Struggle Chapter 17

Not expecting any kind of affectionate farewell, Nanok left the guest quarters alone.

The rain had stopped in the meantime.

∞ ∞ ∞

Nanyoung opened his eyes at the touch of a hand shaking him awake.

His memory was cut off in chunks, as he had no idea when he had fallen asleep, and so it snapped abruptly from the large guest room and reconnected in an unfamiliar room.

The fact that there was a hand that woke him meant there was someone else in this room, but in a half-asleep daze, Nanyoung simply stared blankly at the ceiling.

“If you sleep too long, you’ll whine that you can’t sleep at night, and since there’s no one here to soothe you, you’d better get up now.”

It was Taerok’s voice.

Only then did Nanyoung’s half-closed eyes fly open and he sat up. As he straightened his back and looked around, his hair was as disheveled as his tossing and turning. Taerok absently pressed down the sticking-up hair with his hand.

“D-did I doze off?”

“Very sweetly and deeply.”

Sitting crookedly with one knee raised, Taerok turned the pages of a book like a libertine. His hand also lifted away from Nanyoung’s head. Nanyoung suddenly thought that he missed that touch.

Feeling a sense of déjà vu, Nanyoung stared intently at his uncle. At that gaze, Taerok closed the book.

“What. Is it strange because my way of speaking is different?”

Yes. It was because of his way of speaking.

Whether it was because of his way of speaking or if it was truly the case, Taerok somehow seemed to be in a bad mood.

“What I resolved the moment I left the palace was that at least within my own residence, I would do as I pleased. Since it’s not the palace and there’s no one to see, if I just treat you comfortably as an uncle would, would my nephew, who is younger than me yet far stricter than me, disapprove?”

“Ah, n-no! It’s fine! Just like uncle and nephew… the way they do in noble families… I like that.”

Taerok tossed the book aside near his thigh as if throwing it. Nanyoung’s gaze reflexively moved to the cover of the book, but was drawn back by the hand that took hold of his chin and lifted it.

“If the opportunity arises, I think it might be good to leave a scar on your face.”

“A scar? Why would you suddenly say such a thing?”

“Because to my eyes, you’re simply a young and soft-bodied boy, and I don’t understand why others keep calling you endearing, lovely.”

“…Is it wrong for others to see me that way? Is it a bad thing?”

“A charming Grand Prince isn’t particularly a good thing.”

“Why? Uncle, aren’t you charming as well? Was it a bad thing for you?”

Taerok, who had been about to say something, was at a loss for words. It was because of Nanyoung’s utterly innocent question.

Charming? What is? Taerok almost asked again in that stupid tone he so disliked.

“You are manly… a great, dignified man, a handsome man… you shoot the bow well too…”

“Ah. Stop.”

Taerok shut his eyes tight and released the hand that had been holding Nanyoung’s chin.

“Those are words for people with no ulterior motive trying to curry favor with me to say, not something you, nephew, should say to me. It tickles and it’s not particularly pleasant to hear.”

“Do people trying to curry favor with you, uncle, say such things? That’s even stranger.”

Nanyoung’s tone was one of truly not understanding.

“Do men say such things too?”

“You, who just said such things, are also a man… No.”

If he tried to explain, Nanyoung, who had a tenacious side when it came to wanting to understand things, would likely seize even upon the nuance that blood relatives and others were different. What worried him more was that the conversation might veer off and he would end up having to explain that there are times when feelings and acts between a man and a woman can also occur between men.

Somehow his head was throbbing. Taerok rubbed his brow bone.

“No. Forget it. I was trying to give you, nephew, some advice, but it’s only making my own head ache. Let’s do it later. When you’ve grown a little more.”

“But they say I am now… now of an age where I could even have a betrothed?”

At those words, Taerok, who had been about to rise from his seat, faltered and stopped.

The expression of Taerok as he sat back down was oddly furrowed.

“Well, that is true enough.”

Still, eleven was excessively young. Even his elder brother, the current king, had the discussion of his selection arise at thirteen and the selection concluded at fifteen.

Taerok stared quietly at Nanyoung’s innocent expression, then suddenly pulled him into a tight embrace. Lying down floppily, hugging him like a bamboo wife or a bolster pillow, was hardly a sight befitting a Grand Prince.

