Struggle Chapter 21

Taerok asked in his characteristic tone. It was a question that sounded like he was talking to himself.

After Taerok finished speaking, the two silently emptied their cups. It was Taerok who poured the liquor into the empty cups. He filled his wife’s cup and his own, and the two each ate a piece of cold boiled pig’s head meat. Nanok set down his chopsticks and answered.

“The marriage was something that would happen eventually. What I wanted was to place a debt upon you, Lord Grand Prince.”

“A debt, you say… How on earth do you intend to collect it.”

And then another cup.

This time it was Nanok who filled the empty cups anew. Once they drank this third cup, their wedding night wine would be finished. Nanok, having eaten another piece of the head meat, answered.

“You, Lord Grand Prince, frequently travel back and forth as an envoy even to that great nation. I wish to go there with you.”

“As I recall, you already went there last time, did you not.”

“No. I am speaking of going there for good.”

“For good?”

“I believe in and serve a certain being in heaven. I wish to learn scholarship for that being and devote the rest of my life to that being.”

“So you are telling me now that you believe in a being higher than His Majesty the King currently reigning? Well, you must believe in the Lord of Heaven, I suppose.”

“The Lord of Heaven indeed, but not the Jade Emperor. However, for the learning I desire, I must not sleep with a man, and so I wish to ask that of you.”

“I doubt whether you yourself properly understand what you are saying, my lady. Have you perhaps already become drunk?”

“My mind is clearer than ever.”

Taerok rested his chin on his hand and rubbed it quietly.

In truth, Taerok knew what this faith Nanok spoke of was. It was because he had met, though few in number, those who claimed to have such a ‘faith.’ They were said not to marry, not to have children, and to devote their entire lives solely to their faith. Were there such people among women as well?

“Go, and say you have lost me. You may say I ran away. It would be even better if I became a dead person.”

“Does your family know of this?”

“Though I do not think it can be hidden forever…”

Min Nanok smiled faintly.

“Would it not, on the contrary, be a good thing for you, sir, should they find out? If you say it was something you knew nothing of, that you were betrayed, then my father would do anything at the command of the Lord Grand Prince to preserve the family.”

“Ha…”

Taerok laughed shortly. This was a seat that called for strong liquor, not sweet wedding wine. As he nodded his head as if to say “go on,” Nanyoung began, “And…”

“There are many who could replace me.”

“And what of me, who would become a wretch with three failed marriages? Do you not consider my honor at all?”

“Sir.”

Min Nanok shook his head.

“On the contrary, do you not wish for that?”

“I do not know why you think I would wish for my own dishonor.”

“As it would not be your fault, you would not suffer dishonor, and you might even receive a little sympathy.”

As sympathy was more detestable to him than dishonor, Taerok stared intently at Nanok. It was a warning look that said it would be wise to be careful before speaking. Even Nanok, who had prepared for a long time and was ready for anything, felt his legs go numb under that gaze. Tense, he clutched the many layers of his skirt. He then continued with the words he had prepared. In truth, that Taerok did not desire marriage was a guess on Nanok’s part, akin to a gamble, so he could gain everything or lose everything here.

“I am the first with whom you have shared the wedding wine thus far. After I disappear, you need only say that you do not wish to lose another wife. Then no one will dare trouble you by thrusting a marriage proposal before you.”

For a moment, a deathlike silence flowed.

At last, Taerok parted his lips.

“You know you are brave but reckless, do you not. You must have believed to some extent that I would accept this proposal to say such a thing, but I wonder where on earth you found the grounds for that.”

“I merely believed and prayed.”

Taerok did not know what prayer was. Nor was he interested. He did not believe in things without substance. This nation was built upon the foundation of reason that seeks to prove and explain things without substance.

“Even if your interests and mine align, there will be no immediate departure as an envoy. It will take a few more years at least for an envoy delegation to be formed.”

