Struggle Chapter 152

They took the private elevator that went directly to the floor where he stayed, making encounters with other people extremely rare. No, it was close to nonexistent.

His parents had left, and encountering others was rare. Nanyoung clung to Lee Taerok like a koala.

Having carried Nanyoung in his arms and even gathered the bag, Lee Taerok’s expression was subtly softened. Satisfaction bloomed there.

“I missed you.”

Nanyoung spilled out the words he had wanted to say all along but had forcibly held back.

At the force of the embrace that nearly choked his neck, Lee Taerok adjusted his hold on Nanyoung. With a soft “heave-ho,” he easily repositioned the full-grown young man in his arms.

“But I almost died because of you.”

Nanyoung spoke in a sulky voice. He was in a hurry, eager to pour out the words that had been building up.

“What were you thinking, doing that in front of my parents? I was worried sick… I really…”

“Calling me ‘you.’ How insolent.”

“I’m going to for a while.”

Calling you uncle… it’s tiresome and frightening.

Nanyoung whispered as if sighing.

Lee Taerok quietly buried his face in the nape of Nanyoung’s neck.

While the elevator ascended, Nanyoung did not detach himself from Taerok. Lee Taerok thought that was very like Lee Nanyoung. His own body relaxed, too. Had he been tense the entire time? Perhaps the reason he hadn’t been able to sleep was because he’d been worried that Lee Nanyoung might not return like this.

Lee Taerok hates guesswork. He slowly laid Nanyoung down on the bed and asked.

“Why didn’t you stay with your parents and come back?”

As if to say, if that’s what you wish, I’ll pretend it never happened. Not that he was the type to give that kind of farewell. Not that he had any intention of letting go so easily, either.

But if you chose to, if you insisted to the very end…

I don’t know. The cornered, anxious Lee Taerok that Lee Nanyoung had vaguely been curious to see was right here. Amidst his intoxication, Lee Nanyoung slowly stroked Lee Taerok’s cheek. But there was something that even Lee Nanyoung, who had been curious about this side of him, and even Lee Taerok himself didn’t know. What choice Lee Taerok would make when cornered this far, how far he would go.

Lee Nanyoung had returned just short of that very line.

“What if I hadn’t come back?”

Nanyoung asked. Lee Taerok didn’t answer.

“If that were the case, I wouldn’t have started this in the first place.”

The path that had seemed clear at first seemed to blur again the moment he saw his parents. He thought he had been wandering, that he was lost. But he hadn’t been. The moment he met him again, Nanyoung realized he hadn’t been lost—he had been waiting in that very spot. He had blocked the way back with his own hands. Forever in this place…

“…”

“I’ve known from the very beginning that the choice I made was a path of no return…”

Nanyoung held Lee Taerok’s cheek and lifted his head. At the same time, his head tilted, too. It was the moment he had waited for, longed for. Lee Nanyoung pulled Lee Taerok into a fierce embrace. He had waited so long for this. Had waited only to return to this hell. Nanyoung knows no way back. There was never one to begin with. He chose knowing, and was terrified because he knew. Nanyoung hurriedly slipped his tongue into Lee Taerok’s mouth. Even at the clumsy kiss, Lee Taerok felt excitement spread like sparks in dry brush.

The quiet, dark house was the same as yesterday, yet different from yesterday. In the silence, only the rustling sounds of clothes being removed could be heard. It grew increasingly urgent, and the air became damp. The silhouettes that clung together frantically without a single conversation soon merged into one. The act of committing a scandal was as sweet as the wait had been, and as forbidden as it was, it could not be stopped.

∞ ∞ ∞

Stripped naked and lying on his stomach, Nanyoung frowned and let out a whimpering sound. On his bare skin were marks that were impossible to believe had appeared in just one night. The act hadn’t ended until around daybreak, but Nanyoung, not wanting to be apart, had embraced and held onto Lee Taerok even as he said he would wash him and change the sheets. Not satisfied with just intertwining their bare legs, he had pressed his body flush against him before finally falling asleep in relief. As such, Nanyoung’s state was no different from that of a scruffy country mongrel pup.

Once broken, sleep did not easily return. Having lain in a daze, Nanyoung eventually pushed himself up. The blanket slid down in a rush below his back. Still kneeling and unable to fully open his eyes, Nanyoung’s hair was sticking out wildly in all directions. He looked like the youngest child who had slept in late during a vacation at their grandmother’s house.