“When you don’t even know what a betrothal is.”

“Ugh… Is it not meeting a partner to live with… in sweet harmony?”

Nanyoung asked, his face pressed against Taerok’s firm side and chest. Without being startled, Nanyoung lay docilely in his arms. There wouldn’t be anyone in the palace who treated him this affectionately, so where had he been handled like this? Was it simply his nature? As if rubbing a bolster pillow on a sleepless night, Taerok pressed and rubbed Nanyoung’s cheek dryly and mechanically.

“His Majesty fortunately seems to have met such a partner, but not everyone does, so there’s no need to be too romantic about it.”

“Then are you and the lady who will become my aunt not on good terms?”

“She’s not even married to me yet, and you call her aunt. It’s too early to call her that…”

There was no need to say that he had little desire to marry in the first place. Taerok trailed off.

“The affairs of people do not always flow smoothly like water.”

But Nanyoung, who was subtly stubborn, having just woken up, asked persistently with eyes gleaming unusually bright.

“However, seeing that you exchange visits like this, already…”

When Taerok gave him a steady look as if daring him to continue, Nanyoung bit his lip, suppressing a laugh so that his cheeks puffed up roundly. Only then did Taerok realize that Nanyoung had been teasing him.

Was it because they were outside the palace, or because of the attitude Taerok was displaying? Nanyoung was also acting a little more childishly than usual. No, a little more freely. Taerok twitched his eyebrow.

“In that case, nephew, have you ever pondered what kind of person your partner would be?”

“My partner?”

At a topic he had clearly never thought about before, Nanyoung’s voice pitched high. It was clear and ringing, like the sound of rain striking a brass bowl.

The sound of the rain outside, which had seemed to stop for a moment, grew a little heavier. It did not seem like it would let up within the day. The steady patter beat against the leaves and branches, pounding the thick mud. Taerok quietly closed his eyes. Nanyoung chattered on.

“I would like someone amusing. Good at joking, and ah! I would like them to be healthier than me… If I keep being sickly like this until I come of age, it would be a big problem… Would it be faster for me to become healthy?”

Taerok let out a low groan, Mm…

He was skeptical.

Nanyoung didn’t know, but Taerok had once gone all the way to Nanyoung’s residence. It was before he left as an envoy. The delegation had already been assembled, and Taerok had joined at the very end. It was because he found this land stifling. That even leaving the capital required the king’s approval was suffocating. He thought it would be good to get some air. Only after all the procedures were finished did Nanyoung cross his mind. He felt a little sorry towards the child who, every time he saw him, would say Uncle! with delight, even when he arbitrarily stopped lessons midway.

And so he went to see him, but Nanyoung was said to be ill. Not a high fever, but a low one. Irritated, asking Is he sick again? he seized the royal physician who was just leaving and questioned him.

‘The Young Lord Grand Prince’s energy is constitutionally very deficient, and his pulse has been weak, bordering on rapid, since birth, so it seems his stamina does not easily recover.’

‘Then you can simply brew medicine and feed it to him to supplement it.’

‘Even so, what drains away is greater. He must be cautious, and cautious again, going forward.’

The physician trembled as he reported, and there was nothing more Taerok could do, or do for him. When he let him go, the man fled as if his tail were on fire.

Taerok stood before the residence, deliberated, and then turned back just like that. He did not want to see Nanyoung lying down. At that time, he thought it was because he found it tiresome, utterly wearisome, but now the thought suddenly occurs to him that it might not have been so.

“If they were too healthy, it would be hard for you.”

Taerok, who had dropped his arm over his brow bone, gave a wry, scoffing laugh. To him, Nanyoung was just a soft, young child. He would grow up someday, of course. Even for the Crown Prince, if someone asked what kind of man he seemed likely to become, he could imagine it, but with Nanyoung, he simply could not. When he tried to stand some healthy woman beside the child like the wind, he could only see a little blood clot standing next to a head nurse or an elder sister princess that Nanyoung did not have. Something like a hollow laugh escaped him.

“Uncle, you were just now thinking of teasing me, weren’t you!”

Rolling his body over, Nanyoung lay on his stomach and lifted only his waist. Propping himself on his elbows, he glared at Taerok without the slightest bit of menace. Taerok glanced down at Nanyoung from under his arm.