Struggle Chapter 60

“You have a certain look when you gaze at me. Did you think I would not know? Lee Nanyoung, when you kissed Sim Suhwan, it was not simply that you wanted to confirm whether you liked men, was it. And then, when you kissed me, after that, were you curious about other men? That cannot be. You are clever, and the answer you were seeking would have already come to you.”

“…!”

“Having looked at me with such eyes, you should not act as if I have violated you. Nanyoung, ours is a mutual affair.”

With a cold laugh, Taerok grabbed the railing and vaulted over it just as he was. He was leaving just as he had come, like a man who had shared secret talk. Nanyoung rushed to the railing and grabbed it the moment Taerok dropped down below. His hair flew in the wind.

He had tried to hold him back, but no words to hold him, nor any method, came to mind. Nanyoung could do nothing but stand there until his body grew cold in the chill wind. Unable to do anything.

∞ ∞ ∞

Having stayed up all night, Nanyoung’s mouth was parched, and he barely touched his breakfast.

Taerok had not set a date by when he must come. But at the same time, that meant Nanyoung also did not know when Taerok would raise his treason.

If he did not go today, would he raise it tomorrow? If he did not go tomorrow, would it happen the day after?

“Young master, no, how can you doze off like that in front of your food.”

At Sim Eung’s scolding, Nanyoung, who had not known whether his spoon was going to his mouth or his nose, abruptly came to his senses.

“Oh dear. You are just like Young master at five years of age. No, you seem even more awkward than then, what is to be done.”

Sim Eung was deliberately jesting in a lively manner. Nanyoung smiled, albeit awkwardly.

Then, in the middle of spooning up his soup, his thoughts suddenly caught on the age of five.

“At five years old… that was when I first saw Uncle, wasn’t it?”

At that, Sim Eung shook his head.

“No. As he is your elder, he came even to Young master’s first birthday. Though I never dreamed I would be serving Young master back then, I did hear about what Young master grabbed that day.”

Sim Eung covered his mouth with his sleeve and giggled.

Since the Grand Prince baby had been so pretty and lovely from birth, interest in Nanyoung within the palace had been exceedingly high. The court ladies of the delivery chamber who looked after Nanyoung would habitually chatter and boast about every little thing the Grand Prince baby had done that day.

If he had been so adorable even as a wrinkled newborn, how much more so at his first birthday. What Nanyoung had grabbed had spread to every corner of the palace without exception.

“That day, Young master grabbed Grand Prince Baegan’s finger.”

As Sim Eung brewed tea beside him, he recounted the story in an excited tone. It was a story he had heard many times, so he could tell it as if he had seen it before his very eyes.

“At that time, Grand Prince Baegan, who was fourteen, was already cold and stern, but in the moment Young master grabbed his hand, he was so flustered he did not know what to do…”

“Lies. Uncle? That’s impossible.”

Nanyoung cut him off with a scoff.

Sim Eung gave a dry cough. Of course, as he had not seen it himself, he could not be certain. Even he, after all, had doubted whether that cold-blooded Grand Prince could ever be flustered.

“No, he must certainly have been surprised. And since he is one who is not easily flustered at all, how strongly that memory must have remained with him. He surely cannot forget it even now. The reason this humble servant can be certain is because of the expression on his face when, at the age of five, Young master met your uncle again and hid, clutching the hem of his clothes. This humble servant thought then, ‘Ah, that is exactly how startled he must have looked at the first birthday grab.'”

“…”

His own reflection was cast upon the clear broth.

Nanyoung had thought he remembered a great deal about his uncle. After all, apart from Sim Eung, he was the blood relative with whom he had spent the most time in his life.

His brother had been named Crown Prince early on, and after that, he was far too busy to play with him. Taerok had said that being a Grand Prince was merely a position of idly killing time, but on the contrary, it was thanks to that that he had been able to meet Taerok.

So he had thought he remembered much about his uncle.

But there was probably more than this. When his uncle first met him, he was already fourteen years old.

So the day he could understand his uncle, the day he could gauge his moves ahead of him, might never come.

