Struggle Chapter 34

Nanyoung asked, holding back his sorrow. Even knowing that he was acting very much like a child right now, he could not help it. Whatever his uncle had gone through while the seasons changed, he too had suffered during that time. Because the secret he had unintentionally heard was too heavy. And because he had kept his mouth shut and hidden himself more deeply, not wanting to tarnish his uncle’s honor….

“…Coming and going too frequently is also not good. It would be one thing if my nephew were already out of the palace, but each time you must obtain His Majesty’s permission, and I have heard that His Majesty’s health has been frail lately as it is.”

“I came because I missed you. That is why I came. The la-last time I saw you….”

So many things happened then, didn’t they.

It had been a time when they had drawn extremely close, and at the same time, seemed to have grown very far apart.

“My nephew seems to be troubled in many ways as he grows these days. I will not be of help.”

“I was troubled because of you, Uncle!”

Taerok raised his head with a start. Rare for him, even he was taken aback. Nanyoung was biting his lip and staring at him as if glaring. With his chin pulled slightly toward his body and only his gaze raised, it truly looked like a glare.

Or are you angry? For the first time.

Astonished, Taerok was about to let out a scoff when Nanyoung’s eyes grew brimming with tears.

“I have no friends, I cannot go to His Highness the Crown Prince and act spoiled, and the princess is too young. Yes, it is acting spoiled. But I have been close only to you, Uncle, my whole life, and I was lonely. So I came because I missed you. And I am telling you I have been worried this whole time!”

Taerok is not someone meant to receive anyone’s worry. Anyone who knows him thinks so. And yet Nanyoung, who could be said to be closest to Taerok, worries about him. Lee Nanyoung, of all people.

Taerok reflected that he must have played the role of a plausible uncle to his nephew. To even earn such worry….

“There is probably nothing more useless than worrying about me.”

But that was the entirety of Taerok’s sentiment.

“Why is it useless?”

Nanyoung asked with a dumbfounded expression.

“Would you not worry about me as well?”

“…Even if I did, this current manner would not be the way. Why are you acting so spoiled.”

I am worrying, and my uncle calls it acting spoiled. Nanyoung felt wronged.

“After this year passes, I will be sixteen.”

Nanyoung poured out his sorrow.

“At that time, you will not be able to block my marriage either, Uncle. Will you still call it acting spoiled then? You do know you are only strict with me?”

Taerok pressed his brow bone. He closed his eyes briefly.

Nanyoung knew that Taerok was suppressing his anger right now. But no, precisely because of that, he could bear it even less. If he had been an ordinary child from a noble family with many siblings, someone would have told him that Nanyoung was going through the period called adolescence. But Nanyoung was no ordinary child, and his siblings were even more extraordinary.

Even though it was his uncle who, being a grand prince like himself and therefore, since childhood, had acted as if he understood him.

“Leave. I am weary. Today, you are rather bothersome.”

Taerok, in order not to get angry, tried to drive Nanyoung out in a low voice.

Nanyoung could not understand Taerok at all, who told him nothing, had no idea of his inner turmoil, and had suddenly grown cold. He would understand if Taerok explained it to him slowly, but why was he suddenly treating him worse than a stranger?

“I resent you, Uncle. Without even knowing my heart. How much I worried about you….”

“I told you there is no need to worry.”

“…”

“Nanyoung, I am not young like you, and you are not my spouse, so why do you place such expectations on me and then become so disappointed.”

Gazing down with a heavy look, Taerok asked.

That voice was so eerily grim and somber that, even though it was a brightly sunlit day, Nanyoung felt for a moment as dismal as if he had entered a damp cave.

“I do not like children, originally. You knew that too, did you not?”

“…”

He knew. That was why he had been afraid of Taerok when they first met, and had tried not to act spoiled in front of him. At first.

But then from some point on, Taerok had accepted everything, and had even encouraged him to act spoiled….

“So direct such interest to your betrothed. Why not request, when the matchmaker’s documents are being sent, that they find someone considerably older than you.”

