Struggle Chapter 25

“You finally treat me comfortably now that I’ve shed the Confucian scholar’s robes. I am glad.”

“Since you’ve shed the scholar’s robes, there’s no need to stand on ceremony.”

“If you say that, the Master will read you the classics on punishment. Propriety is the path that all men must follow, and if one observes it only as circumstances dictate…”

“…At times you are a man, at other times you become a beast. Has there ever been one who was a beast and then became a man? Once a beast, a beast even unto death. A man who has once become a beast forgets how to walk on two legs… he would say.”

“Yes. Exactly so.”

Nanyoung had no strength to respond to Suhwan’s jesting. If he fell ill and took to his bed now, Sim Eung would say, “There, you see, sir,” and nag him at length, and he had no energy to waste on misplaced things.

“Frankly, I was surprised when you, Lord Grand Prince, said you would go personally.”

“Why? Because you thought I couldn’t even do something like this?”

“No.”

“…”

“Yes. In truth, well. There is that as well, but.”

Suhwan scratched his head, then casually sidled up beside Nanyoung. The wooden railing, heavily laden with salt, creaked and groaned.

“It has subsided somewhat now, but in the past, I heard a rumor. That there was a certain cold-blooded Grand Prince, and that he alone held his nephew dear.”

“…Even such a thing became a rumor. It seems the people of the world truly have nothing to do.”

The reason Nanyoung could dismiss it as merely a rumor was because he did not know at all what kind of person his uncle truly was. If asked whether the people of the world then knew what kind of person Lee Taerok was, one would say they did not know either, but sometimes those who hear from afar see more clearly. Rarely, rumors are more coldly accurate.

“Yes. The people of the world are truly bored, so that is how it is. I, too, was weary and thus curious.”

Nanyoung, who had been leaning with his back bent, looked at Suhwan sideways. At that direct gaze from Nanyoung, Suhwan found it unlike himself and scratched his cheek for no reason, feeling awkward.

“Do not seek private amusement at the expense of a royal kinsman.”

“…”

These were words he had not expected to hear from Nanyoung.

Suhwan, who had inwardly regarded Nanyoung as a soft royal kinsman, was taken aback, like someone caught off guard and struck.

But he soon collected himself and prattled on as if his tongue had been greased.

“I seem to have firmly mistaken myself for having several lives. Please put me to death.”

He was not even the King, yet he asked to be put to death. Nanyoung let out a weak laugh. At Suhwan’s exaggerated fussing, the seasickness that had been subsiding seemed to rise again. I must ask the acupuncture physician to administer needles. He closed his eyes tightly and struggled to endure the dizziness that surged up in waves.

Receiving no answer from Nanyoung, Suhwan lifted his bowed head.

The sun had fully risen. Nanyoung’s skin was pale under the round sunlight. To the point where every single fine hair rippling in the sea breeze was visible. The fine hairs glittered, and Nanyoung shone.

As Suhwan stared blankly at Nanyoung, he unconsciously reached out his hand. It was just as his fingertips were about to touch his cheek.

“Sir. Lord Grand Prince, where are you, sir?”

At the presence of Sim Eung, searching for him with a voice thoroughly dead and barely managing, Nanyoung’s eyes flashed open. Suhwan, flustered, swiftly withdrew his outstretched hand.

“No, was there not a stray thread clinging to your cheek, sir?”

Paying not a single bit of attention to the absurd excuse, Nanyoung raised his body from where it had been leaning against the railing and headed towards Sim Eung.

Watching Nanyoung turn away coldly, Suhwan clicked his tongue, thinking a Grand Prince was indeed a Grand Prince, yet at the same time he smoothed down his chest. Born so exquisite, born so delicate, how could he possibly marry. Such misplaced words nearly escaped him.

∞ ∞ ∞

At the end of the long journey, they finally set foot on land.

At first, even with his feet on the ground, he swayed as if still on the sea. His knees felt as if they were buckling. This improved somewhat only once he mounted a horse, and after mounting the horse, the insides of his thighs were chafed and unbearable to endure. Applying poultices, he gritted his teeth and endured the pain. It was a battle between whether the nerve strings fraying to hold on would snap first, or his body would collapse first.

And just as both were reaching their limits, they were able to arrive at the place where Taerok was staying.