Nanyoung gripped his spoon tightly.

When it is a game whose moves you cannot read, you overturn the board.

“Send a message to my uncle’s residence.”

“Pardon?”

“Tell him that I wish to visit my uncle’s residence on the coming full moon, and that he must see me.”

Tell him not to go anywhere, not to meet anyone, and to wait only for me.

On the day of the full moon, Nanyoung went to Taerok’s princely residence not with Sim Eung, but with Kangmu.

Taerok was waiting for Nanyoung. He waited with the side gate, not the main raised gate, open. As if, though a message had even been sent, it was not an official visit but one he wished to keep secret.

But Nanyoung was welcome. Holding the side gate, Nanyoung stared intently at Taerok, who gave a slight nod of his head toward the inside.

Taerok was also looking at Kangmu, who stood behind Nanyoung.

At that, Nanyoung wore an expression of complete incomprehension as to why his uncle was looking at the man behind him with such eyes.

That is why you carelessly show your weak points to just anyone.

Taerok found the soft gaps in Lee Nanyoung, who had grown up loved, utterly displeasing.

“Come in.”

“…”

“Or do you wish to go back.”

At Taerok’s provocative words, Nanyoung finally stepped inside the wall.

“He is one of my guard corps. Could you give him a room to rest for one night, Uncle.”

“Night, you say. Do you intend to sleep here and go.”

“Yes.”

“…”

There was no hesitation in Nanyoung’s answer. As if to give him time to take it back, Taerok did not reply to Nanyoung. But when Nanyoung, to the end, did not speak to retract it and instead stubbornly stared only ahead, Taerok called someone.

“Give a room to Grand Prince Heonui’s guard here.”

“Yes, Lord.”

“Kangmu. Rest, and let us see each other tomorrow.”

Still, Nanyoung was stubbornly staring only ahead. At neither his uncle standing diagonally before him nor the guard behind him, but somewhere upon the door.

Only after Kangmu had withdrawn did Taerok ask.

“I thought you would come alone.”

“…That man is fine. He has a woman here to whom his heart is drawn.”

“So Young master is telling me that he intends to keep a hostage here in my house.”

At last, Nanyoung looked up at Taerok.

It was an unwavering, clear gaze. It seemed almost as if a sound like that of shattering ice would ring out.

“May I not?”

“…No. Well done.”

Taerok smiled faintly.

“Very well done.”

Nanyoung turned his head away again.

Though it was not the time, his heart soared at his uncle’s praise.

Though it was not the time.

∞ ∞ ∞

“Why specifically the full moon.”

Taerok asked as he filled Nanyoung’s cup. Nanyoung deeply inhaled the fragrant scent of the liquor. He was thinking that it was a familiar scent, when suddenly it struck him why it was familiar. It was nearly identical to the scent that was infused into his clothes and put into his bath.

Slightly startled, he looked at Taerok, who smiled with crinkled eyes as if he had noticed why he was surprised.

“It is a coincidence.”

Truly, it was nothing more than a coincidence. Taerok answered his hesitant reply, as if to himself.

“I wondered. If it was because you were reminiscing about the red moon.”

Then he answered.

“I thought you would never come again. I thought you would never try to see me again.”

“If I had done that, I might have received word that Uncle broke down the palace gates and entered, so how could I.”

“In that case, what would our reunion have looked like? Would Young master have stood on my side, or would you have stood on the opposing side, holding a sword ever so light.”

“I would have stood on the opposing side. Of course.”

Taerok laughed quietly. There was not a trace of displeasure. Did that mean that even so, he would not be an obstacle to him.

“So, before facing each other that way, you have come to sell your body to me?”

He could tell that Taerok was deliberately provoking him. He was afraid. Of what was to come. And so, his uncle was also telling him to go back. Provoking him, goading him, giving him humiliation so that he would flee.

But it was too late. There was no turning back now. If he went back, they would truly meet again as enemies within the palace. Whether it was a tragedy for blood kin to turn their swords on each other in mutual slaughter, or whether it was a tragedy for blood kin to cross a line that must not be crossed…