Struggle Chapter 113

He had meant to prepare Nanyoung’s heart with all these admonishments, when suddenly his neck was pulled into a tight embrace. Taerok’s eyes widened in surprise.

“Thank you.”

Nanyoung’s voice, brimming with emotion, poured into his ear.

“Thank you, Uncle.”

“…”

“I know you’ve given up so much for me. And yet you’ve given up even more—thank you.”

“That’s….”

Taerok had never given up anything he possessed. He had only given up things he had sought to possess. To make a sorrowful face and lament over losing something that was never mine in the first place is the act of foolish small-minded men. Taerok had come to hold something far greater, so he considered himself to have profited considerably instead.

And yet, did Nanyoung still feel sorry toward him for that, even now?

“I am.”

Taerok wrapped his arms around Nanyoung’s waist and murmured bitterly.

“Only trying to somewhat save face regarding the things my nephew has cast away.”

And yet, even in that, he acted so stingily. His own heart was so truly petty and small-minded that he had no grounds to curse others.

If only you wouldn’t wither—then I would have left nothing by your side that could claim your heart, making you wait only for me, like a sunflower chasing the sun, like an evening primrose chasing the moon. If only you wouldn’t wither… in other words, I would do anything, anything at all, that would keep you from withering. I would do it, I would surely do it.

Taerok let out a low groan and embraced Nanyoung even tighter.

“It’s a good thing I have no children. If I had, I would have been a father who indulged them terribly in their whims.”

At those words, Nanyoung laughed. It seemed Taerok didn’t know himself very well. He wasn’t an especially affectionate person. Rather than being consistently tender, he was someone who softened only occasionally, making you always hover about, waiting for those moments.

Taerok and Nanyoung were already each other’s sunflower, each other’s evening primrose.

∞ ∞ ∞

“It’s turned out well. Playing with the puppy will improve your health, young master, and ease your loneliness too.”

Kkotnyeo gently squeezed the white puppy’s soft cheeks and shook them lightly, teasing, “You’ve come to a good place, you have.”

Sim Eung was beside himself with excitement over the puppy, something he never could have dreamed of back in the palace.

“Have you given any thought to a name?”

Sim Eung asked as he watched the puppy, which was chasing after him, wagging its short tail so hard its whole hindquarters wriggled. His mouth was stretched into a broad grin, dripping with adoration.

“A name…. I haven’t named it yet.”

“How about Sogeum? Since it’s so white.”

“Actually, I’d like to ask Uncle to name it….”

“His Highness the Grand Prince?”

The puppy, which had been charging forward unaware that Sim Eung was standing right there, bumped its head against his ankle with a thud and tumbled backward, rolling over. Yet as if it was perfectly happy, it scrambled back up and came running this way again. Sim Eung, having brushed the dirt off the puppy and lifted it into his arms, wore a skeptical expression.

“I wonder if he would give it a cute name….”

Sim Eung kept sneaking glances, gauging the situation. But seeing Nanyoung rest his chin on his hand and sigh softly, he seemed to be thinking the same thing, so Sim Eung plucked up a bit more courage.

“It’s already something that he permitted you to raise it, is it not? Since you’ve decided to raise it, young master, you should name it yourself.”

Though he still hadn’t abandoned the grammar of the palace, Sim Eung fortunately now called Nanyoung “young master” consistently without slipping up. It was Sim Eung who, despite having been reduced overnight from being a Grand Prince’s eunuch to merely attending a young master because of Nanyoung, had remained by his side and never once shown a hint of disappointment. So Nanyoung wanted to heed his words.

But….

“That’s why it’s like this. Because he only gave permission for me to raise it. Thanks to that, this puppy is no longer just any puppy to me….”

Nanyoung lifted the white creature from Sim Eung’s arms and held it up. He could see his own reflection in its jade-black eyes. Puppies are truly remarkable. Not even human, yet how could they seem to smile just like a person?

“It seems you’ve given your heart to it as if it were a child.”

Sim Eung tossed out the remark with a somewhat snorting reaction.

But Nanyoung’s reaction was far from ordinary. With his cheeks flushed pink, Nanyoung slowly turned and asked with a troubled look.

