Struggle Chapter 24

Over Suhwan’s shoulder, it seemed as though someone was watching. He averts his gaze. That is an illusion. A delusion. Perhaps I am going mad. Even as he repeated this to himself, that gaze did not fall away. Far off in the distance, Taerok was staring blankly at him. If only he would tell him what he was thinking, but Taerok was in a land that could only be reached by crossing rivers, climbing mountain ranges, or traversing boundless seas.

He had truly become distant.

∞ ∞ ∞

An auspicious date was set for the Crown Prince’s wedding ceremony. Taerok, too, had to be informed of this news. Rather than sending a letter, it was decided to send a person, for greater safety and certainty. As it was not an envoy sent from one nation to another but a private messenger, no separate party was formed.

At this news, Nanyoung, almost without realizing it, stepped forward.

“I shall go.”

The King, who had aged prematurely and grown sickly, turned to look at Nanyoung.

Nanyoung hesitated, then spoke in a slightly louder voice.

“I shall go and attend my uncle back.”

The King, who ought to have still been in robust health at his age, had rapidly lost his vitality after suffering several illnesses of late. This was one of the reasons the wedding ceremony had been abruptly moved up.

The King gazed blankly at Nanyoung, then asked.

“Will you be alright?”

Nanyoung, too, was frail of body. It was a question asking whether he could endure that distant and arduous journey. To that question, Nanyoung gave an answer as if he had prepared it.

“Is it not a path I, too, must eventually take someday? I wish to go and come back in advance. Moreover, my body has lately been very healthy, without even catching a light cold.”

Half a lie, half the truth.

The frequency of catching colds had sharply decreased, and perhaps the medicinal herbs that Giheum had been steadily sending were helping, for he felt his physical condition was certainly lighter than before.

Nanyoung’s heart pounded and trembled as he awaited permission. For fear that his words, uttered with personal and selfish motives, might be discovered. If so, what exactly that hidden selfish motive was, Nanyoung himself could not articulate it into words. Because he could not articulate it, it writhed in tangles like a threadsnake entering mating season, making it impossible to distinguish head from tail, or even the number of them.

“Will you truly be alright?”

At the quietly pressing question, Nanyoung’s heart stung sharply as if pierced by a blade. It was because he felt as though the King had pulled out an emotion Nanyoung himself did not know and thrust it before his eyes.

“Do… not worry. There will be no cause for concern.”

“Very well…. It so happens that the Grand Princess Consort is also said to be unwell. It appears to be an endemic disease, but the distance has made it difficult to ascertain. I shall speak to the Royal Medical Office, so take one acupuncture physician with you. I will also instruct them to prepare someone skilled in compounding medicines.”

Then the King waved his hand. Even wearing the dragon robe, he could not conceal his frailty. Nanyoung’s face took on an expression as if he were about to cry from distress. He must be wondering if he could leave with such a selfish heart when his father had become so weak.

But the King smiled faintly and comforted Nanyoung.

“There is a saying that those who are often plagued by minor illnesses live long. Do not make such a face. Your expression is causing concern.”

Nanyoung bowed his head deeply. Who is worrying about whom, Nephew. He hears a voice as if teasing him thus.

His uncle did not merely appear in form. His voice was heard, too. Nanyoung was at times afraid, wondering if he had gone mad. Where could he speak of this? If he saw his uncle’s face, could he then say he was undergoing such things? If he pleaded, please appear no more, would his uncle grant that?

To do that, he must first meet him.

Nanyoung counted the days until his departure on his fingers. As it drew nearer, anticipation outgrew the fear of the faraway journey. The eunuch, unaware of the heart that was sprouting up like mushrooms in a damp, shady place, grew gaunt in the cheeks, which had been plump, as the days passed with worry.

“You have truly not changed your mind, have you, sir? No matter how much this servant says the road is rough and dangerous, you will not listen, will you?”

“An acupuncture physician is going with me, so what worry is there? I was told not to make a fuss, and now you are making all the fuss.”

“However…”

“What matter is it when you are coming along anyway? Will we not return shortly?”

“Is that a road where one can go and come back shortly just by saying so!”

Sim Eung stamped his feet.