His expression, struggling against the pull of sleep, was sullen. His body, too, kept nodding and listing repeatedly. Though the front of his body was in far worse shape than his back, Nanyoung didn’t even think to cover up, as if unaware of such circumstances. Only, perhaps because his inner thighs were sore, he couldn’t bring his kneeling knees together.

The sound of water running outside stopped. A moment later, the sound of slippers dragging came. Entering the bedroom, Lee Taerok saw Nanyoung’s disheveled back hair and laughed. The beautiful neckline below it and the marks he had left on his back added to his amusement.

“Are you sleeping or awake?”

Brushing that hair back, Lee Taerok pulled Nanyoung toward himself.

Nanyoung slowly opened his eyes.

“What time is it?”

“Ten.”

Had they even slept five hours? They had barely managed about six hours at best. It was fortunate that summer was approaching and the nights were short, because the previous night, Lee Taerok had been relentless. Nanyoung, who had been as eager as Lee Taerok in the beginning, had passed out after his third climax. After that, it was entirely up to Lee Taerok. He had driven Nanyoung just to the edge of not losing consciousness and sucked him dry. In short, it felt exactly like being rolled around in Lee Taerok’s mouth and spat out. At some point, he couldn’t even make a sound. Because it wouldn’t come out.

Still, perhaps thanks to his youth, Nanyoung managed to open his eyes without falling ill. As if finding that praiseworthy in itself, Lee Taerok combed through Nanyoung’s hair repeatedly. The brown strands slipping between his fingers sparkled light brown like hazelnuts in the sunlight.

“Let’s eat.”

Lee Taerok urged him, curtly but affectionately.

“I’ll brew you coffee.”

Nanyoung liked drinks with a scent, whether coffee or tea. Lee Taerok wasn’t the type to complain about every little thing, but when he personally enjoyed something, he would meticulously select and use the optimal method to enjoy the best result. Accordingly, Nanyoung’s palate was becoming more refined, too.

Nanyoung liked watching Lee Taerok brew coffee. It wasn’t that he did it with military precision, using timers and scales; just watching Lee Taerok brew it according to his own taste made Nanyoung languid in turn.

“They’re going back next weekend.”

Lee Taerok said abruptly to Nanyoung, who was leaning against his arm.

At the words without even a subject, Nanyoung thought about who he meant, then immediately realized he was talking about his own parents.

“That early?”

“They had planned to stay longer depending on the situation, but it seems it’s not working out.”

Lee Taerok was nonchalant. Instead, he turned to look at Nanyoung, who was now wide awake and rolling his eyes around.

“Are you glad?”

“Ah…”

“Or, are you upset?”

“…”

“Do you want to follow your parents?”

He knew now that even that brief wandering had been an illusion. Nanyoung had become resolute, and to that extent, a bit shameless. Even if he were to be plagued by guilt forever, even if he became a sinner forever, there was something he could not give up.

Nanyoung instead asked Taerok back.

“Would you want that?”

Lee Taerok looked back at Nanyoung and smiled languidly.

“Shall I?”

Lee Taerok reached out and grasped Nanyoung’s fingertips.

“No. Don’t.”

Nanyoung swallowed dryly. He couldn’t stop trembling.

“If I said I was terrified you wouldn’t come back, would you believe me?”

You think your uncle is a liar, after all.

Taerok’s voice scattered like fog. He looked weary and fatigued. How many people in the world had seen Lee Taerok’s vulnerable side?

“What. Did you think I was some guy who never gets scared?”

“…Yes.”

“I thought so, too.”

His hand fell away. Nanyoung clenched and unclenched his fist, regretful.

Pouring the finished coffee into two cups, Lee Taerok murmured.

“But I’m not.”

Nanyoung accepted the cup Lee Taerok handed him. Lee Taerok didn’t go to the table; he stayed leaning against the bar. Nanyoung stood facing him, too.

“If I had said I was going… would you have let me go?”

“No.”

Could he also grow heartsick? Did he also grow anxious like me? Those were the things he had endlessly wondered about. For his grotesque love was curious even about your flaws, your deficiencies.

“I would have waited here.”