Struggle Chapter 97

That sound felt like a veiled threat, causing Nanyoung to furrow his brow. Because of his delicate facial features, even the frown looked seductive rather than displeased.

“I will return from the envoy mission.”

Nanyoung’s heart, which had claimed it would stay away for years, was sinking in one direction like a heavily listing ship. No matter how much water was bailed out with buckets, it wouldn’t be able to beat the rate of sinking. Nanyoung wasn’t thinking far ahead; he didn’t keep reason, norms, or the laws of nature in mind. Surprisingly, it was only then that Lee Nanyoung could exist as Lee Nanyoung—not as Grand Prince Heonui, not as the king’s younger brother, and not as Grand Prince Baegan’s nephew. He became complete the moment he sank.

“At that time, I will give you all of me, my lord. If I… am truly worth that much to you, my lord.”

Taerok chewed over Nanyoung’s words. It didn’t take long. Like a young man in his twenties or a child in the throes of puberty, he hungrily plundered Nanyoung’s lips. Pressing his rough hands against both of Nanyoung’s soft cheeks, he hurriedly sucked on his lips, using only his lips.

When they finally parted, Nanyoung had a startled expression with his eyes wide open. With his cheeks pressed and eyes wide, the appearance of a young Lee Nanyoung remained entirely intact, causing Taerok to let out a quiet scoff.

“You were worth it to me from the very beginning.”

“…”

“Even if I didn’t know it, you should have known.”

Even if Lee Nanyoung might not remember, Lee Taerok remembered. The very first action Nanyoung made to leave meaning in the world on his first birthday was gripping his finger.

That tickling grip, the soft texture, the faint warmth, and even the pale complexion—all of them were vivid.

“You chose me from the very beginning, Nanyoung-ah.”

Taerok, who had all along rejected his destiny of being a grand prince, surrendered to his fate for the first time. There was no Grand Prince Baegan, no role as the former king’s younger brother who shouldn’t surpass the king, and no uncle to Grand Prince Heonui. There was only Lee Taerok.

There was only Lee Nanyoung and Lee Taerok.

1. Words of Love

Nanyoung untied his jacket ties. Watching him, Taerok tilted his head to the side and blew out the candle flame. In the instantly darkened surroundings, only the rustling sound of clothing could be heard.

Taerok waited for Nanyoung to approach, holding even his breath. For some reason, it crossed his mind that today felt like the two men’s first night of true intimacy. Even though they had already intertwined their bodies multiple times. Perhaps it was because only memories of Nanyoung crying every time remained. A vague regret lingered that he had driven Nanyoung so hard out of a delayed, childish rashness. Yet that regret was by no means a regret for having deflowered his young nephew. Even if he could go back, Taerok would have made the same choice. Right now, too, if Nanyoung were to hand his wrist over to another man outside or press his lips against someone else’s, he would snatch him back over and over again without hesitation.

The reason he kept Sim Suhwan alive was also as an example. He had heard from Kangmu that Suhwan had threatened Nanyoung. Ever since he found out that one of Nanyoung’s retainers had fallen for a maid from his own household, Taerok had acted very much like himself. He had made him serve as a spy. At the same time, finding it somewhat amusing to think that Nanyoung had planted a spy in his own house through Kangmu. Because it was rather admirable that he was plotting a way to survive. It was just that that path mustn’t stray outside of his own sight.

“Nanyoung-ah.”

Seeing the emaciated body approaching him, Taerok leaned his upper body back a bit and called Nanyoung in a smiling voice. Unaware that sitting on Taerok’s lap and gently wrapping his arms around his neck looked exceedingly obscene, Nanyoung answered “Yes” with a clear face.

“As an elder, I behaved poorly toward you.”

“…”

Nanyoung asked back with his eyes, as if asking what on earth that meant. Taerok brushed Nanyoung’s hair back. A youth with peach-blossom cheeks who, under normal circumstances, would have just barely fastened his topknot.

“I was impatient.”

“I… I don’t think that way, my lord.”

Though he was stammering, Nanyoung calmly expressed his opinion.

“My lord’s eyes were right. I had been fond of you, my lord. So the fact that you committed the crime of incest is also… because of me.”

Taerok’s chest ached slightly. It seemed that the words spoken out of impatient haste—that he wanted to lock Nanyoung in his arms right then and there—had driven themselves into Nanyoung like stakes. It was something he brought upon himself. Taerok smiled bitterly.