“During that time, I will do whatever you wish. If there is any news of Grand Prince Heonui, I will immediately inform you…”

“Why it is my nephew you are bringing up in particular, I must hear an explanation of that first.”

Somehow his head was throbbing. It seemed now his head ached not just from conversing with Nanyoung but from merely having him come up as a topic of conversation. Taerok, who had been frowning and closing his eyes, glared at Nanok as if his eyes were springing open. It was Nanok who instead asked in return.

“Is he not the only person whom you, Lord Grand Prince, hold dear?”

The only person held dear by a solitary grand prince with neither wife nor children.

The rumor had apparently already circled the entire palace and even crossed its walls to spread among the common people. It must have grown ever more exaggerated as it traveled through every alley where noble houses gathered. Or perhaps the exaggeration remained the same, and he alone had not known it had grown so large.

However, what displeased Taerok was not the truth or falsehood of the rumor, but the existence of the gossips who had privately spoken Lee Nanyoung’s name.

“There are many families wishing to form a connection to Grand Prince Heonui and become in-laws with the royal family. Especially since there are no bad rumors whatsoever regarding Grand Prince Heonui.”

“Even for gossips who love any rumor, they would have to stake the price of their lives to speak of a royal kinsman.”

“Is that not because becoming the in-law of a grand prince is worth more than the price of a life?”

Taerok laughed in irritation. Nanok knew that alone was enough of an answer.

Taerok would accept his deal.

∞ ∞ ∞

It was said that Taerok and Nanok had entered the palace. Nanyoung and the Crown Prince were also to join the occasion of paying respects to the King and other elders. It had become a family greeting.

Just as if he had to be sick after overexerting himself, Nanyoung, who had been ill, felt gloomy, wondering why his body was perfectly fine today of all days, and why even this would not go as he wished. Nanyoung was so dazed somewhere that it was only after the eunuch helping him dress called him “Sir” three times that he realized he was being called.

“Are you feeling unwell, sir?”

“…No.”

Nanyoung shook his head. A worried expression appeared on the face of the eunuch, Sim Eung.

Nanyoung, who had been still, asked Sim Eung.

“Can even family feel jealousy?”

“Between family, sir?”

“Me wishing he had a friend, wishing he had something…”

“If you would elaborate just a little more, it might be a bit easier for this servant to comprehend…”

It was a feeling he was too ashamed to speak of. Knowing from the start that feeling shame itself was a lost cause, Nanyoung nevertheless hesitantly parted his lips.

“I wished for Uncle not to be lonely. Because he is my uncle, I wished for him to be happy… But now that the marriage ceremony is actually over, I feel sad and lonely, thinking that it will truly be difficult to remain as close as before, and he feels distant…”

These were even sorrier words to ask Sim Eung about. It was because Sim Eung would rarely have the occasion to start a family. Of course, there were occasional cases of adopting a son, but there would be no occasion for a direct blood connection. Nanyoung felt almost disgusted by his own thoughtlessness and selfishness.

However, Sim Eung, having deliberated as much as he could, explained gently to the young grand prince he had practically raised.

“You must know that this servant became a eunuch after being bitten by a dog, yes?”

“Yeah.”

“Before that, I had friends in my village with whom I would play kicking ball, land-grabbing… flip-the-tile, and so on. However, my temperament was not boisterous, so I did not have many close friends. Among them, I had one closest friend, and that fellow got along widely with all the children in the village.”

“Yes. And then?”

“When I heard stories of him playing with others besides me, I felt sad.”

“…Really?”

“Yes. Of course. Especially when I hovered between life and death after being bitten by a dog and then awoke, after that he felt even more distant. While it is an honor that I was fortunate to survive and become a eunuch to serve you, Lord Grand Prince, before entering the palace, during the time I lay ill like that, that fellow had gained other friends he played with more closely, and to my young self, did that not feel like a terrible betrayal?”

“…It’s not to that extent. I don’t think of it as betrayal.”