Struggle Chapter 59

Saying things like he should remove his clothes, that he had no resolve, and even speaking of justification.

Insulting words that provoked him, ridiculed him, and mocked him. Had his uncle always been this kind of person? Nanyoung’s mind went scarlet and he could not think at all. He could only hear the sound of Taerok’s footsteps growing distant.

What followed the humiliation was helplessness. Taerok knew Lee Nanyoung very well. It was the opposite of Nanyoung, who knew only the fragmentary parts of Taerok that he had chosen to show him. Amidst family who expected nothing of him, warm indifference, and kind neglect, Nanyoung had always craved proof of his own existence. And Taerok had precisely targeted that part.

But was that all he had targeted?

There was no time to reflect on why Taerok had spoken of justification. Just then, Nanyoung felt as though he had been swept up in something. As if possessed, Nanyoung bolted up from his seat. He flung open both layers of the window at once. Taerok was facing the end of the corridor. Before that figure could completely vanish from sight, he ran toward him.

“…”

Taerok had long known that Nanyoung was running to him. The floor had vibrated, and there was a scent, one he had never given him.

And so, even when Nanyoung grabbed him, forcibly turned him around, and pulled his face down, he was not surprised.

Nanyoung had squeezed his eyes shut, and Taerok had not. Still, for someone who was supposed to be a man, the force with which he pulled was rather rough, so Taerok’s hat had fallen back. The sound of the amber and jade on the hat strings rubbing against each other echoed like an auditory hallucination in Nanyoung’s ears and mind. Taerok, looking at Nanyoung’s deeply furrowed forehead as if it were complaining of dizziness, suddenly pulled his waist tight.

“…You call that a kiss?”

“…”

Nanyoung looked up at him with wronged eyes.

With the double windows open, the lamplight that had been blocked inside the room seeped out, and the two men could see each other’s faces. Nanyoung’s heart trembled at the face of his uncle, who was plotting something too dreadful to even speak of. Even though he stubbornly turned away, not wanting to admit it, his palms and the soles of his feet itched.

Looking at Nanyoung’s face staring at him resentfully, Taerok tightened the hand wrapped around his waist. His back and waist were pressed more firmly, pulling him flush against Taerok’s body. Now he would not be able to pull away easily. Only then did Taerok smile a little.

“Do you call that a kiss as well? My Young master… marriage is clearly out of the question for you.”

“…I did not do it to be mocked.”

“Of course. Surely you did not expect me to be interested with just this. Rather than such a playful act, treason…”

Nanyoung clamped his hand over Taerok’s mouth. Taerok looked down at Nanyoung steadily. And then, undeterred by the blocked lips, he continued speaking.

“…treason seems more interesting.”

Realizing that this alone could not stop his uncle, Nanyoung took away his palm, which had been powerless. And he wrapped his arms around his neck. Then, pulling his neck, he tilted his head. As Taerok had done to him.

Nanyoung used his tongue as Taerok had done. But Taerok did not easily part his lips. The only one burning with impatience was Nanyoung.

He did not know why this method had occurred to him when, moments ago, he had been told to give something greater.

No, it had not even occurred to him. His body had simply moved.

Taerok pushed away the forehead of Nanyoung, who was struggling with his eyes squeezed shut. At the sight of Lee Nanyoung merely licking at his lips, strength faintly entered Taerok’s brows.

“Don’t close your eyes when you kiss me.”

Nanyoung slowly blinked his wet eyes.

“You must see clearly who you are kissing. Who knows who you might be thinking of with your eyes closed.”

“…”

A pained strength returned to Nanyoung’s dazed eyes. Saying don’t close your eyes, Taerok hooked his hand at the corner of Nanyoung’s mouth. Then, forcing his lips apart so they could not close like eyelids, he thrust out his own tongue.

Amid the slick, wet oral exchange, saliva flowed. Taerok’s hand grew wet, and so did Nanyoung’s cheek and the corner of his mouth where Taerok’s hand rested.

His waist gradually bent backward. Even so, to keep him from collapsing, Taerok held Nanyoung’s spine firmly pressed. Nanyoung’s arms slipped from Taerok’s nape down to his collar. He grasped the white, stiff collar strip.

“Uh… ah….”

