Your Majesty, Dinner Is Ready. Chapter 96 - I Shall Prove My Qualifications

Chapter 96 — I Shall Prove My Qualifications

 

The Guide of Cataclysmic Upheaval.

The god of unwavering falsehood and purposeless transformation.

The current chief deity of the Evil God faction, and the strongest evil god with no fewer than 1,000 believers.

Okail.

[The Wise One lets out a bitter sigh. It really has come to this…]

Crackle.

Lord Lidni and Lord Su’eje accepted my faith toward the new divinity without much protest.

As the chief deity of the Evil God faction, it seemed they had expected that I would eventually come to serve Okail.

Squirmmmmm!

Meanwhile, the snake tattooed on the terminal of the Silent One slithered around my [ Hand That Grasps the Ember], spinning in circles as it staged a fierce protest.

From one perspective, it was only natural.

Lord Lriria, the former chief deity of the Evil God faction, had fallen due to the relentless heretic purges during the era of the Grand Temple. The evil god who had seized that opportunity and risen with terrifying momentum was none other than Okail.

“Hissssss!”

It even spread its mouth wide at me in intimidation.

But since it was still only a tiny tattoo, it looked nothing but adorable.

“Please calm yourself and hear me out first.”

Setting Okail’s idol down in the middle of the ritual basement beneath my house, I continued.

“I understand Lord Lriria’s feelings perfectly well. After all, I’m an expert at empathizing, am I not?”

[Did you perhaps mean a destroyer through empathy…?]

Wave, wave.

“Still, think about it a little more deeply. In any case, I can never become Lord Okail’s trusted subordinate. He won’t bestow great Mysteries upon me either. Isn’t he someone who already has dozens of actively working cultists?”

Lidni, Su’eje, and Lriria.

None of those three great deities had even a hundred believers, and among them, cultists were virtually extinct.

In Pletica, I was the only cultist serving those three.

But the chief deity of the Evil God faction had many other cultists to care about.

Unlike the others, he wouldn’t keep watching over me.

“To begin with, I’m sure he won’t even like me. He’s an exceedingly solemn and serious god. He’d never welcome someone like me, who constantly plays pranks on those around me for Lord Lidni’s style of worship.”

[Pranks carried out through eloquence are not the form of worship the Wise One desires!!]

Scratch, scratch.

“Lord Lriria, in truth, everything I’ve said so far isn’t all that important. In my opinion, the real key point is this.”

The snake tattoo’s eyes became bright and attentive.

“Hiss?”

“Lord Okail is becoming the successor to the Cult of Loving Karr!”

‘I knew Karr long before he did!

Surely there isn’t an evil god who failed to witness Karr’s magnificent exploits inside the [Purification Sanctuary of Repose]?

I could lord that sort of seniority over the detestable evil god who had swiftly occupied the position of chief deity.’

After I even provided concrete examples, the snake tattoo’s eyes shone even more clearly.

“What do you think?”

The Silent One’s terminal nodded its head rapidly.

It seemed my splendid persuasion had finally moved her, and she had decided to accept it.

[As expected of “Three Believers,” how foolish. To be deceived by something as shallow as the chance to boast!]

If the person themselves is happy, then it isn’t deception.

It was a lesson a certain employer had personally taught me, not through words, but through actions, after hiring an orphan who had only recently left the orphanage and entered society for the first time as a part-time worker.

Though that employer later ended up permanently crippled for reasons unknown, the lesson I learned back then still lives vividly inside my mind.

“Since Lord Lriria has also understood, I shall now begin the prayer to become a cultist of Cataclysmic Upheaval.”

To become merely a believer, sincere faith alone was enough.

But to become a cultist, one absolutely had to satisfy the qualifications laid down by the evil god.

Even if the class ‘Cultist’ had been engraved upon one’s soul, if the evil god rejected them, they would have no choice but to live as an ordinary, powerless person.

“O One who plunges the world into chaos through unwavering falsehood and keeps it from stagnating through purposeless transformation.”

I knelt.

Folded my hands together.

And recited the prayer as solemnly as possible.

Okail despised frivolous and flighty intelligent beings to the utmost degree.

“I seek the wit to guide fate toward a future beyond prediction. Please answer my call.”

Okail possessed no fixed form.

As a result, every idol depicting him looked different, and both prayers and doctrines varied completely from continent to continent.

The one thing that had to be remembered was chaos.

Disorder in which nothing could ever be made certain.

“I deeply respect you. And… what do you think of my prosthetic arm? Isn’t it truly magnificent? Lord Okail is magnificent as well.”

Five minutes passed.

As I continued praying without pause, both my body and mind gradually began to soften.

A body that always maintained a fixed shape flowed like water.

