Struggle Chapter 19

Taerok treated that feeling as if it were a contagious disease. He regarded it as some kind of symptom caught from someone else. Even though the heart resides within, not outside. Even though such feelings grow from within.

In truth, it had been some time since he had started to admit it. No matter how much of a Taerok he was, he wasn’t devoid of emotion, and it was never easy to push away a child who professed to like and respect him with his whole being. There was also the affection that had built up over time… Taerok had overlooked just how quickly that affection, which had never accumulated for other family members, had formed for Nanyoung within a few short years.

“But sir, there is a rumor circulating.”

Saon tilted his head and whispered in a very low voice, with an indifferent attitude.

“They say that while preparing for this royal selection, the Office of the Royal Clan is also seeking a betrothed for your nephew, sir.”

“…My brother’s sons, aside from the Crown Prince, would only leave two. And the princess is now five years old.”

“Yes. It is about Grand Prince Heonui.”

“…”

A white stone settled onto the paulownia Go board with a tak. Taerok rolled a black stone in his hand. A grating sound was made. Without thinking long, he placed it in one spot. Saon sighed lowly. It was an unexpected brilliant move.

“He’s too young.”

Yet Taerok, who had actually made the brilliant move, was not on the Go board. He was looking at something else, somewhere else. A young face that had stared at him blankly from under the eaves, sheltering from the rain.

A soft, too-young face.

Taerok first requested a private audience with the king. It was a rare occurrence. The king granted it, and Taerok—the king’s younger brother, more famous by the nickname ‘Cold-Blooded Grand Prince’ than his original title ‘Baegan’—emerged only a long while later.

The next day, the rumor of the marriage prohibition decree vanished. Instead, an order was issued to set an auspicious date for Lee Taerok’s wedding ceremony.

∞ ∞ ∞

The auspicious date for Taerok’s wedding ceremony was autumn. There was a better auspicious date, but it was next year, and the king, citing the reason that it had already been delayed sufficiently, chose a nearer date.

Autumn. It was a terribly rushed timeframe. But as this was not the first time an auspicious date had been set, both the royal family and Nanok’s household were prepared to some extent. Thanks to that, although somewhat hurried, they could manage to hold it somehow.

Above all, the attitude of Taerok and Nanok—that even though it was their own wedding ceremony, they only needed to attend to the bare minimum—aided the preparations.

The wedding ceremony began at Taerok’s prince’s residence and concluded at Nanok’s house, which would temporarily be called the bride’s palace. The palace sent an envoy to represent the family. The princess was too young, and the Crown Prince could not go outside the palace. The only one left was Nanyoung.

Dressed in a black ceremonial robe, Nanyoung looked uncomfortable in both the official hat he wore and the shoes on his feet. Yet he stood with considerable dignity. Both those who knew Nanyoung and those who didn’t looked at that figure of his as if it were terribly endearing.

‘I didn’t know he would hold the wedding ceremony so suddenly… so quickly like this.’

But unlike the gazes of others, Nanyoung was wholly absorbed in his own inner thoughts.

He had first been surprised by the news that the marriage prohibition decree had been lifted. And he was even more surprised by the word that an auspicious date for his uncle’s wedding ceremony had been set. The heart that had felt unnecessarily embarrassed at the talk of his uncle’s wedding being postponed—where had it wafted away to like a reed?—now suddenly felt bleak and lonely. Then won’t it really become difficult to see uncle now? That absurdly childish petulance, no matter how much he tried to erase it, would not be wiped away. Like a grease stain left on silk, the more he rubbed at it, the more it spread.

‘I suppose I am still too young. That’s why uncle made that choice for me…’

Into Nanyoung’s gloomy mind rose the image of Taerok, who had come to his residence the day the auspicious wedding date was set. In his memory, Taerok’s lips moved. You, nephew, are still very young. Taerok’s face as he said that, as indifferent and cold as ever.

A pair of shoes entered the downcast Nanyoung’s line of sight. Black silk hye. Only then did Nanyoung raise his head. A black ceremonial robe came into view. The robe was the same black ceremonial robe as his own, but the wearer was different. After lifting his gaze for a long moment, his eyes met those of the person looking at him sideways.

‘Lee Nanyoung, you are still young.’

Nanyoung’s memory instantly shot back to that day he had faced Taerok.