A moan leaked through the gap of his unclosed teeth. Nanyoung’s hand slid down, taking Taerok’s collar strip with it. At the sensation of it chillingly scraping his nape, Taerok pulled his head away. Then he let out a hollow laugh at Nanyoung, who was blinking minutely as if seeing some strange beast. In Nanyoung’s hand was held the collar strip like a white snake.

“Young master has taken his uncle’s collar strip.”

“…”

“Young master? Are you perhaps unwell somewhere?”

Just then, Sim Eung’s voice was heard from beyond the inner door past the opened double windows. Nanyoung’s eyes flew wide and he tried to push Taerok away. But Taerok would not let him go at all.

The collar strip of Taerok’s held in his hand, his own disheveled attire, and likely his ruined expression as well. Anyone would be able to tell that something that should never even be imagined had happened between the two of them.

Taerok wondered if Nanyoung would ask him for help. But Nanyoung, despite his flustered expression and body trembling slightly, without once looking toward him, produced a plausible voice.

“No. The book I was reading was so interesting that I have not yet been able to sleep. I intend to retire shortly, so do not concern yourself and go back.”

“Huh…”

Taerok laughed as if amused.

Before they knew it, the two were sitting on the floor. As if Nanyoung had pushed him, Taerok had sunk down, and Nanyoung was on his knees between his legs. Having inwardly anticipated being discovered by Sim Eung in this state, Taerok felt both regret at Nanyoung’s handling of the situation and thought that he was unexpectedly resolute.

“Yes. Then please call for this humble servant at any time.”

“I shall.”

“Calls for you? It seems you often summon your eunuch even at night. What for, calling a castrato.”

Sim Eung turned away at the same moment Nanyoung struck Taerok’s cheek.

Panting heavily, Nanyoung only realized what he had done when he saw Taerok’s head turned. So startled, he held the hand that had struck Taerok’s cheek and trembled like an aspen leaf.

At the sight of him trembling even more than when they had kissed, Taerok let out a scoff. You’re doing something worse than striking your elder, and yet you’re shocked by this.

Moreover, to a degree that even surprised Taerok himself, Nanyoung’s behavior was not at all unpleasant. He was not even angry. On the contrary, he was more amused than he had been in recent memory.

“I-I’m sorry.”

“I am not the one who should be apologizing. Even I know that much.”

Taerok pressed down firmly on Nanyoung’s swollen lower lip, then released it. Taerok’s fingertips grew slick with Nanyoung’s saliva.

“Nanyoung.”

“…”

“Your efforts are admirable, but I am sorry to say that this much will not do.”

“…”

“I cherish you, but I do not think so cheaply of myself as to sell my great cause for merely your lips.”

What great cause was there in treason. Nanyoung asked back, wiping his lips with the back of his hand.

“What… what is it you are trying to say.”

Taerok stroked Nanyoung’s spine.

A dry body. A soft body. Taerok’s impression had not changed much from when he first met Nanyoung.

What had changed was that now, unlike before, he became aroused by this body.

But he skillfully concealed his lust. Had he said he could be stopped with just this much? For a moment, Taerok had nearly given up everything for this “much” he spoke of.

“I will stake everything and commit treason.”

“Uncle, please…”

“You must stake everything as well.”

Taerok pushed Nanyoung away and rose from his seat.

Nanyoung, who had fallen backward, looked up at Taerok in stunned bewilderment. Taerok bent his waist and took his collar strip from Nanyoung’s hand. The sensation of it slipping out and tickling his palm was exactly the same as the tickle when it had covered Taerok’s lips moments before, leaving Nanyoung with nowhere to rest his eyes.

“Lee Nanyoung.”

Taerok called Nanyoung in a rather cold voice and with a cool gaze.

“Though I am indeed goading you, I hope you will not act as if you alone are aggrieved. For I find it curious that you alone do not know the feelings of yours that even I have noticed.”

“What in the world are my feelings!”

It was a voice full of injustice. For an instant, Taerok felt the urge to lay Nanyoung face down over his thigh, pull down even his undergarments all at once, and strike his buttocks. It was a maddening urge, but he restrained it. What to do, when irritation and arousal lay so close together.

“Must I teach you even that?”

Taerok said coldly.