A mind that always remained in one place drifted about like the wind.

【Half-elf.】

Then…

A voice carrying authority incomparable to that of any other evil god resounded.

At once, every random thought floating through my mind mixed together into utter disorder.

Pierre is a dwarven alchemist from the Western Continent. Guild wars are sweet. The sigh of the Great Goblin Chieftain. ■■, I miss you.

【Purpose.】

The moment the great deity spoke once more, the chaotic torrent of thoughts instantly quieted.

Doing my utmost to keep my wavering body and mind from collapsing, I answered.

“…Greetings, Lord Okail. I wish to become your cultist.”

Flattery did not work on Okail.

During prayer, one omitted meaningless praise and stated only one’s purpose.

During rituals, one discards all unnecessary ceremony.

When bestowing Mysteries, affection and faith were irrelevant… only the offering and the cultist’s level mattered.

In short, he was a stern, evil god who abandoned romance in favor of nothing but practicality.

【Qualifications. Confirming.】

He was so dignified that his divine messages rarely exceeded seven characters.

【Unsatisfactory. I leave.】

For some reason, it almost sounded like an idiot speaking in broken sentences.

Should I ever encounter anyone harboring such blasphemous thoughts, I would personally teach them a harsh lesson.

Before the Guide of Cataclysmic Upheaval could truly depart, I hurriedly spoke.

“I have already been proving my qualifications. Since a moment ago.”

The cultist kneeling before the idol slowly raised his head.

“Greetings, Lord Okail.”

At that moment, a second Karr emerged from the staircase leading up to the first floor and knelt on one knee.

“I am the real half-elf, Karr. I was hiding here, praying for the last five minutes. Ever since Lord Okail began watching this place, that fake has been speaking in my stead.”

“No. I am the real one standing before the idol. That fellow merely hid until now before appearing.”

“You impostor! Withdraw yourself at once!”

“How dare a fraud bark orders at the genuine article!”

【……】

After a brief silence, the Guide of Cataclysmic Upheaval delivered his oracle in a thoughtful tone.

【Before idol. You?】

“My, you thought I’d twisted it one more time. The correct answer is that I twisted it eight more times. I, the second Kar who prayed while hidden, was the real one.”

The “Kar” standing before the idol, the one falsely claiming to be the genuine article, beamed brightly.

“And I am the [Eye That Whispers Falsehoods], terminal of the Wise One and fragment of the Divine Beast! Tee-hee!”

The effect of [Eye That Whispers Falsehoods]: It summons an illusion within one’s field of vision that moves according to the user’s will.

“My job’s done, so I’m going back.”

The Karr who had been praying melted away before being absorbed into my left eye.

Keeping my head respectfully lowered, I spoke again.

“I believe this is more than sufficient to satisfy the qualifications.”

The evaluation criteria for an aspiring cultist of Cataclysmic Upheaval.

The false art of deceiving others.

I had deceived the evil god examiner himself, taking advantage of the fact that, unlike the others, he had so many cultists and ordinary believers to oversee that he wouldn’t be paying close attention to me.

【…Acknowledged.】

With that restrained oracle alone, Okail displayed both his admiration and interest.

【Bestowing Mystery.】

A sharp sting spread through my right thigh.

I transformed the lower half of my [Sky Invader] outfit into shorts to inspect it.

A tattoo shaped like a chain had appeared, wrapping once around my pale thigh.

 

[First-Tier Mystery — Transformation (Growth Type)]

[You may alter your outward appearance. Only the form changes; the substance remains the same. Clothing is also affected by this Mystery, but prosthetic limbs are not. Take note.]

 

The foundational Mystery of a cultist of Cataclysmic Upheaval.

True to a deity who disliked pointless ornamentation, even the name of the Mystery was strikingly practical.

【Maintain your faith.】

Leaving behind only that dry encouragement, Okail withdrew.

He did not even speak about how I should practice my faith.

At present, I was merely one cultist among many serving Cataclysmic Upheaval.

That was why he paid me no particular attention.

“Lord Okail, you’re truly magnificent!”

Yes. This was exactly how an evil god ought to be.

They should casually ignore their cultists like this, only to shamelessly demand both body and soul the moment they happened to need help.

[The faith Okail desires is the transformation of fate and the future without purpose. :)]

“Thank you.”

Now, all the preparations were complete.

As an experiment, I altered both my body and clothes with [Transformation] before heading upstairs.

 

***

 

Marlin, her brother, the maid Rachel, and Bartimir, who had followed me here, were gathered around the living room table, enjoying a board game.

“Karr, is your work fini–”

Marlin, who had been smiling brightly because she seemed to be winning, suddenly widened her eyes.

The others reacted a little differently.

“Marlin. What do you think of me?”

