Struggle Chapter 147

The fountain pen in his hand spun round and round. It was a gift from Nanyoung. It was engraved with Lee Taerok’s name. He had bought it along with flowers, calling it a Valentine’s Day present no less, and the expression on his face at the time had been so solemn and proud. Lee Taerok hadn’t even had a moment to be dumbfounded by the Valentine’s Day gift, a day he had even forgotten existed. In truth, in terms of price alone, the fountain pen Nanyoung gave him couldn’t compare to the ones Lee Taerok already owned. But while the things he bought himself rolled around on his desk, the one Nanyoung bought him he always carried with him.

‘I’m trying to do something brotherly for once, since it’s been a while.’

―Saying things like that. You’re a good brother all the time.

‘Am I.’

―You don’t know how surprised I was when you said you’d take care of Nanyoung. People misunderstand, but you’re so affectionate.

At those words, even Lee Taerok nearly lost his composure and almost burst out laughing loudly.

His older brother had an excessively optimistic side. In this respect, Nanyoung was rather more realistic and cool-headed. Because Lee Nanyoung, at least, would never say something like that he was far too affectionate. The more he got to know Lee Nanyoung, the more he found traits that didn’t resemble his brother and sister-in-law. And those parts, coincidentally, seemed to resemble himself. Lee Nanyoung. Do you think we’re the kind of simple relationship that can just meet and break up? Our relationship is deeper and more complicated than that…. Regrettably so.

‘Anyway, thank you. For looking after Nanyoung and all.’

‘Is that all you’re thanking me for?’

―You’ve even started joking, this guy.

‘No. You can just thank me for that.’

Lee Taerok stopped spinning the fountain pen and held it in his hand.

‘No. There’s no need to thank me in the first place.’

Because, in truth, he hadn’t done a single good thing.

He wasn’t just looking after Nanyoung; he intended to keep him by his side for life. Even if it were his brother, even if they were Lee Nanyoung’s parents, they wouldn’t be able to take Lee Nanyoung back. Regrettably, that’s how it turned out. It’s not a good thing for his brother and sister-in-law, and it wouldn’t be a good thing for Lee Nanyoung either. Something that’s only good for me.

“Lee Nanyoung.”

Lee Taerok, who was pulling out onto the highway, called Nanyoung.

“How is living with me.”

Nanyoung looked at Lee Taerok as if puzzled.

“You keep saying you’ll go stay somewhere else and it turns my insides over.”

Nanyoung’s eyes went round. Could his insides actually turn over? Could he be distressed enough for his insides to turn over because of me?

Somehow… Nanyoung felt good about that. I must be in a strange love. A strange vine is growing in my stomach. At this stomach-ache-like pain, Nanyoung made an odd expression, as if about to laugh or cry. My love is deformed.

“That’s….”

Nanyoung, who had been hesitating, spoke in a shrinking voice, but without wavering.

“Because I like you so I want to run away, and yet I can’t do that….”

“‘Can’t do that’? Because you have no choice?”

“…It’s because I don’t want to, so I’m staying with you.”

Did you really have to hear even that? When for me, the one thing I could barely hear only after you said it was that your ‘insides turn over.’

And yet, because he liked him, Nanyoung glared at Lee Taerok, though not harshly.

At Nanyoung’s answer, a smile bloomed at the corner of Lee Taerok’s lips. So that it would be hidden, Lee Taerok brushed his own lips and murmured.

“Whose nephew is he, he’s smart.”

“…”

“Don’t you think you take after me more than my brother, somehow?”

Nanyoung ended up letting out a hollow laugh. His demeanor was so composed that the tension in his rigidly stiff body completely unraveled.

Perhaps it truly did have that effect, because Nanyoung was able to avoid crossing the Incheon Bridge in a stiff, rigid state.

The airport was drawing near. He could no longer cancel, reverse, or avoid this. Because at every single moment when he could have, Nanyoung had chosen Lee Taerok anyway.

He hadn’t canceled, hadn’t reversed, and instead had thrown his body in and collided head-on. This time too, there was no choice but to do so.

∞ ∞ ∞

They arrived at the parking lot. Nanyoung was visibly tense.

“Sh-shall we go?”

It seemed if he got out like this, his arms and legs on the same side would step out together.

“Wait a moment.”

Lee Taerok called Nanyoung, who had his hand on the door handle, to a halt. Then he tapped Nanyoung’s rigid cheek, which wasn’t turning toward him, made him turn his head, pulled him into his arms, and kissed him.