“I thought you had already given a wise answer to that, so I believed there was no need to say more.”

“…”

“Didn’t I say that I knew you were looking at me precisely because I was looking at you?”

Nanyoung’s lips parted slightly. He had just said it casually, but… Taerok reached his hand through the disheveled front of Nanyoung’s robe. Spreading his hand wide, he placed it on Nanyoung’s chest. The small, beating pulse had barely changed since he was a child. He had to be grateful. That Lee Nanyoung had survived this far, that he was here by his side without breaking.

“I should have cherished you more.”

“…”

“Between treason and incest, it seems incest truly is the graver offense. Considering it’s what drove us to the point of treason, anyway.”

At the bitter voice, Nanyoung felt an urge to comfort the man towering far above him. Whatever thoughts Taerok had harbored, it was Nanyoung himself who had snatched away everything his lord desired root and branch and offered it to the king.

“Besides, we are a scandal anyway.”

Nanyoung whispered. It was a calm demeanor devoid of any self-deprecation.

“It means we don’t need to forgive each other and figure out who was more in the wrong.”

Nanyoung had already grown resilient enough that Taerok didn’t need to worry.

“Do I sound too childish to you?”

He asked belatedly and cautiously. Finding that somewhat amusing and cute, Taerok let out a dry laugh.

“No. Because I’m not some beastly creature that gets aroused by children.”

Though he was a beastly creature lusting after his nephew, at that.

Taerok firmly supported Nanyoung’s back and laid him down in an instant. Taerok pulled Nanyoung’s hand to make him grab his own jacket ties.

“You’ve only ever been the one I stripped, so this time you untie mine.”

Now, of all times, Nanyoung’s hands were trembling. Taerok wondered why on earth he had bothered to turn off the lights because of awkwardness. You’re leaving tomorrow, I should have etched this shy appearance into my eyes at least once.

“The oil lamp.”

Trying to ease the tension for no good reason, Nanyoung untied Taerok’s jacket ties one by one and brought up idle talk. Yet perhaps it wasn’t idle talk after all.

“Did you leave it lit on purpose while waiting for me?”

Taerok, who had been catching Nanyoung’s fumbling hands and pulling them toward his jacket ties, groaned quietly with a small “hm.” His hands were now heading toward the waistband of Taerok’s trousers. What he grabbed wasn’t a tie, but a knot.

“I didn’t know if I was waiting for you.”

At that reply, Nanyoung was instantly disappointed.

“Though I was thinking about you.”

And Taerok effortlessly lifted Nanyoung back up.

In the invisible darkness, Nanyoung searched with his gaze, feeling around for where Taerok’s face ought to be.

“I suppose thinking about you could be called waiting for you, too.”

I hoped you would fly in to me. Just as you often came to me in dreams.

Perhaps this feeling, contrary to the way he had scoffed at Nanyoung, might run even deeper than that. Taerok smiled bitterly.

“I can’t even tell you not to go.”

“It is a royal command. I cannot not go.”

And this was something Nanyoung, too, desired. It wasn’t as though he was going away to spend time with no promise of return; he had made up his mind to come back soon, making his departing path remarkably light. Of course, considering the weight of the plan he had masterminded alone, it couldn’t possibly be purely light, but since he wouldn’t look back or agonize over it any longer, he actually felt like going and getting it over with as quickly as possible.

“Should I have become king?”

“…Please don’t even speak in jest like that anymore.”

“I won’t. I have no confidence to take a queen consort with you around. It would be a cruel thing to do to a woman, and above all, I feel like I would die.”

Taerok pulled his arms out of Nanyoung’s clothes and shed everything he himself was wearing, too.

“Because, as you said, I have the nature to live unable to do things I hate.”

Taerok had more body hair than Nanyoung. When Taerok pressed his groin against Nanyoung’s sparsely haired groin, the rough friction heightened the erotic sensation. Nanyoung shuddered, startled. Taerok gripped his own soft, yielding cock—one that had never been used on anyone else, only ever achieving climax by his own hand.

“Even here, you are pretty, Nanyoung-ah.”

“Have you… seen other men’s as well?”

Accompanied by a breathless sound, Nanyoung asked hastily. It seemed Lee Taerok wasn’t the only one capable of jealousy.

“I occasionally saw them when camping out. But other men’s were utterly revolting.”