Struggle Chapter 114

Saon had taken a very long time to accept the shameful secret Taerok had voluntarily revealed. In truth, even now he couldn’t say for certain whether he had truly accepted it. He wondered if time had simply passed while he remained bewildered, and just now, right at this moment, he had run into Taerok in the palace.

“…Your Highness the Grand Prince.”

Taerok was dressed in official robes, having apparently come from a private audience with the King. Unlike the flustered Saon, Taerok was composed. No, he seemed even more at ease than before, and the wildness he had never been able to conceal was now thoroughly reined in. Yet he looked faintly fatigued—perhaps because it was now around sunset.

“Saon. It’s been a long time. No, I shouldn’t call you by name. You’ve become a dignified Commander of the Capital Garrison.”

“N-no, Your Highness. Please, address me comfortably as you always have.”

Taerok smiled faintly and nodded in farewell.

Was that all? Saon, still dazed as if in a dream, unknowingly caught hold of Taerok as he was about to pass by.

“Your Highness. If your steps are not too urgent, would you grant this old friend the honor of serving you a cup of tea, at least?”

Taerok looked squarely at Saon, then turned his head to gaze at the sun, which was slowly, languidly setting. The capital was now entering winter as well, and the days had grown short. It seemed too late to depart now anyway. He hadn’t expected it to grow so late…. Taerok halted his steps and recalled his conversation with his nephew, who resembled his lover Nanyoung yet was so very different.

‘How is Nanyoung faring.’

Igak, who had matured remarkably and now truly bore the air of a king, had asked. Taerok had thought it wasn’t something that required him to come in person, but it seemed this had been the main point all along. Having finished discussing the northern border, where there were always disturbances great and small over the seven mountain peaks, Taerok, who had been about to take his leave, swallowed a sigh inwardly.

‘He recently suffered a mild cold, but aside from that, he is doing very well.’

‘…’

Taerok was by no means a talkative person by nature. What few words he did have, he seemed to spend them all on Nanyoung.

The King stared hard at Taerok’s reticent mouth. He was being told to say more. Taerok pondered what he could say that would not offend His Majesty’s sensibilities.

But he soon realized it was a foolish deliberation. Whatever he said, his relationship with Nanyoung would only ever be unpleasant, regrettable, and painful to others—especially to the King. Though he was family, he had become the one who had stolen family away. Taerok barely managed to select his words.

‘…He has brought in a white puppy and is raising it as a companion.’

‘Nanyoung always did love animals.’

Whether it had been the right choice or not, the voice that spoke Nanyoung’s name—who could no longer be called by the title “Heonui”—was gentle.

‘A white puppy—it must be very cute.’

Was it cute? Taerok could not pass judgment on that. In Taerok’s eyes, what suited the word “cute” was Nanyoung, not other creatures. If anything, it would be quicker for the puppy to grow into a brave dog and earn Taerok’s trust.

‘The way he delights in it was cute, Your Majesty.’

‘…Uncle, you do have a shameless side. You are aware of it, are you not?’

‘If I weren’t, I would not have come this far.’

Taerok behaved as though he had four or five lives.

Igak let out a sigh. It was not good for a king to reveal his emotions so plainly, but he could not help it.

‘Uncle.’

Igak began in a heavy voice.

‘A gentleman must not be swayed by personal affections, yet it is exceedingly difficult to apply that even to one’s own flesh and blood.’

Taerok had an inkling of what he was about to say. His expression grew cool.

‘I miss Nanyoung.’

‘…’

‘I know that in this place, he is dead. But to long for the dead—is that not only natural, for a human being?’

‘…’

The King turned his head for a moment and gazed into the far distance. Taerok wanted to block that gaze. Lest Lee Nanyoung be at the end of it. Even if it was family, he wanted to hide the boy from all who desired him.

‘I want to see him.’

The King had already spoken his mind fully. It was now a subject’s duty to grasp that and act, but Taerok did not give the answer Igak hoped for.

‘I will go out in secret. Uncle, you need only bring Nanyoung to your palace, which still remains in the capital.’