From the outside, it would have looked like nothing but passionate lovers. Because Nanyoung’s body was completely concealed by Lee Taerok, and only his white, straight hand clutching Lee Taerok’s forearm was visible.

Lee Taerok slowly and persistently rubbed Nanyoung’s ear as he pushed his tongue inside. The ear, which had been cold and frozen with tension, slowly loosened, and warmth gradually spread down to the nape of his neck. Lee Taerok’s warmth, which had moved into his mouth, melted Nanyoung as well.

“Uung, nn.”

Nanyoung let out a groaning moan. His tongue, which had been stiff and rigid, began to loosen and accepted Lee Taerok’s.

Taerok lowered his other hand and slipped it under Nanyoung’s clothes. By now, when Lee Nanyoung kissed him, he hunched his upper body and waited for the touch. When Taerok stroked his chest and caressed his back, Nanyoung’s straight back curved round and then flinched. It was like a little wave bubble.

When he pulled his lips away, Nanyoung unconsciously followed his lips and pulled his head forward. At the low sound of Lee Taerok’s laughter, which seemed to approach from a distance, Nanyoung came to his senses.

“In case we can’t for a while.”

“Ah….”

Nanyoung flushed and rubbed his lips.

“They’ll swell. Don’t.”

Lee Taerok removed that hand and meticulously examined Nanyoung’s face.

Kissing gently so as to press his lips as little as possible had been worth it. Nanyoung’s lips, which swelled easily, seemed like they would be fine this time.

“It’s not that we can’t, since I’m not going to put my brother up at the house.”

“…”

“But my upright nephew wouldn’t allow it, would he?”

He had nothing to say. To say no would make him seem far too shameless. But to agree was not to his liking either. It must be because he’s young. Nanyoung took confident advantage this time of a fact that usually discouraged him.

“They’ll probably come out in about an hour. Shall we get something to eat in the meantime?”

Taerok checked his watch as he pulled away from Nanyoung’s body. Nanyoung felt regretful as the shadow, weight, and scent that had been covering his body receded. He was at an age vulnerable to temptation, and one hour was an ambiguous amount of time, just right for tension to slacken.

“Is there anything you want to eat?”

Nanyoung thought for a moment, then shook his head.

“I think I’ll get indigestion….”

At the words he barely managed, Lee Taerok slowly smiled.

“Your nerve is too small for doing bad things.”

He unfastened his own seatbelt and murmured one more thing, adding it on.

“But you have too much greed not to do them.”

It was a spot-on description.

As time went on, Nanyoung’s tension grew steadily worse, to the point that Lee Taerok kept having to massage his hands.

And even that, after the notification popped up that the flight his parents would have taken had arrived, Nanyoung adamantly refused, so he couldn’t do it anymore.

Lee Taerok abruptly thought of cigarettes. He had held out for a long time. He tapped on his thigh a few times and then rose from his seat.

“I’ll step outside for a moment.”

Nanyoung looked up at Taerok with wavering eyes, then soon changed his expression and nodded.

“Yes. Go ahead.”

It was a look that seemed to say it might even be an opportunity.

Outside, Lee Taerok put an e-cigarette in his mouth and exhaled smoke. He sent replies to simple messages on his phone, which he hadn’t been able to check while soothing Nanyoung. By the time he finished his business, ten minutes had passed.

Lee Taerok brushed off his clothes with a few pats and went back inside the airport. His steps, which had been approaching the gate, came to a halt. Into his field of vision came Lee Nanyoung, tightly hugging his parents.

Right. Being alone might have been less nerve-racking than being with his accomplice. Looking at Nanyoung’s back, Lee Taerok was seized by a strange sentiment.

Compared to his sister-in-law, it was a broad and large back, but compared to his father, it was small and delicate. Even though they were both his nephews, Lee Taerok, who hadn’t had the slightest interest in Lee Nanyoung’s older brother, very briefly wondered what Nanyoung was like when he was with his brother.

And then his wandering thoughts arrived at one destination.

I’m glad I’m your family.

He slowly stepped forward. At Lee Taerok’s presence, Nanyoung’s father and his brother raised his head. His face lit up and he spread his arms. As if to say, come quickly and join this family reunion.

I’m truly glad I’m your family.

“Welcome, hyung, hyung-su-nim. You’ve had a long journey.”