The day he had faced Taerok, who had declared that he would ensure Nanyoung’s betrothal happened according to his own will, at a time he desired.

“Lee Nanyoung. You are still young.”

Those were the words Taerok uttered after entering Nanyoung’s residence, for the first time in a long while. He and Nanyoung had an age gap of thirteen years. Compared to him, Nanyoung was far younger, and to him, Nanyoung would forever remain simply young. Yet why was he stating it anew?

“At least, that is what I think…”

Taerok, who had murmured slowly, quietly stroked the tea table. Then he lifted his head in a flash. For an instant, Nanyoung wondered if Taerok’s eyes hadn’t flashed fiercely.

“They say they are receiving the horoscope of the person who will be your, nephew, partner as well.”

“My partner?”

It was the first time he had heard of it. Nanyoung’s eyes rounded.

“Have you ever spoken of wanting to leave the palace early?”

“Ah, no!”

Nanyoung was a Grand Prince who had received much love, but at the same time, he often felt lonely. It was a truly strange thing. When so many people held him dear, why was he always lonely? Why was he always hungry for something? It felt as if what he truly wished for and needed was never actually fulfilled, and he was only gulping down empty air.

As such, he had not the slightest thought yet of leaving the palace and being separated from his family.

“Then it must simply be a plan set up arbitrarily.”

“But His Highness the Crown Prince’s selection should come first, should it not?”

“They will receive the preliminary list and then, next year or the year after, steadily carry out the proceedings for you, nephew.”

“If it is a proceeding for me… shouldn’t it be something I should wish for?”

Taerok stared intently at Nanyoung, who asked back in confusion. Then he let out a short laugh, Pfft.

“You understand it properly.”

Understand what?

But since Taerok had said it as if to himself, Nanyoung could not ask.

“His Highness the Crown Prince—that is, my other nephew—is also still young, is he not.”

Of course, Taerok had never entertained such a thought. He did not have a single bit of interest in the Crown Prince. Having always regarded him as if he were a stranger, there was no way Taerok would suddenly express concern for the Crown Prince. This was simply an excuse. What was hidden behind layers of excuses was Nanyoung. He admitted it.

“When there is an uncle who has only just put his hair up in the topknot of a married man, for his nephews to be treated as adults first—isn’t that somewhat against propriety?”

Taerok, who had rested his fists on both knees, straightened his back. With his chin arrogantly raised and wearing his characteristic smile that seemed to sneer, he spoke thus:

“I intend to get married first. I have already informed His Majesty and have just requested an auspicious date.”

“…S-so, so suddenly?”

Flustered, Nanyoung ended up asking in the childish tone he had been trying to correct. Taerok felt a strange, inexplicable sense of satisfaction at Nanyoung’s not knowing what to do. It felt like showing off that a wild young beast, which followed no one else, followed only him.

Taerok clenched his fist and propped his chin on it. He stared at Nanyoung for a moment, then smirked and asked.

“Why. Are you sad that uncle is getting married?”

Sad? Thanks to Taerok’s question, Nanyoung realized what the emotion he was feeling was.

Taerok added nonchalantly.

“Even between the closest companions, feelings of regret arise; one feels sadness even when a hunting dog that followed one well begins to follow another—so it’s only natural to feel sad that the uncle you like is getting married. Surely that is the case, isn’t it? If not, then I would be the sad one, I think…”

“No, sir!”

“No?”

“No, no! That’s… not it….”

At Taerok’s teasing, Nanyoung stammered and waved his hands in denial.

“…I am.”

“What?”

“…I am sad. I won’t be able to see you as easily as before, will I?”

After all, with his uncle becoming a proper adult and someone else’s person, coming to visit freely and seeing him as they did now would become difficult. Just as Taerok said, Nanyoung felt as forlorn as if he were losing a companion. In truth, Taerok had been his companion. Though he had never told anyone, Nanyoung was always lonely. No matter how many palace officials surrounded him, it was so.

But Taerok alone came to see him, taught him not only martial arts but also jokes, became someone to whom he could send letters and receive replies. He was the one who made it possible for Nanyoung to visit where someone lived—even if it was called a residence and not a home—and someone he could invite.

To Nanyoung, Taerok was not simply an uncle.

“Nephew.”