“…”

The rims of Nanyoung’s eyes stung. Taerok lifted his head entirely. The hand that had been pressing his brow bone came down and now propped up his chin. With his chin slightly raised, he looked at Nanyoung as if looking down on him. Even though they were seated at the same level, Nanyoung felt as if he were being crushed beneath him.

Taerok saw Nanyoung’s deeply bowed head and swallowed a sigh.

He realized belatedly that both his words and attitude had been excessive. The long journey and the great ceremony that followed immediately upon his return. Moreover, his mood had, in fact, been soured even before he came back.

Having finally exhaled the swallowed sigh, Taerok soothed him this time with a somewhat gentler voice.

“This uncle… will take my nephew’s side. If a monster appears, I will cut it down for you, and if someone tries to ambush you from behind, I will drive them away. But what my nephew seems to desire right now does not appear to be something to seek from me.”

“…”

In the end, Nanyoung’s shoulders flinched sharply. A hiccupping sound escaped. It was dispiriting. With such a child, what…? The conversation with Min Nanok, which had set Taerok’s nerves completely on edge, came back to him.

‘Still, as one who was bound to you in marriage, may I dare to speak?’

Taerok recalled what Nanok had said just before she left.

‘Please draw a clear line with your nephew, Grand Prince Heonui.’

‘Draw a line with family?’

‘Yes. I am asking you to draw it.’

‘Why?’

‘I know the position of a grand prince is a lonely one. All royal kinsmen are so. But Grand Prince Heonui must be especially lonely. For though he is beloved, none are his equals. However, you, Lord Grand Prince, are on that same line, are you not, able to understand such a Grand Prince Heonui. Adoration is very sweet, charming… and ambiguous, so one can easily become confused.’

“Sniff….”

Watching Nanyoung, who after holding out finally shed a tear, Taerok was compressing the whirlwind raging in his head—small, very small, as small as possible.

‘Therefore, Lord Grand Prince, you must be the one to draw the line first.’

‘You speak as if there is even room for the two of us to move toward some kind of relationship.’

‘Yes. Daring to judge by a woman’s intuition, it appears so.’

‘Hah….’

Even though it was insulting and bordered on slighting a royal kinsman, in that moment, instead of growing angry, Taerok merely let out a hollow laugh. Why was that? He did not get angry. He was merely dispirited. It was preposterous, and—

‘You are impertinent. While your head is still attached to your neck, it would be wise to be firmly mindful and think carefully about what you are saying.’

‘It is after very, very deep thought that I speak. Seeing the two of you together this time, I felt I absolutely had to say this before I left.’

‘Consider the child’s age. You will realize at once what a mad notion this is.’

Clicking his tongue and dismissing it as nonsense, Taerok turned away. Behind him, Nanok asked.

‘Is age the only issue?’

Taerok did not reply, nor did he cut off Nanok’s head. Even though the words were utterly impertinent, the reason he did not could have been due to the Min family, which he had obtained so easily thanks to Nanok, or it could have been mere caprice. No, it must have been because it was simply nonsense.

Late at night, to the woman who was truly about to leave with her maidservant, he chewed on the words and spat them out one last time.

‘I shall prove to you that such a conjecture is wrong.’

Even so, they had been bound as husband and wife, yet that was all he said to his departing wife. Nanok smiled faintly.

‘Yes. Please do show me.’

It was a foggy night. A night perfect for escaping from a life determined since birth.

In that mist, Nanok whispered faintly.

‘But human affairs are truly curious things.’

Taerok dismissed Nanok’s words as nonsense, as rubbish. He even regarded them as nauseating and revolting insults. However, he did agree with the notion that adoration was a dangerous emotion and that a line should be drawn first. Because he did not know Nanyoung’s heart.

For Nanyoung’s sake, even if it meant giving up that child’s unwavering gaze, it was right for him as a senior relative, as an adult, to first correct his own conduct and demeanor.