to hire him regardless of my personal feelings, it was a logical procedure. Therefore, there was no one who could have logged in besides me or Jerome. This is what he does after ditching me?

“What kind of diligent nutcase is he?”

This time, I went to the member management tab, and the reasons for rejecting memberships were written down clearly. Most of them were people who had attempted to join using a VPN. They had attempted from various countries such as Vietnam, Turkey, and India. Other than that, there were various reasons like unknown identity, re-joining after a permanent ban, or lack of understanding of the problems. I kept letting out dry laughs while checking the list of nearly a hundred people he had culled. Thanks to him, my workload had decreased, but I still felt like dirt.

Suddenly, a chat window popped up on the screen. It was an admin chat window I had made just in case. Since it was a simultaneous login, the opponent’s message was marked as ‘Me’ as well.

[Me: It’s Jerome.]

[Me: I know.]

[Me: May I proceed with the member information encryption work?]

[Me: Yes. Please do so.]

[Me: …Are you offended by any chance?]

[Me: No.]

I forcibly held back the urge to say ‘Yes’ and answered ‘No.’ A guy who gives you just enough to want it, only to not give it at all, was the worst kind of guy. If he wasn’t going to give it, he should have drawn a line from the beginning. He had essentially played with my feelings halfway and then ran away. Jerome didn’t say anything for a while. However, the indicator showing that the other party was typing appeared and disappeared repeatedly. Having sparred in judo for two hours and then drank, my body was sinking.

[Me: I’m tired. I’ll log off now.]

[Me: I didn’t want to develop a relationship irresponsibly while drunk.]

Just as I was about to finish the conversation, Jerome suddenly said something I didn’t understand. But I was too tired to even retort to that.

[Me: Jin, wait a second.]

I hesitated for a moment, then turned off the power to the sub-monitor and the vertical monitor, took a cigarette from the drawer, and put it in my mouth. As I lit it, thick cigarette smoke rose up. I gently licked the lip torn by the cigarette filter with my tongue and stared silently at the remaining powered-on monitor. My heart wanted to cut it off like cutting a knife through wood, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. That damn halo—that was the problem.

[Me: Actually, I’m not looking for an online play partner or a play partner.]

[Me: I’m looking for a D/S relationship.]

While I had looked away from the screen for a moment to flick off the cigarette ash, the message had popped up. ‘D/S relationship’? But the order was a bit strange. It was common for most to start as play partners and develop the relationship from there. But to suddenly look for a D/S partner—it made me feel a bit bewildered.