He wanted to say that the palace was his, so he would choose his own guests, but this was none other than the King.

He could certainly say it was too dangerous and could not be done. But whether his eyes were open or closed, Nanyoung was so vivid before him that Taerok found it difficult to wound the boy’s blood relative. Above all, wouldn’t Lee Nanyoung himself miss his family?

It was truly an unending thirst. The fact that he, too, was family, yet he had taken Nanyoung from his family—and he had neither the heart to take their place, nor could he ever do so.

‘…The weather has grown very cold, so the boy will be longing for this place as well, Your Majesty.’

Taerok barely managed to open his mouth.

‘However, the mountain paths are treacherous and the snow falls heavily enough to collapse roofs, so one may well pass the turn of the year and even the seasons there. It is a place where winter lingers far longer than elsewhere. Your Majesty may find yourself waiting for a very long time.’

So instead of telling him to give up, Taerok added this with his well-honed patience. Hadn’t Nanyoung given up far more than this, for him to act selfishly?

‘Until then, may Your Majesty remain in good health.’

Nanyoung loved trumpet vines and double cherry blossoms, but that place was one where camellias bloomed long, double cherry blossoms bloomed and fell very briefly, and trumpet vines bloomed very late—and even then, were scarcely seen.

Would it be only flowers that he missed? The King was unmistakably Lee Nanyoung’s brother. Harmlessly, he hung weights upon Taerok’s heart, making every step weary. The mere act of recalling made his ankles heavy once more. It was likely the weight of sin.

With his ankles heavy, Taerok asked Saon in his characteristically unhurried tone,

“Instead of tea, how about some liquor? The weather is chilly, so warming the body would be good.”

Taerok took the lead.

“I’ll have you taste the wild boar meat, simmered and sliced, that I’ve come to know up there. Follow me.”

Saon stared blankly at Taerok’s retreating figure before hastily scrambling after him.

Taerok had come and gone from the capital at least once every season, so his palace had been left as it was. However, with only a minimal staff attending it, an air of desolation was unavoidable.

To Saon, who was visiting after a very long time, this place seemed to perfectly illustrate what became of a house whose master’s heart had departed, and he found himself gazing about with an unwarranted sense of loneliness.

“What’s the matter? Come in, quickly.”

Taerok urged him on.

The simmered wild boar meat had a naturally gamey odor, so it had been prepared with plenty of ginger and garlic, giving it a distinctive aroma. It had to be eaten with salted pickled vegetables placed atop it to lift the somewhat dry texture and make it more palatable.

Saon, who had at first been awkward with it, accustomed as he was only to moist and tender boiled pork, soon became intoxicated and began emptying his plate with gusto.

“You’re still a lightweight, I see.”

Watching this, Taerok swallowed a laugh along with his liquor.

“It is Your Highness who is the heavy drinker.”

Saon bobbed his body in a bow and grumbled.

“Besides, Your Highness was the only one who, rather than mocking me when I was drunk, kept me company. But you went far away, so I couldn’t drink alone, and naturally my tolerance has grown even weaker. Is that not so?”

“So it’s my fault?”

“Yes. Abandoning your friend and loyal subject….”

He had already crossed the line. Saon was like someone staggering drunkenly along that line.

“I am hurt that you went far, far away alone.”

“It seems there are only lonely and hurt people around me.”

Taerok spoke self-mockingly and refilled his glass.

“…Are you speaking of Grand Prince Heonui?”

“Heonui is dead.”

“But at the same time, he is alive.”

“Even from you, I cannot accept such further insolence.”

“Then I must ask even at the risk of such insolence.”

Though staggering, Saon knelt and straightened his posture.

“Is it truly something you would give up everything for?”

“It seems what I said back then was not enough.”

Taerok responded calmly to those highly impertinent words.

Saon shook his head, then, fearing he might vomit, shut his eyes tightly and endured the dizziness before asking again.

“How many seasons have changed since that time? What I wish to ask is this: do you still not regret it?”

Taerok, who had been lifting his glass to his lips, slowly raised his gaze and stared at Saon.