“…Karr? Why have you turned into Young Master Odilon?”

“I’ve just obtained a Mystery called [Transformation].”

“I wasn’t asking how.”

“Tell me how my current appearance feels to you.”

As Marlin examined me with an uncertain expression, Rachel suddenly leaped to her feet and shouted.

“What a truly astonishing disguise! So you plan to seize the place of that sickly brat Odilon! I shall follow you to the very end!”

“It is not.”

“I understand.”

The maid who had been shouting at the top of her lungs quietly resumed her seat as though nothing had happened.

Abel let out a chuckle before giving a sensible answer.

“There’s absolutely no sense of incongruity. Honestly, I thought Young Master Odilon had simply been hiding downstairs all this time before coming up.”

“Is that so?”

I formed a V-sign with my fingers and transformed into the other squad members.

Rosalia. Pendrick. Bartimi. Finally, when I transformed into Lucius,

Bartimir applauded enthusiastically.

“Wow! For a Mystery granted by an evil god, its performance is incredible!”

“Actually, that’s not quite the case.”

Although Bartimir praised it highly, the First-Tier [Transformation] was not especially useful.

Its drawbacks far outweighed its advantages.

“Even while transformed, continuous Mysteries remain active. But activated Mysteries cannot be used at all.”

“Hm… that’s pretty disappointing.”

Almost every Mystery I had painstakingly gathered until now became unusable.

That alone was serious enough, but an even greater problem existed.

“Furthermore, every time I use this, my personality synchronizes with the person I’ve transformed into. Abuse it too much, and your identity becomes confused until you no longer even know who you are.”

Okail was a being with neither fixed form nor fixed identity.

Thus, the cultists who served him gradually became beings capable of becoming anything… and simultaneously nothing at all… until, in the end, they degenerated into pseudo-monsters.

“Because of that, ordinary cultists of Cataclysmic Upheaval only use [Transformation] once a month for safety.”

“…You used such a Mystery so recklessly!?”

“I did. But strangely enough, my sense of self hasn’t wavered at all.”

I even transformed into Marlin as another experiment.

Yet I felt no overwhelming desire to love money so much that I’d sleep every night hugging a sack of coins.

Since the side effects could eventually be removed with a later Mystery, I’d freely used [Transformation].

But nothing happened. It was bewildering.

“So the drawback has practically disappeared?”

“…You’re already speaking exactly like me.”

“Isn’t this how I normally talk?”

“You’ve been hit squarely by the side effects!”

“What on earth are you talking about?”

“No! Karr!”

After playing at being Marlin for quite a while, I finally returned to my original appearance.

“It was all an act.”

“……”

Patting the sulking Marlin on the shoulder, I frowned.

‘But seriously… why am I completely fine?’

I had wanted to become a one-man army possessing a hundred personalities all thrown into utter chaos.

Disappointingly, all I got was a slightly fuzzy head.

Could it be because of the Marks bestowed upon me by the two Arteins?

Whooooosh.

The Artein of the past offered a comment.

“In times like this, being a madman turns out to be an advantage.”

…What exactly did she mean?

“Patron, what do you intend to use that Mystery for?”

“Isn’t it obvious?”

Abel was clever, but perhaps he was still too young for his thoughts to reach that conclusion.

As his patron, I kindly taught him the proper way to utilize [Transformation].

“Naturally, to sow discord and spread slander.”

 

***

 

Dreaming Trail, Southern District of Sector Three.

The third floor of an elegant mansion.

A stargazing device by the window emitted light, projecting the images of five different objects into the air.

“…The time has come.”

As the mansion’s owner, the Explorer murmured quietly, a voice emerged from a longsword.

—Are all preparations complete?

“Naturally.”

—To be honest, I’m worried.

“…Why?”

The answer came not from the sword, but from the shield.

—Because your infiltration was exposed. You were so confident, too.

“…”

The Explorer clenched his teeth. Because it was true.

He wanted to make some excuse, but nothing came to mind, so he simply remained silent.

—It’s not the time to blame anyone yet.

This time, the staff adorned with bells spoke.

—If you somehow obtain control over Sector Three, we’ll gladly overlook one little failure. What do you think?

“You’re asking the obvious.”

The Explorer curled the corner of his lips upward and rose from his seat.

He picked up a nearby garment.

A bizarre piece of clothing that resembled human skin.

“Soon, Sector Three will fall into my hands. You all simply remain at your respective positions and wait.”

After touching the stargazing device and dispersing the floating projections, the Explorer looked toward the bedside table beside the bed.

A fish statue imbued with an unfathomable majesty stared back with five pairs of hollow eyes.

“…I will certainly succeed. For the sake of a true order in which everyone stands at the same height.”