Having never seen the sea even once, Sim Eung was sick with worry. He had heard that this sea was so enormously vast that, like the sky above, its end could not be seen, and he was filled with nothing but worry whether his delicate Grand Prince could cross that rugged path.

Yet, not knowing his heart, the Grand Prince’s complexion grew rosier by the day, so Sim Eung did not know whether to regard it as a blessing that he was becoming healthier or to call him heartless.

Nanyoung did not break his resolve and, until the day of departure, as per the promise—or something akin to a promise—he had made with his eunuch, did not fall ill even once.

‘If you fall ill even once and take to your bed, then this servant will stake his very life to remonstrate directly with His Majesty the King.’

Sim Eung’s threat ended, literally, as nothing more than a threat.

The day Nanyoung departed was carelessly sunny. Nanyoung’s face, too, was bright and serene. Only Sim Eung wore a deathly expression. Sim Eung had held in-depth conversations with the royal physician and had amply packed medicines that could be used should anything happen to Nanyoung. Thanks to the master he served, his skill at decocting medicine had also become quite excellent.

Thus, a small party of messengers was formed to deliver the news of the wedding ceremony to Taerok.

As he left the palace, Nanyoung suddenly looked back. Though he was growing more distant, he felt, on the contrary, as if he were drawing closer. It was proof that within his heart lay not the palace, the home where he had been born and raised all his life, but Taerok. The dragon ridges and the curved eaves of the roofs stared silently at Nanyoung.

∞ ∞ ∞

The journey was exceedingly arduous, just as Sim Eung had said. The sea route was particularly grueling. Nanyoung suffered severe seasickness until he adjusted to the ship, and the same was true for Sim Eung. Fortunately, the military officers and the interpreter who accompanied them did not get seasick and knew the tricks, so they endured by not eating carelessly, lying down for the most part, and occasionally getting some cold air.

“Ah…”

Nanyoung, his face pale and flickering, staggered out.

It was around dawn. He had thought it was still night…

The sea at dawn was tranquil. It was behaving coquettishly, as if it had no memory at all of the wind that had blown and the waves that had crashed noisily the night before. Watching the waves lap quietly, Nanyoung thought, so this is the sound of the wind. The sound of the wind was not a low, droning hum, but the lapping sound of water.

The rims of Nanyoung’s eyes, who had even wept the night before from terrible seasickness, were swollen red. His lips, too, were chapped. Nanyoung closed his eyes against the salt-laden wind and tilted his head back, his lips slightly parted.

“…”

Just then… the sun was about to rise.

The sun, hung far away, looked as though it was being born from the sea. The deep red thing was like a lump of fresh blood. Nanyoung narrowed his eyes and stared at it. It was a light so intense it made the back of his head prickle. The sea, which had noisily opened its jaws as if to swallow him, shattered into countless fragments in those sunbeams, looking like thousands upon tens of thousands of dragon scales. I have been riding upon the back of a writhing dragon… Nanyoung let slip such an impression from within his exhausted and hazy reason.

“Pretty…”

It was different from the countless sunrises he had seen at the palace. Different from the sunlight crawling over Bowol Mountain that sat behind the palace. Unknowingly, tears trickled from Nanyoung’s eyes. It was because of the dazzling brightness.

“Pretty indeed…”

The utterly different appearance from the night was even heartless. Having tormented a person so, how can you be so beautiful, how.

“It is beautiful, is it not?”

At the voice heard suddenly, Nanyoung turned.

Suhwan was there.

He was a person who had unexpectedly joined this company. Unbeknownst to Nanyoung, Suhwan was said to be proficient in the language used where Taerok was. Moreover, having been born into a military family, he also possessed considerable ability to defend himself.

These were the reasons Nanyoung could guess as to why he had been able to embark on this journey, but in truth, it was largely because Suhwan had pestered his father relentlessly. There were no parents who could defeat the words of their youngest son saying he wished to see the wider world, and at the same time, it also meant that even if their family was not a meritorious house but one treated on par with them, their power and influence were great enough to have such an unreasonable request granted.

Such complex and intricate dynamics could not take root in Nanyoung’s mind now. For Nanyoung’s mind was exceedingly sodden and soft from the repetitive undulation of the waves.

“Lord Grand Prince, was your night peaceful?”

“…Can such words come out even after seeing the state I am in?”