The scale was similar to the palace where Taerok had been staying, but the style was entirely different. The eaves did not curve up like the tips of traditional socks but fell sharply, and the colors were somewhat more brilliant. The pattern of the window lattices was also exotic, and especially the speech of the servants who opened the doors to greet them, as well as the clothes they wore, clearly made one realize they were different beings.

He had come to a different land.

Nanyoung shivered even at the blowing wind, which was unfamiliar. Even though the weather was by no means cold.

Only after standing in the wide-open courtyard instead of a courtyard folded and wrapped inward could Nanyoung dismount from the horse. He felt someone’s hands helping him.

“Nephew.”

And before he had fully dismounted, before those hands were removed from his waist, he heard the voice that had tormented him both in dreams and in reality.

Ah… he had missed it so terribly. His heart raced madly. And yet, though all he had to do now was turn around, he could not turn around.

Nanyoung stopped in an awkward posture, with one foot on the stirrup and only the other foot placed on the ground.

He sensed Taerok walking towards him. He was approaching.

For some reason, as if awaiting punishment after doing something wrong, every hair on his body stood on end with dread. Then the hands that had been holding his waist fell away, and a larger, firmer hand, which seemed as though it could press firmly from his pelvis up along his waist to just beneath his armpits, enveloped him.

“Did you not come to see me?”

His uncle’s voice was heard damply above his shoulder, just behind his ear.

No, was it that the weather here was damp?

No… it was his own heart that was damp.

Led by Taerok’s hands, Nanyoung placed his feet on the ground and turned around with an ambiguous expression, as if on the verge of tears or not.

“Have you grown a little?”

His uncle’s reaction was as composed as ever, as if they had parted only yesterday.

“…Uncle, you have not changed at all.”

“At my age, there is nothing left to change.”

No. He seemed to have changed a little… Should it be called his atmosphere? The air that emanated from him was somewhat more languid and more relaxed.

Nanyoung stared vacantly up at Taerok. Behind Taerok as he looked down at his nephew, Suhwan, who had been pushed aside by his body, stood watching the two with a peculiar expression.

“I was mistaken. Uncle, you seem to have changed a little…”

Nanyoung murmured dazedly.

It was the first time since the wedding ceremony. Because he had heartlessly departed all the way here alone. Where had the promise he made with me gone? Had this land changed Taerok like this? Unknowingly, Nanyoung stretched out his hand as if out of a childhood habit, trying to grasp the hem of Taerok’s clothes. Just then, a woman appeared from behind Taerok.

“I greet you, Lord Grand Prince. Welcome.”

It was Taerok’s wife. Nanyoung’s hand dropped limply back and stuck fast to his side.

Ah… it was not the land that changed you, but you, my lady. Nanyoung’s cheeks flushed red in an instant at his own misapprehension.

∞ ∞ ∞

Nanok, who was said to be suffering from an endemic disease, merely offered a greeting from a distance and soon disappeared back into the inner quarters. Taerok watched his retreating figure, then murmured.

“It might be contagious, so I have told myself to be careful.”

To Nanyoung, the sight of Taerok as he turned back around was unfamiliar. So this is what Uncle looks like when watching someone’s retreating figure.

The one who had secretly felt pride in the rumors within the palace might have been none other than himself. He had been indulging in a completely useless vanity that, when it came to his uncle, he was still closer than anyone else. Nanyoung felt shame. Among the many things he had learned from Lee Taerok, the emotion he was newly learning every day, and more intensely than anything else, was the feeling of shame.

“Was your journey here peaceful?”

Taerok’s gaze as he turned to look at such a Nanyoung was gentle. But Nanyoung, with his head bowed, did not see that gaze.

When he lifted his head at the words directed at him, Taerok was already gesturing to those behind him and giving orders to move the brought goods to the storehouse.

“It was far.”

Nanyoung answered sullenly without realizing it. It sounded like a child’s petulance.

“Uncle, how on earth did you travel back and forth across this great distance so many times? It is far to come, and daunting to go back…”

He wanted to ask if he had been thinking of not returning at all.

But Taerok merely patted Nanyoung’s shoulder lightly.

“It must have been arduous. For today, it would be best for you to go in and rest first, Nephew.”