“Still, even if I secretly think it to myself, that wouldn’t be right, would it? If I say the puppy is like a child, then the Grand Prince would be the puppy’s father, so that wouldn’t be right, would it?”

A look of horror slowly spread across Sim Eung’s face. Sim Eung very nearly cried out, ‘You’ve left the palace, so have you now cast aside all dignity as a Grand Prince as well, Your Highness!’

“It’s not to that extent.”

Nanyoung quickly corrected himself, though it was unclear whether he meant it or not.

“Not quite a child… it’s just something like a token.”

Given the reaction just moments ago, Sim Eung’s expression remained sour.

“It’s true. You just didn’t hear what Uncle said when you were serving us, Sim Eung.”

“What on earth did His Highness say?”

“He just… said he loved me.”

Nanyoung smiled, wistfully yet at the same time very softly. A feeling he could never boast of anywhere, a relationship he could never hold up with pride. And yet, what I heard was unmistakably a confession of love.

The white creature wagged its hindquarters so vigorously that Nanyoung’s wrist trembled with it.

∞ ∞ ∞

“The white one, it’s really cute. It already recognizes me. The servants say the puppy is clever too.”

“…”

“It’s small in build, but when I felt its paws, they’re quite large, so it might grow up to be big.”

“…”

“Are you listening, Uncle?”

Only then did Taerok turn around. His hands were just finishing adjusting the fastenings of his nightclothes.

Now completely changed into his sleeping attire, he came and sat before Nanyoung.

“The white one? Is that its name?”

“I haven’t decided on a name yet.”

“Why not? Then just call it Whitey.”

“That’s… too indistinguishable from other white dogs.”

“Then call it Dog.”

“But other creatures besides our white one are dogs too….”

“Our white one? I’ve never given my heart to a white one.”

“But you gave it to me… your heart.”

Nanyoung subtly gauged Taerok’s mood and scooted closer to sit beside him. Taerok reflexively wrapped his arm around Nanyoung’s waist and pulled him toward himself, resolving once more that he must examine Nanyoung’s insides with his own six senses, wondering if a fox hadn’t settled in again today.

“You’ve shared a little of that heart with the white one, so couldn’t you at least give it a name, Uncle?”

“Giving a name doesn’t mean giving affection as well.”

“Even so. For me… just thinking about it makes me happy. The thought of calling the white one by a name you gave it, Uncle.”

As if the mere imagining truly delighted him, a soft, radiant smile spread across Nanyoung’s face.

Taerok gently, idly stroked Nanyoung’s back and waist.

No suitable name came to mind. How had he named his horses? He seemed to have taken names from birds. His first horse was Maegit, his second was Suribi, and the current one was Chambodeul.

But no matter how much he thought about it, giving a swift bird’s name to a puppy simply didn’t suit it at all.

“I’ve only ever thought of names for our babies.”

Taerok muttered it offhandedly, without any particular intent.

Nanyoung was about to ask when on earth he had come up with names for children who would never even exist, when he remembered that Taerok had mentioned them when he was cruelly teasing him during their intimate acts.

“That…!”

“Those names are off limits. They’re our little ones’ names.”

“Ah, no! That’s not what I meant, I mean don’t talk about that…!”

Severely flustered, Nanyoung blurted out in a fluster, forgetting all decorum.

“I, I wish you wouldn’t do that. Even back then, how mortified I was…!”

“Were you? The more I think about it, the more I think they’re truly fine names. Let’s just keep them for now. A child could come along, couldn’t it? Of course, considering my nephew’s health, it is better this way, but.”

Even if all the gods of heaven and earth intervened, that could never happen. Nanyoung was appalled at Taerok, who discussed the matter of children with perfect composure, without a single change in his expression.

Amidst all this, Taerok glanced sideways at Nanyoung, then let out a deep sigh as if annoyed, and simply said, “Just call it Sujebi. It looked like one.” He was a man utterly devoid of sentiment.

∞ ∞ ∞

Just as it was natural for a falcon to hunt and for a silkworm to spin silk thread, if a falcon suddenly stopped eating meat or a silkworm suddenly ceased spinning its cocoon and emerging in a new body, it would rightly be considered astonishing, unbelievable, and bizarre.

To Saon, Taerok abandoning his ambitions and voluntarily going into seclusion in the northern region was exactly that.